Unhappily Ever After(1995–1999)

Pilot

It's been two weeks since Jennifer kicked Jack out of the house, and Ryan only just notices. He's just rented an apartment for himself and Jennifer gives him his pillow, blue quilt, a fork, a knife, and his orange juice glass to take with him. Ross gives him his stuffed bunny, Mr. Floppy. He takes Mr. Floppy to his apartment, and he's so screwed up that Mr. Floppy starts to talk to him. Ryan and Tiffany learn to take advantage of being products of a broken home at school. Jack steals back his high school leather jacket from Jennifer while she is out on a date. She comes over to his apartment because she can't sleep with out him next to her, and they end up having sex.

Gift of the Magnovox

After failing to get one of the three VCRs (even the one that requires you to continuously press the ""play"" button) from Jennifer in the divorce, Jack sells his car to an old lady and buys himself a new one. Mr. Floppy gets excited because they can watch porno (Natural Born Hooters). Jennifer gets upset because it's their first marriage anniversary after the break up, and Jack forgets what day it is. Jennifer invites Jack over for dinner and cons him into feeling that they ought to exchange gifts, and he gives her the new VCR, while she gives him the crappy one. Mr. Floppy gets mad at Jack for giving away the new VCR, and Jack makes the mop and pizza box talk to demonstrate that he doesn't need Mr. Floppy.

Jack's First Date

Mr. Floppy thinks that Jack should start dating. While Jack, Jennifer, Ryan, and Tiffany go to Howe High's back to school night, Jack tries to send out ""the vibe"" to the women there. Amazingly he gets a date with Miss Taylor (Ryan's Civics Teacher), whom all the male teachers and students, and half the female teachers are after. Jennifer agrees to lend Jack the car for the date, but is less than supportive of him. When Jack comes to pick up the car, Jennifer and the car aren't there-- she and Maureen have taken it to the otherside of the block. Jack ends up meeting Miss Taylor 3 hours late, and Ryan's friend the paperboy ends up going home with her.

The Bigger They Are, the Harder They Fall

In order to become more successful at attracting a new man, Jennifer wants Jack to buy her new breasts. When he refuses, she tries to sell her engagement ring and finds out it is glass and 14 karat goldette, and becomes upset. Jack, against the wishes of Mr. Floppy, decides to sell his autographed baseball in order to buy her a new ring. Jennifer tells him that the ball was really autographed by her mother. Jack and Jennifer have sex at the end of the episode.

Jack the Ripper

Since Jack's boss (Jennifer's father) won't give him a car, he decides to buy a moped. Jennifer finally convinces her mother, who came six weeks ago for a two week visit, to go home. As Maureen walks out the door, Jack runs into her with the moped, which of course causes her to continue staying with Jennifer. Jennifer decides that in order to prevent Maureen from suing Jack and getting all of Jennifer's stuff, that Jack should call her ""mom"" (which he has never done). Features a wonderful daydream medley of scenes where Jack imagines killing Maureen at various stages in his life.

Run

Jennie, Ross, and Ryan are sick in bed with colds, and Tiffany has two days until the Alphi Pi Psi party at the local university, where she plans to mingle with the geeks since ""today's big dufus is tomorrow's Bill Gates."" Jennifer calls Jack over so that he can pick up food and tampons, and get the car from the mechanic. Mr. Floppy makes Jack to take him along so that he won't be bored in the apartment, and then convinces Jack to escape to Mexico. Jack turns back home after a ""conscious attack,"" gets yelled at for buying the wrong flavor lollipops, and is stopped from running to Mexico again because he ran out of gas in the driveway. Jack and Jennifer have sex in the front seat of the car at the end.

The Descent of Man

Jennifer is appalled by Jack's, Ryan's, and Ross' table manners, while Jack becomes upset when he learns that Ryan does the dishes and the laundry. Jack encourages him to fight against his emasculation, and Ryan then refuses to do the laundry, so Jennifer kicks him out. Ross is later deposited at Jack's after using the guest soaps in the bathroom. Jack tries to teach the boys how to revel in their maleness, while Jennifer, Tiffany, and Maureen enjoy the silence of a house devoid of belching, and exchange stories about the ""gelding of men."" For want of food, Jack and the boys raid Jennifer's garbage for left overs and then get food poisoning. After being retrieved from the hospital by the women, the three are made to do the dishes in frilly aprons. Don't miss Tiffany getting hot talking about the riches she will acquire from her man-- ""Oh, stocks, diamonds and porkbellies oh my!""

Boxing Mr. Floppy

Jennifer wants to get into the Betty Ford Clinic so that she can meet a rich drunk, and tells Jack he'll have to take the kids when she is away for the week. He'll have to pay for her visit or he'll have the kids forever. Jack takes the kids for the night and Ross cuts off Mr. Floppy's foot so that he can have a good luck charm to break his string of bad luck. Ryan steals the foot from Ross, and uses it get a date with Cindy Stalling (whom he dreams of every night). Moments later Tiffany steals it from him, and he promptly loses Cindy, but Tiffany finds a diamond ring in her sandwich. Jennifer gets tips from Maureen on how to fit in at the Clinic. Jennifer takes the foot from the kids and won't give it to Jack because it got her into Betty Ford. Jack unsuccessfully tries to offer Mr. Floppy a new foot from a different stuffed animal, then breaks into Jennifer's house and gets noticed by everyone. Never the less, he steals the foot from Jennifer, and she promptly gets bumped from the Cl

Don Juan De Van Nuys

Jennifer is depressed because she can't get a date, and wants to be lusted after. When Jack takes the rest of his stuff out her basement, she decides to fix up the house. She hires Matt, a twenty year old who just moved into Jack's building, who was captain of the football, baseball, and basketball teams in high school. When Jack tells Jennifer that Matt has a habit of sleeping with the women he works for, Jennifer goes after him. Tiffany gets really aroused by him, and Jennifer forces her to stay away from him so that she won't have to compete. After Matt shows no interest in her, and runs off with Mrs. Wilson, who has a big butt and four chins, Jennifer complains to Jack that she isn't attractive.

Mistress Jennie

Jennifer goes out with Gavin Drake, ""Picture Framer of the Stars,"" and falls for him because it's the best date she has had so far. Tiffany and Ryan learn that he is a married man at school lunch because he is the father of Chelsea, one of their friends. They tell Jack, and he gets excited because he'll get to crush Jennie by telling her, and it'll be the best thing that has happened to him all year. Mr. Floppy wants him to wait telling her so that he can get gossip about Shannon Doherty out of Gavin. Jack doesn't get to tell her because Gavin asks her to be his mistress. Jeannie seriously considers it, but breaks up with him because it would be too much for her conscience.

Daddy's Little Girl

Tiffany wants to spend the night at the lake with her friends, including her date Beau. Jack forbids her because he still sees her as a little girl, and does not want her to be taken advantage of. Ryan keeps trying to talk to Jack about his own date, whom he describes as older, an occultist, and criminally insane, but both Jack and Jennifer ignore him. Later, Jack feels about forbidding Tiffany to go, but both Mr. Floppy and Jennifer agree that he made the right decision. Tiffinay then sweet-talks Jack into allowing her to spend the night at the lake. Jennifer gets mad, and they go out in an attempt to retrieve Tiffany

The Great Depression

Jennifer is chaperoning Tiffany's spring dance. Tiffany is in charge of planning the dance, and has invested the funds into war-oriented stocks. Unfortunately, peace breaks out and her investments go bad. Jack has to return his new J. Bean wardrobe (that Mr. Floppy says makes him look like a gay-boy) in order to help fund the dance. Jennifer makes Jack help her with and take her to the dance. Ryan ends up with 10 dates because the girlfriends of the football team want to get even with the team for getting a stripper the week before. The theme of the dance is ""The O.J. Trial Under the Stars,"" and Barry wins Queen of the Prom.

Jack Moves Back

Jack moves back in to the house for the sake of the kids, but must live in the basement until he can win Jennie back.

Zit Could Happen to You

When Tiffany gets a zit and Ryan sets the scale to ten pounds more than normal, Tiffany tries to develop a personality and Jennie starts jogging. Jennie becomes Vicky Vixen on the Internet, and Ryan finds that Vicki Vixen has the hots for him.

The Rat

Jack leaves Jennie's room for the basement because she won't let him have his ways, but he finds a giant rat in the basement and makes the kids get rid of it.

Rocky VI

When Jennie gets in a fight with Susan, a neighbor, she has Jack fight Vic, Susan's husband.

Rock Star

When Jennie gets a date with Ray Paul Jones, her teen crush, she gives Jack the right to fantasize about a celebrity. Jack picks Cindy Crawford and gets arrested for stalking her.

Driving Me Crazy

Disasters occur when Jack teaches Ryan and Tiffany how to drive.

A Touch of Glass

Jennie gets a glass table on Ross's ninth birthday and throws everyone out of the house for getting the table dirty.

A Line in the Sand

When the family earns 40,000 frequent flyer miles, Jack wants to go to Las Vegas and Jennie wants to go to Hawaii. Meanwhile, Tiffany gets in a fight with Patty, a cheap girl who Ryan is in love with.

Making the Grade

When Ryan gets all D's and F's on his report card, Jennie says he can't have the car keys until he gets a B, so he makes a deal with Miss Taylor, his Civics teacher. Meanwhile, Jack tries to figure out why Ryan is so dumba nd Tiffany begins to suspect that the mailman is her father.

Honey, I Screwed up the Kids for Life

Tiffany thinks Jack doesn't trust her when he doesn't let Tiffany go in her room with Mike, her boyfriend.

The Whiz Kid

When Ryan starts taking urine tests for football players, he gets a lettered jersey and the respect of a football player. Meanwhile, no one notices Tiffany, because of Ryan being on the football team, when she gets the highest SAT scores in the school and becomes a national merrit scholar.

Hot Wheels

After Tiffany and Ryan take Jack's car to a party without his permission, Jack and Jennie pretend the car is stolen, until it actually is.

Picnic of Pain and Peril

After seeing a movie, Jennie takes the family to a picnic to bond. But the picnic trip is soon ruined by gophers, poison ivy, and pesticide.

Meter Maid

Jack is thrown in jail when Jennie punches a meter maid. Jennie won't bail Jack out and things are terrible around the house without him.

In the Stars

When the family becomes obsessed with horoscopes, Ryan looks for a girl and Jennie tries to be nice.

Mr. No

Tiffany is disturbed when Danny, a boy, doesn't want to go to the Valentine's Dance with her. Ryan plans on taking Ms. O'Hara, his chemistry teacher, but she blows herself up. Mr. Floppy sends obscene mail to Pamela Anderson.

The Agony of Victory

Jack uses his height to beat Ryan at basketball for the 2001st time.

All About Jennie

Jennie relives her high school days when Tiffany is cast as Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. Jack helps Ryan practice his one line for the play.

Jack Writes Good

Jack starts writing stories that are really Floppy's and gets a big break, but later tries doing his own writing.

Girls Who Wear Glasses

Tiffany isn't the smartest girl in the class anymore when she is put into a smarter class.

Leaving Van Nuys

It's summer break Ryan has just finished his senior year. After Ryan gets fired from the used car lot, Jack threatens to kick him out of the house if he doesn't get a job. So Ryan goes to Cheeseburger Community College, but finds he must repeat his senior year. Jack tries to keep the family out of the basement and works the night shift so he doesn't have to deal with the kids.

Tiffany's Rival

At the start of the school year, Sable, a girl who is as smart and beautiful as Tiffany, comes to Priddy High and Tiffany and her become rivals after exhcanging secrets.

Beach Party

X-Happily Ever After

Ryan and Tiffany investigate about the dancing baby conspiracy in a parody of The X-Files.

Feline Alright

Tiffany gets angry when she must run errands for A. Cyril Studebaker, her literatue teacher, to get an A.

Basketball... Again?

After being fouled out in a game of basketball by a girl, Ryan decides to prove that men are better than women in basketball.

A Movie Show

Tiffany is annoyed when Jerome, her sensitive boyfriend, won't stand up to rude people at a movie.

Love Letters

Tiffany's love letters to Jacques, her European boyfriend, end up in Barbara's hands. Meanwhile, Mr. Floppy holds a phone vote to decide if he should stay with Drew Barrymore.

I Know What You Did in the Closet

After Tiffany remembers Ryan locking her in a closet ten years before, Tiffany makes phone calls to Ryan telling him to beware of the closet monster. Ryan finds Jack, Barbara, and Ross dead and suspects Tiffany.

Ross' IQ

Ryan and Tiffany sign as Ross's parents for him to retake his IQ test, after he gets an average score of 100.

The Fencing Show

Tiffany faces off against Barbara in a fencing competition so she can get a good job.

Smart and Stupid

To get money for the cable bill, the family goes on the game show Smart and Stupid, but Tiffany tells Barbara she looked fat and stupid on TV.

The Silver Rule

Elliot, the school newspaper editor, sues Tiffany for sexual harassment when she tries to get him a front page story. Ryan gets to take over the horoscopes in the school paper.

Secrets

Ryan tells Tiffany he slept with Penny, a girl she hates, but Tiffany has trouble keeping it a secret.

Royal Flush

Jack sells expensive toilets illegally so Ryan and Tiffany can buy a Porsche.

Taffy's Boy

A rich, overwight girl named Taffy has a crush on Ryan, so he dates her for her money.

Tiffany's Big Break

I Never Dunked for My Father

Jack doesn't want to compete in a father-son basketball tournament with ross, so he has Ryan pretend to be Ross. Meanwhile, Tiffany and Barbara have Ross help them bake a cake for the homeless food drive, so that he will be distracted when Jack goes for the tournament.

Sex & Violins

While Tiffany and Barbara write up their applications for college, Tiffany makes a lie about knowing how to play the violin, but finds out that she has to play even though she doesn't really know how.

Tiffany Burger

Jimbo, a fast food millionaire with a burger joint, hires Ryan only to try and win Tiffany's heart by making a burger called the Tiffany Burger.

The Perfect Guy

While dating a guy, Tiffany decides that he might be the one to lose her virginity to, but then Barbara gets in the way.

Date to Win

Tiffany decides to help Ryan try and win over Barbara.

The Artist and the Con Artist

Tiffany has to paint a picture for art class, but gets them mixed up with Ryan's and starts to be a success, but feels bad about using his work for success.

Tiffany Tutors the Teachers

When finding out that all the teachers in her school didn't pass an exam for teaching, Tiffany is worried that all her years at Northridge Junior College will be worth nothing for Harvard. So she decides to teach her teachers so that they can pass the exam before it is too late.

Hot Off the Presses

When Tiffany gets to be the gossip writer for the school newspaper, she writes a story about Mr. Monteleone loving sheep.

Experimenting in College

For a project, the class must find what the opposite sex wants. For her project, Tiffany pretends to be stupid around a guy. Ryan begis acting like a girl for his.

The Ghost and Mr. Malloy

Guy Macaroon tells the family that Jennie has died by falling asleep on a tanning machine. So the family must give her a good funeral to stop her ghost from pestering them.

Exorcising Jennie

When Jennie's ghost continues to pester the family, they call Father Guido Sarducci to perform and excorcism.

We Got Next

Mindy, a girl on the basketball team with a crush on Ryan, beats him in basketball. Ryan is embarassed when Mindy tells the whole school, so he challenges her to a rematch witht he school watching.

Sorority Girl

To join a sorority, Tiffany and Amber have to be slaves to Ryan. Ryan doesn't notice that his sorority is gay. Seeing Ryan and Tiffany enjoying college, Jack puts down that he is a college graduate on his resume and he becomes a doctor and an accountant.

Ryan, Vampire Slayer

After being denied by Bunny Mufflewits for a date, Ryan gets the mark to be a vampire slayer and uses Tiffany and Ross for bait.

Cyber-Tiffany

Tiffany is arrested when Ryan uses her name and picture for his cyber sex internet scam.

Tiffany, the Home Wrecker

When Tiffany breaks up a couple by asking the guy for the time, she begins to think he is her boyfriend, without meeting him. Ryan starts getting sympathy from girls who have been dumped.

Little Miss Perfect

Ryan meets a cute girl named Bitsy Berg. She actually takes a liking to Ryan. The only thing is she is way too perky and can't stop talking in a fast,ditzy tone of voice. Ryan invites her over for dinner. The family can't believe she's so talkative. Ryan gives Bitzy a big smile,while the rest of the family are about ready to kill her. Ryan thinks that ""she could be the one."" But we find out that Ryan was just one of a long list of men she had to sleep with as part of a sorority initiation.

The One Kevin's Directing

Barbara, the attractive new girl at Northridge Junior Colege who is a network executive, flirts with Jack. Jennie and Tiffany tell Jack to flirt back so that they can get a network meeting.

Teacher of the Year

Tiffany decides to present Mr.Peebody as Teacher of the Year, with dinner at her house, and later finds out that he is an escaped murderer.

Ryan's Labour Lost

Ryan must work as the night janitor to pay off a school computer he destroyed. He finds the answers to an exam in the trash can and starts selling them to other students.

Undercover Cheerleader

After writing a report on Ryan cheating on a test, Tiffany decides to go under cover as a cheerleader in order to expose them for her paper.

Chaste Makes Waste

Tiffany plans on losing her virginity to her new boyfriend, but she finds he is saving himself for marriage.

Teacher's Pet

Ryan's career aptitude test reveals that he should be a teacher, so he becomes the student teacher in Ross's class. Ryan accidentally kills Ross's teacher, Mr. Moss, by stabbing him with scissors so he takes over the class. Ross's girlfriend, a twelve-year-old named Kitty, has a crush on Ryan so Ryan has Tiffany pretend to be his girlfriend.

Let's Get Ready to Rum Ball

When Tiffany goes on a weekend ski trip and wakes up in bed and tied up with her skies, she decides to think back to what happen, while Ryan says that he beated up the Abominal Snowman and while Ross witnesses Jack and Jeannie having a high old time while Tiffany and Ryan were away.

Triple Play

After making an unassisted triple play in baseball, Ryan starts starring in many commercials and making some money and fame along the way.

Tiffany's Birthday

When figuring out that she is now 20, Tiffany remodels her room and thinks that she is old, while Jack and Jeannie fight over who is her most favorite parent.

The Old West

When Tiffany finds an old western book while planting some flowers, she thinks of what it would be like to live in those times.