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David Letterman uses mature humor to appeal to his audience in this weeknight series, which gets its music from a house band led by Paul Shaffer. Among the show's most-famous segments are the Top Ten List and Stupid Pet Tricks, the latter of which subsequently led to an additional recurring segment called Stupid Human Tricks.
David Letterman
Self - Host
Paul Shaffer
Self -Musical Director
Alan Kalter
Self - Announcer (voice)
1994
Throughout the night, an audience woman from Brooklyn kicks footballs.
""Dropping Stuff Off the 8th Floor Window"" includes: champagne bottles, confetti, a TV monitor, presidential plates, fluorescent tubes, and bowling balls into a bathtub of pudding. The first two miss their mark; the third makes it but destroys the tub.
Dave comments on Robbie Kondor; a car alarm goes off outside the theater, so Dave goes outside and bombs the offending car; Chuck Berry sings ""Johnny B. Goode""; Zsa Zsa Gabor laments and spews profanities after discovering her car has been destroyed.
Hal Gurnee harasses taxi drivers by posting their images on the Times Square jumbotron.
An audience member gives Dave a tiny pair of pants; Gavin MacLeod pops in several times, interrupting the monologue and presenting the Top Ten.
John Popper sits in with the band; Bill Murray tours Broadway; Macaulay Culkin promotes ""Richie Rich.""
Tim Allen promotes his bestselling book, Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man.
Two standby audience folks named Jenya and Gary are sent to take food to Dan Rather, courtesy of Rupert. Later, Mike Judge discusses his hit MTV show ""Beavis & Butt-head.""
Calvert goes trick-or-treating in Nutley, New Jersey (Martha Stewart's hometown); Lauren Bacall plugs ""Pret-a-Porter"" (Ready to Wear).
John Popper sits in; throughout the night, Mujibur and Sirajul appear as correspondents on Court TV; Elijah Wood plugs North.
Dave gets freshened up by a street sweeper; Rupert serves ""Bill Clinton Soup.""
Live via telephone, Jerry Lewis pronounces the new governor's name ""Puh-tack-ee;"" ""Picket Fences"" star Fyvush Finkel sings ""If I Were a Rich Man;"" The Cranberries perform ""Zombie.""
Dave selects a woman from outside named Laurie Byrd to be his co-host tonight; Biff and George Clarke recreate a scene from the hit CBS miniseries ""Scarlett.""
The outside cam reveals that Dave's picture in the window of Joe G's Pizza. Dave calls and distracts Joe while Paul steals the unflattering portrait; Jon Lovitz plugs North.
Roseanne makes a rare political statement; Dave's accountant Fred Nigro takes a bow.
Mujibur, Sirajul and Tony Randall take a photo together; tonight's celebrities in the audience: Mia Farrow, Eddie Murphy and Sharon Stone.
One of tonight's cue cards goes to a garbage truck outside; in the latest edition of ""Rupert and Me,"" Dave radios strange comments to Rupert, which are then repeated out loud to annoyed passers-by; Nicholas Turturro sings ""My Way;"" Michael Keaton gets arrested for shoplifting at Hello Deli.
Cold Opening: Jim Carrey and an unshaven Dave goof around. Later in the show, Mickey, the barber at the Wellington Hotel, shaves off Dave's beard.
Siskel and Ebert throw snowballs; Michael J. Fox walks onstage with a cow.
Bad Religion performed ""Infected""
During ""Charts and Graphs,"" Dave sends an audience member down the street for copies of a chart. Also, Dave calls the mother of a different audience member, but he ends up leaving a message on her machine.
A customer at Hello Deli shows Dave her holiday photos. Later, Dave checks his temperature (99.5 F).
Dave ends the show early yet again, and Paul finds him sobbing on the Ricki Lake show; Biff has champagne coming out of his ears; Dick Clark presents the Top Ten; Dave and Richard Simmons go harassing people door-to-door in New Jersey.
Michael Buffer announces Phil Hartman's entry onstage; a comely postal carrier distracts Dave.
Dave autographs a ham; Calvert (dressed as Newt Gingrich's mother) presents the Top Ten.
An audience member hangs out in the band section; Mujibur and Sirajul become the latest witnesses to testify for O.J. Simpson.
Al Green performs ""Let's Stay Together.""
Dave shows a (bogus) Super Bowl ad starring himself; Gerard presents ""Top Ten Signs You're Not the Sexiest Man Alive.""
Rosanne Cash performs ""I Count the Tears.""
Dave introduces the brand new ""Late Show Dancers,"" who prance around throughout the show. Also, 83-year-old Empire State Building employee Chico Chimone plays the piano.
Dave sends three members from the audience to go to a nearby movie theater to videotape some clips from Pulp Fiction. They return in time to show the footage during John Travolta's guest appearance to promote the film. Also, Mujibur and Sirajul report from yesterday's Daytona 500.
Cybill Shepherd promotes her new sitcom; Gary Sinise brags about the perks of being an Academy Award Nominee.
Wayne Newton (live via satellite) presents the Top Ten; Michael McKean comments on the recent troubles on the set of ""Saturday Night Live;"" David Byrne and the CBS Orchestra perform ""You & Eye.""
Bernie Worrell sits in; Al Roker does a weather forecast; Dave retrieves a blue card from ""Forrest Gump"" (Calvert); Jeff Goldblum tap dances.
Dave sends the standby audience to The Gap to purchase and wear matching outfits before they're allowed to return to the theater. By the end of the show, they are all wearing identical sweaters and khakis. (correct synopsis)
On the first Letterman show ever aired on this date, Bill Cosby, Tito Puente, and Dave climb a ladder up to the balcony, and Luke Perry does a science experiment in place of bumped guest Lee Marek.
Dave sends the standby audience to The Gap to purchase and wear matching outfits before they're allowed to return to the theater. By the end of the show, they are all wearing identical sweaters and khakis.
Dave gives a girl in the audience named Amy money to buy spring flowers, and later her boyfriend (also in the audience) sings karaoke with Will Smith.
A woman in the audience bakes cookies for everyone; Conan O'Brien appears in Dave's latest Oscar-related dream; Dave gets his toupee dry-cleaned.
Throughout the night, Dave practices giving out Oscars, awarding achievements by Tony Randall, Doc Severinson (who's sitting in), Tony Mendez, a hi-ho girl, and Sirajul Islam (Mujibur was sick). Also, Dave chats with a man whose dog ran away, then found his pet on the opposite side of the country.
John Mayall sits in; Dave comments on his much-scrutinized performance as host of last week's Academy Awards.
Throughout the night, the legendary Ashton Family acrobats perform their greatest stunts outside on 53rd Street.
Dave spells Uma and Oprah with hot dog wieners, while Creepy Dave lurks in the backdrop during his interview with Bryant Gumbel.
At the end of tonight's ""New Books"" segment, Dave gives one of the phony manuscripts to a girl in the audience. Also, for no apparent reason, Gerard dances around onstage in a sun dress.
Two babes in the audience are observed with ""Marry Us Dave"" T-shirts; Dave, Calvert, and Biff sit around and do nothing for three minutes; Dave asks cab drivers what they thought of his performance at the Oscars.
Dave invites the stand-by audience to his office and watch the show from there. Later, they're joined by Faye Dunaway and chef Wolfgang Puck.
Throughout the night, various staffers walk onstage to give Dave ""dramatic tension,"" while Robert Pastorelli explains his departure from the hit comedy Murphy Brown.
Mayor Guiliani and Dave agree to disagree on the new slogan for the New York Tourism Board; Drew Barrymore gives Dave a birthday surprise.
The New York Daily News, having headlined their paper with last night's Guiliani-chosen slogan, distributes miniature buttons to the audience reading ""We Can Kick Your City's Ass"" commemorating the headline. Also, Bela Fleck sits in with the band on banjo.
Two days after NYC's new slogan, ""We Can Kick Your City's Ass,"" reaches beyond the Hudson, Dave hears from mayors of other cities; Slash of Guns n' Roses fame sits in; a skit involving jelly beans bursting out of Biff's ears is botched when the wiring doesn't work properly.
Live Remote: Dave annoys both an H&R Block tax accountant and his mortified customer, who prefers to hide her face.
Dave selects five guys from the audience to compete in a basketball match outside on 53rd Street with five (alleged) New York Knicks. By the end of the show, the final score is Audience 108, Knicks 107.
Dave complains that the cue-card Tony is holding is too small, so Inky replaces it with a giant banner; ten mayors of other cities present the Top Ten; a blue card is missing and soon found taped to Sandra Bullock's backside.
An audience talent show is interrupted by Helen Reddy, who pops up several times throughout the show; later, she teams up with Blues Traveler to perform ""Hook.""
Tony Randall drops by to announce who tomorrow's guests will be, and Dave squirts him with a fire extinguisher. Later, Biff Henderson and Pat Farmer carry Tony outside and into a taxi. Also, Dolly Parton presents the Top Ten.
After word spreads to the media that he's losing his ratings edge over Leno, Dave wants to find out if people are still watching the show, so he displays his desk phone number on the Times Square Jumbotron. The only people who call are CBS employees who have access to a live feed in their offices. Frustrated, Dave dips the receiver into his coffee.
In tonight's live remote, Dave annoys customers down the street at the Sam Ash music store and invites Marcia to sit in with the band on alto sax.
David Sanborn sits in yet again; various New York Yankees present the Top Ten; Dave loses a blue card, then finds it at McDonald's.
The Flying Rat is introduced on the show during a segment called ""What's New for Spring""; in the same segment a small army of clowns attack Mujibur and Sirajul, then storm the Late Show stage; Dave chats with ""Buddy, the Sleepy Lifeguard.""
Dave and Paul leave the show early to go over to Madison Square Garden for the circus, where they run into an acrobat bearing a strong resemblance to Calvert; the flying rat attacks Dan Rather, and is later seen as a guest on Nightline; Dave and Felecia waltz.
All of tonight's guests (Marilu Henner, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Mario Van Peebles) are at Rupert's playing spin the bottle. Also, the flying rat demonstrates its supremacy of the New York skyline by swallowing a giant bird whole.
The Giant Flying Rat is introduced via lasers and special effects just after being interviewed by Tom Snyder.
(Supposed) Audience requests are fulfilled in tonight's ""Who Asked For It?"" while Harry Connick Jr. promotes his new album.
Pete Fatovich attempts to kiss Paul again; the giant flying rat delivers the Top Ten list; Jake Johanssen discusses a recent trip to the supermarket.
The giant flying rat dons a sombrero; Dave leaves the show early to marry Drew Barrymore; a man gets kicked in the face by a racehorse; Dave and Paul go supermarket shopping.
Dave sends audience members Nico and Ingrid Van Eenennaan to London (to promote the show's visit next week) with a camcorder, root beer, and the Giant Flying Rat. Neither are seen or heard from again.
Jimmy Smits, a guest the night before, is seen in his hotel room naked, doing push-ups and watching TV in bed. Also, Paul quits to become a professional boxer, but he gives up and comes back to the show.
The Dutch husband and wife from last night resurface for a brief moment; Paul wears a top hat and a tuxedo; Bruce Willis gets his head scrubbed.
Paul decides to have plastic surgery, then wakes up from the procedure with a conehead; Dave shows a clip of Pakistan's #1 sitcom, ""Seinjibur""; Hugh Grant promotes Nine Months.
Calvert mimics the Giant Flying Rat; Dave comments on preparations for next week's trip to London; Julianna Marguiles promotes the much-hyped season finale of ER.
The Late Show starts its week broadcasting from London. Ten London Guards bring Dave out onstage; Dave and Paul wreck havoc in the city; Elton John reacts to William Shatner's videotaped rendition of ""Rocket Man,"" then performs ""Made in England.""
London, Day 2: The new James Bond, Remington Steele star Pierce Brosnan, enters backstage with models and martinis; Little Richard and Chuck Berry sit in; Dave's mom reports from a pub. (correct synopsis)
London, Day 3: ""London Souvenirs"" include a Prince Charles Ketchup Dispenser, a Bobby Helmet Bra, and a Tea Cannon, brought out by fake London guards. Also, Peter O'Toole enters riding a camel, and Van Morrison barely remembers the words to his own song ""Have I Told You Lately"" in a performance with Sinead O'Connor and the Chieftains. (correct synopsis)
London, Day 4: Dave and Paul play soccer (or should I say football?) at Wembley Stadium; live via satellite from New York, Tony Randall trashes the theater; John Cleese presents the Top Ten. (correct synopsis)
London, Day 5: Dave repeats a monologue joke in a British accent; Salman Rushdie hands the Top Ten to Dave, and is presented by ten bobbies; Dorothy drops by to comment on her week of sightseeing.
Cold opening: Dave belatedly thanks Drew Barrymore for her birthday ""gift"" last month. Also, Dave pays Mujibur and Sirajul to pummel Paul.
It's the debut of ""May We Turn Your Pants Into Shorts?"" Dave cuts up his own slacks before shredding the pants of Paul and Mel Gibson.
Clint Black sits in; candy is thrown at the audience; the Top Ten Office is relocated to an audience member's hometown of Glenn's Falls, New York; in honor of Ringo Starr, Paul, Dave, and the audience try to recreate Beatlemania.
Dave takes a bunch of sailors to a local watering hole; Mujibur and Sirajul visit Dorothy in Indianapolis; Dave bids farewell to longtime director Hal Gurnee by placing a plaque on the control room door.
Cold Opening: Nicole Kidman asks Dave if he's drunk. Also, displayed by the window of an advertising agency across the street from the Ed Sullivan Theater is a giant toothbrush and tooth; Dave invites the workers from that window to bring the items into the theater and then presents them with the Crest Pledge.
Indianapolis 500 champion Jacque Vileneuve races a NYC cab around the theater block in competition with NYC cabbie Buke Kadikiran; Dave shows (doctored) footage of Dan Rather replacing his CBS Evening News co-host Connie Chung with… Dan Rather.
Biff delivers Dave in a golf cart; Dave and an audience member named Hal help choose the network's new slogan; a pyrotechnic exhibition is held in the backdrop.
It's time for a studio audience talent show, with friends and relatives of the performers swamping the backdrop. Shortly after his interview, Mike Myers joins the crowd.
Dave tells Rupert to bother people at a local bistro with his hidden mic; Dave chats with a woman that recently won $87,000,000 in the state lottery; head CBS executives ""Les Moonves"" and ""Peter Lund"" sing Bob Seger's ""Like a Rock.""
Dave chooses a person off the street to tell their life story; the Top Ten Home Office moves to Grand Rapids, Michigan; Chris O'Donnell plugs Batman Forever.
Stephen Stills sits in; Dave ""attends"" a recent President Clinton press conference; basketball star/party animal Dennis Rodman comments on his recent antics.
Travis, a five-year-old golden retriever, has the ""Dog Cam"" attached to his head; John Turturro dresses up as Batman, then hands Dave the Top Ten list; Dan Rather talks about Connie Chung's departure from CBS, then promotes his workout video ""Old Train Songs to Sweat By.""
Dave arrives at the theater in a police car; throughout the night, spelling bee winner Justin Carroll comes out to spell various ten-cent words; Dave chats with Robert Horry of the NBA Champion Houston Rockets.
Travis and the Dog Cam return; Englebert Humperdinck serenades Rupert; ten kindergarteners write and present the Top Ten.
Dave announces that this is show number 4000, but later admits he's off by a zero; John Denver performs the theme song to ""Supermarket Finds""; Alan King gloats over his grandkids.
Dave invites both a cabbie and an audience member to jump into a rooftop swimming pool. They're later joined by two NYC cops and Bob Saget.
Shortly after a ""What's New for Summer"" segment, Dave hands hamsicles (or, if you will, cold ham on a stick) to the audience. Also, ""Batman"" (Calvert) hands Dave the Top Ten list, while Tony Bennett performs ""My Love Went to London.""
Cold Opening: ""ER"" star Anthony Edwards refuses to give Dave a physical. Also, Jonathan Katz does standup and promotes Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist.
Dave celebrates the fifteenth anniversary of the debut of The David Letterman Show by showing clips of the first broadcast; Biff interrupts Dave so that Corey Pavin (winner of the 1995 U. S. Open) can drop by; various staffers take their moms to the Russian Tea Room.
Bernie Kopell storms out of the theater after ""The Love Boat"" is somehow mentioned twice in a Top Ten List about Hockey. Later, Dave chats with ""Coach"" star Jerry Van Dyke, while Warren Zevon performs ""Mutineer,"" a song he would later perform in his last TV appearance in 2002.
Dave invites a standby audience member to play ""Will You Eat the Meatloaf?"" Later in the show, Dave chats with Pete, the dishwasher at Hello Deli.
In an experimental comedy bit called ""Letters to the Editor,"" Dave reads a (bogus) note from Al Gore telling The New Yorker that he loves their cartoons.
Dave shows the audience an old photo of Morty with an afro, and then later shows a doctored photo of himself with a head-bush. Also, Dave helps Tom Hanks shave a beard he grew on vacation.
In a remote, Dave asks apartment dwellers, ""What's the Coolest Thing In Your Apartment?""
Jim Carrey, Andre Agassi, and Tom and Roseanne Arnold miraculously appear in the audience, Tom being both on stage and in the audience simultaneously. Also, Dave orders pancakes from the Fashion Cafe for Christy Turlington and a heavyset audience member.
Dave says hello to viewers in France and Italy in their respective native tongues; during ""May We See Your Photos, Please?"" Dave demands to see photos of meat or nudity; Penn and Teller perform one of their trademark dangerous stunts.
Charles Grodin promotes his new cable talk show.
A small army of cyclists rush across the stage, while Dave and Pete Sampras play a pickup round of tennis out on 53rd Street.
After an admittedly lame remote on a ""Day In The Life"" of producer Robert Morton, he jumps into a giant bowl of pudding, followed by Dave. Later in the show, Paul, Laurie Diamond, and the members of White Zombie join in.
Dave flashes back to how he stayed cool over the weekend by stuffing popsicles in his pants; a woman who picks up one of the pay phones at the kiosk outside the theater is chosen as an honorary guest host; Alicia Silverstone promotes Clueless; Dave and Pam the phone lady switch jackets.
Dan Rather presents the Top Ten; Chevy Chase plugs Man of the House and talks tennis.
Ed Sullivan Theater Building Engineer George Clarke begins his ""Quest for Corn"" throughout the Midwest. He's off to Illinois.
Dave demonstrates a triple pencil flip; Rupert finds one of Dave's blue cards attached to Mary Tyler Moore's backside; Dave shows old footage of Andy Kaufman dancing with a giant snake.
Clarence Clemons of the E Street Band sits in; Dave offers an audience guy with an unruly beard $300 to shave it; Talent Assistant Zoe Friedham gets a tattoo; Dave gives the newly-shaven man $400.
A ""Dumb Ads"" segment introduces Canadian filling station attendent Dick Assman. The entire North American audience immediately catches ""Dick Assmania."" Later, a monkey in the green room throws fruit, while The Quest for Corn hits Omaha, Nebraska.
Dave calls up Dick Assman; Ray Liotta arrives onstage riding a baby elephant, and later he makes a (bogus) appearance with Paul in the controversial new movie Kids.
Dave and Tony switch places for a few minutes; David Schwimmer is reunited with the monkey who played Marcel on Friends; Dave announces that ""Dick Assmania"" has officially swept the eastern seaboard.
During a segment called ""Ask the Mayor,"" someone from the audience asks Rudy Guiliani, ""Is that a real hair piece?"" Also, a half-awake audience member opens himself to the feminine wiles of Sandra Bullock.
George Clarke's ""Quest for Corn"" finds him in Indianapolis with Dave's mom: 5 ears. Later, Nick Turturro and Dennis Franz stand in the green room with their pants down, while Paul and Bruce Hornsby play ""Chopsticks"" on the keyboard.
Dave gives $100 to an audience member after a monologue joke bombs; the show is interrupted for a ""Dick Assman Update""; father and son audience members Jim and JJ McMichael wave from the top of the Empire State Building.
Dave announces that CBS has just been bought by Westinghouse, then spends the rest of the show joking about it.
Dave chats with Mary Ann Dennis, whose dog stopped a man that tried to mug her.
During ""Stupid Pet Tricks,"" a small fish eats a worm whole. Meanwhile, Dave goes into a Westinghouse washer in spin cycle.
The final installment of ""George Clarke's Quest for Corn"" finds our hero at Hello Deli (five ears). Afterwards, George distributes an ear of corn to everyone in the audience.
Dave announces it's ""Christmas in August,"" with Glen Campbell singing a medley of holiday standards at Hello Deli.
Junior Brown sits in with the band; baseball star John Kruk talks about his recent retirement; Dave hectors a man on the street in a game called ""May I Taste Your Dinner, Please?""
The ""Dick Assman Update"" reveals that his popularity has hit fever pitch. Later, Christopher Walken promotes three new movies that are coming out within a month of each other.
Dave shows a ""highlight"" of last night's show: Dan Rather fondling Dave's butt.
In honor of an incident that resulted in a forfeit in the previous night's Dodgers-Cardinals game, audience members throw baseballs at Dave.
All night long, Rupert touches meat and is joined later by Kelsey Grammer, his then-fiancee, and a priest from the audience.
Dave claims that the chairman of Westinghouse has agreed to fight him. Later, Sonny Bono signs to Calvert's upstart record company.
During an interview with Isabella Rosselini, a guy on fire runs around the stage. Later, Bjork and the CBS Orchestra performs ""It's Oh So Quiet.""
Paul is introduced as ""Johnny Lavaggi;"" Dave shows a (doctored) clip of Monica Seles grunting; David Brenner does stand up.
Dave bids a fond farewell to his announcer, while Dick Assman also makes one last appearance.
2001
Dave announces that instead of "whatever," from now on he will be saying "wherever"; during a segment called "While We Were Out," the male staff members commemorate a minor design change on the stage by sitting in Dave's chair buck naked; Will Ferrell makes a threating message in song to Barbra Streisand.
Dave points out that Tony Mendez is mentioned in this week's "Talk of the Town" column in The New Yorker. Later, Jude Brennan makes her last appearance as the bitchy "Mrs. Letterman."
Mayor Guiliani interrupts Dave's monologue; Sarah Jessica Parker promotes "Sex & the City."
In the first show following the terrorist destruction of the World Trade Center, Dave welcomes CBS anchorman Dan Rather and Regis Philbin.
Dave welcomes national hero Rudy Guiliani to the show for the first time since the WTC disaster.
During "What's the Deal With Old Guys and Enormous Glasses?" Dave wears a 70's-era pair of specs; John Cusack promotes Serendipity.
Paul composes a song about people that look like Burt Reynolds; Owen Wilson plugs Zoolander.
Alan gives dating tips; Joshua Jackson promotes the upcoming season premiere of "Dawson's Creek;" Emo Philips does a stand-up routine on Dave's show for the first time since 1989.
Out of the blue, Dave compliments the New York State Police, but Paul smells a rat. Dave claims he wasn't pulled over again. Meanwhile, Bruce Willis plays "drums" with his head and 7-year-old child actor Cody Arens plugs Riding in Cars with Boys.
What's "New for the Office" in 2002? The items Dave introduces include a Jack Daniels water cooler and a color printer that makes flapjacks. Also, throughout the night, various people walk onstage and gripe about Dave in French, Turkish, Russian and Japanese.
Disgraced Enron CEO "Kenneth Lay" sits in with the band, and is later seen shredding songsheets.
Stephanie makes her first report from Salt Lake City, in which she shows Dave a photo of her watching the opening ceremonies on TV; Dave can't stop staring at Janet Jackson's revealing outfit; Enrique Iglesias sings "Escape."
In honor of his recent nomination, Paul and the gang participate in a Grammy-themed edition of "Stump the Band;" during "Stupid Human Tricks," a fourteen-year-old girl performs "Feliz Navidad" with her nose; Cher sings "Song for the Lonely."
Dave mentions that Paul has been keeping himself busy, as he performed not only at this year's Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies, but also at the much-ballyhooed Liza Minelli-David Gest wedding; Dave continues to gloat over his Aftonbladet award, which he nonchalantly drinks from Stanley Cup-style; The White Stripes perform "Fell In Love With a Girl."
Dave asks Paul to play some Gene Pitney; the "Late Show Psychic Test Drive" finds Rupert driving Deborah Lynn around the city in a 2001 Chevy Malibu; Dave chats with boy genius Kit Armstrong.
Dave and Paul discuss the vernal equinox and the old wives tale that you're supposed to be able to stand an egg on its end at the moment of the equinox; Dave mentions that "Will It Float" is quickly becoming a fan favorite, then correctly predicts that a half-gallon of strawberry ice cream will float; N.E.R.D. performs "Rock Star."
Alan reports on what everybody was wearing at last night's Oscars (all the men wore tuxedos), while Adam Arkin promotes the critically-disdained sitcom Baby Bob.
Dave shows a (bogus) clip of the upcoming Baby Bob spin-off "Baby Jacques," which is just like the original show except everybody speaks in a French accent; a proud tradition continues as a Hello Deli customer goes on a Easter meatball hunt; Alan apologizes for his comments toward Gwyneth Paltrow on last night's show, then inadvertently insults Uma Thurman.
Eric Burdon of The Animals sits in; during the "Odd Catalogs" segment, Dave displays an ad for a "Government-seized and repossessed hairpiece blowout"; the Hi-Ho girls deliver a birthday cake to Tony; Doris Kearns Goodwin addresses rumors of plagiarism.
Biff shows footage of him harassing New Yorkers with a bullhorn; the New York National Guard presents the Top Ten; Sevendust (featuring Paul) performs "Angel's Son."
Mailbag: Tony's apparent sexiness forces George Clarke to drown his sorrows in a bucket of chicken at KFC; Dave shows off a tattoo on his leg that he wishes he didn't have (the ABC logo); after learning that Alan makes more money than him, Tony meets George at KFC.
Acid jazz legend Herbie Hancock sits in on keyboards; Dave orders Steph/Monty to buy French fries; Marv Albert shows off another one of his blooper reels.
During the latest Celebrity X-Ray Challenge, Dave persuades Rupert to lip sync a song from Oklahoma!
After Dave notices that Alan bears a slight resemblance to Fred MacMurray, the announcer and a Barbara Stanwyck stand-in recreate a scene from Double Indemnity. Also, Patti Smith sings "Dancing Barefoot."
Biff introduces footage from his latest trip to Yankees Spring Training in Florida, while a fully-packed suitcase is subjected to "Will It Float?"
Will Lee stands in for Biff on pin duty, and for his troubles he receives the tradition gift of Samsonite® luggage; during Mailbag, two "girl scouts" (Harold Larkin and Mike McIntee) destroy Paul's office for being behind on his cookie payments; ten members of the Coast Guard present the Top Ten.
In honor of his departure from The Early Show; Dave shows footage of moving men with cardboard boxes superimposed over Bryant Gumbel talking in mid-broadcast; "Survivor: Marquesas" also-ran Gina Crews demonstrates her talent for spitting watermelon seeds; George Miller brags that his grandfather invented the handshake.
Dave models a hideous pair of glasses he found in his house; a woman from Portland, Oregon rides around in Al Norwood's 2001 Honda S2000; Dave tries to get Attorney General John Ashcroft to sing, but only does so during the commercial breaks.
After his reluctance to sing on last night's show, Dave is appalled to find US Attorney General John Ashcroft crooning "When The Eagles Soars" on TRL; Alan impersonates Fred MacMurray again; Sheryl Crow sings "Soak Up The Sun."
Dave receives another comedy class project from Miss Markey's Kindergarten class, while The Strokes perform "Take It or Leave It."
Dave receives an unexpected birthday greeting from Osama Bin Laden; CBS Mailbag is interrupted to that the Hi-Ho girls can bring out Daddy's cake; ten Air Force pilots present the Top Ten.
Dave mentions that he bumped his head over the weekend, then comments on the recent drought in NYC.
Dave mentions that Saddam Hussein's novel Zabibah and the King was been turned into a musical, and then shows a (bogus) promo for it's upcoming debut in Baghdad; seven-year-old billiards trick shot artist Landon Shuffett blows Dave away by shooting a row of thirteen balls into the corner pocket; Elvis Costello performs "Tear Off Your Own Head (It's A Doll Revolution)."
Dave mentions Paul's appearance on tonight's episode of Ed, and shortly afterwards Paul wears the fake mustache he had to wear for the role; Alan and the Barbara Stanwyck look-alike perform another scene from Double Indemnity; Bonnie Raitt sings "I Can't Help You Now."
Another "Incredible Dog Challenge" is postponed by rain; Dave wears his ugly red glasses again; Cee-Lo sings "Closet Freak."
Dave and Paul talk about wrestling in preparation of his interview with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. During CBS Mailbag, "Mayor Bloomberg" (Gerard) offers Dave some pot, and Alan Kalter promotes the video "Osama Gone Wild."
Dave shows various clips of Ted Danson looked scared/shocked from his recent miniseries Living With the Dead; Dave points out that the Late Show was chosen as the seventh greatest television program of all time; Paul Westerberg performs "Silent Film Star."
The Incredible Dog Challenge is finally held out on 53rd Street, and throughout the night three dogs compete through a series of hurdles and tubes.
An "Incredible Cat Challenge" is thwarted when George Clarke's cat won't go through the obstacle course; Kirsten Dunst promotes Spider-Man; after Angie Stone and the O'Jays perform "Wish I Didn't Miss You," the house band closes the show by performing "Love Train."
"Biff Henderson's America" visits the hamlet of Denver, Indiana; Dave comments on rumors that Bill Clinton may host a daytime talk show; Tobey Maguire does a really bad Rodney Dangerfield impression.
Mailbag: a letter about having your name mentioned on TV is somehow morphed into a request to see Alan getting the crap beat out of him. Later on in the segment, a letter about tornados has the same result, as an already bloodied Alan is further laid to waste. Also, Michael McIntee does a remote Top Ten from Central Park, while Jim Gaffigan discusses food and cleanliness.
The outside cam catches Spider-Man jacking a car; Dave and Mary Tyler Moore play catch; Norah Jones performs "Don't Know Why."
Dave moans and groans over his latest dental work; Dave shows (obviously phony) footage of Peter Jennings doing World News Tonight in a Spider-Man costume; Richard Gere makes first appearance on the show since 1983.
Dave and Paul take apart wedding announcements in the New York Times; a staffer in a Spider-Man outfit successfully hails a taxi; Will Ferrell tells Dave what it's like to run the NYC marathon.
Skateboarding great Tony Hawk demonstrates his wares out on 53rd Street.
With Biff on vacation, Steph/Monty handles the pushpins live via telephone; during Mailbag, Paul demonstrates a hidden talent for cartwheels, and then mysteriously disappears; a Mother's Day tradition is started when the moms of ten celebrities present the Top Ten list; Dave and Gillian Anderson make out.
Dave chats with the latest Survivor loser Robert "The General" DeCanio, while Liza Minnelli performs "Some People" from the musical Gypsy.
Nine guys in Spider-Man outfits, not to mention Dracula, Superman, and a cowboy cram themselves into a Subway restaurant; Tony Orlando dresses down Dave even though he interrupted him, then leaps into a chorus of "Knock Three Times"; when one of Lee Marek's kid scientists starts a very flammable demonstration, Dave demands that the band and everyone else onstage take for cover behind his desk.
Tony Mendez goes home with an audience member (see recap), while Dave and rocker/sportsman Ted Nugent cook rabbit.
Dave shows footage from rehearsal of Kenny McGowan tripping over the "Will It Float" tank; Biff visits the Indianapolis Motor Speedway for the Indy 500 time trials; a participant in tonight's "Stupid Human Tricks" that can maneuver a tennis racquet all over his body flirts with Natalie Portman in the green room.
Mailbag: Martha Stewart fills in for Biff on the pushpin board, Harold Larkin goes hitchhiking, and Tony is humiliated on Blind Date. Also, Brian Regan comments on his inability to spell names correctly.
Steph/Monty is mentioned in the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly; Dave calls New York Highway Superintendent Drew Outhouse to resolve an awkward social situation; The Kalter Twins perform "I've Got You Babe"; The Firecrackers, a synchronized jump rope team, demonstrate their wares on-stage.
Dave shows real footage of a woman being questioned on the news wearing a Late Show t-shirt; Diane Sawyer brags about her recent weight loss; Dave chats with Australian teen Jesse Martin, the youngest person ever to sail around the world solo.
Trumpter Terence Blanchard sits in; in honor of David Blaine's recent stunt in which he stands on a eighty-foot platform for several days, George Clarke attempts to stand on a folding chair for the duration of the show; Dave chats with April Kleinschmidt, the sole graduate of the Class of 2002 at Harrold High School in South Dakota.
Alan asks passerby for their reaction to the new Star Wars prequel and ends up making a scene. Also, Anton Fig and Ivan Neville perform "Inside Out" from the CBS Orchestra drummer's new album, Figments.
Dave announces that Paul will be called Pablo this summer, which will go into effect immediately; Dave promises tonight's show will be "smooth and suave"; during Mailbag, an audience member asks Dave what his most embarrassing moment was, and we watch a (phony) clip of Dave performing with The Firecrackers last week.
While showing photos from her trip to the Indianapolis 500, Dave calls Steph/Monty "Dutch"; the snake lady performs again on "Is This Anything?"; Tom Dreesen tells various tales of Hollywood hobnobbing.
Dave accuses Rupert of product placement on "May We See Your Photos, Please"; Alan addresses the Queen of England in a rather inappropriate way; Celine Dion performs "I'm Alive" and jumps into the audience.
Dave and Paul try to figure out a strange gesture that Celine Dion made during her TV concert earlier that week. Later, Chris Rock talks about Don King and Bucky Dent.
An audience member explains to Dave how to pronounce the name of her hometown: "You're saying Morristown. It's not Morristown. It's Morristown." Also, Dave chats with Abi Thomas, a jogger who was attacked by a bear at Yellowstone National Park.
Mailbag: "Is This Anything?" fave Kiva "Grinder Girl" Kahl stands next to Biff while he puts the pushpins in the map; twelth floor receptionist Art Garfunkel provides his own on-hold music; Alan beats the crap out of an Amish guy, then when Dave explains that the Amish are pacifists, Alan heads back to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, accuses the Amish guy of being brainwashed by Dave, and beats him up again.
Dave comments on the Nets' playoff run; Alan performs another scene from Double Indemnity, this time with a Edward G. Robinson stand-in; David Bowie performs "Slow Burn."
Sarah Michelle Geller promotes Scooby-Doo while John McEnroe tells Dave a funny story about getting thrown out of the Australian Open back in his playing days.
Dave and Paul talk about their cholesterol levels; Freddie Prinze, Jr. promotes Scooby-Doo; Alicia Keys sings "How Come You Don't Call Me?"
Biff does his pushpin schtick live from the Grand Canyon, and Dave persuades him to yell "Hey, Mommy!" just to see if there's an echo. Also, Paul does a somewhat convincing James Brown impression, suffers a nervous breakdown onstage, and Dave comes by to bring him his cape.
Dave takes inventory of all his favorite clips (the "wild dingo," the baby owl eating the mouse, Dubya looking confused, etc.); Tom Cruise shows off his braces; during a segment called "Don't Try This At Home," Mike McIntee sprays Windex into his mouth.
George Clarke stands on the roof of the Studio 54 building to hit golf balls, hoping to go over the Ed Sullivan Theater and break glass on the WPI building on its far side. After successfully breaking one window, Steph/Monty, Alan, and Al Franken each take a few swings at the windows.
The bird callers of Piedmont High School demonstrate their wares once more; Moby sings "We Are Made of Stars."
The U.S. National Team presents "Top Ten Ways to Get Americans Excited About Soccer;" Dave brags about buying his first car at Harrison Ford; The Trail of Dead performs "Relative Ways."
Biff and Bruce Willis push pins in Hawaii during CBS Mailbag, while Dave lands on the cover of "Martha Stewart Living."
Will Smith promotes "Men In Black 2," while the US Men's World Cup Soccer Team holds an exhibition on the roof of the theater.
Dave makes several enlightening remarks about the National Hollerin' Champions from North Carolina, who later perform their winning hollers; Adam Sandler plugs Mr. Deeds.
Dave reads from random wedding announcements in the New York Times in a segment called "Will It Last?"
The audience is victorious once more when they play "Stump the Band." Later, Dave shows a very obnoxious commerical for the upcoming G-8 Summit.
The "Late Show CBS Mailbag Biff Henderson Map Across America Summer Tour" lands at the Statue of Liberty. Later, Ben Kweller performs "Wasted and Ready."
Biff goes out in van, annoying people with a bullhorn. Later, Steph/Monty asks "Road to Perdition" star Tom Hanks, "During the filming, did the crew see or touch any monkeys?"
Zeke, the "Rabid Dingo" that bit Dave in June 2000, makes a return appearance on "Stupid Pet Tricks." Later, rubyhorse sings "Sparkle."
Dave talks about a snake in his house; Alan Kalter seduces a CPR dummy during a segment called "What's New for Summer;" Pat and Kenny read a transcript of Oprah's interview with Jennifer Lopez; Robin Williams promotes a movie and a broadway show.
Dave plays "Know Your Current Events" with the audience. Later, Paul Newman talks about auto racing while promoting "Road to Perdition."
Biff's Summer Tour stops at Niagara Falls. Meanwhile, during CBS Mailbag, George Clarke talks about his plans for the Fourth of July; Alan Kalter struts his "mastery" of the French language.
Dave admits to being in a disproportionatly good mood during a segment called "Late Show Newsmakers;" the Dave Matthews Band becomes the second band ever to perform on the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
Steph/Monty and Dave play another round of "Psychic Sandwich." Later, Dave wrecks havoc during a cooking segment with New York restaurant owner Mario Batali.
Sarah Jessica Parker talks about her unborn child; Alan appears to be on the brink of sanity; Dave stumps the audience with a "Beach Quiz."
Just for the hell of it, the annual "Late Show Holiday Quarterback Challenge" is held in the middle of July; Dave quizzes the audience with "Know Your Current Events;" Robert Plant sings "Darkness, Darkness."
Biff's latest stop on his tour is Washington, DC; Dave chats with "Martha Stewart" (Gerard) and her lawyer made of pine cones during CBS Mailbag; Ted Koppel shows off his impeccable comic timing, then delivers a cape to Paul for his Friday night breakdown.
George Clarke flies a kite from a taxi; Haley Joel Osment promotes his movie, "The Country Bears;" Dashboard Confessional performs "Saints and Sailors."
Rupert goes golfing; Calvert DeForest turns 81; Kristen Johnston promotes her appearance in Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night" in Central Park.
Dave chats with a "bear rehabilitator;" Dana Carvey promotes his movie "Master of Disguise;" the "Charts and Graphs" segment reveals that the contents of Ding Dongs are 50% Dings and 50% Dongs.
During "Know Your Current Events," Dave seems to fixate on attractive women. Later, Weezer plays "Keep Fishin'."
During "CBS Mailbag," Paul exaggarates some of the many great tourist destinations of his hometown in Ontario. Later, Bill Cosby talks about his Congressional Medal of Honor.
It's the dog days of summer, which might explain why Biff is sitting on a block of ice. Later, Julia Stiles talks about her hair.
Dave and Rupert play "The Late Show Celebrity X-Ray Challenge." Tonight's celebrity is James Caan.
Dave reads articles from obscure newspapers in a segment called "Small Town News." Later, Little Richard sings "Good Golly, Miss Molly."
Mike Myers promotes "Austin Powers in Goldmember" and Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band performs "The Rising."
Biff's Summer Tour continues as Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band perform "Lonesome Day."
Dave welcomes "Friends" star Matthew Perry, who is promoting a new movie. Meanwhile, a performance by the Aussie rock group The Vines blows the audience (and Dave) away.
Sitting in with the band tonight is an unknown winner from the previous night's Teen Choice Awards. Later, Robin Williams plugs "One Hour Photo."
Dave shows a timeline of President Bush's vacation, while Al Pacino promotes the movie "Simone."
Biff pushes pins into a map right in front of the famous Hollywood sign in L.A.; Alan and his twin brother Rick appear on "American Idol"; upon hearing of a proposed talk show hosted by Bill Clinton on CBS, Dave shows a promo for NBC's "The Saddam Hussein Show."
"SNL" star Jimmy Fallon promotes the MTV Video Music Awards, which he's hosting.
Dave announces that tomorrow night Paul will be inducted into the National Black Sports and Entertainment Hall of Fame. Later, Chris Elliott and Dave reminiscense.
Dave forces Steph/Monty to ask John Travolta, "How can I get in touch with the other Sweathogs?"
Joe Perry of Aerosmith sits in with the band; Osama congratulates Dave for nine years at CBS; Jake Gyllenhall promotes "Moonlight Mile."
Biff Henderson ends his tour of the US during the "CBS Mailbag" segment (final stop: Mt. Rushmore) as Dave chats with "Dr. Steven Hatfill" (Gerard). Later, Dave welcomes "Jiminy Glick" star Martin Short.
2006
Travis Pastrana - Andy Kidler - Baby Gramps
Dave toys around with the new product from Apple Computers, the "I-Stinguisher"; a man in pajamas and a bathrobe asks Dave where he would find some coffee; writer Jeff Bredenberg promotes his book "Five Little Fixes"; The Roots perform "Here I Come."
In honor of the show's 13th anniversary, an intern accidentally walks onstage to ask Dave to sign his own greeting card; live from Tracy, California, Ron Patrick drives around in a silver 2000 Volkwagen Bug with a 1,450-horsepower jet engine; Dave tries to interpret Snoop Dogg's "dizzle"-speak; OK Go performed "Here It Goes Again."
Tony visits The Hamptons, where he complains about traffic; recently embarassed CNN anchor Kyra Phillips presents the Top Ten; 5,000 tennis balls are dropped onstage; Opie & Anthony promote their radio show.
Johnny Dark measures Dave's inseam, much to his chagrin; while promoting "Ventriloquist Week" for the umpteenth time, Dave argues with his very own dummy; to mark the end of summer, four stagehands help explode beach balls on 53rd Street, then pour 300 gallons of sunblock off the roof.
Day 1 of Ventriloquist Week with Willie Tyler & Lester, plus Dr. Phil and "Survivor" castoff Sekou Bunch!
Ventriloquist Week, Day 2: Jay Johnson jokes about evolution while his primate friend Darwin sings "Send in the Clowns" in his "native" tongue; a safe is thrown out an 8th floor window onto a 1996 Buick LeSabre; Kasabian performed "Empire."
Day 3 of Ventriloquist Week with Ronn Lucas & Scorch, plus Marg Helgenberger and Diana Krall!
Day 4 of Ventriloquist Week with Jeff Dunham & Walter. Plus, Ted Turner and Fergie!
Ventriloquist Week, Day 5: Todd Oliver has a conversation with his talking dog, Irving; Dave and Lebron James shoot baskets on 53rd Street; Ludacris performed "Money Maker."
Throughout the night, several Late Show interns learn how to parallel-park; Dave looks into "A Day in the Life of Hugo Chavez"; Ray Liotta discusses meeting his biological family for the first time; Tony Bennett and Elvis Costello performed "Are You Havin' Any Fun Yet?"
Ten-year-old "lizard charmer" Lily Capehart puts her amphibian pets in doll costumes; Billy Bob Thornton promotes "The School for Scoundrels"; Sean Lennon performed "Wait For Me."
Tonights guests include Amanda Peet, Nigella Lawson and Bob Seger.
Hartford-based meterologist Scot Haney interrupts Dave with a teaser for his five-day forecast; Tony crudely illustrates how North Korea's recent nuclear test will affect the US; Robin Williams discusses rehab and promotes "Man of the Year"; Sam Moore and Wynonna Judd perform "I Can't Stand the Rain."
Tonights guests Tom Arnold, Brian Regan, Strongman Stan Drucker and "Survivor" castaways CaoBoi and Cristina Coria.
Tourist "Todd Volk" plays "Find the Pumpkin" at Hello Deli; ESPN Radio's "Mikes in the Morning" discuss Terrell Owens; The Killers perform "When You Were Young."
Tonights guests include Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jay Thomas and John Legend.
Dave shows off new photos of Harry; Dave Dorsett leaves his station to goof around with a sock puppet; Dave and Bill O'Reilly have another heated discussion about current events; Tilly and the Wall (making their network television debut) performed "Bad Education."
Borat, Beck and Tiki Barber, plus a Top Ten from Jerry Springer!
Tonights guests include Rachel Weisz, David Rakoff and Morningwood.
Dave plugs the upcoming Ball State-Michigan football game and promises to give a nickel to everyone that attends the game; Dave reads a letter from a fan pertaining to staff hostility; Joanne Carson (Johnny's second wife) discusses her collection of Truman Capote memorabilia.
Tonights guests include Rosie O'Donnell and Lady Sovereign.
Martin Short performs a song-and-dance number about the internet's role in his sexless marriage; country singer/novelist/gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman lays down his agenda for the state of Texas.
Britney Spears drops by looking for Will Ferrell; at the end of his interview, Will ad-libs through a selection from "Phantom of the Opera"; Jack Hanna introduces Dave to Fluffy the python, the largest-known snake in captivity.
Outgoing Defense Secretary "Donald Rumsfeld" (Gerard) fields questions from the audience; Jamie Oliver makes sausage carbonara; the Metropolitan Opera performs a selection from the upcoming production of "Il Barbiere di Siviglia."
Live via satellite, Biff walks through a six-acre corn maze in Livermore, California. By the end of the show, Dave asks him if he's scared, prompting Biff to snap back, "It takes a lot more than this to scare me, man."
Day 1 of Impressionist Week with Rich Little! Also, Robin Williams and George Jones!
Impressionist Week, Day 2: Frank Travalena closes his set by mimicing every president from Kennedy to Dubya. Also, Tenacious D (Jack Black and Kyle Gass) promote their new movie and perform "The Pick of Destiny" with the CBS Orchestra.
Tonights guests include Jerry Seinfeld and Dan Patrick. Plus, a public apology from Jerry's former co-star Michael Richards.
Tonight's "Rejected FDA Products" include Hebrew National Bacon, Frozen Mayonnaise Bars (which Dave tastes), and OJ Simpson's "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, But If I Did Believe It Was Butter, Here's How I Did It." Later, Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan promote their new paranormal documentary program, "Ghost Squad."
Tonights guests include Matthew Broderick and Lupe Fiasco and Jill Scott. Plus, Stupid Pet Tricks!
Dave shows footage of the staff Thanksgiving dinner, which includes a drunk Biff telling off Dave and a turkey carver severing his hand; Dave correctly guesses that his mother made pumpkin pie but flubs on the next dessert (he said pecan, it was apple); John Mayer performs "I'm Gonna Find Another You."
A giant goat knocks over the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree; Andy Kindler visits the US Marshals Training Academy in Georgia; in his first Late Show appearance in six years, Richard Simmons introduces a food steamer he invented (which blows up in his face); Ciara performs "Promise."
Tonights guests include Jennifer Connelly, Tom Dreesen and Shiny Toy Guns.
Teen duct tape expert William Beacom shows off his sticky creations; Silversun Pickups performed "Lazy Eye."
Tonight at Hello Deli, Dave and Rupert dare a (alleged) SUNY student from Queens to eat a Taco Bell chalupa; Howard Stern walks onstage in a Father Christmas outfit, giving out free Sirius radios to the audience; Gwen Stefani performs "Wind It Up."
Tonights guests include Regis Philbin and Robert Randolph, plus Lee Marek's Kid Scientists!
An irate staffer gives Dave a holiday-themed "f*** you"; "Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton" (Gerard) fields questions from the audience; Will Smith promotes The Pursuit of Happyness and discusses attending the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes wedding.
Tonight's guests include Clint Eastwood and Matthew Fox are the scheduled guests.
Tonight's guests include Ben Stiller, John Madden and Rodrigo y Gabriela.
Tonight's guests include Beyonce Knowles, Marv Albert and The Dears.
A Yule Log is set up in front of Dave's desk, and later Dave and Renee Zellweger pose Christmas-photo style next to the green screen; Dave acknowledges Dave Dorsett's 41 years at CBS by giving him a tie; Shannon Eis' new holiday toys includes Butterscotch, an expensive animatronic pony that allegedly responds to touch but doesn't cooperate onstage; Taking Back Sunday performed "Liar (It Takes One To Know One)."
Tom Brokaw and Cold War Kids are the scheduled guests.
Cate Blanchett and Darlene Love are tonight's guests. Plus, Jay Thomas and the 9th Annual Christmas Tree Football Toss!
A woman from Chicago plays "Name That Smell" at Hello Deli; after vilifying Commonwealth Edison, Alan gets beaten up by one of their employees; Ben E. King performs "Stand By Me."
Tonight's guests are Peter O'Toole and Marc Maron, plus a Top Ten from baseball legends Cal Ripken Jr. and Tony Gwynn!
Videotape operator Tom Catusi apologizes for making a cheap shot at Mark McGwire; Madonna discusses her controversial adoption of a Malawian baby; Dave puts on a raincoat and promotes Gordon's Fish Sticks; The Hold Steady performs "Stuck Between Ready."
A Late Show Fun Fact: the actual Godzilla was only seven feet tall and was killed by Japanese soldiers within minutes; John Witherspoon describes a recent incident involving smoking a marijuana cigarette; Josh Ritter performed "Girl in the War."
Dave acknowledges the 7th anniversary of his quintuple-bypass with a clip from "Sanford & Son"; magician Jason Randal wows Dave with a few more of his trademark card tricks; '70s soft-rockers America (featuring Ryan Adams and Ben Kweller) performed 'Ride On.'
Paul Newman, Sebastian Bourdais, and Diana Ross are the scheduled guests.
Tina Fey discusses the Golden Globes and explains why she hates Los Angeles; escape artist "Donnie Glenn" balks at being sealed in a milk can filled with water; Terri & Bindi Irwin (the widow and daughter of Steve Irwin) promote Australia Week 2007.
Dave promotes the new, improved Late Show web site; "El Nino" (Gerard) drops by to take a bow; Vera Farmiga promotes "Breaking and Entering"; Mat Kearney performs "Nothing Left to Lose."
Dave comments on this winter's damaged citrus crop by opening a carton of "Tropicana Just Rind"; Tricia Helfer of "Battlestar Galactica" fame promotes her upcoming Playboy pictorial; seven pounds of marzipan are thrown into the "Will It Float" tank (it sinks).
Ricky Gervais, Forest Whittaker, and The Shins are the scheduled guests.
The Cat Empire
Dave reminisces about his teen years and shares an antedote about a ruined fur coat; Charles Grodin promotes his one-minute commentaries on CBS Radio and shows off some of his horse photography.
Dave admits that he's never participated nor believes in Daylight Savings Time; Chris Rock promotes "I Think I Love My Wife"; Amy Winehouse performed "You Know I'm No Good."
Jeff Goldblum, Barbara McQueen
Bernie Mac, Paula Abdul, Joss Stone
Fill-in host Adam Sandler (with assistance from his dog, Matzoball II) welcomes Don Cheadle, Danica Patrick, and Todd Barry as his guests. Lucinda Williams performs "Are You Alright?"
Tonight's "Great Moments in Presidental Speeches" clip is doctored to include Sue Hum using a lint brush on JFK's right arm; Duke University post-grad John Cornwell demonstrates his new invention, the beer-launching refrigerator; Jack Black shares an antedote about meeting Jack Nicholson; CBS chief foriegn correspondent Lara Logan discusses reporting from war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Will Ferrell, Kings of Leon, Rachel Smith
Kelly Ripa, Simon Pegg, and Jim Short are the scheduled guests.
Top Ten list presented by Sanjaya Malakar
Steve Martin dominates the show, as he interrupts Dave twice, gets a lapdance from a male stripper, plugs his new book, and performs "The Crow" with banjoists Tony Trischka and Bela Fleck. Also, David Cota and his parakeet AJ perform a few tricks for Dave.
Day 1 of "Impressionist Week 2" with Rob Magnotti. Kirsten Dunst and Dinosaur Jr. are the scheduled guests.
Day 5 of "Impressionist Week 2" with Reggie Reg. Ray Romano and Dennis Haysbert are the scheduled guests.
Dr. Phil McGraw and Jack Hanna are the scheduled guests.
Don Rickles, Michael Imperioli, and Wilco are the scheduled guests. Plus, a special Top Ten from Masi Oka!
Ricky Gervais, Mary Lynn Rajskub, and Mavis Staples are the scheduled guests. Plus, a Top Ten by Bob Barker!
Top Ten List presented by Homer Simpson
Matt Damon, Jeff Altman, and Angelique Kidjo are the scheduled guests.
1993
Tom Brokaw shows up to take back some NBC ""intellectual property;"" Dave shows off the renovated Ed Sullivan Theater and chats with Bill Murray.
2000
Dave shows that he has a bandaged finger, claiming that he got a poison gas sensor alarm at his house over the weekend. He later breaks down, admitting that he cut his finger making potato salad.
2004
Dave points out that CBS is airng stock footage of a guy wresting an ostrich to compete with NBC's Olympic coverage; director Chris Kentis promotes Open Water; ""Still Standing"" star Renee Olstead performs a scorching rendition of ""Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby.""
Dave's worst moment on last night's debut: his fake tooth fell out (the video is repeated several times in slow motion); a four-year-old geography expert and cheese lover names states on a U.S. map.
A very pregnant Demi Moore is given the honor of throwing the first pencil through the backdrop windows of the Late Show.
The ghost of Ed Sullivan (who haunts Dave throughout the first week) introduces a plate spinner; Andy Dick makes his first appearance as ""Donnie, the CBS Page Who Likes To Suck Up.""
Dave has fun with a car phone, calling in bogus traffic reports to 1010 WINS radio; Casey Kasem presents ""Top Ten Favorite Numbers Between 1 and 10;"" after showing a clip from an old ""Wonder Woman"" episode, Debra Winger strips to her old Wonder Girl outfit.
Dave continues pestering locals with the new hands-free car phone: WINS radio, a car wash, Dial-a-Mattress and Jackson Hole Restaurant, where he orders pancakes.
Dave takes a cab to help out at Yankee Stadium and later makes fun of Tony Randall; Lenny Kravitz performs ""Are You Gonna Go My Way.""
The Mars Observer crashes into the studio; Mike Ditka promotes ""NFL on NBC;"" John Hiatt performs ""Perfectly Good Guitar.""
Jerry Garcia sits in with the band; Dave makes several jokes at the expense of Yassir Arafat.
David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave does part of the show from his ""house"" in Connecticut.
Ed Sullivan's ghost introduces juggler ""Andy Head;"" Paul & the CBSO play Jerry Lewis out with the coda from Count Basie's ""April In Paris"" (a Lewis signature tune); Dave gives Jerry his take on ""Beavis and Butt-head,"" then Jerry runs around the set and gooses a cameraman; budding sports reporter Sparky Mortimer makes his first appearance; Rod Stewart performs.
Dave's high-rise buddy Meg Parsont (at a different building) makes her first and only appearance on CBS -- giving a description of her boyfriend Tony to a police sketch artist.
Johnny Cash sings ""Don't Take Your Guns to Town.""
Dave looks at new books for fall; Andy Dick returns as ""Donnie ... the CBS Page Who Likes to Suck Up.""
""Celebrities in the Audience"" makes its first appearance on the new show, as guests from previous shows are introduced in the crowd -- Glenn Close, Sylvester Stallone, Jerry Lewis, Jimmy Carter, Siskel & Ebert and Bob Borden.
Natalie Merchant - ""Because the Night""
Mary Tyler Moore treats Late Show viewers to a video clip of Dave from her 1978 variety show, ""Mary,"" in which she smashes a grapefruit in Dave's face. Also, Dave, Biff, Gaines, Anton and Laurie Diamond get their teeth cleaned.
""Meet the Neighbors,"" conclusion: The outside cam goes to K & L's Rock America to see Mujibur Rahman and Sirajul Islam, and Dave has them round up Bart Dadon, Fern Chapnick, Rupert Jee, Alexandra Mitsakis and Charlie Levy from the nearby stores and businesses.
Throughout the night, Calvert reports from the parade; as he does every year, Dave guesses what pies his mother made this Thanksgiving; Gabriel Byrne plugs ""Point of No Return.""
In ""Bad Phone Call,"" Dave calls the father of Michelle Polikas to tell him she's living with Bob Howard. Also, Dave takes two suckers away from Angel the camera man, and he gives them to Bob and Michelle.
Mandy Patinkin drops by (along with Tony Randall), and asks for rehearsal time. Before Dave gets a chance to say no, Mandy and the CBS Orchestra perform a fully-arranged ""Rockabye Your Baby.""
Dave buys Paul a fake Rolex off the street; Chris Elliott is on hand for the world premiere of his surrealist art film ""The Traveling Poet.""
Dave visits some handwriting analysts; Rush Limbaugh promotes his new book.
Dave comments on FOX taking away CBS' NFL coverage; strongman Dennis ""Mighty Mite"" Rogers lifts weights.
Chris Elliott performs the title song from ""Cabaret;"" legendary violinist Itzhak Perlman follows with a rendition of ""Danse Espagnole."" After Perlman's performance, Dave wants to go backstage and slap Chris.
The ghost of Ed Sullivan introduces trampoline star Tom Boleen; Troy Aikman throws footballs into cabs on Broadway, and later, from a trampoline.
George Carlin promotes his new sitcom; Calvert drops by as ""The Guy Who Thinks Dave's Name is Randy.""
Dave gets dragged by a cab; the cast of ""Cats"" runs into the Ed Sullivan Theater to take a bow.
Concrete Blonde – ""Mexican Moon""
Dave comments on the upcoming Winter Olympics in Norway; staff members Debbie Drimmer, Rick Scheckman and John Beckerman tell all about their vacations last week.
Peter Frampton sits in; Dave discusses Clinton's health care plan with a group of cab drivers; seven-year-old sheep handler Amanda Archiletta does an on-stage demonstration.
James - ""Laid""
Throughout the night, champion canines from the Westminster Dog Show walk across the stage; Dorothy does a little shopping in Lillehammer.
Dorothy interviews Tommy Moe; Phil Hartman promotes Greedy.
David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave surveys residents of Scotch Plains, NJ about the Olympics; Bebe Neuwirth promotes ""Damn Yankees"" and her anticipated guest appearance on ""Frasier.""
Dave proposes marriage on behalf of an audience member; UB40 performs ""Higher Ground.""
Two guys pretending to be Dave and Paul ice skate; Laurence Fishburne promotes Searching for Bobby Fischer.
Dorothy recaps her two weeks in Lillehammer; Michael J. Fox promotes Greedy.
Dave shows an anonymous gift (Jonathan Estrada, maybe?) of a block of cheese shaped like Oklahoma. Also, up-and-coming singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow performs ""Leaving Las Vegas.""
Ten cabbies present the Top Ten; Diane Sawyer sneaks in footage of Dave from his weatherman days; Chris Elliott shows a clip from his new movie ""Poolside Ecstasy.""
""New Pharmaceuticals"" include ""Hot 'n' Spicy Tylenol,"" ""L'eggs Metal Pipe Resistant Pantyhose,"" and ""Nipsey's Own Anti-Bacterial Ointment."" Regis interrupts the segment to tell Dave he's not even trying anymore. Also, during her annual Oscars special, Barbara Walters makes Dave cry.
New York native Gurnek Basanti drives his cab into the theater; Dave devours an entire tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Dave brags about the birth of his nephew; Buck Henry promotes his new book.
""Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Get into the Hard Rock Cafe?"" Apparently, he can do it with ease, but ""Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Get into the Russian Tea Room?"" Without hesitation, our hero gets a table for one.
Dave watches a live feed of himself watching the show at home while he's taping the show in the theater. Shots include toasting waffles, crying to Kenny Rogers music, milking a goat, and bothering Dan Rather. Also, Madonna drops by to plug her new album, spews profanities with aplomb, then refuses to leave.
A day after Madonna arouses/grosses out the American viewing public by, among other things, offering Dave her underwear, Charles Grodin comes on the show tonight to offer his. Later, musical guest Elvis Costello and the Attractions perform ""13 Steps Lead Down,"" and the nerd-rocker gives Dave his sock.
Dave can't seem to remove his shoe, and with no shoehorn available, he runs outside and asks a cab driver to run over his foot.
Paul Newman jumps out of the audience, claiming to take a powder when he learns that Madonna won't be on. Instead, he walks across Broadway to see Cats.
Shortly after a baseball-themed Top Ten, Dave goes on a brief rant about how overpaid the players are.
Tonight marks the Late Show debut of ""The Strong Guy, the Fat Guy, the Genius,"" which pits three men of said traits against each other in various undertakings. Of the three rounds of play, they each win one competition.
Mujibur and Sirajul make a visit to Mickey the barber, and they promptly receive free haircuts. Soon afterwards, Don Rickles goes in for a trim. Also, Liz Phair (in her first appearance on the show) performs ""Never Said.""
""Rejected FDA Items"" include Medicated Pringles, Tic-Tacs with Real Ticks and Tacks, Deodorant with Raisins, Milk with Adjustable Dates, and Madonna Soap; Lyle Lovett and Al Green perform ""Funny How Time Slips Away.""
During Mailbag, Dave discusses a certain much-publicized divorce with ""Roseanne Arnold"" (Gerard). Later, he chats with Boston Marathon winner Uta Pippig.
Dave names Jimmy Johnson as the new head coach of the show; Ellen DeGeneres promotes ""These Friends of Mine.""
Future Dave lead-in Tom Snyder promotes his new (and ultimately doomed) Larry King-style cable talk show.
Dave notices an empty seat in the third row, so he brings in a guy from outside to fill it.
Dave finds a stray blue card on his desk and returns it to Regis and Kathie Lee. Also, Gin Blossoms perform ""Hey Jealousy.""
Donny Osmond and Calvert star in the Late Show's version of the Menendez Brothers' life story.
Dave tries to wake up and gets soaked with Gatorade; Tony Randall helps Mandy Patinkin practice a musical number; Dave ""grills"" seven-year-old hole expert Daniel Lowe.
Dave harasses hotel doormen, and later he chats with NFL draft pick Dan Wilkinson.
The outside cam heads to Times Square, during which Dave invites passerby Amy Butler in to co-host. Later in the show, Dave and Amy reflect on the wonderful weather (he's really just flirting with her).
Dave gets a parking ticket; Robin Williams promotes ""Comic Relief VI.""
Throughout the night, we have an assortment of ""Happy Endings,"" providing a satisfying coda to unusual situations. Also, Dave shows a sample of the new ""Caning Strength Bufferin.""
Dave brings out 70 cases of Gatorade that were received after the stunt in Show #149. Later, he goes up to his office to watch the CBS Evening News.
Dave discusses politics with a bunch of cabbies; Chris Farley demonstrates his physically demanding comedy routine; Sharon Stone waltzes with one of the cabbies.
Dave takes his show to LA for the first time since 1985. Dave throws a pencil into a wading pool that's behind his desk, and a dog retrieves it. Dave then gets into the pool to give the pencil to the dog. Later, another pencil is retrieved from the pool by Billy Crystal; ""Mayor Richard Riordan"" (Calvert) presents the Top Ten; Ray Charles performs ""What'd I Say?""
L.A., Day 2: Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda is seen gulping down Slim-Fast; Dodgers pitchers Orel Hershiser, Roger McDowell, Tom Candiotti and Jim Gott hurl fastballs toward the camera.
LA, Day 3: Dave ends the show early, and then flies back to New York. Paul finds him working the cashier at K&L Rock America, so they bring Mujibur and Sirajul to CBS Television City. Also, Richard Simmons sabotages the Top Ten list because he thinks it's insulting.
L.A., Day 4: It's time for ""Los Angeles Souvenirs,"" including a Fabio Lawn Gnome, Record Industry Weasel Magazine, and a Honk-If-You've-Slept-with-Madonna bumper sticker. ""Madonna"" (Calvert) walks by to tell Dave he's/she's offended, and slaps him.
A very special guest presents the Top Ten (see recap); Bette Midler performs ""Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.""
Travis Tritt performs ""Foolish Pride,"" while Harvey Pekar actually censors himself, much to Dave's chagrin.
Dave finally has his photos from LA developed, and an audience guys helps him display the photos on the Times Square Jumbotron. Later in the show, all of tonight's guests (Slash, James Carville, and Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth) also have their photos taken for the Jumbotron.
It's time for more celebrities in the audience, including Michael J. Fox, Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Shaffer, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Bill Cobsy. Also, Carol Burnett promotes her made-for-TV movie Seasons of the Heart.
Dave quizzes the audience on last week's trip to LA.
Dave freshens up by walking outside the theater, towards a hot dog vendor, and washing his face in the dirty hot dog water. Also, Creepy Dave drops by annoy Dave again: ""What's up?""
Dave makes another bad phone call for an audience member; Rick Moranis promotes The Flintstones, and his interview is interrupted by co-star John Goodman; Tony cleans Dave's desk.
Dave is missing his opening ""billboard"" card with tonight's guests listed on them, so he leaves the theater, goes to the NBC Nightly News studio and gets it from a confused Tom Brokaw.
Dave finds a sports reporter from Indianapolis outside and invites him in; Dave launches ""Top Ten Plus,"" the quicker and more efficient Top Ten list; after Dave mocks a magazine with the headline ""Sweat with Fabio,"" the male model drops a sandbag on the desk, and Dave throws him out of the theater.
Jets take off at JFK Airport; Rosie O'Donnell promotes The Flintstones.
Dave helps Nancy Agostini find an apartment in the city; The Pretenders perform ""Night in My Veins.""
Dave escorts the Stand-by Audience (all 40 of 'em) to a restaurant a few blocks away from the Ed Sullivan Theater. He later invites sailors in the audience to visit FlashDancers across the street.
Dave hands out ""Warning Label"" props to the audience; another ""CBS Special Report"" finds Alan Richardson reporting on his socks.
Dave's coffee is cold, so he goes out and warms it himself with a taxi battery; George Miller comments on today's solar eclipse; Dave picks a dead fly off his sport coat.
An audience member plays a staged version of ""The Price is Right,"" and wins a can of flour. Also, Michael Buffer fills in for Billy Wendell, announcing tonight's guests (not to mention Paul and the flour guy) with his distinct baritone.
Mujibur and Sirajul begin their Coast-to-Coast Tour, leaving NYC on a private jet; Keanu Reeves promotes Speed; Dave interviews David Brenner about his new radio show, and oddly enough, Dave will be David's first guest on his radio show premiere the next day.
On their first leg of the Coast-to-Coast Tour, Mujibur and Sirajul report from Niagra Falls, saluting the US flag. Paul says the idea ""looked great on paper."" Also, Dave chats with Hakeem Olajuwon of the NBA Champion Houston Rockets.
Dave selects two audience members to receive tickets to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Marv Albert hands out the tickets and shows a hockey blooper.
Three members of the 1994 Stanley Cup Champion New York Rangers drop by, and later they let Morty take a picture of the Cup.
Jon Lovitz laments the demise of ""The Critic;"" Sandra Bullock promotes Speed.
Stone Temple Pilots – ""Vasoline""
After a technical error prevents it from being performed the previous night, Dave presents the rest of the ""NBA Finals Quiz."" Now feeling a little queasy due to all the stress of the past two nights, Dave points out that he has a body double that will stand in for him when the time comes for him to get medical attention. Also, Dan Rather sings ""Wreck of the Old 97.""
John Mellencamp – ""Wild Night""
On their latest stop, Mujibur and Sirajul get serenaded by Tom Jones in Las Vegas. Wondering who's been operating K&L Rock America while they've been gone, Dave finds Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert running the shop in their place.
Barbra Streisand walks on the set and gives Dave two tickets to her show at Radio City Music Hall. Dave gives them away to a woman in the audience.
""Coast to Coast with Mujibur and Sirajul"" -- tonight, they're fly-fishing in Madison Valley, Montana, with their teaching guide, Craig.
In a spoof of Home Shopping Network, Dave sells ""Dave and Paul Collection Plates,"" giving out the phone number of head writer Rob Burnett. Also, Dave invites Megan and Tim, a couple from Kansas City, in from the storm, gives them towels to dry off, and offers them seats by the spiral stairway, where they stay throughout the show.
Dave takes a cue card from Tony Mendez, re-reads a joke and then has the cue card passed around the audience. Later, Calvert DeForest dresses up as Barbra Streisand and performs ""The Way We Were,"" and guest Richard Simmons sings a patriotic medley.
Dave leaves the show after the monologue and heads upstairs to read Wresting Magazine with his face in a mud mask, and Paul retrieves him. Later, famed soccer commentator Andres Cantor repeats his most famous line to Dave: ""ggoooooooooaaaaaaallllll!""
The Runaway Camera is roaming the streets of New York City, getting squeegied, hit by a bike, down a manhole, running into Rupert Jee, and going into ""Cats"" and ""Flashdancers."" Later, in dueling clips, Dave shows embarassing clips of Tom Hanks from ""The Love Boat,"" ""Taxi,"" and ""Happy Days."" Tom retaliates with an embarassing clip of Dave from ""Mork and Mindy.""
Dave returns to outside the Today Show set and displays his sign: ""Happy 100th Birthday, Willard""; in honor of the 25th anniversary of the moon landing, we see Dave accomplishing the same feat; Midnight Oil performs ""Sometimes.""
Ricki Lake promotes her supporting role in the upcoming Cabin Boy; Gary Sinise plugs Forrest Gump.
""Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Say Hello on a N. Y. C. Pay Phone?"" The answer? Mais oui! Also, one of the all-time great Stupid Pet Tricks makes a triumphant return when Kevin Dechico and his dog ""Air Buddy"" shoot hoops onstage.
Cold opening: Kenny Rogers tells Dave when to hold ‘um and when to fold ‘um. Dave also stops the show midway through to just kick back in his chair and relax, then reflect on the show thus far.
Dave fills up a pothole outside the studio with joke cards; Jim Carrey's limo is towed away.
The pothole Dave filled up with blue joke cards the previous night is sealed by none other then Mayor Guiliani; the pothole is danced upon by several fabulous babes performing Rockette-style kicks; Gin Blossoms and Kiss perform ""Christine Sixteen.""
A severed head perks out of the pothole; a doctor stands in the backdrop in case Dave suddenly becomes sick during the show; Sirajul asks a group of fishermen in South Dakota what they think of hometown boy Tom Brokaw.
Dave comments on Tony's cue card work, then makes a bad phone call for an audience member with mother issues.
Dave attends the Whitewater Hearings; up-and-coming starlet Cameron Diaz promotes ""The Mask""; Dave finally chats with Stevie Nicks (whose manager Dave criticized several years before).
The show is interrupted all night long by (bogus) CBS News special reports by anchor Alan Richardson, who sings, is beaten up by a bus driver, pitches Mountain Dew and swears about the prime lending rate.
After Dave sings a horrible rendition of ""Oklahoma,"" Paul demands to hear a better version. Soon after, John and Bonnie Raitt come on stage to show Dave how it's done.
Dave and model Inna Mirovich toss back some vodka. Later, Howard Stern admits that he had to drop out of the New York governor's race because he refused to reveal his yearly income.
Dave looks at ""What's On Other Channels;"" the Smothers Brothers perform.
Rupert brings soup to tonight's guests; Dave reflects on the Michael Jackson-Lisa Marie Presley wedding.
Dave shows a supposed clip of the Bushes applauding Al Gore's acceptance speech. Later, several of Joe G's customers participate in a game called "Pizza Survivor."
The cast of the original "Survivor" are featured in a special Top Ten list. Later, Dave chats with Jack Hanna.
Dave asks "Survivor I" winner Richard Hatch about his "appearance" on the show last night.
Dave shows the "rabid dingo" bite clip again; Biff tests his psychic abilities with unlabeled canned goods; Donal Logue promotes "The Tao of Steve."
Dave's finger still hurts; Paul offers to pick up Anna Kournikova for her upcoming appearance; Alan makes a special offer to Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres (who just split up).
Dave fusses about the polar ice caps melting and The Weather Channel's inability to cover it. Later, Alan closes "Campaign 2000" by singing "Climb Every Mountain" and starting a fight.
On the 7th anniversary of the first episode on CBS, Dave points out that he has made exactly 3,280 episodes in late night, and that his favorite was #1150. Later, Biff goes to a summer camp in Honesdale, PA.
Dave quizzes a secretary from Hartford with "Know Your Employees of Don Hewlett Chevrolet-Oldsmobile-Buick in Georgetown, Texas."
During CBS Mailbag, Gerard explains why he's voting for Bush, and Dave marries Richard Hatch of "Survivor I" fame.
During a segment called "Summer Memories," Anton recalls being attacked by a giant mosquito. Later, Carson Daly plugs "TRL."
After reviewing stills of Dave's hand being stitched up, we're ready for the removal of the stitches, simulcast on www.cbs.com/lateshow. In the guest chair is Dr. Lou Arrone; he says Dave "almost cut off the tip of his finger." Dr. Robert Hodgkiss comes out and puts on goofy glasses. The Hi-Ho Babes bring out the medical equipment. Dave plays with special small magnifying camera by putting it in his mouth and down his pants. Finally, all 3 stitches come out. Shortly afterwards, Rupert brings in potato salad.
Alan interrupts Dave, claiming Monday was his 5th anniversary working on the show. He's mad because Dave forgot. He runs out into street, strips to his undies, and flips Dave off.
An audience member from Buffalo named Mel Chastain plays "Know Your Professional Bill Gates Lookalikes." Dave likes her so much that Biff hands her "Lion King" tickets.
CBS Mailbag: Dave teaches grade school, while "AP writer Adam Klymer" (the scribe Dubya referred to as a "Major League Asshole," as played by Gerard) gives the future president the finger. Later, Greg Kinnear promotes "Dinner with Friends."
Biff blows up a bicycle tube and a soccer ball with a tire pump; Sting and Cheb Mami sing "Desert Rose."
How Many Guys in Cat Suits Can Fit into a Coffee Shop? Walking in with no resistance are seven cats, a dog, Santa, a guy in a red cape, three monkeys, Moses, Dracula, Hercules, and a clown.
A "Banned from the Classroom" bit includes a jar of spit ball spit; Jack Daniels drink boxes; Professor George W. Bush's Build Your Own Electric Chair kit; the book Human Sexuality by the Gores; Elmer's Paste with Sprinkles; Dave Letterman anatomy chart; Crayola 64 pack cigarettes; and Hot Wheel Cars with (exploding) Firestone tires.
Warren Zevon fills in for Paul Shaffer, who was sick that night.
Nadine and Andrea rescue Calvert from under Dave's desk again. Later, Dave shows a "new" Hillary Clinton ad.
Dave goes on another lengthy tirade, correcting an article that appeared in yesterday's New York Times Magazine, calling Rush Limbaugh a "giant bag of gas," and then showing a photo of Jay Leno to demonstrate why his rival is "the goofiest-looking man in television."
Dave gives the results of Olympic events before they air on NBC. Belgium seems to have won all of them except one (Finland).
Dave comments on Monday's rant by stating that while he has never been a non-voting Republican (according to the Times Magazine), he once registered as a Democrat. Later, Denzel Washington promotes "Remember the Titans" and wishes his wife a happy birthday.
Dave begins the evening by announcing, "Tonight is my final performance." Meanwhile, Vince Gill sits in, and presidential candidate Ralph Nader makes a campaign stop.
Dave makes another Ball State Football Update, declaring last week's 74-0 trouncing by Kansas State as being closer than the score reveals. Later, Alan Kalter interrupts Dave to scoff at news of Barbra Streisand's last concert, takes some time alone, then sobs uncontrollably.
A segment called "What's On TV This Week" is interrupted by two guys who burst into the theater fighting. Later, Tom Cavanaugh promotes his new show, "Ed."
"Late Show Iron Chef" -- Joe G. vs. Rupert Jee, Round 2: Rupert makes an omelet with Cajun spices, while Joe G makes a ham calzone; Maria Pope declares Joe G the winner.
Paul's sick tonight, so Anton's in charge and Cliff Carter sits in on keyboards. Dave calls "Paul" (who has a nasty upper respiratory thing), with Barry White providing the ailing bandleader's voice. Later, the annual "New for Fall" segment introduces "Biff Henderson's All-Star Impressions of Sleeping Celebrities" and drinking fountains filled with hot cocoa.
Biff plays "Super Unlabeled Canned Goods of the Night" (now with institutional-sized cans). Biff tastes chili, but Warren thinks it was chili the last time he sat in. He's wrong: it was ravioli on Sept. 15. Oh yeah, and Paul's still sick.
Since Paul's still sick, a guy comes out to show what Paul would have worn tonight; Eddie Brill fills in for Alan; Al Rent of Ball State comes out to give Dave the game ball from their big win that weekend; Ben Stiller has a dream where he walks onstage naked.
Dave welcomes Rulon Gardner, who won the gold medal in wrestling at the Sydney Olmypics. Later, Warren Zevon promotes his new album.
Barry White impersonates Paul via telephone yet again; after the latest edition of "Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts," Alan plugs "PK: The Pat and Kenny Magazine"; Jim Gaffigan promotes "Welcome to New York."
Calvert grabs a Kleenex® from Dave's desk during the jokes; Warren Zevon is still sitting in for Paul, who has developed pneumonia; a segment called "What Does It Cost?" reveals that Dave Dorsett takes his pay in adult videos.
Like he has on previous nights, Calvert walks through during the monologue. Tonight, he goes to Dave's desk, picks up the phone and dials, says "Get me the police!," hangs up and walks out. Later, Spike Lee plugs "Bamboozled."
During tonight's "Alan Kalter's Campaign Round-Up," the announcer sings an impromptu rendition of "Who Let the Dogs Out"; George Clarke attempts to lose weight by fasting through the rest of the show, only to end up treating himself to a hoagie after the first interview; Dave bullies Warren and Anton into writing and performing an original composition on the spot.
Paul's back and finished with his lengthy bout with pneumonia; throughout the week Dave introduces vegetables that didn't win a prize at the fair, and tonight it's farmer Bob Fowler and his regular-sized squash; Miss America 2001 (Miss Hawaii) demonstrates one version of a hula.
Nadine Hennelly and Andrea Sande come out (a day late) with roses for Paul to celebrate his return. Dave announces that he's not feeling too well, so Nadine and Andrea come back to cheer him up.
Dave lists some rejected Ball State mascot names from long ago, and learns that their previous nickname was the "Hoosieroons." So, Dave announces that Ball State may name its football stadium for him provided they change the mascot back from Cardinals to Hoosieroons. Also, Dave shows Joaquin Phoenix what a silver dollar looks like.
After months of fruitless attempts, Dave finally lands Republican presidential candidate George Walker Bush as a guest on the show. During the interview, Dave grills Dubya about current events and the future president can't seem to give him a straight answer.
Dave show clip of Gov George bush from yesterdays show where bush cleans his glasses with sweater of lady standing next to him during break (producer Maria Pope)
During the annual "Halloween Costumes" segment, Calvert claims a dead fish as his treat and Dave's car the morning after All Hallow's Eve; George Clarke gorges himself on candy in the basement; Dave shows a clip of Kenny Sheehan's guest role as the metal shop teacher on the October 29 episode of "Ed"; after being mocked on last night's Tonight Show, Dave does a crude Jay Leno impression.
Calvert stands right smack in front of Dave at his desk and has to be shooed away; Biff, with a little help from Benny Agbayani, does an experiment on juiced baseballs on the roof; Alec Baldwin sticks gum on Maria's jacket during a commercial break.
Dave calls Biff out to answer the question of an audience member: "Does he sleep with his headset on?" Of course he does. Later, Dave makes fun of a James Brolin made-for-TV movie from last night.
Madonna makes her first guest appearance in over six years.
Dave reports that before the show he was trying to trim his hair above his ears and accidentally buzzed himself in the lobe; the winners of the NYC Marathon run through, followed shortly by Calvert; Moby and Gwen Stefani sing "South Side."
It's the day after the infamous presidential election, so Calvert walks onstage and asks Dave, "How'd Nixon do?" Later, Dave shows (bogus) CBS election coverage with the headline "Nader Wins."
Calvert comes by for a smoke, then sings "Who Let the Dogs Out?" with Alan; Cokie Roberts offers her predictions on the election recount, as does Patricia Arquette.
Calvert interrupts the jokes, asking for a sandwich; during "CBS Mailbag," Dave makes a quick trip to Europe to visit his three Dutch fans, then accidentally decapitates Paul; Lucy Liu demonstrates a hair flip.
During the monologue, Dave does a "Classic Clinton Joke": "He's so fat he can't see who he's having sex with." Also, Biff reports from the election mess in Palm Beach County, Florida.
Calvert comes out to tear up the cue card for the Classic Clinton Joke; Dave tells another dentist-related horror story; Alan congratulates Hillary Clinton on behalf of her winning a seat in the U.S. Senate, then makes a very lewd offer.
Calvert serves Dave some coffee; Mike Myers shows a clip from a movie he made when he was 13.
Calvert comes out to clean his glasses on Dave's jacket; Michael McDonald (of Steely Dan and Doobie Brothers fame) sits in; the show closes with the CBS Orchestra playing the theme from Dave's 1980 morning show, which was written by McDonald.
Anton tells about his troubles with a kid on Halloween; Dave's interview with Val Kilmer goes horribly awry.
After having one flag put on the set last night, Dave now has two flags behind his desk so he can "look more presidential." Later, Dave gives Susan Sarandon a silver gravy serving bowl.
Calvert comes out dressed like Dave and inspects a ballot; Dave demonstrates his improved facial maneuverability, and then thanks his dentist; the Brazilian Olympic bobsled team practices outside Joe G's.
Calvert comes out to comb his hair, and leaves the stage to a standing ovation. Also, Richard Simmons comes out in an orange and yellow turkey outfit, prompting Dave to defend himself with a fire extinguisher.
Dave apologizes for last night's show. Later, he shows highlights from the staff Thanksgiving Party, during which Dave dresses as a pilgrim and Paul gets thrown out for being Canadian.
Calvert applies Chap Stick to his face; Dave finally gives an explanation for his behavior two nights ago (something involving how he won't let anybody touch his neck); during "CBS Mailbag," Dave and Paul rush to the aid of a reluctant virgin in Massachusetts; David Gray sings "Babylon."
Calvert comes out with a remote control to zap Dave; a tiger cub belonging to Jack Hanna develops a strange fondness for Dave.
Rather than do something, Calvert walks onstage, stands next to Dave for ten seconds, then walks away; Dave now has twelve flags behind his desk; Dave and Martha Stewart make Beef Wellington; live via satellite from Dallas, Al Cordova is stuffed into a giant duffel bag.
Calvert cleans the cameras; Dave refers to Paul as "President-elect Paul W. Shaffer;" Dave mentions that magician David Blaine is frozen alive in a block of ice at Times Square...cut live to the boiler room, where George Clarke dumps a bucket of ice into his britches.
Calvert walks onstage drinking a quart of egg nog straight out of the carton; to promote Dave's upcoming appearance in Bosnia, Biff visits a troop stationed there. In honor of his appearance, Biff shows off a commemorative coin that they gave to him.
Calvert drinks more egg nog; Charles Grodin; 2000 NASCAR Winston Cup champion Bobby Labonte; Dave shows outtake footage of last night's "Biff in Bosnia."
Dave shows a picture of President-elect Bush wearing a funny cowboy hat; in case there are any updates on tonight's decision, live via satellite, three guys stand around in Austin, Tallahassee and the U.S. Supreme Court building.
Dave shows a clip of MSNBC's Bob Kur mumbling during his report of last night's Supreme Court decision; an audience member tries to sneak out of "Know Your Current Events."
Paul walks over to adjust Dave's shirt; Calvert drinks more egg nog; during Mailbag, we watch "Dave's Trip to Norway," in which he ends up in Finland by mistake; Gerard thanks the country for electing George W. Bush because "(he's) one lazy-ass writer," then brings out all the actors who played his son Kevin.
Dave shows a clip of President-elect Bush and Colin Powell hugging rather awkwardly; Rupert, Mujibur, Sirajul, and Joe G. decorate the Late Show Christmas Tree; in honor of the aforementioned clip, Dave and Sean Connery attempt to hug as well.
It's "Bosnia Night" on the Late Show: Dave wears night-vision goggles during the monologue; the audience consists entirely of members of the Armed Forces; the Hi-Ho girls deliver t-shirts to the troops; Tom Hanks arrives via parachute; Darlene Love performs "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)."
In honor of his 35 years with CBS, Dave gives cameraman Dave Dorsett a fake Christmas gift; Dave announces that staff morale at the Late Show has never been lower, so Paul suggests the services of Montel Williams as a motivational speaker; in honor of the film Castaway, George Clarke is locked into the theater's boiler room and quickly becomes disheveled and deranged.
Calvert sprays snow from a can on a camera lens. Dave squeegees it, but he gets the foam all over his suit. Also, comedian John Witherspoon does impressions of Nat King Cole and Johnny Mathis.
Calvert is dressed as Santa; during Mailbag, Alan prepares for a role in a porno movie by sitting in a bathtub filled with egg nog; Brian Regan comments on the joys of air travel.
Calvert comes out with his shiny new scooter; Dave asks Steph/Monty to tape "Jackass" for him; Paul discusses Hanukkah, then admits that he's in a drunken stupor; Dave claims that he's cold, so one of his assistants walks onstage to give him gloves to wear.
Dave tells 10 "It's so cold..." jokes; Dave, Rupert and others bid a fond farewell to Joe G. Pizza, which is moving to W. 56th Street next month; Dave mentions a "Cue Cards Awards Dinner" that is being held in a secret location tomorrow night.
Dave has a special new year's message for the kids (not to mention his biker buddies): "Ride straight." Also, Dave tells six more "It's so cold…" jokes during the monologue, and "Commissioner" Bill DeLace give New Year's safety tips.
Dave mentions that Ed won a People's Choice Award for Best New Series. He says he's never won one "because the people don't like me." Alan Kalter brags about winning a similar award for "Alan Kalter's Campaign Round-Up," then taunts Dave by ripping his shirt off.
An old man resembling Calvert walks onstage after the monologue; 60's pop singer Jackie DeShannon sits in and croons some of her biggest hits; Dave shows (bogus) footage of President Clinton moving his belongings to FlashDancers; Alan Kalter makes several lewd comments about Secretary of Labor nominee Linda Chavez.
The old guy/Calvert surrogate from last night stares blankly at the camera; Dave asks Steph/Monty for dental tools; another "Day in the Life of Hillary Clinton" skit is abandoned, this time by Kenny Sheehan's indecent commentary.
Throughout the night, Giants placekicker Brad Deluiso kicks field goals. Also, Kim Cattrall claims Garry Shandling tried to set her up with Dave years ago, but Dave denies it.
Mailbag: Pat Farmer wears a skirt, while a hot dog vender (Michael Z. McIntee) sells Dave a hot dog with "I love you" spelled in mustard.
Dave shows a photo of a cake Dorothy made to commemorate the one-year anniversary of his quintuple-bypass; Dave asks Steph/Monty for some Miller® Lite inflatable chairs; after Barry White cancels at the last minute, Nancy Agostini shows highlights from yesterday's Giants-Vikings playoff game.
Dave starts off the show by discussing the launch of Oprah's new magazine, and then he shows a copy of Martha Stewart's rag, claiming that for a time Martha was penniless and living in hollow tree. Then he points out that now Rosie O'Donnell has a magazine. Exasperated, Dave says he's getting his own magazine "chock full of tips on how to live your life just like me!" and shows bogus Dave and Oprah magazines.
Dave complains that his chair is not as comfortable as he would like it to be, then hypothesizes that it's the lumbar adjustment that's causing the problems; during the latest "Last Time" segment, Alan pleads with Dave to retain the Top Ten list; Pat and Kenny create some awkward sexual tension.
Dave admits that he's addicted to carbohydrates; NYC Chief of Police Bill DeLace gives snow survival tips; Dave shows two clips of George W. Bush pronouncing big words.
On the eve of President Bush's inauguration, Dave tells one last "Classic Clinton Joke" from 1998. Also, during Mailbag, the staff falls victim to a gas leak, while a question about Alan's hair is answered by the announcer turning bright red and running around like a loony.
Dave comments on yesterday's Giants-Ravens Super Bowl, then shows footage of MVP Ray Lewis with confetti stuck on his face. Also, Maria Pope introduces Dave to prison guard Debb Eaton, the first contestant eliminated from Survivor: Outback.
Throughout the night, various celebrities (such as Regis and Dave) endorse a "Hacking Cough of the Night." Also, Biff introduces his report from Super Bowl XXXV in Tampa, where he interrogates N'Sync and Steven Tyler of Aerosmith.
Dave demands that Johnny Knoxville from "Jackass" appear on the show; Dave shows a clip of President Bush slapping the first lady in the butt in public; Jeff Probst and a guy pretending to be Leslie Moonves promote Survivor: Outback.
Dave casually mentions that today is the nineteenth anniversary of his first foray into late night, and Nancy Agostini and Mike McIntee walk out and give Paul flowers. Later, Dave chats with Tony Siragusa of the Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens.
During Mailbag, Harold Larkin goes to Jupiter, then looses his pants due to their extreme gravity; Alan Kalter discusses Good Morning America's plan to show a live childbirth on Tuesday, then offers his services for a live conception; Jack Black promotes Saving Silverman.
Dave's desk has been repainted a gaudy light blue; Dave rants about last Saturday's debut of the XFL, demanding that the players huck folding chairs at each other; "non-surviving Survivor" Kel Gleason denies that he brought a secret food stash to the Australian Outback.
Dave mentions that the front of his desk was painted blue the previous weekend, and now we know why: it's a makeshift screen for projecting various pieces of videotape. Amongst the clips: a monkey washing a cat, a kaliedoscope, footage of the sinking of the Titanic, and a clip from Jennifer Lopez's new film The Wedding Planner.
In conjunction with a certain upstart football league, Dave announces that the show will change its name to "XLS- the Extreme Late Show," effective immediately. Also, Dave makes a long distance call to Melbourne, Australia just so he can hear somebody say "G'day."
Biff reports from Bloomfield, Connecticut; an audience member plays Chopin on Paul's piano; history repeats itself as Dave announces that New York State Police Trooper William McClellan got him last night for going 80 in a 55 zone.
For the last month or so, a little old man walks onstage during the monologue, stands next to Dave, and walks away. Tonight, there's a twist: the old guy walks out, and followed soon after by an annoyed-looking Calvert. Both walk off stage without incident. Also, during Mailbag, "Police Chief" Bill DeLace gives dating tips, while "Bill Clinton" (Gerard) steals one of the guest chairs.
Dave engages in a lengthy discussion about stomach flu, then calls Art Kelly upstairs to inquire about staff members with the virus. Shortly afterwards, Art hands the phone to Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt, and Dave asks her if controversial Clinton pal Denise Rich has answered his calls.
It's milestone in the long and celebrated history of "Stupid Pet Tricks" as Regis the duck eats cottage cheese out of owner Rebecca Kraft's mouth. The sight of the stunt is so repulsive that Dave shows the clip repeatedly for several weeks to come.
Dave shows a Valentine's Day bouquet he claims came from Jackass star Johnny Knoxville; Dave comments on last night's grotesque Stupid Pet Trick, then shows the clip of the "rabid dingo" biting him in June 2000; Dave offers an office and a plump, young intern to President Clinton.
Dave announces that last night's show has been pardoned by ex-President Clinton; daredevil Steve Direnzo jumps off the roof of the theater, then comes in to take a bow; "Biff Henderson's America" takes a pit stop in Franklin, Idaho.
A segment called "Dave's Henchmen Force a Price Waterhouse Executive to Reveal the Best-Picture Winner" pretty much explains itself; during Mailbag, a spoof of the upcoming film "Hannibal" reveals that Paul's brain is made out of guacamole; "George Clarke's Celebrity Interview" finds our hero shirtless, much to the annoyance of guest Kelsey Grammer.
Dave goes on one of his all-time greatest rants, this time protesting the inhumane conditions on Survivor: Outback, then chastises Tony for supposedly picking his nose with a cue-card. Also, the latest eliminated contestant on the aforementioned reality show, seven-foot-tall musician Mitchell Olsen, suddenly starts singing "I Will Survive."
Alan Kalter interrupts Dave with a few seductive words for Jennifer Lopez on the occasion of her break-up with Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs. Shortly afterwards, he starts singing some sort of ballad, when suddenly "Big Red" is shot several times. Dave, looking rather deadpan through all of this, recommends Bacitracin® ointment for Alan's multiple gunshot wounds.
Throughout the night, Don Hewitt (aka the Man on Fire) is body-checked by several New York Rangers; during Mailbag, an audience woman names her dog in honor of Dave ("Come along, ***hole"); Nelly Furtado performs "I'm Like A Bird."
George Clarke interrogates celebrites at last night's Grammys; ten grade-schoolers from Bowie, Maryland present the Top Ten; live via telephone, Dr. Henry Kissinger says the name of an audience member; Shaggy performs "It Wasn't Me."
Sam Moore (of Sam & Dave) and Billy Preston sit in; Kansas State University high jumper Nathen Leeper can't demonstrate his talents on 53rd Street because of a snowstorm; during Mailbag, Alan smears macaroni & cheese into his hair, while "police chief" Bill DeLace threatens the audience; Nathan throws a dummy over the high jump bar.
Dave shows off his brand new desk, then complains that he has nothing worth asking to "Survivor: Outback" loser Kimmi Kappenberg; Les Moonves and "Fidel Castro" (Tony) go out for lunch.
Dave shows the woman/duck and "rabid dingo" clips yet again; Dave discusses the new theory that a meteorite may prove life on Mars, prompting Alan Kalter to go berserk with conspiracy theories; Emmylou Harris, Gillian Welch, Alison Krauss and Dan Timinski and the Soggy Bottom Boys perform a medley of songs from the film O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Dave announces that after a recent awkward experience, he will no longer attend network meetings of any kind; Les Moonves and Fidel/Inky continue eating lunch; Dave shows footage of President Bush correctly pronouncing "contingencies."
Dave sheds more light on his rant from the previous night, asking Paul if an network exec has ever said to him, "Do you have a problem with me?" Also, Martin Short performs a musical number about the recent one-year anniversary of Dave's return to television, complete with dancing nurses.
Mailbag: "My son Tommy turns five on Saturday. Will you come to his party?" Dave says he'd love to, then drives over to the kid's house. The magic of a celebrity guest appearance is hampered, however, when Tommy admits that he wanted Leno instead.
Dave introduces himself as "David Letterman… TV badass"; Dave discusses the handling of the non-surviving Survivor: Outback contestants, then wonders if they'll put him on probation for his conduct; Jill Scott sings "Love Rain."
Throughout the night, Pat Farmer shoots hoops on the roof.
Dave says he's finished sending lemon trees to guests he may have irritated, then makes his NCAA Tournament picks. Also, throughout the night, Pat Farmer shoots hoops on the roof.
The suit that Paul's wearing tonight reminds Dave of Colonel Harland Sanders; the band plays songs by The Mamas and the Papas, in honor of the recently deceased John Philips; Dave rants about Tivo; after Dave mentions that the Survivor runners-up receive gifts when they appear on Rosie O'Donnell's talk show, latest loser Alicia Callaway brags about her new recliner and flat screen TV.
Johnny Johnson and James Burton sit in with the band; Dave shows footage of MIR returning to earth, only to decimate the camp where [i]Survivor: Outback[/i] was filmed; Alan rants about why The Bay City Rollers are not in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame, then suddenly starts singing "Saturday Night."
Dave introduces the bandleader as "Paul W. Shaffer"; the "spring flying rat migration" is observed outside; Bill DeLace does a hidden-camera Top Ten inside a beauty salon.
A segment called "What We Love about Spring in New York" finds George Clarke in his favorite sundress and Harold Larkin beating the crap out of a pay phone. Also, Dave refuses to read #1 on tonight's Top Ten because he disagrees with the joke ("Gladiator sucks!").
Dave announces he's feuding with AOL, claiming that they're "a rinky dink little deal" and that the "bastard geeks" are monitoring his email; the Top Ten is aborted; Nathan Lane performs a number from the hot Broadway show The Producers.
A really tall guy (approximately 6' 8") sits in with the band; Biff goes to Chappaqua, New York to gather gossip on the Clintons; Train performs "Drops of Jupiter."
Paul's weekend plans are somehow incorporated into "Know Your Current Events," while Dave finally meets his hero du jour, Johnny Knoxville of Jackass.
At the end of the monologue, Dave does his suit-modeling shtick; during Mailbag, Dave gets included in this year's Academy Award "In Memoriam" reel; Dave decides that from now on he'll do one thing each evening to annoy CBS, and for starters, he yawns repeatedly.
Dave and Paul announce that on Friday a 40-piece orchestra will be sitting in onstage later in the week; Dave rants about AOL again; Warren Zevon performs "I Was in the House When the House Burned Down."
Dave claims he's been sending tons of obscene e-mail to AOL and that is ready to sue them for monitoring everyone's messages; Biff makes his annual visit to Yankees Spring Training; after Dave brings up David Copperfield's latest stunt "The Tornado of Fire," we go to the boiler room for George Clarke's "The Tornado of Soup," in which several buckets full of soup are thrown at him.
The "Late Show All-Star Security Camera" finds 70's sitcom star Gabe Kaplan trying to sneak inside the theater; Dave and Gaines argue over a Top Ten list that may be too offensive to air on TV, but Dave reads it anyway; Alan rants about the upcoming final episode of Xena: Warrior Princess, and to no one's surprise, falls to the ground and sobs in the fetal position.
Dave tells a lengthy "driving home on 684" story, and later he chats with a pair of fraturnal twins that recently interviewed former President Clinton.
After four days in the making, it's "Orchestra Night" at the Late Show, with fifty combined strings, brass, and woodwind players taking up nearly the entire stage; during Mailbag, Paul and Dave settle a small claims dispute on the new daytime law program "Tony Mendez: Angry Cuban Judge"; Carson Daly is introduced to the tune of Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir"; Dave gets a free harp lesson.
Dave fumes over the reworked DVD edition of Lawrence of Arabia, and Jerry Foley letterboxes Dave and turns him blue to show the home viewers what Daddy saw on the disc. Later, he chats with Coach Mike Krzyzewski of NCAA men's hoops champ Duke University.
Dave returns to last night's rant about his faulty Lawrence of Arabia DVD, and announces that the producers sent him a new copy today, and that it did the same thing, thus leading Dave to the conclusion that his Pioneer DVD player was the problem all along. Later in the show, he flips through a catalog to pick a new player.
Dave celebrates birthday #54 by repeatedly showing a Gap ad featuring a very comely woman dancing/walking; we are treated to a clip show of some of the various moments of the last year, including the "dingo" bite and the cottage cheese-loving duck; Maria mentions that Pioneer was willing to give Dave a new DVD player on-air, but Dave politely screamed "No!"; the Hi-Ho girls bring out a giant cake, and Biff delivers slices to the audience.
CBS Mailbag: "Who does your taxes?" Dave points out that someone named Jimmy does his taxes, and via flashback, we learn Jimmy is actually a dog. At the end of the segment, Jimmy walks onstage to a standing ovation. Also, Dave claims Paul and Felicia were married in Brussels, Belgium over the weekend, and ten accountants (including Fred Nigro) present the Top Ten.
Dave looks back at all the interviews he's done with booted Survivor contestants, then gives his usual cold-shoulder approach to 5th place finisher Rodger Bingham.
Dave announces the woman from the Gap commercials is going to be on the show later this month, and then grumbles that he's given the Gap® several free runs of the commercial and he hasn't gotten any freebies from them. In a last ditch effort, Dave orders Jerry to run the commercial two more times, and near the end of the show he skims through their latest catalog.
Dave reports CBS sales figures the Late Show has run about $750,000 worth of free Gap® commercials so far, and for the first fifteen minutes of the show Tony accounts the free items Dave may or may not be receiving (a $640 value). In honor of having "Gap Girl" Melissa Bernheim on the show tomorrow night, George Clarke does his own version of the scintillating commercial.
Throughout the night, "Gap Girl" Melissa Bernheim dances onstage; Dave mentions his victory at last night's American Comedy Awards; Dave says CBS will air this year's semi-controversial Miss Universe on May 11, so "Miss France, Elodie Gossuin" (Gerard) attempts to put at rest the idea that Miss France is male, with little conviction.
Melissa Bernheim dances onstage again; during Mailbag, Dave's middle initial is added to the theatre marquee, but if falls off and kills a guy; John Goodman does his own version of dance, and then gives Dave a jar of cocktail okra.
Dave comments on Survivor contestant Elizabeth Filarski's hair loss and how the producers of the show did not come to her aid; Dave (repeatedly) shows a clip from last night's live performance of On Golden Pond, during which he rants about censorship after the clip shows a boy saying "bulls***ting'" rather than stand by Maria's desk, Dave invites Elizabeth to sit down; Kirsten Dunst celebrates her 19th birthday.
Dave says the ladies on staff at the Empire State Building gave him a private viewing at the Hayden Planetarium. Also, Dave shows a (fake) clip of The Weakest Link where "Anne Robinson" (Kathleen Ankers) goes on a profanity-laced tirade.
Dave tells multiple "It was so hot today…" jokes; the outside cam catches a doctor at a sidewalk booth doing laser eye surgery with a magnifying glass; Dave plays the background music from "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" during his latest chat with Regis.
Dave announces he's the real Survivor; all sixteen of the show's most recent contestants present the Top Ten; Stevie Nicks performs "Candlebright."
Shuggie Otis sits in on guitar, and later the band performs his one and only hit, "Strawberry Letter 23." Also, during Mailbag, Gerard and his fake son Timmy comment on the pending writer's strike.
Dave mentions the Kentucky Derby, then whines about not getting to hear Dave Johnson saying "…and down the stretch they come!" Luckily, the other Dave does it for Daddy by phone. Later, Dave (the host) chats with Survivor: Outback champion Tina Wesson.
In her first appearance on the show, intuitive Deborah Lynn attempts to get George Clooney's phone number. She gives Dave a random number, but it's invalid. After the first commercial break, Dave asks her to find Pamela Anderson's number, but he ends up chatting with the owner of a trucking company in Idaho.
Dave rants about last night's Country Music Awards, claiming it's not "real country" anymore; Harold Larkin addresses an important labor issue until the whistle blows and he has to go back to work; Jenna Elfman tells a funny (albeit lengthy) story about donating bone marrow.
Mailbag: "I'm going to see a movie this weekend. Which one should I see?" Dave introduces a segment called "Kenny Sheehan's Movie Review," during which the stagehand watches a movie, and then hates it so much he destroys the projector. Also, Dave wishes his mom (live via satellite) a Happy Mother's Day, so a stand-in for Dave gives Dorothy a hug, and later they chug a few Heinekens.
Dave calls Art Kelly (the theater receptionist) about a possibly offensive joke from last Fridays' monologue involving Miss Columbia and having smuggling heroin as her talent. Dave apologizes (sort of) to a Columbian consulate, then goes on with the rest of show. Also, "Biff Henderson's America" takes a look at the hamlet of Whiting, Maine.
Returning to last night's controversy, Dave announces Miss Columbia 2001 will be a guest on Thursday's show, then profusely apologizes for the heroin-smuggling remark; Dave shows an ad for CNN's season-ending cliffhanger; R.E.M. performs "All the Way to Reno (You're Going To Be a Star").
Dave tells a string of "It's so dry…" jokes during the monologue; David Byrne performs "Like Humans Do."
A technical issue near Paul's keyboards is repaired in the middle of the first act; Dave mentions that a cover of The Weathergirls' "It's Raining Men" (written by Paul in 1983) is the #1 hit in the UK for the second week in a row; Dave apologizes in person to Miss Columbia Andrea Noceli, then almost forgets to give her flowers.
Mailbag: harp player Gloria Agostini plays live accompaniment for the chin-rubbing flashbacks, Anton feeds his goldfish chips and salsa, and Tony ruins the season finale of The Sopranos by dropping the bombshell en espanol.
Buddy Guy sits in on guitar; Dave congratulates Regis on his much-deserved Daytime Emmy win; Steph/Monty tells an amusing story about her incontinent Doberman; Alan Kalter has a special message for the five wives of a recently convicted polygamist in Colorado City, Utah.
Dave shows the audience his favorite (bogus) moment from last night's show: astronaut/billionaire Dennis Tito vaporizing Dave's head with his laser eyes. Also, Ellen Degeneres promotes an upcoming cable special, while a Stupid Human Trick is performed twice.
Ray Benson sits in; "NYPD Chief of Police" William DeLace gives tips to college grads; baseball great Lawrence "Yogi" Berra promotes his autobiography.
Dave celebrates Bob Dylan's 60th birthday with concert footage of a very old man struggling to play the guitar; Tony Orlando interrupts Dave to sing an original number about Memorial Day; Badly Drawn Boy (aka Damon Gough) performs "Once Around the Block."
Mailbag: "Have you ever seen the Monkey Man?" Dave introduces the Monkey Man, who as any keen-eyed viewer can attest, is actually Gerard Mulligan in disguise. Monkey Man shows us a clip what is supposed to be his footage of him wrecking havoc, but instead it's him superimposed on Shecky's "monkey washing the cat" stock footage. Afterward, Dave observes, "That's it. That's the lowest we've sunk... ever."
Dave presents the new studio floor, which is now dark blue after several years of being crimson red; Dave admits he's having problems with his computer; Biff mentions that he's lost twenty pounds in the last month, then introduces yet another "Fun with a Bullhorn" segment.
Paul accidentally interrupts the monologue by getting attacked by a bee during the monologue, and Dave gives him grief for the remainder of the show.
It's time for a segment called "For the Kids." George Clarke hogs the attention of an ice cream vendor, a Toys r Us employee takes a bow, Tony attempts to teach basic phrases in Spanish before going on another one of his rants, and Alan gives birth.
Dave drones on and on about a buzzkill staffer who declined Dave's offer of a free apple; in honor of this unknown staffer, Paul reprises his hit song "Lumpy Colon"; Dave repeats Rupert's very first "bothering people" bit from 1994.
During Mailbag, Dave is repelled by President Bush's daughter "Debbie" (Gerard); ten CBS affiliate weathermen present the Top Ten; Andy Dick promotes Go Fish.
Dave criticizes the Los Angeles Lakers' "pixie" jerseys; Dave shows news footage of a bear in somebody's swimming pool, and then claims it's his backyard; Paul introduces some dweeb bouncing on a giant red beach ball.
Paul wins the latest round of "Late Show Pay Phone Trifecta"; Dave chats with Steph/Monty via telephone to discuss a blind date that never happened; the "Top Ten Other Television Shows Produced by Saddam Hussein" is sponsored by Altoids.
Dave helps Paul with some computer problems; in honor of the coming demise of Bozo the Clown, Dave shows (bogus) footage of the kiddie show star; Tony Mendez tries to help NYC's reputation by going out and giving a tourist some help, only to end up shoplifting a VCR at a electronics store.
Dave continues to discuss the retirement of Bozo the Clown, but his remarks about big, red, ugly hair results in an inevitable hissy fit from Alan. Also, Dave honors the passing of Leonard Tepper with old clips of "Leonard Tepper's Hidden Video" and Dave directing him and Rupert on how to annoy people.
Mailbag: "Can I host the show for a few minutes?" Sure enough, viewer Jason Lynch is hosting the show, while Dave sits in the green room watching Leno. Also, Paul admits that he just can't get the hang of one of Dave's favorite phrases: "…and down the stretch they come!"
After Paul admits that he doesn't recall what he looks like, Dave calls receptionist Art Kelly to ask if he's ever been formally introduced to the bandleader. Art doesn't give Dave a straight answer.
Team Rahal racer Kenny Brack inexpicably sits in on guitar, while David Sedaris reads a selection from his new book.
A remarkably slim and trim Biff introduces footage of him hanging out at the Grand Prix in Detroit. Also, Dave and Paul (of all people) talk about hair care, which proceeds into a new segment called "Hairpiece- Not a Hairpiece."
Paul sits in the guest chair for five minutes so he can promote Cover Wars, a new game show he's hosting on VH1. Also, Alan announces that Epil stop n' spray is the new official sponsor of the Top Ten list, then shows video footage of it's hair "restoration" abilities.
Mailbag: "What would you do if the world was coming to an end?" Dave admits he doesn't know much about this topic, so he introduces astrophysicist "Dr. Saul Perlmütter" (Gerard), who announces that the world will end somewhat earlier than was previously thought; around Labor Day 2001, an eerie prediction.
Dave has another rant about his computer problems, claiming that Late Show techno-guru Walter Kim keeps coming to his house on weekends to try to help, but he steers clear of insulting IBM because of an advertising agreement with CBS. Also, Dave brags out Max Papis' (of Team Rahal) victory in last weekend's Portland 200.
Dave continues to steam over his technological issues; Catherine Zeta-Jones calls Dave "Jay" and profusely apologizes; Depeche Mode performs "I Feel Loved."
Dave's computer problems only get worse, as he couldn't name a certain part he needed, causing IBM to send him the wrong part. Also, Dave chats with prep athlete Alan Webb, the new national high school mile record holder.
Dave goes on a spiel about the traffic on the interstate this morning; an "Incredible Dog Challenge" is held outside, with the winning dog jumping over a giant phony check for a million dollars; Brian Wilson, Darius Rucker, and Matthew Sweet perform The Beach Boys' "Sail On Sailor."
Mailbag: all of tonight's letters are read by James Earl Jones, George Clarke's flashback to a night of sex and gambling is sponsored by Donald Trump's Taj Mahal hotel, and an alleged Late Show writer is attacked by a bear.
Dave announces that he may have parasites crawling around head, prompting Paul to call him a "maggot brain"; Dave and Steph/Monty go over vacation pictures; Dave confirms that he has parasites by taking a sentence on a blue card too literally; a guy bouncing a giant tether ball to his head makes an appearance on "Is This Anything?"
Dave announces that Jude Brennan's cousin (a parasite expert) has told him that there's nothing to worry about. Also, on a remarkably star-studded night, Puff Daddy appears for a special Top Ten list, while Dave sees through Julia Robert's blouse and asks her if she's getting laid.
Dave grumbles about the lack of quality guests appearing on the show, during which Paul comments on his inappropriate question towards Julia Roberts ("Are you getting laid these days?") last night. Dave replies with "exclusive" footage of Paul asking Barbara Bush the same question. Also, Pat, Kenny, and Harold Larkin star in the new HBO series "Sexy Guys, Sexy City," while a renegade blue card knocks out Tommy Lasorda.
Dave theorizes on the show's four Emmy nominations (announced earlier that day)- either no one's watching or the voters don't care anymore; for the second night in a row, Alan is beaten up by a guy twice his size; a comedy bit from Show #499 about Steve Martin's preparations for appearing as a guest is repeated.
Dave introduces "live satellite feed" of President Bush staring of into space; during Mailbag, Alan throws one of tonight's letter writers (played by Jay Johnson) out of a fourth-story window; ten chefs present the Top Ten.
Rather than come out of nowhere, Dave orders the muscle guy to pummel Alan; during a segment called "Summertime Leftovers," Dave once again shows footage of his "look-alike" (himself, circa his morning show) playing "Camptown Races" on the fiddle; Simpsons star Hank Azaria plugs America's Sweethearts.
Alan is caught nibbling on a pizza, but surprisingly doesn't get beaten up; Dave makes a snarky comment about Jay Leno's chin; former David Letterman Show announcer Bob Sarlette talks football with Dave over the closing credits.
Alan orders a pizza, and the delivery guy beats him up; live via satellite from the Indianapolis suburbs, Dorothy celebrates her 80th birthday with a Dave impersonator and a fridge full of Colt 45®; John McEnroe is interviewed twice after Dave gets curious as to which fellow tennis players he's dated.
Another pizza for Alan results in another beating for Alan; Dave shows a photo of the FBI Building with the "I" missing; Joan Osbourne and The Holmes Brothers perform "Can't No Grave Hold My Body Down."
Dave brags about his mom's 80th birthday "whoop-tee-doo and grabass" this weekend; during Mailbag, Dave rescues Paul from The Man on Fire; Billy Crystal clobbers the guy who regularly beats up Alan.
A celebration for Calvert's 80th birthday turns into an excuse for Dave to ignore him and flirt with the Hi-Ho girls; Dave chats with Jeff Meyer, who named a poplar tree after Daddy; Christopher Walken talks about his recent appearance in the Fatboy Slim video "Weapon of Choice."
Delbert McClinton sits in; Steph/Monty (live via telephone from the 12th floor) discusses in length her plans from last weekend; Tom Selleck introduces an old movie clip of him, and then plays the ukulele.
Dave proudly announces that he's wearing orange socks tonight, but only so he can shove Steph's face into a birthday cake after the show; Alan gets beat up yet again, and remains bruised and bloodied for the rest of the show; Mark Wahlberg promotes the remake of Planet of the Apes.
The tambourine player sitting in with the band beats up Alan; Dave shows another old comedy clip to kill time (Show #818, Dave's harassment of delivery people); Greg Kinnear tells Dave what it's like to pilot a single-engine airplane.
Mailbag: "How long has Paul been bald?" Dave fears that this might be a sensitive question, but Paul rubs his chin anyway. A flashback reveals that Paul used to have a long, wavy mane before an accident with Dave's chemistry set turned him into a bald, hideous freak. Vowing revenge, Paul turns into a superhero and eggs Dave's car.
Some guy dressed up as "Lance Armstrong" comes onstage on a bicycle and beats up Alan, then runs over to Hello Deli to pummel Rupert. Later, Dave shows photos of him stuffing Steph/Monty's face into a birthday cake, while filmmakers Mark Borchardt and Mike Shank go to Comic-Con.
Dave makes Rupert play a deli-themed version of "Beat the Clock." Later, after his conversation with Sean Combs goes longer than expected, Dave is forced to chat with newsanchor Daljit Dhaliwal for only a few seconds.
Dave has difficulty explaining to Paul what exactly animal photographer Sam Easterson does; Dave shows another out-of-focus clip from the Olympics; Denis Leary promotes the FX hit drama ""Rescue Me.""
""CBS Mailbag"" features Dave getting friendly with U.S. Olympic volleyball stars Kerri Walsh & Misty May (bogus), Alan Kalter's ""You're Busted"" at Ranch 1, and New Jersey going ""Gay Crazy;"" gold medalist Paul Hamm visits.
A man from Pennsylvania turns himself into a human jack o'lantern on ""Audience Show & Tell;"" ten U.S. Olympians present the Top Ten; political writer Maureen Dowd makes several alarming comments on the presidential election.
Osama bin Laden announces that he wants to replace Craig Kilborn as host of the Late Late Show; Dave celebrates 11 years at CBS with a timeline; Biff reports from the Republican National Convention, with a goal to hug as many ""Republican Babes"" as possible.
Jane Pauley promotes her new book, talk show, and bipolar disorder.
Dave brags about working on Labor Day; like it does every year, a runaway taxi ruins the staff Labor Day barbecue (and runs over Alan); three National Hollerin' Champions do their thing; Neve Campbell; Keane performs ""Somewhere Only We Know.""
At Hello Deli: Rupert selects a contestant to play the ""Late Show Heart Bypass Scramble;"" Regis promotes his new standards CD; Alan recaps his summer, with the usual results; Hoobastank performs ""Same Direction.""
""CBS Mailbag"" introduces Rupert's new ""girlfriend,"" answers the question, ""Does Dave ever sing?"" and features Alan's message to Hillary Clinton; Martin Short; ""Late Show Back to School Tips;"" Alan Jackson sings.
Biff spends the day at New York-Presbyterian Hospital with Dr. Lou Arrone; an educational segment with Alan and an animated rodent goes awry; Ray Romano talks about the final season of ""Everybody Loves Raymond;"" Avril Lavigne performs ""My Happy Ending.""
Dave and Drew Barrymore discuss their long-dormant drinking problems; amputee Aron Ralston returns to the show to promote his new book.
Dave comments on the CBS News scandal; John Kerry performs the Top Ten and gets grilled by Dave; Green Day performs ""American Idiot.""
Stand-ins for Dave and Dr. Phil stand in the gallows; in honor of a recent stunt on Oprah, everyone in the audience gets an automobile air freshener; Alan unintentionally admits that he's sexual dysfunctional.
Nobel prize winner Professor Robert A. Mundell reads aloud from Paris Hilton's book; Kelly Ripa; poker champion Annie Duke; Elvis Costello & the Imposters perform.
As it does every season, Alan's hair changes colors; Dave comments on Conan O'Brien's promotion to hosting The Tonight Show in 2009, then openly asks if he can go back to NBC to host Late Night; a Kodomo Dragon (courtesy of Jack Hanna) startles Dave.
Dave mentions Paul's line of handbags again, while John Goodman promotes ""Father of the Pride"" and ""Center of the Universe.""
Live via satellite, Rupert plays bingo; Dave shows a photo of Harry shaking hands with one of the Stangel brothers; Tony ruins the ending of another movie En Espanol, then goes off on one of his trademark rants.
CBS Mailbag: Dave shows an ad for Martha Stewart's farewell show, then has a heart-to-heart with ""Pete Rose"" (Gerard); magician Jason Randal dazzles Dave with some card tricks.
Dave has another rant about Jay Leno's five-year notice to NBC; an autumn in New York quiz; a still graphic acknowledges the passing of staffer Dorothy Chambers; Howard Dean shills for John Kerry; George Clarke's ""It's A Fact;"" Franz Ferdinand performs ""Take Me Out.""
""Mount Late Show"" erupts repeatedly in the backdrop; a schoolmarm plays ""Would You Like to Touch the Meat?""; Mario Andretti presents the Top Ten.
""Know Your Current Events;"" Donald Trump plays (and wins) ""Trump Or Monkey;"" SpaceShipOne pilot Brian Binnie; Minnie Driver sings ""Everything I've Got In My Pocket.""
During ""CBS Mailbag,"" Dave promotes the new Late Show newsletter, which includes an Alan Kalter centerfold; Brooke Shields visits; director-raconteur Barry Sonnenfeld returns to tell more amusing stories, and show samples of his martini art.
Live via satellite, Martha Stewart gets caught in a prison catfight; an NYU student plays ""Guess the Bulge"" at Hello Deli; Jordan Zevon (son of Warren) and The Wallflowers perform ""Lawyers, Guns, and Money.""
Dave has a new favorite phrase (""We must protect this house!"") while J.Lo promotes the remake of the Japanese romantic comedy Shall We Dance?
""CBS Mailbag"" with CBS holding auditions for Dave's replacement, George Clarke learning to play drums and Gerard Mulligan returning as ""George W. Bush;"" Tony Danza on his new talk show; Dave chats with Julia Roberts' niece Emma; Brian Regan does standup.
Sarah Michelle Gellar plugs The Grudge; 2004 Indy Racing League Champion Tony Kanaan visits; Sparta performs.
""Stump The Band;"" live via satellite, Martha Stewart gets caught in yet another catfight; Curt Schilling presents the Top Ten; Dustin Hoffman makes spit bubbles; Joss Stone performs.
Dave's annual (and quite early) look at ""Halloween Costumes;"" George Clarke with a premature reminder about the end of Daylight Savings Time (Dave makes him down chocolate syrup); Amy Sedaris discusses her bunny and imaginary husband ""Ricky;"" Tommy Lee talks about his book, Tommy Land.
Dave plugs his and Paul's (bogus) ""Decision 2004 Election Showdown Countdown Vote 2004 Democracy Corner"" for tomorrow night's election coverage; Rupert reports from St. Louis and Game 4 of the World Series; Johnny Damon recalls Boston's come-from-behind triumph; Anne Heche talks about parenthood and Birth; The Donnas perform ""Fall Behind Me.""
Dave, Alan, Paul and George Clarke all comment on Bush's reelection; Tom Brokaw wishes Harry a happy first birthday; Dave flirts with Mischa Barton of ""The O.C."" to hide the fact that he's never seen the show.
""Know Your Current Events;"" an 882 pound pumpkin is exploded on 53rd St.; Rosie Perez is tricked (once) by Dave into mentioning her Isuzu Trooper; Steven Wright.
""CBS Mailbag;"" Al Franken explains the Electoral College to Dave; Kristen Bell visits; Project Bandaloop's performance is postponed because of heavy rain in Manhattan.
The annual run-through by NYC Marathon winners; Ball State University sophomore Ryan Carney adds to his Late Show tattoo collection; Tom Hanks on Scottish Mexican food, vomiting and The Polar Express; Nelly.
During Mailbag, Rupert admits to learning how flirt with women from Bill O'Reilly; Canadian-born TV actress Evangeline Lilly hugs Paul; after a one-week holdover, Project Bandaloop finally trapezes around the building.
Dave experiments with new camera angles by sitting on the edge of his desk; live in the green room, we meet a man who has collected pennies for over thirty years and amassed a fortune of roughly $28; Dave and Nicholas Cage talk about motorcycles.
Dave shows a faux ad for a 1,420-calorie cheeseburger at Hardee's (""Warning: Do Not Eat""); Howard Stern likens himself to Oprah; Alanis Morissette performs ""Knees of My Bees.""
A telenovela catfight turns into a Pistons-Pacers basketball game; Rupert and a woman from Alabama drop fake turkeys off the top of the theater; Pittsburgh Steelers wonderkind Ben Roethlisberger participates in the latest Late Show QB Challenge.
In honor of Thanksgiving, Dave detonates a cannon filled with stuffing; Whoopi Goldberg promotes her one-woman Broadway show; Marilyn Manson performs the Depeche Mode classic ""Personal Jesus.""
Via satellite from Indianapolis: The annual Thanksgiving pie-guess with Dave's mom (and dinner guest Marv Albert); Natalie Portman talks about an earlier Thanksgiving day LS appearance and plugs Closer; a Late Show Turkey Recall Announcement; John Mayer performs.
During Mailbag, CBS suit Vinnie Favale announces a stricter policy on vulgarity on the network that may work to Dave's disadvantage; Senator-elect Barack Obama radiates charm and confidence while discussing politics; Dave and Jessica Biel swap stories about their dogs.
Tonight's ""Spanish Soap Opera Highlight of the Night"" seems to include a round of ""Got Your Nose,"" while Twiggy the Waterskiing Squirrel does a demonstration out on 53rd Street.
""Stump the Band"" continues to mystify Paul and company; Dave chats with Sharon Reed, the Ohio-based TV reporter who stripped naked for a Spencer Tunick project; Lyle Lovett performs ""In My Own Mind.""
As they do every year, Rupert, Joe G, Mujibur, and Sirajul place their edible ""angel"" on top of the Late Show Christmas tree; Jim Carrey discusses ab-crunches; Alan flips out while singing ""The Little Drummer Boy""; Ashanti performs ""Only U.""
Adam Sandler promotes Spanglish and performs his rendition of Warren Zevon's ""Werewolves of London;"" Shannon Eis with a look at new toys for the holidays.
""America's Next Top Model"" winner Eva presents the Top Ten; Kate Beckinsale pushes The Aviator; Ciara performs with Missy Elliott.
Dave's monologue is interupted by a surprise appearance from Billy Crystal (promoting the one-man Broadway show ""700 Sundays""); Dave introduces ""The Nog-Cam;"" 10 carolers present the Top Ten; Broadway star Kristen Johnston opens up to Dave about her recent mugging; Tom Dreesen tells another story about opening for Frank Sinatra.
Dave wishes everyone a happy new year, then accentuates his goals for 2005 (he plans to use the word ""snarky"" more often); ""Biff Henderson: Pollster"" roams the streets once more; Hilary Swank plugs Million Dollar Baby; Andy Dick talks about his crabs; Green Day performs ""Boulevard of Broken Dreams.""
A shocking message from Dubya; Dave contines his use of all the following: carbs, steroids and the word ""snarky;"" ""Celebrity Resolutions"" goes straight into the dumper; Alan's new show, ""Desperate House Gal;"" Kevin Bacon; Caroline Rhea; Wilco performs ""Late Greats.""
Rudy Giuliani talks baseball; 11-year-old percussion prodigy Daniel Banks hits the skins; Dave's stand-in finally gets his moment in the spotlight.
Amy Sedaris laments the death of her imaginary boyfriend; Andy Kindler performs stand-up.
Dave calls up Patriots fan -- and ""D Fence"" guy -- Gary Wren, who drops an ""F bomb;"" Rupert learns karate at Tiger Schulmann's; the always on edge Jack Hanna with animals; Alan admits to being jealous of Jack Hanna, then has another hissy fit (and drops an ""F bomb""); Teri Polo on her experiences making Meet The Fockers.
""Stump The Band;"" Dave shows off his ""baby Borg"" trophy; Robert Downey, Jr. instructs Dave on the finer points of bil jee and performs a song from his new CD; Nicole Richie plugs ""The Simple Life: Interns.""
""Late Show Week in Review"": On a special episode of the controversial Fox show ""Who's Your Daddy?"" the contestant's biological father pummels an amorous Alan; Dave discusses the art of comedy with legendary funnyman Jerry Lewis.
Dave's first new show following the death of Johnny Carson is an hour-long tribute, featuring clips of Johnny's appearances on both ""Late Show"" and ""Late Night,"" and the ""Tonight Show"" clip of Johnny stealing Dave's pickup truck; longtime ""Tonight"" producer Peter Lassally; former ""Tonight"" bandleader Doc Severinsen and former NBC Orchestra members Tommy Newsom and Ed Shaughnessy perform one of Johnny's favorite songs, ""Here's That Rainy Day.""
Dave shows ""actual"" footage of the Hubble Telescope; Bollywood superstar Aishwarya Rai promotes Bride and Prejudice; 3 Doors Down performs ""Let Me Go.""
During ""Week in Review,"" Alan previews the Grammys by singing Tone Luc's ""Wild Thing;"" ten divorce attorneys present the Top Ten; Dave eats a sample of Paris Hilton's new lipstick.
Competitive eater ""Crazy Legs"" Conti attempts to break the world's oyster-eating record in the lobby of The Ed; ""Stupid Pet Tricks"" features three dogs (none too crazy about the oysters); Bonnie Hunt remembers Johnny Carson (and tries an oyster).
Dave demands to be grilled on the annual Barbara Walters Oscar special, but only if he does the interview with Oprah by his side; ""Harold Larkin's Sidewalk Idol"" searches for the next great singing talent; Kings of Leon perform ""The Bucket.""
Giant rats attack Christo's Gates; Dave comes up with a number of synonyms for inhaling marijuana; Alan editorializes on President Bush, only to float toward promoting a bootleg sex tape he made in 1989.
""Late Show Week in Review"": Dubya (mis)pronounces ""nuclear"" five different ways, while a Flashdancers employee dances around one of Christo's Gates. Also, Lego expert Nathan Sawaya creates a brick portrait of Biff.
Snowmobiling great Jay Quinlan performs stunts on 53rd Street; actor-cum-wrester Dwayne ""The Rock"" Johnston promotes Be Cool; Solomon Burke blows the roof off The Ed with a pair of songs.
""Would You Like To Take A Ride On A Dog Sled?"" on 53rd Street; Kirstie Alley wants to become promiscuous and discusses her new show ""Fat Actress""; Alan has a stern word for Christo's wife Jeanne Claude; Kathleen Edwards performs.
2004 Indianapolis 500 champion Buddy Rice with ""Top Ten Reasons I Love Racing;"" Vin Diesel talks about his dog, and his new film The Pacifier; Amos Lee sings.
Outgoing CBS anchorman Dan Rather looks back at his fifty years in broadcasting and the scandal that prematurely ended his career.
Dave is able to work the phrase ""needlessly circuitous"" into the interview with Amanda Peet, plus he admires her profile; Alan gives suggestive advice to Condoleeza Rice; Susan Hum refuses to give her picks for the Final Four tournament; marathon man Dean Karnazes discusses the joy of running.
Dave thanks the FBI and the Montana police for their efforts following a botched kidnapping involving his son last week; Pat Farmer celebrates ""March Madness"" by trying to duplicate his 90 foot drop shot into a goal on 53rd Street; Sandra Bullock doesn't talk about boyfriend Jesse James, but does plug Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous; ""Alan Kalter's Are You ****ing Kidding Me?"" takes a look at the Robert Blake verdict; Gwen Stefani discusses high school and performs ""Hollaback Girl"" with a drumline and sits down for a chat.
Jessica Alba plugs Sin City and performs a lasso demonstration with Dave; staffer Susan Hum is reluctant to explain string theory; Queens of the Stone Age perform ""Little Sister.""
""On Sale Now"" (a variation on ""New Products"") includes room-temperature sushi and flammable curtains; Pat and Kenny read a transcript of an interview between Oprah and Kirstie Alley; Dave closes the show by promoting Japanese gum.
An audience member walks on her hands, wrap her legs around Dave, and pulls herself up; Dave shows a clip from the NBC soap ""Passions""; Denzel Washington discusses sailing and drinking large amounts of water.
Roof problems at the theater results in rainwater onstage; Dave worries over Dengue fever; ""Will It Float?"" hits a snag when a bucket of gumdrops topples over; matchmaking cabbie Ahmed Ibrahim brags about his abilities as an interceder.
Dave explains how he cut his finger with a cheese grater, then confesses to having a great admiration for lesbians; in her first appearance on the show in 19 years, Jane Fonda discusses her marriage to Ted Turner and her infamous visit to Vietnam; Bloc Party performs ""Banquet.""
Dave and Paul are quizzed about tax exemptions; a bearded Robin Williams discusses everything from Dave's jury duty to welding; Martha Wainwright (sister of Rufus) performs ""When The Day Is Short.""
One day after his 58th birthday, waffles are hucked at the audience. Quote Dave: ""Why do I need joke writers when I have waffles?"" Also, the Late Show recreates testimony from the Michael Jackson trial in which the ""King of Pop"" (Gerard) makes an ass of himself; the new Miss USA Chelsea Cooley delivers the Top Ten; David Duchovny promotes House Of D.; Ray Lamontagne performs.
A lucky motorist wins $100 worth of free gasoline, which is spent up in less than five seconds; Alan has another hissy fit, this time in a Michael Jackson costume; singer-actress Kristen Chenoweth discusses painkillers.
Tonight's clip from the NBC serial ""Passions"" features a monkey comforting a middle-aged woman; Dave meets the employees of Angelo's Pizza; Spamalot star Hank Azaria admits to Dave that he's a lousy dancer; author Jeff MacGregor discusses his year-long observational tour of the NASCAR circuit, and his subsequent book, Sunday Money.
Cold opening: Dave runs into a nude (yet blurred) Teri Hatcher who's locked out of her dressing room; ""Late Show Week In Review"" with Vinnie Favale as Elvis, a SWAT team kitty and Alan with a bevy of hookers; ""Will It Float?"" (a bag of fertilizer...no); Teri talks about swimming with a whale; Harry Hill performs standup.
Throughout the night, wax figures of celebrities that refuse to appear on the show are rolled onstage. One stagehand accidentally cops a feel on the Oprah statue, while Regis storms onstage to complain about his wax likeness.
Live via satellite, Dorothy Letterman performs the Top Ten; in honor of Cinco De Mayo, a city bus crashes into a giant pinata; Kasabian performs ""Club Foot.""
Like he does every Kentucky Derby weekend, Dave calls up Dave Johnson to hear him say ""...and down the stretch they come!""; Christina Applegate promotes the musical ""Sweet Charity"" and discusses a recent injury onstage; Brian Regan performs a stand-up routine about cholesterol and heartburn.
Ben Stiller and Shelly Fairchild stop by. Also, Top Ten with Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.
Cedric The Entertainer; Indianapolis 500 winner Dan Wheldon; musical guests The Black Eyed Peas.
Russell Crowe; Paul Anka.
Katie Holmes; musical group Shout Out Louds.
Al Franken; Ellen Pompeo.
Nicole Kidman; Foo Fighters.
Dan Aykroyd; Bill Scheft; musician Mike Doughty.
Denis Leary; Alanis Morissette.
BIll Clinton; Ringo Starr.
Mark Wahlberg; racing driver Juan Pablo Montoya.
Christopher Walken; U.S. Open golf champion Michael Campbell; musical guest Billy Corgan.
Lindsay Lohan; sports commentator Chris ""Mad Dog"" Russo.
Michael Keaton (""Herbie Fully Loaded""); author David Sedaris.
Tom Cruise (""War of the Worlds""); musical guest Ben Folds.
Tim Robbins promotes ""War of the Worlds;"" the Purina Junior Agility Dog Challgenge is briefly subjected to controversy; comedian Nick Griffin does stand-up.
Actor Jeff Goldblum; musical guests Sleater-Kinney.
Piedmont Bird Callers; Julian McMahon (""Fantastic Four""); musician Raul Midon.
Tom Brokaw; actress Dakota Fanning.
Actress Jennifer Connelly; musical group Eels.
Michael Chiklis; comedian Gary Mule Deer; new summer toys with Shannon Eis.
Kelly Preston, Jeff Altman and Aimee Mann
2007
Former President Bill Clinton plugs his new book and explains why he can't be his wife's running mate; Patti Scialfa performed "A Town Called Heartbreak."
Dave apologizes to Sue Hum for a pre-show accident; the show is interrupted by a performance of "Mark Twain Tonight!" starring Johnny Dark; Danny Devito plugs his new restaurant; Larry David (in his very first Late Show appearance) comments on Dave's hair; Avril Lavigne performs "When You're Gone."
In the midst of a citywide taxi strike, a cab is seen carrying people on the its roof and front hood; Biff makes a feeble attempt at seeing Jessica Alba in person; George Saunders plugs his new book; Manchester Orchestra (in their network television debut) performs "Wolves at Night."
Throughout the show, saxophonist Aaron Bing attempts to break the world record for the longest sustained note (and ultimately fails). Also, Arctic Monkeys perform "Fluorescent Adolescent."
Jodie Foster, Glen Hansard, and Marketa Irglova are the scheduled guests.
Prior to the show, Jude Brennan confronts Dr. Phil about Dave's "psychotic tendencies"; Deborah Lynn loses yet again on "Psychic Sandwich"; during his interview with Dave, Dr. Phil discusses at length the reasoning behind celebrity bad behavior; Suzanne Vega performed "Anniversary."
Viggo Mortensen, Kat Von D, and Daughtry are the scheduled guests. Plus, a special NASCAR Top Ten!
Martha Stewart and Fred Willard are the scheduled guests. Plus, a special Top Ten from Billy Bob Thornton!
Dave does an impression of Tony's reaction to an inaccurate monologue joke; Regis critiques' Dave's recent appearance on Oprah and plugs the 20th anniversary of his talk show; Chamillionaire (with a sizable string section) performed "Hip Hop Police."
Jamie Foxx, Jimmy Smits, and Will.I.Am are the scheduled guests.
Kate Walsh, Kevin Smith, and Rascal Flatts are the scheduled guests.
Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan drop by to promote their new project, "Bionic Guy"; 7-11 head honcho Jim Keyes comes up with another wacky promotion; Chaka Khan sings "Love Me Still."
Whoopi Goldberg and Melissa Etheridge are the scheduled guests. Plus, Stupid Human Tricks!
Henry Rife leaps over six taxicabs on an ATV; Paris Hilton dodges a string of questions regarding her stint in prison; Emile Hirsch plugs Into The Wild.
Sean Penn, Barry Sonnenfeld, and Ben Harper are the scheduled guests.
The show is interrupted by a businessman on a cell phone in the backdrop; Johnny Dark makes another appearance as Mark Twain; Alan gets beat up by an annoyed Mets fan; John Fogerty performed "Long Dark Night."
Throughout the night, Late Show interns attempt to parallel-park on 53rd Street; Dave reads "Top Ten Signs Your Team Isn't Going To Win the World Series" out of order; Alec Baldwin plugs "30 Rock" and gives parallel parking a shot; Faith Hill performed "Stronger."
Nicolette Sheridan, Tony Snow, and Rihanna are the scheduled guests.
Several audience members voluntarily present the Top Ten; Bob Newhart shares an amusing story about Frank Sinatra; Angela Kinsey talks about life in Texas; Iron & Wine performed "The Devil Never Sleeps."
George Clooney and Kid Rock are the scheduled guests.
Several elderly Alan Greenspan "groupies" stand outside the theater as the former Chairman of the Federal Reserve plugs his new book. Also, Jennifer Lopez discusses pregnancy rumors and sings "Do It Well."
A canned ham is almost given to an audience member; the "f*** you" guy brags about a winning lottery ticket; Stephen Colbert discusses "roughing it" and plugs his new book; Queens of the Stone Age perform "3's and 7's."
Anne Heche, Sue Johanson, and Mariza are the scheduled guests.
A pregnant Halle Berry plugs Things We Lost In The Fire and shows a 3-D ultrasound image that resembles Dave. Also, Eric Buss and his "Spring Snake Symphony" (375 snakes-in-a-can) perform Strauss' "The Blue Danube."
Marc Odgers returns to the Late Show to leap over five interns; a security guard (Mike McIntee) tasers a runaway audience member; Connie Britton plugs "Friday Night Lights"; 50 Cent performed "A-Yo Technology."
Richard Simmons and Casey Affleck are the scheduled guests.
Dave (amongst others) discusses a fire in the theater basement that occured earlier that day; staff writer Bill Scheft comments on the possible writers' strike; Jimmie "JJ" Walker explains the differences between the BET and TV Land Awards; LeAnn Rimes performed "Nothin' Better To Do."
Tonights guests include Steve Carell, Chris Russo and Band of Horses perform “Is There A Ghost.”
Mac n' cheese is the latest food item that Sue Hum offers Dave (and promptly rejects); the lovely Amanda Peet plugs Martian Child, but a clip of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians airs instead; Patrick Warburton discusses living in Oregon; comedian Jeff Caldwell riffs on HMOs and birth control.
Two marathon runners interrupt the monologue (one week early, it shall be noted); to honor the possible WGA strike, Bill Scheft chooses not to reveal the punchline to a Dick Cheney joke; Jerry Seinfeld plugs Bee Movie and gets caught in the crosshairs on "Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview"; Joe Torre dodges questions about his next managerial gig.
An excerpt is revealed from President Gerald Ford's posthumous memoirs; Alan Kalter hosts "This Is Your Lunch," looking back at Dave's last meal (lasagna); guitarist Slash plugs his autobiography; in her network TV debut, Nicole Atkins performed "The Way It Is."
The 26th annual "New Halloween Costumes" segment includes a Hillary Clinton pantsuit, an overstuffed glove compartment, and Spongebob's less-than-beloved cousin "BrillopadTed SquarePants". Also, in the event of a strike, Dave reads off two weeks' worth of potential punchlines, while Penn & Teller turn quarters in a waterbowl into goldfish.
With a writers' strike now looking very likely, "Mrs. Letterman" (Jude Brennan) nags Dave into doing some housework; Stupid Pet Tricks include a pit bull terrier that plays the drums and a cockatoo that likes the Backstreet Boys; Bill Scheft interrupts "Alan Kalter's Foreign Affairs Minute" to remind the audience that the WGA needs the public's support; Ryan Adams & The Cardinals performed "Everybody Knows."
Etch-a-sketch artist George Vlosich becomes the latest person to do a portrait of Biff Henderson; Bill Murray discusses his ongoing legal troubles in Sweden and plays On-Star operator on Dave's desk phone; comeback kid Jay-Z performs "Roc Boys."
Dave returns from an eight-week hiatus with a full beard and his writing staff intact; an audience Q&A bit is interrupted by Bill Scheft; ten striking writers present the Top Ten; Robin Williams discusses his recent USO trip to Iraq; after a 16-year layover, "Hal Gurnee's Network Time Killer" returns to the Late Show; associate producer Nancy Agostini appears on "Know Your Staff"; Lupe Fiasco performs "Superstar."
Dave's beard gets a key to the city, courtesy of Mayor Bloomberg; a wayward WGA picketer wanders around in the backdrop; Hal Gurnee's latest Network Time Killer is a "balloon drummer"; Ellen Page plugs Juno; Roger Bart, Sutton Foster, and Chris Fitzgerald perform a song from the musical "Young Frankenstein."
Dave admits that he's getting tired of the beard, then confesses to feeling sick over his new "feud" with Rosie O'Donnell; Dave and Donald Trump talk football; talent coordinator Sarah Billington appears on "Know Your Staff"; Shooter Jennings performs "This Ol' Wheel."
Tom Hanks and Mike Huckabee are the scheduled guests.
Lucy Liu and MGMT are the scheduled guests. Plus, Bill Medley (of Righteous Brothers fame) sits in with the band!
Morgan Freeman and Chuck Prophet are the scheduled guests.
Howard Stern and Ayo are the scheduled guests.
Tracy Morgan, Kat Von D, and Dropkick Murphys are the scheduled guests.
Katie Holmes, Frank Caliendo, and Maroon 5 are the scheduled guests.
An audience member claims to know Dave's ex-wife, who apparently now lives in Florida; the show is again interrupted by radio transmissions from Lt. Len Easton of the California Highway Patrol; Mike McIntee and Harold Larkin play "Can Two Guys and Their Dead Friend In An Office Chair Hail a Cab?"; Don Rickles plugs his DVD Mr. Warmth and throws a few zingers at Dave and fellow guest Denzel Washington.
Throughout the night, Tony and Dave play the Spanish-language version of "Wheel of Fortune"; Michael Douglas talks skiing and plugs King of California; an old AC/DC song is butchered on "Gary-oke with Gary Mintz"; Wyclef Jean performed "Sweetest Girl."
Sylvester Stallone, the Teutul Family, and The Mars Volta are the scheduled guests.
Dave begs Gaines to stop feeding in phone calls from the California Highway Patrol, which interrupts the show three times. Also, in her first Letterman appearance in two decades, Diane Keaton kisses Dave and admits to being astounded by her costars in the movie Mad Money.
The Bruce Willis Secret Word of the Night is "Muffin"; during an audience Q&A segment, one man flips out over Chris Dodd's decision to drop out of the presidential race; Sarah Michelle Gellar shows photos from a recent vacation; Dan Patrick plugs his new column in Sports Illustrated; Ringo Starr (featuring Dave Stewart) performs "Liverpool 8."
Senator John Edwards, Diablo Cody, and Josh Ritter are the scheduled guests.
Charles Grodin, Lawrence Tynes, and The Redwalls are the scheduled guests.
Lt. Len Easton is caught annoying Dave and interrupting "Larry King Live"; Dave is repeatedly distracted by a photo of Mitt Romney; Andy Kindler visits a life coach; Sen. Barack Obama presents the Top Ten (via satellite); Dave gives an audience member a pizza; Super Furry Animals performed "Neo-Consumerism."
Nathan Lane and Jake Johannsen are the scheduled guests.
Jessica Alba, Julie Chen, and The Whigs are the scheduled guests.
Lt. Len Easton calls up C-SPAN's "Washington Journal"; Bill Cosby shares an antedote about his recently deceased mother; teen jazz prodigy Matt Savage and his trio perform "El Fuego."
An audience member gives Dave a gold hat, which Paul wears; Lt. Len Easton pops up on "Sex Talk with Sue Johanson"; a clothing-optional airline is the subject of several gags, including the Top Ten; two more audience members react poorly to the latest election news; Dr. Phil discusses viral encephalitis and his botched "chat" with Britney Spears; Gary Allan performs "Watching Airplanes."
Eva Longoria and Colbie Caillat are the scheduled guests. Plus, Stupid Human Tricks!
Paris Hilton, Artie Lange, and Vampire Weekend are the scheduled guests.
Dave discusses at length the New York Giants' upset Super Bowl victory; Senator Hillary Clinton jokes that her choice of running mate has come down to Dave or Regis; Sheryl Crow performed "Love is Free."
Matthew McConaughey, Gary Mule Deer, and Sheryl Crow are the scheduled guests.
Eli Manning and A Fine Frenzy are the scheduled guests.
Lt. Len Easton interrupts "Know Your Current Events"; Kate Hudson plugs Fool's Gold and talks football; Jack Hanna introduces Dave to an African Warthog (which Dave likes) and a cobra (which freaks him out).
"Late Show Fun Facts" is interrupted by a ticket scalper (Mike McIntee); Colin Farrell plugs In Bruges and gives Dave a fedora; Lenny Kravitz performed "Bring It On."
While fielding a question about Oprah tickets, Dave accidentally breaks one of his pencils in half; a certain panicky audience member is confronted by Dr. Phil in the theater hallway; Kate Walsh shows off her new puppy; Jason Sudeikis discusses his famous uncle; OK Go (featuring Bonerama) performed "A Million Ways."
Evangeline Lilly and Brad Paisley are the scheduled guests.
Dave obsesses over his orange tie; live via satellite, a man with a black eye won't talk to Dave; Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan drop by to plug their (fake) new show, "American Conquistadors"; Martin Short takes a jab at the paparazzi and sings a parody of "Maybe This Time"; Oscar nominee Amy Ryan plugs Gone Baby Gone.
Regis Philbin and Joseph Arthur are the scheduled guests.
Charles Barkley talks hoops and dodges questions about running for governor of Alabama; a CBS executive stops the show to grill Dave; comedian Bill Burr riffs on the elderly.
Dennis Quaid and Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings are the scheduled guests.
Bill Scheft apologizes for a bad Dick Cheney joke, citing tainted roast beef; after Dave mentions the resignation of Fidel Castro, a certain angry audience member pummels four CBS Pages; Dave meets "Millionaire Matchmaker" Todd Pendleton, who turns out to be a phony; Ray Davies performed "In a Moment."
Paul stars in a spoof of VH1's hit reality show "Rock of Love"; Martha Stewart and Emeril Lagasse read the Top Ten; grocery-bagging champ Erika Jensen takes Dave to school; Foo Fighters perform "The Pretender."
Steve Martin is the scheduled guest. Plus, a hand shadow demonstration!
Lt. Len Easton resurfaces; "Harry Letterman" is spotted having a smoke backstage, and later flirts with Paul's teenage daughter; Diddy promotes the upcoming made-for-TV production of A Raisin in the Sun; Al Lubel does stand-up.
Live via satellite, Osama bin Laden accepts an Academy Award; Will Ferrell plugs Semi-Pro and pays homage to "The Sound of Music"; Michael McDonald performed "(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher."
Courtney Cox, Thomas Friedman, Chingy, and Ludacris are the scheduled guests.
"AMPTP President Nick Counter" and "Writers Guild Executive Director David Young" call a truce... and make out; in tonight's remote, Andy Kindler visits a toy convention; the latest Kid Scientist experiments from Naperville, IL include gravity-defying water and a crudely-built hovercraft; Kenna (featuring N.E.R.D.) performed "Say Goodbye to Love."
Amy Adams, Jamie Oliver, and Liam Finn are the scheduled guests.
Woody Harrelson discusses "tea-bagging" while kite surfing and plugs Semi-Pro; a cat scratching post is the latest object on "Will It Float?"; British comedian Tommy Tiernan riffs on child-rearing.
Jim Carrey and Paula Abdul are the scheduled guests.
Dave comments on the Gov. Eliot Spitzer scandal; the backdrop scalper (Mike McIntee) tries to sell Dave some Snoop Dogg tickets, even though he's on the show; Martha Stewart describes how to make a "white wine Spitzer"; Snoop Dogg plugs his youth football league and performs "Sensual Seduction."
Charlize Theron, Lewis Black, and British Sea Power are the scheduled guests.
Dave tears up a new five-dollar bill and ketchup spills out; the 2008 Wild Turkey Bourbon Grand National Gobbling champs strut their stuff; "Johnny Twain" drops by to tell Jeff Foxworthy-style "redneck" jokes; Graham Colton performed "Best Days."
Jaime Pressly and Brian Regan are the scheduled guests.
Rainn Wilson, Mike Golic, Mike Greenberg, and Bell X1 are the scheduled guests.
Dave gives an update on his tick infection; a man from Texas plays "What's In The Soup?" at Hello Deli; Al Franken (D-MN) stumps for his US Senator campaign; Lauren Conrad explains to Dave what a "frenemy" is; The Cribs perform "I'm A Realist."
Cameraman Dave Dorsett is caught drinking on the job; the cast of "Battlestar Galactica" reads the Top Ten; Dave and Brooke Shields discuss foot surgery; Alan recalls an unpleasant Final Four memory; SNL's Seth Meyers explains why he doesn't have a valid driver's license; The Gutter Twins perform "Idle Hands."
An audience woman shares her own tick bite experience with Dave; Alan narrates a history of the Ed Sullivan Theater, then cuts himself off to use the washroom; Demi Moore discusses leach therapy and plugs Flawless; Counting Crows perform "You Can't Count On Me."
Kate Bosworth, John Witherspoon, and The Raveonettes are the scheduled guests.
Brian Williams, Judy Greer, and Langhorne Slim are the scheduled guests.
After Kelsey Grammer shares a disgusting antedote about his pet, Dave theorizes that every great story ends with "...and then the dog ate it." His hypothesis is confirmed when "Heroes" star Kristen Bell shares a dog story of her own.
Kelly Ripa, The Black Keys
Dave discusses Harry's T-ball debut; the backdrop scalper tries to sell Papel Mass tickets a week late; Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan spend a day at New York Rangers' practice; Billy Crystal riffs on turning 60 and playing one game for the Yankees; Dave and Billy play tennis on 53rd Street with Maria Sharapova.
Dave recalls being stuck in an elevator, with time-lapse footage of his ordeal; Tina Fey plugs Baby Mama; Brett Favre makes it clear that he has no intention of returning to the NFL; Estelle performed "American Boy."
Ben Kingsley and Emmylou Harris are the scheduled guests.
Dave attempts to channel the spirit of President Harry Truman, but ends up getting his voice mail; with Rupert's assistance, a tourist from British Columbia takes a vacation photo with Dave; Steve Carell plugs Get Smart; Dr. John and The Lower 911 performed "Time for a Change."
Dave discusses watching his son play T-ball; Dave embarasses George Clarke by addressing him as Thomas Beatie (that pregnant transgendered guy); Will Smith plugs Hancock and appears on "Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview"; Fox Sports announcer Joe Buck comments on steroid and Viagra use in baseball.
After a gag about "Martian Ice" bombs, Dave gives the red-colored ice to an audience member; over at Hello Deli, Deborah Lynn plays "Psychic Gasoline" (and loses yet again); Charlize Theron discusses camping and plugs Hancock; Richard Belzer eulogizes comedy legend George Carlin, who passed away two days earlier; Motley Crue performed "Saints of Los Angeles
Following "Top Ten Signs It's Time To Wash Your Monkey," Lyle the Intern unsuccessfully tries to persuade Dave into opening a Pizza Hut franchise. Also, John Mellencamp performed "Troubled Land" and reminisces about living in Indiana with Dave
Will Ferrell, Adam Savage, and Jamie Hyneman are the scheduled guests.
Dave welcomes back Bill Scheft, who was sidelined with hip surgery; Small Town News is interrupted by a guy in a Batman mask; Amanda Peet plugs the "X-Files" sequel; "Mad Men" star Jon Hamm discusses summer trips to Florida; Augustana performed "I Still Ain't Over You."
John C. Reilly, Jane Mayer, and Grizzly Bear are the scheduled guests.
Featuring David Duchovny (The X-Files: I Want To Believe) and Black Kids (Partie Traumatic)
Dave describes an incident during the monologue where Inky's cue-cards went AWOL; Dave and Paul acknowledge the passing of ex-WMDB guitarist Hiram Bullock; Gillian Anderson discusses living abroad and her "make-out session" with Dave six years ago; We Are Scientists performed "After Hours."
Pamela Anderson, James Franco,Atmosphere
Paul Thoresen appears again to drop a 55-gallon water balloon on a '94 Chevy LeBaron convertible; Dave and Richard Simmons have another animated interview, in which the fitness guru stands and sings on the guest chair; Richard also appears on another tension-filled edition of "Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview"; in her first Late Show appearance in 13 1/2 years, Mary-Louise Parker plugs "Weeds" while Dave
Penelope Cruz, Randy Newman, Danny Way
Donald Trump discusses real estate in Abu Dhabi; "WIll It Float?" is played on the roof; Dwayne Kennedy riffs on the possibility of a black president
Tonight on "Get to Know Delaware," a fun fact about neighboring Pennsylvania; Dave's "son" throws a beer bottle at a green room TV; live from Denver, Biff fails to interview DNC Chairman Howard Dean; Olympic gold medalist Bryan Clay tosses a discus and a javelin at a taxi cab; Little Anthony and the Imperials perform "Hurts So Bad."
Olympic Gold Medalists Kerri Walsh & Misty May-Treanor, Neil Patrick Harris and Nas are the scheduled guests.
Water-balloon fiend Paul Thoresen drops a 55-gallon bomb on a convertable with three "tourists" (mannequins); the Democratic National Convention is over but Biff's still there; Amy Sedaris obsesses over Dave's shoe tassels; Kim Kardashian describes nearly losing her big toe and plugs Disaster Movie; Brian Regan does stand-up and promotes his upcoming TV special.
2002
Dave mentions that a street is being named after Paul in his hometown of Thunder Bay, Ontario. Later, Dave plays ""How Many Guys in Alien Suits Can Fit Into a Coffee Shop?""
Dave shows a promo for Al Jazzera's new show ""Afghani Idol;"" Dave calls Paul a half-wit, then apologizes several times; George Miller comments on frozen cryogenics and asks, ""What if the person froze to death?""
Steph/Monty is on the roof with binoculars, looking for Bon Jovi performing in Times Square. Later, another one of Dave's assistants applies sunscreen on our weary voyeur.
During CBS Mailbag, a viewer asks how Biff chose where to go during his summer tour. Biff responds by thanking ""Rand"" and ""McNally,"" who turn out to be a couple of much younger women that he's sleeping with.
Dave shows a (supposed) clip from the hit movie ""SwimFan,"" then chats with Stephanie about the US Open.
Dave introduces the man that supposedly punched David Wells; Rupert's Paul Shaffer sandwich beats Europa Cafe's basil chicken sandwich in a taste contest; ""Dr."" Bill DeLace addresses the West Nile Virus.
Dave reflects on a certain one-year anniversary, then chats with his former monologue punching bag, President Bill Clinton.
Dave announces the show can no longer be seen in Mexico City; Dave introduces Network Time Killers such as ""Korean Soap Opera Clip of the Night"" and ""Anton Fig's Beret of Mystery""; a dry wall joint sealer is tonight's mystery gadget on ""What the Hell Is It?""
Dave announces that any cell phones that go off during the taping will be smashed with a hammer; ""Dr. Phil"" (Gerard) tells Dave that he's deeply insane; Rich Hall comments on ""Hollywood's Nicest Couple.""
After watching Oprah win the Bob Hope Award at last night's Emmys; Dave demands to win it in 2003; Dave gives Barbara Gaines a kiss for her heartfelt speech at last night's ceremony (five-peat!); Biff visits the set of ""CSI: Miami.""
In observance of an incedent that occured at a White Sox-Royals game the previous week, two shirtless drunks beat the crap out of Alan. Later, a Civil War battle is awkwardly recreated on 53rd Street.
During the annual ""New for Fall"" segment, Alan's hair changes color. Later in the same segment, he is beaten up by Harvey Keitel.
Artiste Phillipe Petit walks on a metal cable 12 stories up and 120 feet long across Broadway.
Dave announces that he has ""nitrogen narcosis."" Later, during CBS Mailbag, Harold Larkin recalls his harrowing experience of being stuck in an elevator for three hours... with Regis!
Dave hollers about being the only person in the entire building who wasn't invited to a staff fondue party for Mary Barclay; billards champ Jeanette ""Black Widow"" Lee does a few trick shots; Patricia Heaton and Murray Walker promote their autobiographies.
Dave reminds the nation that he still definitely wants I-465 (the interstate around Indianapolis) named David Letterman Expressway, then announces that tomorrow he plans to offer the mayor of Indianapolis an enormous bribe to get the wheels turning. Later, Avril Lavigne sings ""SK8ER BOI.""
Biff celebrates his 56th birthday in grand style; Dave kills a bug on his desk; Dave chats with a nonogenarian weightlifter.
Dave contacts Indianapolis mayor Bart Peterson's office via telephone, and his assistant tells him that renaming the I-465 is a possibility. Later, John Mayer sang ""Your Body is a Wonderland.""
Dave says he is feeling ""bilious,"" and that he will be going to an anger management course in Pennsylvania this weekend; during CBS Mailbag, Kenny professes his love to Pat on an episode of ""Trading Spaces""; Jimmy Fallon offers Paul a cape for his weekly breakdown.
53rd Street is the stage for the Purina® Dog Chow diving competition; Dave has choice words for Don Hewitt, who disliked a ""60 Minutes"" joke from last friday's show; Dave shows ""Rejected FDA Items"" such as Elmer's® glue with ten essential vitamins and minerals, ""Goat-umms®,"" and Tums® Spicy Jalapeño; Steph/Monty takes a plunge into the doggie water.
A recurring joke for the night (which involved an ice ball called Quaoar) is botched when Harold Larkin disappears; Senator John McCain plugs his new book ""Worth the Fighting For""; David Sedaris stands at a little podium and reads one of his hilarious essays.
Tonight's desk time begins with trouble. A housefly is buzzing Dave, then lands on a guest chair. Dave takes a swat at it and declares ""Late Show"" a no-fly zone. Later, George Clarke is caught consuming glue.
America's fastest-growing whoop-tee-do, ""Stump the Band,"" has the CBS Orchestra so excited that Paul is doing his horrible Carnac impression again. Later, Michelle Pheiffer promotes ""White Oleander.""
During CBS Mailbag, someone asks ""Who is the smartest person on the Late Show staff?"" Dave points out that Late Show Film Coordinator Rick ""Shecky"" Scheckman is very well-read. George Clarke interrupts to make his case, but Dave isn't buying it. Shortly afterwards, George picks up an armload of library books, then drops them from a window onto Shecky on the street. Shecky kicks the bucket.
Dave shows a newspaper ad from Indy for the Dancers Showclub, instructing guests to take 12B off the ""Dave Letterman Expressway."" He thanks them by promoting the nudie club near the end of the show. Also, Pink sings ""Family Portrait.""
Dave announces he's been named the 17th-most-powerful person in show business; Don Rickles' torso is the supposed mystery scan on the ""Late Show Celebrity X-Ray Challenge""; Faith Hill discusses her five-year-old daughter's love of Aerosmith.
Dave walks around during the monologue; Sam Moore (of Sam & Dave fame) sits in; a giant rat flies over New York City; Naomi Watts promotes ‘The Ring.""
According to Dave, scientists have discovered a massive black hole at the center of our Milky Way galaxy. Head carpenter Harold Larkin is good enough to open the side stage door so we can have a look. The black hole sucks Harold's pants off. Later, Alan professes his love for the Anaheim Angels' Rally Monkey.
During CBS Mailbag, George Clarke receives a mint-flavored flu shot, and we learn where the blue index cards go after each show (the furnace). Later, Late Show warm-up comedian Eddie Brill does standup.
Steph/Monty asks ""Survivor 5"" loser Robb Zbacnik two very interrogating questions: 1. ""How did you find the weather in Thailand?"" 2. ""Did you see or touch any monkeys?"" Also, Anaheim Angels pitcher Scott Spiezio presents the Top Ten via satellite, Bonnie Hunt surprises Dave by wearing glasses during her interview; Christina Aguilera sings ""Beautiful.""
Intuitive Deborah Lynn ready for another dismal failure in ""Psychic Sandwich""; Dave looks at a Cooking Light magazine for some unexplained reason; Salma Hayek promotes ""Frida.""
It's a somber and bittersweet night as Dave brings out longtime friend Warren Zevon as his only guest. Zevon was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer, and the second half of the episode is just him performing. -- heystu
Amongst this year's ""New Halloween Costumes:"" Dr. Phil, a ""Marlboro Grocery Check-Out order divider,"" and a trio of Saddam Hussein doubles. Plus, ten drill instructors present the Top Ten, Jerry Seinfeld comments on terrorism, and Foo Fighters perform ""All My Life.""
During CBS Mailbag, George Clarke explains why breakfast is the most important meal of the day, while Dave has an exclusive interview with ""Lizzie Grubman"" (actually Gerard Mulligan). Later, Dave welcomes his old buddy Don Rickles.
During ""Stupid Human Tricks,"" a couple from Chicago switches underwear with each other without taking off their clothes; former Mets manager Bobby Valentine presents the Top Ten; Sean Hayes of ""Will & Grace"" fame plugs the TV biopic ""Martin & Lewis.""
Dave shows (bogus) footage of Bill Clinton accepting the nomination for a third term in office; Julianne Moore plugs ""Far From Heaven""; 14-year-old sports journalist Grant Paulson gives his two cents about current events.
Dave accuses Indianapolis mayor Bart Peterson of letting the expressway thing go through, and then makes an ultimatum. Later, a ""Kid Inventor"" from Tampa demonstrates her ""Easy Fill Garbage Bag System.""
During Mailbag, James Jackson ""Biff"" Henderson ""answers"" a question about his name by standing around with the Hi-Ho girls; Dave points out that this his 1900th episode on CBS, give or take a special; legendary TV director and fashion model Hal Gurnee brings Paul his cape.
Steph/Monty analyzes the recent election; Robin Williams promotes his ""Live on Broadway"" CD; ten astronauts present the Top Ten.
Dave apologizes to his Broadway neighbors for setting off fireworks the previous night; Dave points out that in Europe, the name of Eminem's new movie is ""12.875 Kilometer""; Missy Elliott performs ""Work It.""
Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits sits in; Joe Pantoliano plugs his new book; amongst the potential bestsellers coming out this Christmas: More Advice I Pulled Out of My Ass by Dr. Phil.
During a timeline of a day in the life of Saddam Hussein, we learn that Iraqi People Weekly has named him ""Sexiest Man Alive"" for the tenth straight year. Also, Pat and Kenny read another Oprah transcript, this time with Kenny playing an overexcited Goldie Hawn.
CBS Mailbag: A viewer asks, ""How would New York City be different if you were mayor?"" We then go outside to where two police officers are cracking down on a parking violator. His punishment? He has to sit in the Late Show audience.
The entire audience for tonight's show is from Schoharie, New York. In honor of his generosity, the street that goes to the local sewer plant has been renamed ""David Letterman Lane."" Also, ""Biff Henderson's America"" visits Schoharie, the mayor of the village presents the Top Ten, and matchbox twenty performs ""Disease.""
Dave asks Harold Larkin if he watched the Lenoid Meteor Shower last night. He then opens the exit next to the stage, where, with the magic of green-screen, the moon explodes. Also, Shania Twain sings ""I'm Gonna Getcha Good!""
Adam Sandler expresses a desire to hang out with Dave. Also, the Pussycat Dolls burlesque troupe performs with special guest Carmen Electra.
Dave points out that a doctor in England recently did an autopsy for a paying audience. Cut to George Clarke, in the boiler room, who by coincidence is also conducting an autopsy... on a chicken. George is unable to determine the cause of death, but the corpse sure is tasty!
During Mailbag, a viewer asks if Biff ever takes off his headset. Dave spins the query by asking what he listens to on those things. Biff then removes the headset and puts it up to the boom microphone. We can hear the opening theme and intro of Jay Leno's show. Biff quickly adds, ""I only listen to the monologue.""
Lisa Kudrow promotes ""Analyze That"" while Audioslave brings the house down (almost literally) with a scorching rendition of ""Cochise.""
Production staff member Eddie Valk tries to answer the question, ""Can a Guy in a Turkey Suit Hail a Cab?"" Apparently not. Later, Steph/Monty grills George Clooney about his nude scene in the film ""Solaris.""
Dave rants about a false alarm on a New York City blizzard; amongst the potential bestselling gifts for Christmas is a futuristic clock that tells the time one hour in the future; Bill DeLace presents ""Top Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear in a Supermarket.""
For Thanksgiving, Marv Albert sits at Dorothy's kitchen table, eagerly anticipating one of her world-famous pies. Also, The Strokes perform ""Someday.""
During Mailbag, Dave mentions that he's been a very good boy this year and that he wants a John Deere riding mower for Christmas. Also, comedian Jann Karam talks about her boyfriend.
A giant rat knocks over the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center; during ""Stephanie Birkett, Official Pollster,"" Dave's assistant asks a man on the street if Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is gay; Sum 41 performs ""Still Waiting.""
Throughout the night, Biff attempts to build an IKEA bookshelf in the theater lobby. Despite using only the Swedish instructions and claiming ""I can't build s***,"" the bookshelf is completed by the end of the show.
During ""KYCE,"" a cop attempts to punch Dave; Allison Janney plugs ""The Hours.""
Dave waxes philosophy: ""I believe there isn't a man, woman, or child who doesn't enjoy a lovely beverage."" Also, comedian Mike Birbiglia makes his network television debut.
Dave repeatedly shows a ""60 Minutes"" clip showcasing Lesley Stahl's unique facial movements; as they do every year, Rupert, Joe G, Mujibur, and Sirajul decorate the Late Show Christmas Tree; Coldplay performs ""In My Place""; the giant meatball on the tree falls apart.
Osama and his half-awake sidekick sing ""We Wish You a Merry Christmas."" Also, Dave ponders, ""How Many Guys In Santa Suits Can Fit Into a Coffee Shop?"" By the end of the show, there are 19 Santas with beards, 5 without facial hair, and one guy dressed up as Superman standing in the shop.
Greg Adams of The Tower of Power horn section sits in; Osama and his sidekick sing Christmas carols; Dave reads Daniel Boloud's cookbook.
George Clarke takes a bath in the ""Will It Float?"" tank; the sixteen stars of ""Survivor: Thailand"" present the Top Ten; Phish performs ""All of These Dreams.""
Osama Bin Laden wishes Dave a merry christmas via video greeting card; Gerard Mulligan has something to say to Al Gore during ""CBS Mailbag;"" an annual tradition continues as Jay Thomas tries to knock the meatball of the Late Show Christmas Tree.
During ""Is This Anything?,"" a man swallows a neon light sword. Dave and Paul agree that this is something, but only because of the danger involved.
Dave shows a copy of George Foreman's new book, followed by a ""Michael Caine Grill""; Stephanie dances like her unnamed ex-boyfriend to the band playing Rod Stewart's ""Do You Think I'm Sexy?""; Michael Caine promotes The Quiet American.
Dave discusses his experiences with shampooing over the years, and announces that earlier today he inadvertently conditioned before shampooing. Lo and behold, there's absolutely no difference! Also, Chris Elliott makes his twentieth-odd triumphant return to the Late Show.
The shirtless father and son from that White Sox-Royals game in 2002 are elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame; Merv Griffin promotes his autobiography; Interpol performs ""PDA.""
Ten members of the 82nd Airborne Division based in Afghanistan present the Top Ten. The soldier who presents #6 proposes to his girlfriend, who accepts via telephone. Also, today's ""Late Show Fun Fact"" reveals that Wink Martindale once beat a ""Tic-Tac-Dough"" contestant with his bare hands.
Mailbag: Dave shows an ad for the mother of all reality shows, ""Bachelorette Millionaire Boat Survivor Race Factor Idol."" He also tries to make sense out of ""Rael"" (Gerard), a Quebecois cult leader who supposedly cloned the first human earlier this week. After revealing the first cloned baby is really a dog, he rebounds with ""Rael's Pigskin Pick of the Week.""
Dave talks football, while Jimmy Kimmel promotes his upcoming talk show on ABC.
Dave announces that today is the 3rd anniversary of his quintuple bypass, and upon mentioning this, Regis interrupts the jokes to give Dave a quick check-up. ""You're screwed,"" Regis proclaims. Throughout the night, Dave reflects on the bypass, claiming he ran five miles six weeks after the bypass. Near the end of the show, Dave tells former announcer Bob Sarlette that his cholesterol is a healthy 46.
Dave shows a bogus eulogy by the network commemorating yesterday's big anniversary; Sandra Bullock promotes Two Weeks Notice; Dave asks Biff to check the weather outside, and watches as several penguins waddle through Broadway.
CBS won't stop airing their 30-second eulogy to the ""late, great"" Dave; Dave shows a promo for the upcoming Survivor: Jihad, then wishes a happy birthday to an audience member.
Mailbag: ""Who do you consider to be your best friend from the Late Show?"" Paul responds to this question by performing an original song dedicated to his best friend in the whole wide world, the man who changed his life for the better for the last twenty-one years, boom operator Al Norwood.
Osama praises ""Kangaroo Jack"" for his contempt for the infidels; Steph/Monty reviews the aforementioned movie, then makes a daring Super Bowl prediction (Bucs by 26!); ""Dwight the Troubled Teen"" (an Asian woman) vividly expresses his hatred of Alan.
It's so cold outside, Alan's hair has turned a light shade of blue, but it turns out to be a Clairol® mishap. Also, Dave bids farewell to longtime comic foils Mujibur and Sirajul by giving them a Hoover Steamvac vacuum cleaner, and Regis talks football.
Alan's hair has now turned green; Paul tries to spin a ball on a parasol like the lady who appeared in tonight's ""Is This Anything?"", but fails miserably; Tina Fey promotes the Saturday Night Live (Super Bowl) Halftime Special.
In a new, experimental segment, reporter Penny Crone contributes a ""Local News Update of the Night""; Dave admits that his friends are getting sick of ""Is This Anything?"", but he keeps on doing it anyway; Zwan performs ""Honestly.""
Mailbag: George Clarke has learned to speak Italian: ""Imgana cuccia nutsoff."" Also, fertile make-up maven Michele O'Callaghan provides a cape for Paul's Friday night breakdown.
Dave congratulates Frank Comito upon the birth of his daughter; Biff reports from Super Bowl XXXVII; a capybara (a large rat) sits on Kate Hudson's head and eats a banana, with due thanks to Jack Hanna.
Upon showing off a fake invitation to Colin Powell's address to the United Nations, Dave starts singing a Paul Anka song; Alan hits on the wife of Hans Blix, and then later learns that he has just been fired and replaced.
During Mailbag, Dave shows a clip from the upcoming CBS drama ""CSI: Lancaster, PA""; the Kids in the Hall comedy troupe performs a skit about women's problems; Paul's Friday-night homage to James Brown is returned as the Godfather of Soul delivers his cape.
Alan is dressed as Saddam Hussein, claiming he's just trying to do his part; throughout the night, show dogs from the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show walk around the theater; Pat Farmer drinks paint; at the end of the show, Kenny Sheehan sneaks in disguised as a beagle.
Throughout the night, Steph/Monty shops at 21 on 52nd Street.
Steph/Monty is dressed in a kimono for ""Know Your Current Events""; Dave mentions that Dr. Phil will be on Monday, and he plans to open up a serious can of whoop-ass; Homer Simpson (voiced by Dan Castellaneta) presents the Top Ten.
Dave talks to ""Michael Jackson"" (actually Gerard) during CBS Mailbag. Later, comedian Dennis Regan rants about marriage.
Throughout the night, Steph/Monty measures the accumulated snowfall on the roof of the theater; Daytona 500 champion Michael Waltrip presents the Top Ten; Dr. Phil makes his first-ever appearance on the Late Show, and it appears that he can take a joke; Beck performs ""Lost Cause.""
A guy whose flight from LaGuardia to Atlanta was delayed by snow sits in with the band; Mayor Bloomberg presents the Top Ten; Alan wants Dwight the Troubled Teen to shovel snow.
Amongst the ""New Catalogs"": Crate & Barrel (with new barrel-sized crates), Starbucks Coffee by Mail, and something called ""International Monkey."" Also, Kevin Spacey does impressions of Elton John and Johnny Carson, while Alan threatens the sound engineer after a (supposed) gaffe on last night's show.
In honor of tonight's Turkey Calling Champions, Dave has a swig of Wild Turkey bourbon; ""Biff Henderson's America"" makes a stop in Palomar Mountain, California, where he stands out on a ledge yelling out names of 50's-era wrestlers for an echo; The Flaming Lips perform ""Do You Realize?""
Solomon Burke sits in; during Mailbag, Dave points out that a nudist-friendly Kinko's has opened nearby, while ""police chief"" Bill DeLace complains that Dave and Harold Larkin have run the bleeding-neck gag into the ground; Dave chats with Lynne Cox, who swam a mile to Antarctica in near-freezing water.
Dave mentions that Paul and Alan were involved with last night's Grammy Awards; Rupert asks ""non-surviving Survivor"" Janet Koth if there was any hanky-panky in the Amazon (but of course); Steve Martin shows (bogus) clips of some of his less memorable appearances on the Late Show, including dangling a baby off a third-floor balcony.
Dave mentions that he woke up this morning with a swollen eye, then hypothesizes that it's either an irritation, infection or inflammation; during ""Stupid Human Tricks,"" a man juggles and removes his shirt at the same time; Norah Jones is presented with a Grammy© made out of lunch meat.
Dave's worsening eye infection puts him on the bench indefinitely, so scheduled guest Bruce Willis fills in for Daddy. Amongst tonight's highlights: Bruno and George Clarke duct tape plastic sheets on the backdrop; the ""Lean Mean EZ CD Opening Machine"" (a sledge hammer) is demonstrated; Paul interviews Bruce, then Bruce sits in with the band on harmonica; John Mayer performs ""Why Georgia.""
Tennis great John McEnroe fills in for Dave, whose condition has not improved; Fred Schnieder of The B-52's fills in for Paul, whom, according to Bones Malone, has an appointment with Dr. Phil; John and Tom Arnold help Eric Ripert make Black Pepper and Cognac Shrimp.
Regis fills in for Dave, who has now been diagnosed with shingles; Greg Giraldo does stand-up; Kathleen Edwards sings ""Hockey Skates.""
Whoopi Goldberg (a former talk-show host in her own right) is the latest to fill in for Dave during his extended bout with shingles. She starts the monologue by announcing that ""tonight's show is in color,"" and then points out that the CBS Orchestra was once again the house band of last weekend's Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Also, comedian Andy Vastola makes his network television debut.
Guest host Vince Vaughn charms the audience and hits on Rosie Perez.
Will Ferrell joins fellow ""Old School"" star Vince Vaughn as a guest host on Letterman. In his monolouge, Will does his famous George W. Bush impression and serenades the absent host with his version of Kenny Rogers' ""Lady."" Later on, the up and coming rock band The American Hi-Fi performs their hit ""The Art of Losing.""
Will & Grace star Megan Mullally shows a clip of her tripping as she walked onstage to accept an award at last Sunday's Screen Actors Guild awards. Later, she sings a blues number called ""Guilty.""
Brad Garrett of Everybody Loves Raymond fame does a very Letterman-esque, one-liner heavy monologue, then mentions a recent medical mishap where his testes broke his fall. Also, Lyle Lovett sings ""Straighten Up and Fly Right.""
Chicago-born comedian (and old friend of Dave's) Tom Dreseen becomes the latest fill-in host for Dave. He mentions that a fan outside the theater mistook him for Regis, then goes a spiel about his daughter's love of hip-hop. Also, lesbian comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer performs.
Paul fills in for Dave, lamenting in song about the big shoes he has to fill; Mike Smith of the Dave Clark Five fills in for Paul, who later sings the band's hit ""Because""; indie rocker Cat Power makes her network television debut, and is so camera-shy she can't seem to eye contact with the audience.
In a bizarre running gag, Bill Cosby pretends to be so senile that a substitute cue-card boy introduces all of tonight's guests; Hilton Ruiz, Spaceman Paterson, Steve Berrios, and Andy Gonzales all sit in lieu of a temporary depleted band tonight (only Paul, Sid and Bruce bothered to show up); Sofia Vergara promotes Chasing Papi; the D4 performs ""Get Loose.""
Luke Wilson brings up a story about how he told his Old School co-stars Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn he was hosting the Late Show. He was surprised by how unimpressed they were, as they also filled in for Dave. Later in the show, Seether performs ""Driven Under.""
Dave returns from a month-long hiatus and makes fun of his health problems. He also shows an old ""Tonight Show"" clip as a tribute to the late, great George Miller.
""I have to be here tonight,"" Dave utters in the monologue, ""I'm out of sick days."" An ""Incredible Dog Challenge"" sponsored by Purina Dog Chow has been postponed by the weather, but that doesn't stop George Clarke from welding a metal garbage can.
Dave shows footage of Donald Rumsfeld unintentionally flipping the bird at a press conference, and later he chats with adolescent ""Bernie Mac Show"" star Jeremy Suarez.
After admitting that his medicine is making him bloated, Dave loosens his belt for all the world to see; during Biff's annual visit to Yankees Spring Training, he and Hideki Matsui recreate Abbott & Costello's ""Who's On First?"" routine; ten members of an Air Force base in Alaska present the Top Ten; Bo Diddley and the Debby Hastings Band performs ""Who Do You Love.""
Mailbag: ""Does Alan Kalter really have a twin?"" Dave points out that he does have a brother named Rick, but Alan interrupts with a chin rub. Apparently, Big Red recently discovered he has a twin sister, Denise. After catching up on lost time at a local restaurant, Alan and Denise go to his place and make out.
Dave shows a clip of Les Moonves on last night's episode of The Practice; Dave warns Steph/Monty to not ask the monkey question, but she does anyway; The Folksmen (stars of the film ""A Mighty Wind"") perform ""Old Joe's Place.""
Dave and Paul wonder openly what to ask Lisa Marie Presley, who is on the show tonight to promote her first solo album. Later in the show, she sings ""Lights Out.""
Dave reminds us that his 56th birthday was on Saturday, but he claims it was really his 34th and CBS aged him; Dave tells a funny story about George Miller's memorial service; ""Hootie Johnson"" presents Dave with a green Masters jacket.
Dave announces that the Late Show (and not CNN) has the legal rights to a screen caption that reads ""Showdown: Syria""; Tony Mendez gets scolded by Daddy for abbreviating ""Dr. Phil's Words of Wisdom"" to ""Dr. Phil's Words of W"" on a cue-card; a woman who lost her luggage at JFK Airport participates in the new Hello Deli game ""What's Your Problem?"" (and she loses).
Dave shows footage of chaos on the streets of Baghdad that bears that striking resemblance to West Side Story; a man balancing a burning bowling ball participates in ""Is This Anything?""; Todd Rundgren performs ""Hello, It's Me"" (a song he would perform on the show again later that year).
Dave congratulates cameraman Dave Dorsett on fifty years in the biz; during Mailbag, a viewer asks why Dave doesn't throw stuff off the roof anymore, resulting in a flashback where Paul and his office supplies are thrown onto 53rd Street; The Exies perform ""My Goddess.""
Due to today's weather, Dave raises the temperature inside the theater from 53 to 57 degrees; Dave comments on the Iraqi playing cards, then points out that Mickey Rooney is the 8 of diamonds; Jack Hanna brings two emus and an oryx (an African antelope) onstage.
Sam Moore sits in again; Carmen Rasmussen of ""American Idol"" presents the Top Ten; John Malkovich promotes his new clothing line.
An Iraqi Republican guard that bears more than a passing resemblance to a dazed Calvert walks by Dave right after the monologue; Dave attempts to make ""Wash it, gas it, give me the keys"" his new catchphrase; Lily Chin (the world's fastest crocheter) makes Dave half of a sweater; The Minus 5 and Wilco join together to perform ""The Town That Lost Its Groove Supply.""
Mailbag: ""Whatever happened to the bear that mauled Alan Kalter?"" According to VH1's Where Are They Now?, the bear was fired for stealing a monitor in 1999, but he rebounded and now works in middle management for Oglivy & Mather. Dave invites the bear in to take a bow, and he runs over towards Alan in a frightening pose, then backs off and walks offstage. Also, Pulitzer Prize winner Robert A. Caro presents the Top Ten.
Dave has Kentucky Derby announcer Dave Johnson on the phone so he can hear him say, ""…and down the stretch they come!""; the latest ""Rejected FDA Items"" include baloney playing cards; Don Rickles does stand-up.
Prompted by an audience member's request the week before, Pat, Steph/Monty, and a new employee throw stuff off the roof throughout the show for the first time since 1998; Dave meets Christy Smith, the first disabled contestant to appear on ""Survivor"" (she's hearing-impaired).
Dave shows off his regular coffee mug, then a mug given to him by Dr. Phil that's almost twice that size, then the new, even larger Late Show mug; during ""Stupid Human Tricks,"" a man puts pennies up his nose with his tongue; Kelly Clarkson sings ""Miss Independent.""
A staffer dressed as Nightcrawler from the ""X-Men"" movies tries to hail a cab, but ends up on a rickshaw; Joe Lieberman presents the Top Ten; Ziggy Marley performs ""True to Myself.""
During Mailbag, Biff answers yet another question about his headset by unsuccessfully attempting to seduce the author of the letter; ten celebrity moms (including Dorothy) present the Top Ten; Marilyn Manson discusses painting with watercolors and later hangs out in the green room with the mothers.
Dave shows a CBS promo for ""Saddam Week""; a box of fish sticks and a bottle of perfume are subjected to a rare ""Will It Float?"" doubleheader; Albert Brooks promotes Finding Nemo and pretends to complain about his woes.
A high school senior in Jersey decides on his prom tuxedo, and ends up choosing a powder blue leisure suit; during ""Stupid Pet Tricks,"" a pink poodle sorts out blocks of different shapes; Survivor: Amazon winner Jenna Morasca is interrogated on all fronts, with burning questions from Dave, Paul, Rupert, and Monty.
Dave reads the new disclaimer on the New York Times (""Not all articles are factual""); Chief Warrant Officers David Williams and Ronald Young, Jr. tell their incredible story of survival as Iraqi POWs; Jada Pinkett Smith promotes The Matrix Reloaded.
Biff walks the streets of New York City looking for celebrities, or, for that matter, celebrity lookalikes; during a cooking segment with Eric Ripert, Dave slings back a bottle of Jack Daniels; Avril Lavigne performs ""Losing Grip.""
Dave hypes some of the new shows that will be appearing on the networks this fall; Rupert Jee lets off a little steam on ""CBS Mailbag;"" Jack Johnson performs ""The Horizon Has Been Defeated.""
John Goodman discusses his ""promotion"" to President on The West Wing; Johnny Knoxville delivers Paul's cape; Nas and Alicia Keys perform ""Warrior Song.""
Dave does the ""Charts and Graphs"" segment for the first time in over a year; Mark Wahlberg talks about his girlfriend, unborn child, and new house; The Sounds perform ""Seven Days a Week.""
After Dave makes a joke about CBS' recent miniseries about Adolf Hitler, Paul and the band plays ""Danke Schoen;"" a woman is given the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to call, and then hang up on Regis; Alan has a few words to say about ""American Idol;"" Jim Carrey shows off his idea for a reality show; Chevelle performs ""Send The Pain Below.""
Dave shows off the latest oversized Late Show mug; Regis admits his contempt for last night's comedy bit at Hello Deli; 3 Doors Down performs ""The Road I'm On.""
Dave announces that the unwieldy-huge Late Show mug that debuted last night is available for parties, and Dave attempts to sip some coffee out of it; Liam Lynch performs his novelty hit ""United States of Whatever.""
Throughout the night, Biff assembles a Weber Grill in the lobby; half the audience is comprised of sailors; Kareem Abdul-Jabbar delivers Paul's cape.
In honor of a recent Team Rahal victory, Dave makes car noises; Steph/Monty discusses last weekend's Indianapolis 500 via telephone; ""What's on the Barbeque"" finds Biff trying to guess what type of meat is being cooked on the grill built last week on the show; Dave tries to persuade tonight's guests to also make engine noises.
Tisziji Munoz (a mentor of Paul's) sits in on guitar; Rupert and a Long Island girl play ""Stop the Slicer""; Alan introduces a video montage of what are intended to be various celebrities, but Dave criticizes him and Alan starts sobbing; Alec Baldwin tells an amusing story about his hypochondria.
Dave mentions that Tom Arnold will be filling in for him Friday night; staffer Eddie Valk participates in ""Can a Guy in a Horse Suit Get into FlashDancers?"" After successfully enter the nudie bar, Eddie then attempts to hail a taxi but ends up annoying passerby.
Dave and Paul discuss skin diving; Dave makes the new Hillary Clinton memoirs the butt of several jokes; Seth Green promotes The Italian Job.
Tom Arnold fills in for Dave as he takes yet another night off. Later on, Tom welcomes longtime ""SNL"" cast member Darrell Hammond and rock group Train.
Dave talks about a weekend onion-slicing accident involving his pinky, which results in a medical procedure live on stage.
Dave and Paul play ""Millionaire or Kenny?"" Later, Barbara Gaines (making a rare on-camera appearance) receives a surprise birthday cake; Bruce Willis shows off his new hairdo.
Lauren Graham talks about her recent real estate acquisition; Marv Albert shows some of his favorite bloopers.
On ""CBS Mailbag,"" Alan Kalter is beaten up by leprechauns, plus Dave welcomes Harrison Ford, which gives him the chance to rehash a favorite line: ""I bought my first car at ""Harrison Ford!""
Host Tom Green (an Ottawa Senators fan) gets body-checked by Scott Stevens of the rival New Jersey Devils. Also, comedian Isaac Witty and singer-songwriter Damien Rice make their respective network television debuts.
Dave celebrates an important milestone; Biff Henderson goes to a senior prom in New Jersey; Dave chats with Hillary Clinton.
Rupert and Dave play ""Name That Baldwin""; Rob Reiner brags about his recent weight loss; Paul Teutel and Paul Teutel Jr. of the cable reality show American Chopper demonstrate their knack for building motorcycles.
B.B. King sits in with the band; Biff teaches Dave how to ride a Segway; ""Dr. William Gammons"" gives the audience advice on monkeypox.
Kelsey Grammer (aka Frasier Crane) talks about his 20-month-old daughter, then chats with fellow deep-voiced thespian James Earl Jones.
Demi Moore promotes her new movie ""Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle,"" her first major studio movie in six years. Later, Dave welcomes singer-songwriter Michelle Branch.
Drew Barrymore promotes her new movie; Simon Cowell of ""American Idol"" fame talks about his new reality show ""Cupid.""
During ""Who Asked For It?,"" Alan uses CPR as an excuse to make out with an audience member; Dave makes his first PA announcement in almost four years, telling the crowd outside the theater that they're about to be hosed with ""Mountain Dew"" (water); Dave chats with a six-year-old girl from Florida who ran a controversial lemonade stand.
Dave talks about his recent trip to the dentist. Later, Stephanie ""Monty"" Birkett dresses up as a princess for ""CBS Mailbag.""
Jimmy Fallon of ""SNL"" fame sings an original composition about December-May relationships. Later, he chats with Chloe Sevigny and ""Late Show"" writer Bill Scheft.
Dave half-jokingly announces his candidacy for Ohio's seat in the US Senate, then flirts with Lisa Marie Presley.
George Clarke and Dave play ""Would You Like To Ride In Our Freight Elevator?"" Later, Dave welcomes an elderly (if not faithful) fan who made it to the audience after watching the show every night for 15 years.
Cy Young Award-winning pitcher Barry Zito stands on the roof of the Broadway Theater, throwing baseballs at the Ed Sullivan Theater windows. Later, Grandaddy performs ""Now It's On.""
Steph/Monty dresses up as a cowgirl for CBS Mailbag; Ari Fleishcher talks about his 2 1/2 years as Dubya's press secretary; Beyonce sings her smash hit ""Crazy In Love.""
Dave ventures into the audience for yet another round of ""Know Your Current Events;"" Jeff Bridges promotes the movie ""Seabiscuit.""
Dave chats with Aron Ralston, the mountain climber who had to amputate his own arm following a climbing accident.
In honor of one of this summer's biggest blockbusters, Dave plays ""How Many Guys In Pirate Costumes Can Fit Into a Sandwich Shop?"" Later, Jane's Addiction performs ""Just Because.""
Following last night's performance by Jane's Addiction, ""Mr. S"" (Paul) hires backup dancers for the CBS Orchestra; Osama offers condolences to Saddam; Ten baseball greats present a special Top Ten about the perks of being in the Hall of Fame.
Stephanie, dressed as a jockey, counts off the letters for ""CBS Mailbag."" (Her horse has its own way of signifying ""number two."") Later, British Open champion Ben Curtis shoots golf balls off the roof of the theater.
Dave wants to know if the 500 feet of co-axial cable being used in tonight's ""Will It Float?"" is coiled or not. When he finds out that it is coiled, he demands it to be uncoiled. Later, Queens of the Stone Age perform their hit ""Go With The Flow.""
Dave meets a six-year-old bowling phenom; Jason Biggs promotes the movie ""American Wedding.""
Pete Fatovich serenades Dave on the accordion; Rupert goes water skiing; Eugene Levy and Paul look back on their long friendship.
As a tribute to George Miller, Dave repeatedly uses his favorite catch phrase, ""In my pants!"" Meanwhile, a commercial that Dave taped reveals that California governor Gray Davis once beat a man to death with a crowbar in a convinence store.
Dave thinks somebody is ""monkeying"" with his chair; Stephanie dresses up as a mountie; Alan debuts his new show ""You're Busted!"" during CBS Mailbag.
A man on fire rushes upon the stage, and Dave struggles to put out the flames. Later, Naomi Watts talks about her dog, which she has named Bob.
A barbershop quartet interrupts Dave during the monologue; Biff plays DH for the Brockton Rox baseball team; Alan has a special message for Liza Minelli.
Rupert and George Clarke square off to see who can eat the most raw oysters. Later, Colin Farrell promotes the movie ""S.W.A.T.""
Dave and Paul play ""Referee or Foot Locker Employee?""; Sports Illustrated writer Rick Reilly talks about a lifetime of experiences as a celebrity golf caddy.
Motocross ""badass"" Carey Hart does a few stunts on 53rd St.; Stephanie dons a Little Bo Peep get-up for ""CBS Mailbag;"" ""Arnold Schwarzenegger"" (Gerard) drops by; Brittany Murphy promotes ""Uptown Girls"" (and gets in a few good-natured rips on former beau Ashton Kutcher); Dashboard Confessional sings.
A pair of buglers interrupt the monologue; David Duchovny talks about how he is unintentionally scaring his daughter; The New Amsterdams perform ""Spoils of the Spoiled.""
""Grinder Girl"" Kiva Kahl fills in tonight for the Late Show Dancers; Chris Rock talks about his upcoming gig as host of the MTV Video Music Awards; The Star Spangles perform.
Rupert selects a contestant for ""Stop The Slicer;"" Bill Murrays shows off his look and plugs ""Lost In Translation;"" Pete Sampras discusses his recent retirement.
Venus and Serena Williams present a special Top Ten list. Later, David Spade promotes ""Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star.""
During CBS Mailbag, Stephanie dons a kilt, while it is revealed that George Clarke resorted to cannibalism during the big blackout two weeks ago. Later, Rooney performs ""I'm Trying.""
1996
Dave gives a ham to an audience member named Bud Perchinski, who later assumes control of one of the cameras. Later, Flea (from Red Hot Chili Peppers) and Jewel Kilcher perform a duet.
Adam Sandler promotes Happy Gilmore; Yankees pitcher David Cone demonstrates ball-handling techniques.
It's the unofficial Three-Year Anniversary. (The count is 90 morning shows, 1810 Late Nights, and 654 Late Shows.) Dave shows some of his favorite clips, then goes door-to-door in New Jersey with Gene Siskel, Roger Ebert and Richard Simmons.
Dave scrambles to find something to fill the extra 16 minutes of his commerical-free show.
Sanborn's still sitting in; Paul appears in a Bob Dole campaign ad; Tom Hanks promotes ""That Thing You Do!""
It's Biff's 50th birthday, so Dave promotes his new PBS political roundtable chatfest, ""The Henderson Group."" Tonight's panelists: Biff, Dave, Paul, and ""outspoken liberal"" Pat Farmer.
Calvert plays Bob Dole's go-between; The Dave Matthews Band performs ""Crash Into Me.""
Referring to a current TV Guide that pays tribute to Dave's Suit of Alka Seltzer from his NBC days, Rupert Jee stands in a bowl of clam chowder.
1996: Dave shows a tape of Bob Dole blinking in the first presidential debate; Michael J. Fox gets a car for high school graduation (he didn't officially graduate until that Spring); the Kinks' Ray Davies performs ""To the Bone.""
Clint Black sits in; the roof cam reveals campaign workers scuffling outside.
Dave searches for a new anchor for CBS-2 New York, and decides on a girl named Donna Hill. She makes several (bogus) news reports throughout the night.
1996: Three audience girls are given hams; Dave shows a (supposed) clip from tonight's Vice Presidential debate; Dave and Marv Albert point out another audience member who happens to be wearing a neckbrace.
During CBS Mailbag, Calvert appears as ""Derek the Cantankerous Wallaby""; guest George Foreman pulls a truck.
Cindy Crawford walks onstage with heavy eye makeup, and Dave asks where she got her black eyes.
Dave shows a poster that proves that Bob Dole's presidential campaign is doomed: ""For The Love of God, Don't Vote for Tubby."" Also, Calvert reports from the Game 1 of the Braves-Yankees World Series, during which he hugs the mayor of Atlanta.
Dave says goodnight halfway through the show and then leaves. Paul goes to search for Dave but gets distracted playing basketball. Dave is finally found guiding planes on the runway at JFK Airport, so Biff calls him via a courtesy phone and tells him to return.
Dave salutes the 1996 World Champion New York Yankees and welcomes manager Joe Torre.
Dave chats with redeemed Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, while Rupert launches the ""Deli of Terror.""
Bill Murray serves as the show's roving reporter, asking pedestrians outside about the upcoming national election. Also, Dave shows off his new, thinner haircut.
In honor of Halloween, Dave presents ""Biff the Headless Stage Manager""; the problem, though, is that Biff is dressed as a Thanksgiving pilgrim.
""Friday Night on the Road"" begins in Beantown, as Michael Hirsch, aka ""The Bar,"" makes his stunning transformation from dorm geek to BMOC.
NYC Marathon winner Giacomo Leone runs through the set, while Mel Gibson presents ""Top Ten Lines You'll Never Hear Me, Mel Gibson, Say in a Movie.""
It's the day after Election '96, so Dave tells his last ""Bob Dole is old"" joke. Also, Dave fidgets with his unusually long tie, while Calvert conducts exit polls.
During Mailbag, a viewer pleads for no more Dole jokes, so ""Bob Dole"" (Calvert) appears on stage and sings Lionel Richie's ""Say You, Say Me,"" a pop ditty which includes the immortal lines, ""I had a dream; I had an awesome dream.""
Ten noteworthy anchormen appear in the top ten list while Dave chats with recently denied presidential candidate Bob Dole.
It's the official 3rd Anniversary special, with clips and highlights from the past three seasons.
Biff interrupts Dave's monologue ""just to be on TV;"" Kristen Scott Thomas plugs ‘The English Patient.""
Saxaphonist Joshua Redman sits in; Gene Catron performs a trick involving dominoes and a pool ball; Dave gives out candy.
Dave's artificial tooth comes loose, while Ed McMahon imitates Leonard Tepper's impression of the former ""Tonight Show"" sidekick.
From Chicago: Paul meets his long-lost brother Matt Shaffer on ""Jerry Springer"" just as Dave was going to admit to being a transvestite. Also, Dave introduces ten citizens with distinct names for ""Top Ten Our Favorite Illinois Names."" His choice for #1, Springfield resident Minnie Cocke, has her mug displayed on the United Center jumbotron.
Throughout the night, audience members walk onstage to tell jokes.
Dave calls a desk jockey from across the street named Samantha Giafoni, asking for her opinion about Michael Jackson. After calling her, autumn leaves are dumped in her office.
Glenn Close promotes the live-action remake of ""101 Dalmations.""
When Dave gives a ham to an audience guy, he gives him five more when he says it's going to a senior citizens' group. Soon enough, Biff practically gives him the whole store.
Friday Night on the Road finishes in Miami, Florida. It's so hot in the Coconut Grove Playhouse that Dave strips off his suit and hosts the show in his khakis and t-shirt: ""This is exactly what rehearsal looks like.""
A ""News in Review"" segment is translated into Chinese, while Dave accidentally cuts himself while crawling under his desk.
John Popper of Blues Traveler sits in, and later he performs with Dolly Parton.
Thanksgiving and the holidays are the topics du jour in the latest edition of ""Dave Talks to Kids.""
Gerard makes a cameo in the annual ""Thanksgiving Day Quiz,"" while Dorothy bakes cherry and hickory nut pies.
After Dave offers a million dollars claiming that there's no such person named Sivareddy Gotike, whose letter was read on the CBS Mailbag the week before, Sivareddy appears on the show to collect. Dave offers him and his friend Srinivas a hotel room, dinner at Tad's, dinner at the 21 Club, two tickets to ""Cats,"" two tickets to a Jets game, a camera, car service, and dates instead.
Biff gives out hams to the audience during the second-ever appearance of ""Know Your Current Events,"" while Martha Stewart shows Dave how to make a scented wreath.
Dave announces he's #45 on TV Guide's greatest stars list; after interviewing Nicole Kidman, Dave is dyspeptic and demands a roll of Tums®; the roof cam reveals Santa dumping a corpse in a garbage disposal.
Dave calls the corner pay phones, but no one answers. He finally steps outside and tells anyone to pick up the phone. After some guy named Phil answers it, Dave has to scream at him to come inside.
1996: Two merchant marines do push-ups onstage; Dave and Paul reprise the roles of their alter egos, Gator and Skunk; Leonard Tepper performs in the Late Show ""kid's nativity play""; Counting Crows appear for the second night in a row.
Skunk and Gator hang out in the green room; Beavis and Butthead plug their upcoming movie; Paul performs an original holiday number.
Somebody named Matias Paluka is interviewed by Dave, then does a weather forecast.
Tony sits in the audience, while Rupert shows Dave a ""Tickle Me Giuliani"" doll.
Mayor Giuliani shows up to put an apple on the Christmas tree, then gets in on a few pictures with Dave, Paul, and two audience members. Also, hockey great Gordie Howe calls Dave.
During a ""New for Christmas"" segment, Biff is nearly injured by a motorized hula hoop; Neve Campbell promotes ""Scream.""
Dave hugs a male audience member; fake snow falls on the backdrop, then on the audience; Darlene Love (featuring Bette Sussman) continues her holiday tradition of singing ""Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home).""
Midway through Dave's interview with ""Michael"" star John Travolta, the buxom president of John's fan club gets a hug and an autograph.
John Popper of Blues Traveler sits in, while Biff gives dating tips.
Calvert DeForest is live at Times Square as the show is taped hours earlier. Tom Arnold appears again on New Year's Eve, this time without Roseanne.
Calvert DeForest is live at Times Square as the show is taped hours earlier; Tom Arnold appears again on New Year's Eve, this time without Roseanne; Biff gets scissors from Dave to get rid of the Cabbage Patch doll chewing on his ear; Kamarr the Discount Magician tries in vain to impress the audience.
Dave introduces an audience member named Tara to Alec Baldwin; Dave shows a drawing of him in a 70's-era leisure suit; from the hit Broadway revival ""Chicago,"" Bebe Neuwirth and Ann Reinking perform ""And All That Jazz.""
During CBS Mailbag, a viewer asks what Dave did for New Year's. Dave flashes back to a wild night with a bunch of fabulous babes, while Paul brings him back to earth, and Dave flashes back to a night spent at the laundromat drinking Tide.
BB King sits in; Dave accidentally tears up the Top Ten blue card, so he reads the list via teleprompter; Tracey Ullman promotes her new HBO show, ""Tracey Takes On...""
Dave swipes Tony's gum, which he had tried to hide on top of one of the cameras. Also, Rupert of Hello Deli is pitted against Amando of Stage Deli in a little competition called ""The King of Meats."" It was a close battle throughout, but Amando ends up victorious.
Dave fondly looks back at the one-year anniversary of ""El Blizzardo,"" then does a spit take with Windex®. Also, Woody Harrelson plugs hemp products and The People vs. Larry Flint.
Dave sends an audience babe out to get some snow, and throughout the night the show is interrupted by a three-way snowball war between Dave, Inky and Anton.
An audience member celebrating her birthday dances onstage; Inky threatens to throw a rock at Dave; Dave chats with a nine-year-old girl that delivered her baby brother in a stuck elevator; Inky settles his differences and dances with Kim the audience girl.
Dave deems the show to be such a success that he announces the production of four spin-offs, ""Rupert Touches Meat,"" ""Leonard's Candid Camera,"" ""Kenny's Baywatch"" (with the stagehands running in slow motion), and ""Late Show with Carlos Huaycaga.""
It's time for another Late Show experiment: ""Who Will Get Kicked Out of TGIF's Sooner, a Shirtless Guy or a Guy with Ten Dogs?"" Answer: the shirtless guy. Later, Dave instructs Chris from the audience to negotiate with TGIF (where he works), and soon enough, everyone is allowed inside.
Dave shows QVC footage of a Cabbage Patch Bill Clinton doll eating French fries; Actor Chris O'Donnell does a Stupid Human Trick; the drama class from Calhoun High School re-enacts the first half of the show.
Paul shows a clip of his new home video ""The Late Show Made Easy,"" while ""Know Your Cuts of Meat"" makes its debut on ""Know Your Current Events.""
It's an ""All Kevin Spectacular"" as Kevin Kline, Kevin Sorbo, and Kevin Brennan guest on the show. The closing credits on the show include all staffers named Kevin (Kevin Burnett, Kevin Foley, Kevin Gaines, Kevin Mulligan [actually the name of Gerard's son], and so on).
Alan interrupts the monologue to comment on yesterday's Packers-Patriots Super Bowl; an audience member receives Dave's autograph; Calvert reports from New Orleans, where football fans are still celebrating after yesterday's championship.
Biff presides over another segment of ""What They Would Have Had for Lunch If They Were Still Alive."" Tonight, Lorne Greene: ""a BLT."" Also, Tony Williams sits in on drums, while Dave introduces Paul as ""Little Jimmy Dickens.""
Dave calls up an audience guy to meet Tori Amos, but he has to frisk him first.
Dave shows a promo of ""Rupert Jee's Private Parts,"" a spoof of the upcoming Howard Stern movie. Amongst those who participate in this parody are Rupert, Leonard, and ""Paul Shaffer as ‘David Letterman.'""
Dave celebrates a decade and a half in late night television by introducing some of his favorite Stupid Human Tricks. Later, he chats with basketball star Charles Barkley.
In honor of the re-release of the entire Star Wars trilogy, Dave moves his coffee mug with a little help from ""the force""; Billy Bob Thornton promotes his Academy Award-nominated film Sling Blade; the acrobatic Tokyo Stunt Boys bomb in their first (and ultimately only) American television performance.
Flugelhorn great Al Chez sits in with the band, while Leonard appears in a educational film about the First Thanksgiving.
Know Your Current Events: Dave promises an audience participant named Brian (who Dave keeps calling ""Larry"") that if he can kick a field goal outside, he can sit onstage. Brian hits the field goal post at 20 yards and wins his onstage seat.
Mailbag: Paul appears in a commercial for ""Uncle Dave's Non-Alcoholic Gin."" Also, Dave and Green Bay Packers QB Brett Farve throw footballs into cabs, and David Spade promotes his new sitcom, ""Just Shoot Me.""
In a remote featuring Dave talking to various fan club presidents, a swordfight breaks out between the ""Cats"" and ""Star Wars"" fans. Also, Bob Borden professes his love to a disturbed Martha Stewart.
Dave ponders another one of his deep thoughts: ""How Long Can a Guy Spin a Revolving Door Before Somebody Stops Him?"" It takes 40 minutes and 6 seconds before security escorts the man out.
Throughout the night, Biff, Pat and Kenny recreate scenes from Academy Award-nominated films, including ""The English Patient"" and ""Jerry McGuire."" The gag comes to an abrupt end when, while attempting to spoof ""Secrets and Lies,"" they can't find anybody who saw the film.
Dave brags that he had an incredible Valentine's Day last year, until Paul persuades him to admit that he spent it watching TV with an amorous Leonard. Also, the Jazz Passengers (featuring Deborah Harry and Elvis Costello) perform ""Doncha Go 'Way Mad.""
Marv Albert is credited with six seperate appearances tonight, thus raising his total on the show to an even one hundred. Later, Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, promotes her new cookbook.
Two weeks before, NBC denied Dave permission to use clips from his old show. So tonight, Tom Brokaw arrives and offers Dave a crumpled-up videotape from Late Night with David Letterman. Also, Dave shows a faux-documentary short called ""Dave's Family Weekend"" (with Andrea as his sister and Leonard as Mr. Rogers).
The outside cam goes to Joe G's to launch production of the quickie movie ""Space Volcano""; Bruce Willis murders Mujibur and Sirajul; Demi Moore shows up with 15 dogs as a gift for Dave, and later the mutts storm the control room.
Throughout the night, various civilians tell jokes about their jobs, while Dave admits that he has fallen in love with this year's Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
The latest edition of ""Leonard Tepper's Hidden Video"" takes place entirely at Hello Deli, while ""Cosby"" star Doug E. Doug does standup.
Frequent CBS Mailbag contributor Jerry Scales appears in the audience and is given a roast chicken made of Nyquil. Also, Tony Randall talks about becoming a parent for the first time.
On the three-year anniversary of his memorable first appearance on the Late Show, super-bowler Dick Weber rolls one strike after another out on 53rd Street. Later, he and Bill Cosby go one-on-one on the specially-built lane, with Weber decimating the sitcom star.
James Cotton sits in; while pedestrians footrace against each other over on 54th and Broadway.
Leonard Tepper is live at Madison Square Garden, annoying participants at this year's Grammy Awards. He closes the segment by calling Dave a jackass.
Dave shows outtakes of Leonard's Grammy report, and then gets thrown out of a taping of ""Wheel of Fortune"" by a security guard resembling Bill DeLace.
Trumpeter Al Chez sits in; the ""First Annual Biff Henderson Award"" goes to a much-serving Biff; Randy Newman and Lyle Lovett perform ""You've Got a Friend In Me.""
Dave comments on ""El Blizzardo Diablo,"" a raining snowstorm that practically has New York City in a standstill. Also, Dave and Paul participate in a cutthroat battle of putdowns towards each other.
Dave points out that the wet snow of yesterday's ""El Blizzardo Diablo"" has already melted and/or evaporated. Also, Adam Arkin promotes the upcoming made-for-TV movie Not In This Town.
During ""Rejected Commercial Characters,"" jokes are translated for a select audience onstage from English to Japanese.
Bluesman Keb' Mo sits in; Dave and Paul shill a new sleeping enhancer called EclipseQuil; ""pyrotechnic madman"" Ray Wold blows up stuff and somehow avoids burning himself.
CBS Mailbag: Jerry Scales asks, ""What do viewers miss?"" Gerard Mulligan comes out in costume as ""A 50-year-old guy dressed like Zorro."" Also, The Biff Henderson Players present ""Send in the Clones.""
Sean Pelton sits in for Anton, while Howard Stern promotes his new movie.
The camera fixates on a guy in the audience with a gigantic gut with DAVE written on it. Also, Martin Short does another musical number, with a final note so extended that he leaves the stage, goes to the bank, buys a sandwich at Hello Deli, picks up his dry cleaning, and returns to the theater just in time for the big climax.
The Late Show Current Events Singers take on Clinton's recent leg injury, then performs some sort of a cappella apology to Cindy Crawford.
Today's burning question: ""How Many Guys in Bunny Suits Can Get into a Coffee Shop?"" All 23 guys that volunteered get in, and they are later joined by a geeky audience member from Georgia, who is later carried back to the stage by the bunnies.
In honor of his birthday, former president Thomas Jefferson is seen skydiving over the city, followed shortly by William McKinley and Paul Shaffer.
Dave announces that today is Tony Mendez' 60th birthday, even though he's only 52; Dave orders Anton to fetch him some coffee; a man-on-the-street segment dissects tonight's ""Top Ten Easter Bunny Pet Peeves.""
Mailbag: Alan has an announcer sitting in with him, only to realize he's not his intern but his willing replacement. Meanwhile, Academy Award winner Billy Bob Thornton (live via satellite) presents the Top Ten.
Songwriter Jimmy Webb sits in, and throughout the night the band plays his songs; Dave shows a tape of Rob Burnett's daughter being scared to death by Daddy as the Easter Bunny; Dave tells a story about how he spent his Easter with Nadine Hennelly, but as usual Paul coerces him into telling the sad, awful truth.
Dave calls a pay phone on Broadway, and then calls in a guy from Jersey named Rocky to tell the first ""Mets suck"" joke of the season. Also, Biff gives a pep talk to some grade-school students.
A man claiming to be Paul's brother Kenny sits in the audience, while amateur dentist David Kriuthoff fidgets with a special camera that can go inside the mouth.
""Colin Dunner"" (Gerard), the lead dancer in the Broadway hit ""Riverdance"" promotes his new videotape ""Riverdancin' to the Oldies."" Also, Will Lee demonstrates how to play a guitar like a piano.
Mailbag: a man on the street is decapitated by a giant, renegade blue card. Also, Pat Farmer introduces his new segment ""Live Action Editorial Cartoon."" Tonight's piece: ""Busting the Budget.""
Dave says he's discovered he's been combing his hair wrong, so he fidgets with it throughout the show. Also, Zahshu, the ""World's Only Performing Hippo,"" rolls over and begs.
""How Many Guys in a Bunny Suit Can Get Into H&R Block?"" Only two, until both are kicked out. Right after the first commercial break, Biff then tries to get in wearing a dog suit and, despite being escorted by Bill DeLace, is also ejected. When all is said and done, Dave announces the tax company's new slogan: ""And stay out!""
In a running gag that was started two nights before (in homage to something that appeared occasionally on Late Night), Zahshu, ""The World's Only Performing Goldfish,"" develops a severe case of stage fright. At the end of the show, he is removed from his fishbowl and is placed on top of a skateboard.
Champion weightlifter Magnus Vermagnusson lifts various objects, including Mujibur and Sirajul; Dave comments on his upcoming 50th birthday; Zhushi ""The World's Only Performing Dog"" is the latest animal to stand on stage in lieu of attempting some sort of stunt.
Marv Albert interviews accountants, then shows a blooper real along side it; Dave notices that Tony is holding cue cards with gloves on; ""Pat Farmer's Live-Action Political Cartoon"" takes a swipe at President Clinton.
Dave finds a patron named Bob Reedy, in Joe G's Pizza to star in another fake film epic, the Anaconda spoof ""Snakequest 2000."" Quote Dave: ""For the love of god, it's a giant snake!""
Allen Toussant sits in; Dave announces that in honor of the recent media hoopla over Ellen DeGeneres, the Late Show will now be ""more gay""; Wilco performs ""Someone Else's Song.""
Biff announces that if Lyndon Johnson were alive today, he would've had a roast beef sandwich for lunch. Also, The Verve Pipe performs ""The Freshman.""
On a special Indianapolis-themed night on the Late Show, Dorothy interrupts a comedy bit to give Dave a hug, while Reggie Miller presents the Top Ten.
Rupert Jee drops by to make an important announcement: ""America, I am a lesbian."" This inspires Regis to walk over and give him a hug.
Dave shows a clip from the latest Charlie Brown Special: Charlie Brown declares, ""I think I'm a lesbian."" Also, two dorky audience members help wash a cab outside the theater, then get hosed down by the NYFD.
It's ""Awards Night"" on the Late Show, as throughout the night Biff presents Gordie Howe with the Stanley Cup, Walter Payton with the Super Bowl Trophy, Bobby Allison with the Harley J. Earle Trophy, Kareem Abdul Jabbar with the Larry O'Brien Trophy, Alec Baldwin with the World Series Trophy, and Tony Mendez with the Best Cue Card Boy Trophy. Also, Alec announces on the in-theater PA system that he's a lesbian.
Wendy Liebman discusses mammograms, while Luke Perry rappels off the side of the theater.
In honor of tonight's audience (all residents of St. Louis and its suburbs), the backdrop is altered to show the city's skyline; Dave shows live footage of the Mets/Cardinals game in progress at Shea Stadium; Roseanne arrives for her interview on a Clydesdale-driven sleigh.
Dave dumps the show early yet again, and after searching high and low in Manhattan, Biff finally finds him demonstrating knife tricks at Benihana's.
""How Many Guys in Bunny Suits Can Get into a Fountain?"" Only about six, as the men in costume are thrown out of Central Park by the NYPD. After the first commercial break, John Goodman lunges into the fountain. Also, Hanson performs ""MmmBop.""
Tony Mendez does the Watusi; Biff announces that if Burt Lancaster were alive today, he would've had cream of mushroom soup and a tuna fish sandwich for lunch; stuntmen Ross and Elisa Hartzell shoot crossbow arrows at each other.
Rupert stars in a parody of those financial-success tapes that they sell in infomercials, while Kirsten Johnston promotes the 3-D season finale of Third Rock from the Sun.
With tonight's audience being from the Twin Cities, Dave makes them feel at home by having a faux snow fall in the theater. Also, the Top Ten home office is temporarily relocated to nearby Edina, Minnesota (and is presented by Twins great Kirby Puckett), while Calvert takes a tour of Minneapolis.
Tonight, Dave promises to show things that have never been on television before, including Marv Albert dancing with a giant squirrel, a gay man kissing a lesbian, and Biff playing solitaire topless. Also, Grover Washington, Jr. sits in, while Dave and Rupert do another one of their hidden-mic gags.
Dancers from Riverdance make a return appearance on the show. Actually, they're staff writers Gerard Mulligan and Eric Kaplan, Leonard Tepper, and financial wiz/Dave buddy Jim Peterson. Soon after, Robin Williams walks in from Broadway in a similar toe-tappin' style.
In honor of Late Show's 800th episode, Dave introduces ""Where Are They Now?"" pieces describing the whereabouts of Bernie Kopell, Howie Mandel, Olivia Newton-John, and Bill Clinton. Also, the Spice Girls perform ""Who Do You Think You Are.""
Late Show airs its second and last installment of Peanuts, as Lucy once again foils Charlie Brown's attempt to kick a football: ""Never mess around with a gangsta bitch.""
With tonight's audience representing Denver, Colorado, Dave interrupts the monologue to introduce an audience guy who ends up proposing to his girlfriend. Later in the show, Jeff Goldblum gives the happy couple a blender.
Biff brings out a Billy goat that supposedly won the Kentucky Derby last weekend; Dave leaves the show to play for the New York Yankees, then goes on a half-hearted tirade when he's cut by the team; ""Leonard Tepper's Mile-High Hidden Video"" observes unsuspecting tourists at the World Trade Center.
After showing past clips of disastrous attempts at stuffing guys in rabbit outfits inside various locales, Dave announces that it's time to play ""How Many Sailors Can Get into a New York City Chicken Restaurant?"" With the nearby Ranch 1 offering their services, a whopping 68 sailors walk in without a problem. Also, Dave chats with Ida Doggett, 1997 world bed-making champion.
It's time yet again for ""What They Would Have for Lunch if They Were Alive Today"" with Biff Henderson. The celebrity: Dean Martin. The lunch: mac n' cheese.
""Steven Spielberg"" (Gerard) brags out his new movie The Lost World, while Savion Glover performs a tap dance solo from the hit musical ""Stomp.""
Mailbag: a horrific freak accident turns Rupert into the mysterious ""Dr. Meat."" Also, Jason Alexander promotes Love! Valour! Compassion!
Remote on the 14th Floor: Late Show staffers Eric Stangel, Matt Roberts, Bob Borden, Rodney Munoz, Christian Breheney, and Eric Kaplan relate their Prom Nightmares while eating in the coffee room, with dramatizations that include Rupert Jee and Richard Simmons.
Customer Bob Barrett from Joe's Pizza is invited into the theater to act in the monster movie spectacular ""Ghost Dinosaur '97,"" co-starring Mujibur and Sirajul as ""Dinosaur #1"" and ""Dinosaur #2.""
The squash family is represented tonight by a visit from Elaine Cunningham, ""The Zucchini Lady""; Bill Cosby talks about his various medications.
Promoting an upcoming TV special, Farrah Fawcett walks out in a boozy daze, complimenting Dave for the view of the skyline when it's really a backdrop, then crawls around and makes animal noises. At the end of the show, Dave thanks Farrah for ""almost being here tonight.""
Biff reports from the NBA Finals in Salt Lake City; Dave makes his usual joke about buying his first car at Harrison Ford in Indiana; Dave Matthews Band performs ""Too Much.""
Dave shows an altered clip of President Clinton admitting his dislike for cloning, and later Dave is once again visited by ""the lovely Is-a-bella Ros-sell-ini.""
Dave turns the hose on pedestrians outside the theater; Jaleel ""Urkel"" White helps ""Les Moonves"" promote CBS' fall lineup; Seven Mary Three performs ""Lucky.""
Tom Brokaw explains why he turned down an offer to leave NBC for CNN: ""Same as you with CBS: more money, smaller audience."" Also, Sheryl Crow performs ""A Change (Will Do You Good).""
Mailbag: ""Farrah Fawcett"" (Calvert) explains her behavior from last week. Also, Kenny ""The Quick-Witted Stagehand"" Sheehan makes his 1000th TV appearance, which is followed by footage of his (bogus) television debut on Ed Sullivan in 1964.
Paul is introduced as ""Radu,"" then shows Dave a Happy Meal toy that looks just like him. Also, Dave hides in an apartment, harassing delivery people as they come and go.
A new challenge: ""Who Can Hail a Cab First""- a pantsless Mets fan or a pantless Yankees fan? For once, the Mets win the big one.
Dave gives an audience woman a ham just for being Polish; several members of the cast of Cats go inside FlashDancers; Alan Kalter promotes ""Late Show: The Game""; The Mighty Mighty Bosstones perform ""The Impression That I Get.""
Julia Roberts is treated to a clip of her first appearance on Letterman from 1990, only to watch the clip blackened out by NBC. Also, Jon Bon Jovi performs ""Janie, Don't Take Your Love to Town.""
""Riverdancers"" Gerry Mulligan, Mike McIntee, Eric Kaplan, and Jim Peterson amaze and delight the studio audience and the home viewers in response to a letter in the CBS Mailbag.
Anton is introduced as ""Anton Zip""; Dave shows the audience a chart of who's permitted to be on the show and who isn't; in tonight's remote, Dave goes to a private school in Manhattan to chat with child prodigies.
The outside cam heads to Joe G's looking for a guy to write a theme song for, where they stumble across Brian and his girlfriend. Also, Dave takes the audience outside to watch Motley Crue perform on the sidewalk.
It's 91 degrees outside, so Biff decides to watch ice melt on the street.
A flying saucer heckles Dave from the backdrop, while Dyan Cannon promotes Out to Sea and makes friendly with Dave.
Dave declares a guy named Jeff as ""Captain of the Audience,"" helping the host out with menial tasks such as helping present the Top Ten and keeping the audience awake. Also, film director Robert Zemeckis makes a rare television appearance, promoting his new movie Contact.
Bowling great Dick Weber sits in with the band; Calvert kicks someone in the nether regions for the shear fun of it; Dave and Paul trade faces.
Dave gets two girls at a nearby cafe to help celebrate Canada Day with Canada Dry®, which gets delivered by a Mountie; to continue a running gag started the previous night, bowler Johnny Petraglia sits in; various staffers describe clips from America's Funniest Home Videos.
During the ""Supermarket Finds"" segment, Dave takes a sample of something called ""White Fungus"" and spits it out; another bowling great (Marshall Holman) sits in with the band on tambourine; Dave chats with Mitchell Libonati, the man who found the piece of Evander Holyfield's ear that was chewed off in the infamous boxing match that previous weekend; Blur performs ""Song 2.""
Dave talks about the a new unauthorized autobiography of Martha Stewart; tonight's guest bowler is Hall of Famer Carmen Salvino; Dave appears in a 50's-style cigarette ad; Evander Holyfield gives Dave his account of the incident that occurred in his fight last weekend with Mike Tyson.
Pro bowler Nelson Burton, Jr. sits in; during Mailbag, Tom Arnold bits his own ear off; Manny the Hippie resurfaces; for the second year in a row, Dave sends audience members from San Francisco to the Empire State Building to display the US flag.
Dave shows off his new, shorter haircut; an audience member sings the theme song from Grease; Tim Allen presents the Top Ten.
It's a balmy 97 degrees outside, so Biff fries an egg on the sidewalk, later adding bacon and toast.
Dave interviews NYC taxi driver Querbe Tirmizi, who returned $30,000 he found in his cab.
Dave begins a month-long campaign to run into the ground his current favorite phrase: ""Something from the meat case, Linda?"" Also, Dave, Tony Randall, and a dozen or so triple-named child actors star in CBS' hot new situation comedy ""The Letterman Family.""
Dave congratulates Paul on being #6 on the Forbes 500; Biff and Eric Kaplan explain how they make Dave's coffee mug levitate; Sean ""Puff Daddy"" Combs, Faith Evans, and 112 perform ""It's All About the Benjamins.""
It's time once again for ""King of the Meats,"" the mano-a-mano kosher competition between Rupert of Hello Deli and Amando Vasquez of the nearby Stage Deli. Amando sweeps the three rounds, but Rupert goes home with the ladies.
Harrison Ford reports from Hawaii; in the debut edition of ""Pointless Celebrity Cameo Theater,"" Calvert, Regis, and Tony Randall stand around like goons while the audience cheers them on; Radish (a band fronted by an early Ben Kweller) perform ""Little Pink Stars.""
The Harrison Ford World Tour (in which he's promoting The Devil's Own) makes a stop in Paris, France; Dave suggests the Paul legally change his name to ""Radu""; CBS anchorman/folkie at heart Dan Rather sings ""The Wabash Cannonball.""
During ""CBS Mailbag,"" we look into a day in the life of a ""Accident-Prone Blood-Gorged Tick"" (Leonard Tepper).
It's so hot outside that Biff tries to start a fire on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass and a bundle of sticks, as members from New York's Fire Department stand by; Rupert and Leonard bother people per Dave's requests; Jennifer Aniston promotes Picture Perfect.
Dave gets four galpals from West Virginia to go on a tour of the city with Biff; Physilla Rashad promotes her sitcom Cosby; Jamiroquai performs the #1 hit ""Virtual Insanity.""
Dave congratulates Rob Burnett upon the birth of his daughter; a ""What's On Other Channels"" bit is interrupted by a car honking, courtesy of Creepy Dave; David Byrne performs ""Daddy Go Down.""
John Popper sits in with the band; Dave asks a paramedic about a piece of carrot he ""horked"" into his left lung during lunch today; Julia Roberts promotes Conspiracy Theory.
Dave shows some ""Surprising Facts About Celebrities."" Later, Tony Danza promotes his new sitcom.
Dave presents a Wall Street quiz; Bob Dole talks about retirement.
Deliberately-obvious stunt doubles pose as Dave and Paul showing off their bike skills, while Dave carves a sculpture of Paul made from butter; a man claiming to be Garth Brooks is interrogated on ""The Biff Henderson Celebrity Telephone Interview.""
Jay Thomas shows Dave a tape of himself spitting out something during a recent television appearance. The footage is repeated several times.
Joe Perry of Aerosmith sits in with the band; Biff reports from the Garth Brooks concert in Central Park and meets ""Garth"" himself (Leonard Tepper).
The new sitcom ""The Letterman Family"" is promoted, starring Dave, Tony Randall, and Nadine Hennally. Later, Demi Moore shaves an audience member's head.
Dave feeds Tom Selleck some avocados. Later, they make a crank phone call to Al Roker.
Barbara Walters promotes her new talk show, ""The View.""
Dave compares President Clinton's 51st birthday to meatloaf. Later, he chats with his old friend Jeff Altman.
""The Donald"" talks about a recent boat trip. Later, Janine Turner promotes ""Leave It To Beaver.""
Alicia Silverstone promotes her new movie Excess Baggage.
Dave announces that he is starring in the ""Late Show of Passion,"" which is just like the Late Show, except that it's dubbed so it looks like a telenovela. Later, Dave and Joe Montana throw footballs at a garbage truck.
Tonight's Top Ten is interrupted by a phone call from the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska: ""It's not all that funny anymore."" Meanwhile, Biff wreaks havoc in Martha's Vineyard.
Dave complains about the dog days of summer.
Warren is run over by a car; during ""Stupid Human Tricks,"" Douglas Pierce plays the ""Jeopardy"" theme on his hands; Dave bids a fond farewell to head writer Bill Scheft.
2014
From "Girls", creator and actress Lena Dunham; from "New Girl", actor Max Greenfield; musical guest Brandy Clark.
From "Community", actor Joel McHale; sportscaster Marv Albert; musical guests Washed Out.
From "Captain America: The Winter Solider", actress Scarlett Johansson; musical guest John Grant.
TV host Anderson Cooper; from "Saturday Night Live", comedian Bobby Moynihan; musical guest Will Hoge.
From "The Mindy Project", creator and actress Mindy Kaling; stand-up comedy by Jeff Altman; musical guests Red Fang.
Comedy legend Bill Cosby; musical guests Sleigh Bells.
From "LIVE with Kelly and Michael", co-host Michael Strahan; musical guest Jennifer Nettles.
Actor and comedian Kevin Hart; from "My Grandmother’s Ravioli" and "CBS Sunday Morning", journalist Mo Rocca; musical guests The Orwells.
New anchor Brian Williams; musical guest Rosanne Cash.
From "House of Lies", actor/producer Don Cheadle; stand-up comedy by Myq Kaplan; musical guests Roadkill Ghost Choir.
From "Brooklyn Nine-Nine", actor and comedian Andy Samberg; from "That Awkward Moment", actor Michael B. Jordan; musical guest Ellie Goulding.
From "The Wolf of Wall Street", director Martin Scorsese; from "Girls", actress Allison Williams; musical guests Cults.
TV host and journalist Rachel Maddow; from "Her", director and writer Spike Jonze; musical guests No Age.
From "The Following", actor Kevin Bacon; stand-up comedy by Pat McGann; musical guests Devon Avenue.
From "Louie", creator and comic Louis C.K.; Marine veteran B.J. Ganem; musical guests Artic Monkeys.
From "Modern Family", actor Eric Stonestreet; freeskier Nick Goepper; musical guests Bastille.
New Orleans Saints quarterback, Drew Brees; actor/author/comedian B.J. Novak; a Top Ten List presented by David Stern; musical guests Against Me!.
TV host Dr. Phil McGraw; from "Counting Cars", TV personality Danny Koker; musical guests Dum Dum Girls.
From "The Monuments Men", actor/comic Bill Murray; musical guests Eagulls.
Cole Swindell?
Dave welcomes actor Jeff Daniels, "CBS This Morning" co-anchor Norah O'Donnell, and a performance of the song "MacArthur Park" by an all-star ensemble.
Streaming availability information not available
2003
Dave chats with Stephanie about a (supposed) incident that occurred over the weekend; Alan makes a suggestive offer to Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao; Al Franken promotes his new book.
Kings of Leon perform their breakthrough hit, "Molly's Chambers."
Biff searches for celebrities on the street; recently retired General Tommy Franks looks back at his illustrious military career.
"CBS Mailbag," including Stephanie dressed as Batman, "CBS Vice President of Late Night Programming Vinnie Favale," and "George W. Bush" (Gerard).
Paul's "Stump the Band" losing streak continues; Whoopi Goldberg promotes her new sitcom.
Dave welcomes 2003 U.S. Open Men's Tennis Champion Andy Roddick and actor Jack Black. Dave remembers the late Warren Zevon with the Show #1895 tape of Warren singing "Mutineer" on October 30, 2002; Paul and the band play Warren Zevon bumper music throughout the show.
Rick Derringer sits in with the band; a woman from Staten Island participates in "May We See Your Digital Photos, Please?"; Chris Elliott comments on current events.
An opera singer performs in the hallway; the recently deceased Charles Bronson declares his candidacy for Governor of California; Dave and Sharon Stone make out.
Steph/Monty dresses up as Don Mattingly for CBS Mailbag; she closes the segment by playing catch with Dave.
Dave has a major announcement to make; Cuba Gooding, Jr. promotes The Fighting Temptations; Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel sing "America" and "The Boxer."
Miss America 2004 Ericka Dunlap presents the Top Ten List; Dave tells the story of his weekend encounter with a bear at his house in Montana; Dr. Phil gives Dave some parenting tips.
Ben Stiller talks about his new movie, Duplex; Elvis Costello performs a song from his new CD, North.
Cold opening: The Rock shows Lynne Cheney how to apply a "chicken wing" to Paul; New York Giants kicker Matt Bryant attempts rooftop field goals across 53rd Street.
Stephanie is Peter Pan for "CBS Mailbag;" "Joey Pants" promotes "The Handler;" Kevin Nealon; Outkast sings "Hey Ya."
Paul asks "Survivor 7" castaway Ryan "Skinny" Shoulders (who is wearing a Rage Against The Machine t-shirt) if he digs Audioslave; Denzel Washington promotes Out of Time; The New York Philharmonic performs "The Marriage of Figaro" atop the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theatre building.
It's time for "How Many Guys in Gorilla Suits Can Fit Into a Eyeglass Store?" Quote Dave: "I was going to buy a pair of eyeglasses, but the optical store was full of gorillas."
The latest role call reveals that Michele O'Callaghan's five-month-old daughter (named "Zoogie") picks Dave's ties; Dave and Paul are dumbfounded by a pitching machine in a new game called "What Is It?"; Tim Robbins plugs "Mystic River"; Pat Farmer destroys the pitching machine.
Steph/Monty dresses as a letter carrier for "Know Your Current Events;" R.E.M. performs "Bad Day."
During CBS Mailbag, Alan dresses up as Saddam Hussein for his new hidden-camera show "Goof'd!" and gets beat up by several people on the street. Later, Robin Williams comments on the Tour de France.
Jessica Simpson mentions that she was on Oprah recently, much to Dave's chagrin; fill-in bandleader Todd Rundgren sings "Hello It's Me;" Pat Farmer drops 20,000 ping-pong balls from the roof.
Dave calls ousted California governor Gray Davis "a wanker;" Gary Coleman presents the Top Ten via satellite, then falls asleep; Tom Dressen talks baseball.
A man from Charlotte, North Carolina plays "Know Your 2003 Boston Red Sox;" ten Hooters Girls present the Top Ten; George Clooney plugs Intolerable Cruelty.
During CBS Mailbag, Alan has an awkward reunion with the first girl that ever kissed him, and "Ah-nuld" (Gerard) has an enlightened conversation with Dave. Later, Charlie Sheen promotes "Two and a Half Men."
Pat Farmer and an army of stagehands throws a special form of confetti off the roof of the theater; Steph/Monty tells "Survivor 7" loser Burton Roberts an alleged story about a woodpecker nipping her in the butt last weekend; Halle Berry brags that Robert Downey Jr. once broke her arm.
For the first time in several years, famed saxophonist David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave announces he's going to rehab, then demands to have some Dunkin' Donuts; John Cusack promotes Runaway Jury; 2003 Indy Car champion Scott Dixon.
Dave congratulates Conan O'Brien on his newborn daughter; ten weightlifters present the Top Ten; noted physics professor Brian Greene tries to explain the mysteries of the universe.
Ten US Soldiers in Iraq present the Top Ten via satellite; Dustin Hoffman plugs "The Runaway Jury," British chef Jamie Oliver cooks some scallops.
For CBS Mailbag, Steph/Monty dresses up as a soccer player and kicks balls (poorly) into the audience. Later, Radiohead performs "2+2=5."
Paul sneezes during the monologue; the band area is remodeled; Biff makes his annual report from the World Series; a 1,030-pound pumpkin explodes (via SFX) outside.
Dave announces that he's been transferred to Chesterton, Indiana; on tonight's "Meet the Governor," a young Ah-nuld ogles an exotic dancer; Courtney Cox Arquette almost sings TLC's "Waterfalls;" after a one-day rain delay, a real pumpkin explodes.
Steph/Monty dresses up as an elf on a rare Wednesday CBS Mailbag; during Mailbag, Rupert takes part in his yearly tradition of watching the coleslaw change colors; Dave is so fascinated by Canadian "sexpert" Sue Johanson that he interviews her twice.
The Slapinski Brothers, world-class jugglers, interrupt the monologue; Dave points out that Rupert was on last night's episode of "Ed"; Dante Hall of the Kansas City Chiefs catches a football on 53rd Street.
Amongst this year's "New Halloween Costumes": a George Foreman grill, the button on the remote control that you never use, and the "Queer Eye" fab five. Also, Rosie Perez delivers Paul's cape for his weekly, blues-induced breakdown.
The 2003 NYC Marathon winners make their annual run through the studio; eliminated "Survivor 7" hopefuls Shawn Cohen (who was voted out) and Osten Taylor (the guy who quit the game) drop by Rupert's; Ashley Judd reminisces with Paul; comedian/conspiracy-theorist Richard "John Munch" Belzer visits; Sarah McLachlan performs solo at the piano; Alan moos like a cow.
Dave gives a recap of the events leading up to -- and including -- the birth yesterday of son Harry Joseph Letterman; "Indian Larry" performs motorcycle stunts on 53rd Street; Regis continues his string of appearances tied to memorable occasions; Amy Brennaman chats about the 100th episode of "Judging Amy."
During Mailbag, Steph/Monty dresses up a police officer, while Dave tries to make some sense out of "Liza Minnelli" (Gerard in fishnet stockings). Later, it is revealed that the winner of the "Guess the Name of Dave's Baby Contest" is Dave himself.
Amongst the "New Catalogs": Harry & David Pre-Owned Fruit, Victoria's Secret for Monkeys, and special edition of California Style in which all the models have been groped by Arnold Schwarzenegger; Howard Stern mentions to Dave that the impersonator that regularly calls into his show is a big fan and meant no harm; Iggy Pop featuring Sum 41 perform "Little Know It All."
An elf named Perry helps out during "Know Your Current Events"; Bert and Ernie (of "Sesame Street" fame) diss Dave; Lauren Graham talks about a recent parking ticket.
Dave announces that Oprah gave him a gift on behalf of the new baby, only to realize that it was delivered by somebody with the same name; throughout the night, weightlifter Willie Wessels demonstrates super-human feats out on 53rd Street; Norm McDonald plugs "A Minute with Stan Hooper."
Cold Opening: Dave compliments Madonna's latest children's book: "I like the picture of the monkey." Also, Chris Elliott introduces Dave's son Harry, who says his first words: "S***."
A sheep herder walks into the theater with his flock along side him; Pink sings "Trouble."
During "Know Your Current Events," a visiting audience member from Liverpool, England is quizzed on his knowledge of Prince Charles. Later, potential Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Al Franken delivers Paul's cape.
As part of his legendary "fashion show" gag, Dave models the lining of his sportcoat; Dave tells a story involving a mother and two sons trying to hitch a taxi this morning; a timeline of Ah-nuld's first day in office as Governor of California is nothing more than a recap of all those "Meet the Governor" clips.
An arm-wresting challenge is held at Hello Deli; child actress Dakota Fanning plugs "The Cat in the Hat."
Ashrita "Mr. Versatility" Furman balances beer glasses on his chin on 53rd St.; eleven Playboy Playmates present the Top Ten; Dave grills General Wesley Clark about his dismissal from the Army.
Dave and Paul play "Potatoes or Gavin MacLeod?"; Dave openly wishes that Paris Hilton had not cancelled her appearance on the show next week; Robert Downey Jr. makes his first appearance on the show since early 1996; 16-year-old singer-songwriter Joss Stone performs.
Biff spends a day on the campaign trail with Howard Dean; Gerard stands in for unavailable Survivor loser Rupert Boneham; Paul Newman discusses all things auto racing; Clay Aiken sings "Invisible" from his CD Measure Of A Man.
Cold Opening: Tom Ridge finks on Michael Jackson. Also, Dave has yet another rant about Paris Hilton, claiming that she won't be on because a "no-good weasel, beady-eyed putz publicist" told her not to appear. "He's lower than pond scum," Dave observes, then later he calls him a nitwit and a knuckle-dragging neanderthal.
During Mailbag, Harold Larkin tries a new product, then, in honor of Thanksgiving, starts bleeding gravy; Mike Myers plugs The Cat in the Hat.
Dorothy (live via satellite) brags about her five grandkids, ranging between 32 years and one month in age, and again stumps Dave with her apple and pecan Thanksgiving pies; Bill Delace presents "Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From a Guy Dressed as a Pilgrim;" Tom Arnold plugs his book, "How I Lost Five Pounds In Six Years."
Felecia makes fun of Donny Osmond during "Stump The Band;" former "Dark Angel" star Jessica Alba plugs Honey; The Rapture performs "House of Jealous Lovers."
Rupert is almost omnipresent in the first half of the show, presenting footage of his trip to the Meadowlands for last week's Jets-Titans game, then chats with ousted Survivor Christa Hastie. Also, Matt Damon tells a story about working with Cher in his new movie, Stuck On You.
Dave mentions that his son likes to suck his nose; Biff & staff decorate taxi cabs for Christmas; Danny DeVito plugs Big Fish.
During Mailbag, the voices in Alan's head result in the horrific demise of his precious ceramic figure collection. Also, upon reading an article in Time about Oprah's refusal to have Dave on her show, he suggests a "Super Bowl of Love" with Dr. Phil reconciling the talk show hosts.
Dave announces that he's been invited to appear on Oprah (at long, long last), while Julia Roberts interrogates Dave for his inability to marry the mother of his child.
It's a Late Show mini-reunion as former Broadway merchants Mujibur, Sirajul, and Joe G. join Rupert in decorating the Late Show Christmas Tree. Also, Dave comments on Saddam's capture, then shows Liv Tyler her Lord of the Rings action figure.
During Mailbag, Dave tries to make sense out of "Saddam Hussein" (Gerard), while a reindeer takes a dump onstage. Also, Neve Campbell promotes the upcoming Robert Altman film "The Company," while Wellwater Conspiracy performs "Wimple Witch."
During "Audience Show & Tell," a man recites the names of all 50 states in alphabetical order in just fifteen seconds. Also, Golden Globe nominee Charlize Theron promotes "Monster."
Dave mentions some strange advice his mother gave him about Harry: "Well, David, I think it would be nice if one day he joined a gang." Also, "The Kalter Brothers" sing "The Little Drummer Boy" without incident, and Steve Martin talks about the burden of being beautiful.
It's the annual "Holiday Night" on the Late Show: Paul does his impersonation of Cher singing "O Holy Night;" Jay Thomas successfully dethrones the objects on top of the Late Show Christmas Tree; for the nineteenth year in a row, Darlene Love (featuring Bette Sussman and a 26-piece orchestra) performs "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)."
Dave brings out Biff and thanks him, Paul, the USO and a variety of soldiers for making the Christmas Eve trip to Baghdad possible; in the premiere edition of "Will It Explode?" Pat Farmer throws 18 industrial-size cans of chocolate and butterscotch pudding off the roof; Parents magazine calls Dave "America's Most Moronic Father."
Dave celebrate's Steph/Monty's birthday with a cake that reads "Happy Birthday Tammi!" Also, recent baseball Hall of Fame inductees Paul Molitor and Dennis Eckersley present the Top Ten.
During his interview with Nathan Lane, Dave suggests to Paul that they should perform together in the musical "The Producers." Also, Ruben Stoddard performs "Sorry 2004."
It's time for another round of "Stump the Band," and as usual Paul does his Carnac schtick; ten interns present the Top Ten; Billy Bob Thornton describes his short-lived tenure as the assistant manager of a pizza parlor; The Darkness performs "I Believe In a Thing Called Love."
Dave goes on a rant about Jay Leno's appearance on CBS' "People's Choice Awards" home site, while Dick Gephardt presents the Top Ten.
Mailbag: Alan gets clobbered by an angry Irishman, George Clarke takes a shower with former basketball star Manute Bol, and Steph/Monty gives heart surgery fun facts. Also, Howie Day performs "She Says."
Throughout the night, foreigners tell jokes; Dave and Paul play a new game called "Mars or Nevada?" then come to agree that it's utterly stupid; Al Roker presents the Top Ten; Carmen Electra promotes her new striptease-workout video.
During "Audience Show & Tell," a woman from Texas shows off photos of her Chinese hairless in various costumes; Dave reads a fan letter from someone whose life depends upon "Will It Float?"; Christina Aguilera sings "Walk Away."
Stephanie demonstrates her ex-boyfriend's lackluster dancing abilities once more; John McEnroe does the Top Ten and promotes his new talk show at the same time; Gavin MacLeod makes a guest appearance in "Potatoes or Gavin MacLeod?"; by the end of the show, Steph, Gavin, and John are dancing together.
Singer-songwriter John Mayer sits in; Dave shows footage of Howard Dean's head exploding; in the latest edition of "Pat Farmer's Gaffe Alert," our favorite film-loving stagehand points out that the entire cast of Casablanca is now dead.
Dave does a really bad Howard Dean impression; during Mailbag, Rupert puts a ruined slice of turkey in the soup of the day; Dave chats with a mountain climber with an epic story of survival.
Dave shows several photos that answer the question "What's the Deal with Donald Trump's Hair?;" Howard Dean presents the Top Ten live via satellite from New Hampshire.
Al Franken comments on his trip to Iraq; Phantom Planet performs "Big Brat."
Dave mentions the passing of influential late night great Jack Paar; Biff introduces his annual "Biff at the Super Bowl" segment; Bill DeLace does another Top Ten remote, this time from a nearby Starbucks.
Dave announces that after 22 years on the wagon, he would like to start drinking again, but only during the show. Later, he wishes Oprah a belated happy 50th birthday.
Dave mentions that water is not running in the building for the time being; during Mailbag, Pat Farmer tortures a stagehand with a George Foreman Grill; Dave shows a (bogus) clip of Barbara Walters topless.
Dave recaps last night's accident on 53rd Street: snowboarder Tara Dakides slid off a landing platform and fell to the pavement. She was taken to New York's Bellevue Hospital, and was treated for injuries. The audience was informed of the incident, and taping for the evening's two shows was cancelled.
Dave chats with snowboarder Tara Dakides, whose accident during a demonstration on 53rd Street cancelled the taping of last Thursday's episode. Also, in honor of the 40th Anniversary of Beatlemania, Paul does an Ed Sullivan impression, while Dave shows the entire clip of the Fab Four performing for the first time in this very theater.
Rupert selects a 53rd Street Loser to play "What Did Merv Have For Lunch;" Drew Barrymore and Jack Hanna remain clothed during their segments.
Dave tries out a new catchphrase: "Ba da boom, ba da bing." Also, Steph/Monty dresses up a 1980s-era Olympic hockey player, and Dave goes back to calling her "Smitty."
Throughout the night, the CBS Orchestra plays songs by Air Supply; Dave mentions that the continent of Australia has demanded to see that clip of the monkey washing a cat; Bill Murray gets a "Dave" tattoo on his arm.
This week's "Will It Float?" item is a box of chocolates; Alec Baldwin and Sofia Coppola visit; Kylie Minogue performs "Red Blooded Women."
Dave makes fun of a new commercial, and the clip is repeated throughout the broadcast; during "Stupid Human Tricks," a man stuffs his mouth with a tennis ball; Ray Romano promotes Welcome to Mooseport.
Leon Russell sits in; Dave is still fascinated by a quote from last night's film trailer ("If you need help, here I am") and repeats it several times throughout the show; Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Kelly Ripa both attempt parallel parking.
Mailbag: Steph/Monty/Smitty is dressed up as Dale Earnhardt, Jr., while "Senator John Kerry" (Gerard) brags about the perks of being married to the heir of a ketchup empire. Also, a Mongolian throat chanter performs on "Is This Anything?" but nobody seems all that impressed.
Noted hypothermia expert Dr. Gordon Geisbrecht jumps into a tank of icewater to demonstrate its effects; the US Senate announces that when referring to George W. Bush, "president" will be used in quotation marks; Dave shows the audience a new photo of little Harry.
During "Audience Show & Tell," Dave meets a former White House intern; George Clarke fills in for Kiva "Grinder Girl" Kahl during "Will It Float?"; comedian Brian Regan comments on psychics.
Demolition demo (shut down by Hizzoner Bloomberg's office) on 53rd St. turns into Pat Farmer dropping stuff off the roof; Survivor loser Rob Cesternino drops by Rupert's; Jeff Goldblum visits; Norah Jones sings "What Am I To You?"
It's "Steve and Edie" night on the Late Show: Edie Falco promotes the upcoming fifth season of "The Sopranos;" Dave meets Steven Bailey of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé" fame; Edie Brickell (making her first LS appearance in nearly 10 years)promotes her latest solo album.
Stephanie/Monty/Smitty is in dentist garb (and Dave-ordered model posture) for "CBS Mailbag;" Diane Sawyer gushes over Oprah Winfrey's 50th birthday party; Benjamin McKenzie ("The O.C.") visits.
Dave shows an (bogus) political ad in which Dennis Kucinich announces he's marrying Lorenzo Lamas; in an all-dog edition of "Stupid Pet Tricks," one canine says hello to Dave; Ernest Borgnine presents the Top Ten.
On "Audience Show & Tell," Dave make his contribution to an audience member's collection of gum chewed by celebrities; "Will It Float?" sinks a tray of billiard balls; Bill Cosby does stand-up; Lou Reed capes; Toby Lightman sings.
The studio audience votes Dave off the show, so Gaines orders Paul to take over during "Survivor Loser." When Dave reappears during Paul's interview with Richard Hatch, Paul goes to a commercial. Later, a miffed (and naked) Hatch walks into the backdrop during Anne Heche's visit.
National Turkey Calling champs are trotted out; Ryan Seacrest presents the "Top Ten Catch Phrases Ryan Seacrest Rejected Before 'Seacrest Out!'" (via satellite); Julia Stiles visits; Jessica Simpson sings.
During Mailbag, Biff goes to bed with a guy named Cameron Diaz; George Clarke fills in for Anna Jack on hula hoop; Alan admits to a $1000-a-week addiction to Vicodin; Robert Randolph and the Family Band brings the house down with "Going In The Right Direction."
Dave announces that he's on steroids, then shows before-and-after photos to prove his point; Biff goes on a cruise; the outside cam finds Bill Murray lying in the gutter, a desperate and broken man; "Oprah" (Pat Farmer) interviews "Beyonce" (Kenny Sheehan).
Twelve-year-old piano prodigy Chloe Pang plays Bach's "Goldberg Variations." Dave is almost brought to tears by the performance, declaring it one of the show's best.
Dave points out that for the nineteenth year in a row, the WMDB/CBS Orchestra will be the house band for the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies; Dave and Les Moonves chat via telephone; Jim Carrey and Dave attempt a "talk show without talk" that only lasts about 47 seconds.
After two weeks of plugging their product, Dave shows a single Shick Quattro razor the company sent, and reads a very peculiar letter to Gaines from someone in the company; the Top Ten is now sponsored by myheadhurts.com; Canadian satirist Bruce McCall promotes his new book; The Vines perform "Ride."
Cold opening: Tom Hanks gives Harry Letterman an Oscar, and Dave accepts it on his behalf. Later, the Ladykillers star gives the absentee infant a $50 savings bond, while Congressman Dennis Kucinich presents the Top Ten.
All-American basketball player Andre Barrett throws various items off the roof, aiming towards a basketball hoop at ground level, the misses the basket on all six chances. Also, Al Franken promotes his upcoming liberal-friendly radio network.
Mailbag: George Clarke's attempt at surgically losing weight is thwarted when some guy steals his clothes. Also, Blondie performs "Good Boys."
Throughout the night, Columbia University professor and 1999 Nobel laureate in economics Dr. Robert Mundell tells lame redneck jokes; Bill DeLace presents another hidden-camera remote Top Ten; Janet Jackson is grilled at length by Dave on her "wardrobe malfunction" at this year's Super Bowl.
After weeks of shilling their product, Dave finally receives a thousand Schick Quattro razors in the mail, then promises to give them out to the audience. Unfortunatly, Gaines and Laurie Diamond tell Dave that the staff has already taken their fair share of the razors. Later in the show, he compensates by having Rupert, the Hi-Ho girls, and a British guy giving candy and razors to the audience.
A minor controversy that started earlier in the week is resolved by a very apologetic CNN anchorwoman (see recap). Also, Dave congratulates Craig Kilborn on five years at CBS.
Audience Show & Tell: a husband and wife tandem demonstrates a neat trick involving a yo-yo and a shiny quarter. Also, Dave chats with Tyler Crotty, the tired pre-teen who has been at the center of a minor controversy on the Late Show for the last week. For appearing on the show, Dave gives Tyler several cans of Red Bull. Also, very tall man(Paul Olkowski) gives Dave a one arm hug before he shows a "glory day" highlight from 12 years ago when he sank a full-court shot on ESPN.
The Top Ten list is now sponsored by rake-attack.com, while Bruce Willis shows off his new, stealthy, Trump-style hairpiece.
Alan brings a video of celebrity well-wishers for Dave's 57th birthday (just a tape of a fleeing Regis); it's "More With Les," as Dave phones up CBS-TV head honcho Les Moonves; Billy Crystal plugs his new children's book; "A-Rod" chats, then jacks a few balls with Dave on 53rd Street.
Biff makes his annual trip to Spring Training, where he for the second year in a row, he and Hideki Matsui perform Abbott & Costello's "Who's on First?" routine; Jerry turns Dave upside down to preview Kai Leclerc's gravity-defying juggling act; "Dwight the Troubled Teen" makes another visit to Alan's booth.
Mailbag: After noticing that a letter-writer misspelled his name, Paul comes with a homonym for his moniker, resulting in a rival homonym from Biff. Also, Dave kisses a donkey, while Ruben Stoddard presents the Top Ten.
In the "season finale" of "Trump or Monkey?," a dancer from the musical Hairspray wins an alleged trip to Acapulco; David Duchovny discusses his son's linguistic skills; after getting bumped twice in the last year, NYC sportscaster Chris "Mad Dog" Russo is finally grilled by Dave.
Phil Mickelson brags about his victory at the 2004 Masters; James Lipton delivers Paul's cape.
al-Qaeda takes responsibility for Derek Jeter's batting slump; Dave resurrects his two favorite Cold Mountain sound clips; stuntman "Magic Brian" eats a lightbulb.
Dave declares that the new mission statement for the Late Show will be "We are here for you. We'll make things better." Also, Rupert hosts the debut edition of "Stop the Pump," a game involving pumping fuel at a gas station on the corner of 44th and 10th in Manhattan.
Dave announces that he's going to be "more dynamic," resulting in spasm-like movements by him and Paul; to accompany Steph/Monty/Smitty dressing as Amelia Earhart for Mailbag, Dave repeatedly orders to hear airplane SFX inbetween letters; Julianne Moore tells Dave what it's like to kiss Barbara Walters.
The theater audience is given the option of either having Tom Hanks drop by or watch stock footage of a camel on skis. Dave claims the camel tape won. Also, Dave thinks he's addicted to Bexstra, claiming "the inside of me itches."
An audience member turns her hand 360 degrees; Hillary Clinton discusses her husband's book and the war in Iraq; The Roots perform "Don't Say Nuthin'."
Nobel Economics Prize winner Robert Mundell tells "Yo Mama" jokes; a woman off the street pretends to be in an earthquake with Rupert; Survivor All-Stars loser Shii-Ann Huang presents the Top Ten.
Ten celebrity moms (including Dorothy and Gerard as "Betty Lou Roberts") present the Top Ten, and later the faux mother of Julia Roberts delivers Paul's cape.
Dave announces that motorcyclist "Johnny McCoy" will be performing a very dangerous and complicated stunt out on 53rd Street, but it ends up getting cancelled; Dave makes Jerry play the airplane SFX again; it turns out Johnny McCoy can't even ride a motorcycle; Dave, Regis, and Paul weigh themselves.
A special edition of the show taped in the middle of the night. Dave arrives on horseback; vermin expert Robert Sullivan searches for rats; Dave shows footage of Eric Stangel trying to call Bob Borden from his apartment/hotel room; ten nighthawks present the Top Ten; Amy Sedaris takes a tour of her West Village neighborhood.
Chef Emil Castillo makes a $1000 frittata (read: omelet), and when completed, Dave smothers it with ketchup; Dave pays tribute to Tony Randall, who passed on that morning; Dave resolves a tickle in his throat with a bottle of Tanqueray.
Dave gives Steph/Monty/Smitty another weird nickname ("Gunther") while baseball star Randy "Big Unit" Johnson presents a perfect game-themed Top Ten.
Dave claims he has a rare form of tuberculosis, and that a Dave stand-in is waiting backstage for when the time comes; Kiva "Grinder Girl" Kahl reports from her apartment in Brooklyn to discuss a recent leg injury; Gary Mintz fills in for Kiva during "Will It Float?"; The Strokes perform "The End Has No End."
Dave's stand-in is still waiting for his cue; Dave demands to hear the airplane and Cold Mountain SFX again; the stars of The Sopranos perform the Top Ten; Nicole Kidman makes her first appearance on the show in three years.
Dave congratulates Sid McGinnis on becoming a grandfather; karate expert Leif Becker attempts to break 500 boards in a minute, but ends up tying his personal record of 415; ten NBA legends present the Top Ten; for the fourth show in a row, the credits roll over footage of Alan presenting flowers to an unknown woman.
Mailbag: Steph/Smitty/Gunther is dressed up as Rahal/Letterman racer Buddy Rice; the upcoming cable channel "Logo" declares the Late Show "the gayest show on television;" Dave is interrupted by "Gerry the Cicada" Mulligan, who attempts to dance the Lambada. Later, Gerry is invited back onstage to eat actual cicadas with Dave, Paul and bug expert Nate Erwin.
Dave announces that he's had another falling-out with CBS, which may or may not give him the justification to mock the network again; hundreds of sailors walk onstage for "Is This Anything?"; Darrell Hammond performs his best impressions, plus a new imitation of Senator John Kerry.
A 1 1/2 pound Porterhouse steak is subjected to "Will It Float?" and despite Dave's scientific argument that a dead animal would more than likely float in water, the meat sinks. Also, Bob Woodward discusses his new book and recent interview with George Bush.
Dave brags about his Indy 500 win last week; Alan's recap of the first game of the NBA Finals turns into a striptease; Bill Murray announces that he's now moonlighting as a circus clown, wearing an outfit to prove it.
In honor of one of tonight's guests (a spelling bee champ), Dave mentions that the most commonly used word in the English language is "biscuit"; a new game called "Cicada/Secada" is botched by Rupert's revealing of the game-board; Bette Midler promotes The Stepford Wives and discusses the joy of bowling.
Dave and Paul have a heated discussion over who would win a fight- "badass" Kid Rock or "nerves of steel" Buddy Rice; during Mailbag, Biff goes to Wisconsin to help out a law student, and ends up smashing a bottle over the kid's head; Dave tries on a racing helmet given to him by 2004 Indy 500 winner Buddy Rice.
In honor of his death earlier that day, Paul and the band performs Ray Charles' "What'd I Say"; Dave sends Matthew Broderick outside to get hosed with water; jazz pianist Jamie Cullum performs "All at Sea."
Jim Gaffigan comments on married life and becoming a father for the first time. Also, Paul Anka delivers Paul's cape for this Friday night James Brown homage, then in honor of the retirement of the long-standing gag, performs a parody of "My Way."
Dave shows us another photo of Harry; Paris Hilton discusses The Simple Life and her now-infamous sex tape; Patti Scialfa (Mrs. Bruce Springsteen) performs "23rd Street Lullaby."
To further promote Popeye's Green Beans, Dave and Paul eat Popeye's chicken and give fun facts; Ben Stiller attempts to break windows across the street with a dodge-ball, but ends up falling off the building.
Michael Moore discusses his infamous speech at the 2003 Oscars and promotes Fahrenheit 9/11; Dave tries on Miss Universe's sash and tiara; Los Lobos performs "Charmed."
Throughout the night, George Clarke eats fish sticks on the roof to honor a certain band performing on the marquee; for the third night in a row, Dave shows (well-edited) footage of a guy cheating on Jeopardy; Phish performs "Scents and Subtle Sounds" and unwittingly stops traffic in the process.
Dave announces that he and Paul will be in this weekend's Gay Pride parade; past contestant Jennie Ford plays "Super Trump or Monkey;" Ken Griffey, Jr. presents the Top Ten; Nicole Richie (reality star and adopted daughter to Lionel Richie) tells Dave how she conquered heroin addiction.
During a "New Products" segment, Dave sinks his teeth into some charcoal briquets, which he swallows with mouthwash. Also, The Secret Machines (in their TV debut) perform "Now Here to Nowhere."
"Know Your Current Events" is played for the first time in over six months; Dave spills coffee on his lap, and Paul suggests hydrogen peroxide to clean it off; "Dwight the Troubled Teen" breaks character to remind people not to download illegally.
Dave admits that after spending all weekend watching documentaries about building motorcycles, he wants a hog for himself. At the end of the show, Dave forms a motorcycle "gang" with Paul, Dave Dorsett, and Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes.
A husband and wife combo plays the "Late Show Bill Clinton Memoir Challenge," in which they must find the name "Monica" in his new book within thirty seconds. Later, Pat and Kenny recreate Oprah's recent interview with the former president.
Dave turns on the hose-cam again, shooting water at unsuspecting passersby; during Mailbag, Dave shows footage from the new Spiderman movie (actually the classic 60's cartoon) of Doc Ock torturing Spidey with a clip from the Late Show; Jon Heder promotes Napoleon Dynamite.
Two lumberjacks compete against each other out on 53rd Street, while Will Ferrell shows Dave a home movie of his four-month-old "baby" (a sports car).
The musical talents of Paul, Felecia, and Bruce are laid to waste once more on "Stump the Band"; "Fat Spider-Man" (George Clarke) presents a remote Top Ten; David Sedaris reads an except from his new book, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.
In the debut edition of "Where They Would Have Gone For Their Summer Vacation," Biff tells Dave that Charles Bronson would've gone to Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut; Jeopardy! super-contestant Ken Jennings presents the Top Ten; Dave admits to Kristen Davis that he was "watching hard" while viewing Sex & the City reruns on TBS.
Dave continues to discuss motorcycles; Alan's baseball commentary is interrupted by the return of that guy who used to beat the daylights out of him several years back; to prove some sort of point, Will Smith sticks his butt in Dave's face.
Dave compares President Bush to Porky Pig; during Mailbag, a young, fairweather Letterman fan is thrown out of the theater; Hilary Duff promotes A Cinderella Story.
Audience Show & Tell: Dave chats with a meteorologist from Connecticut who was once mentioned on "Know Your Current Events." Also, Dorothy celebrates her 83rd birthday with a Dave stand-in and a refrigerator full of Red Bull and vodka.
Dave gloats over Rahal/Letterman Racing's visit to the White House earlier in the day; three stagehands attempt to smear a camera lens with sunscreen from 90 feet above street level; Denzel Washington promotes The Manchurian Candidate.
In honor of the 35th anniversary of the moonwalk, it's time for a new game at Hello Deli called "Would You Like to Plant a Flag on the Moon?" Rupert brings in a contestant from Yukon, Oklahoma, and Dave gives her a hard time about it.
We watch news footage of Pete Rose's restaurant being looted of everything except a Late Show t-shirt; while addressing the Sandy Berger controversy, Dave unwittingly spits on Tony; The Hives perform "Walk Idiot Walk."
An audience member from Cincinnati suspends a grape in air by blowing on it; Dave comments on Krispy Kreme's new doughnut shake, followed by a fake ad for Burger King's new liquid Whopper; Britney Murphy and Dave pinky-swear; troubled comedienne Paula Poundstone jokes about her time in detox.
With the Olympics approaching, Dave reminds the audience that he's on steroids; a standby audience member calls up Regis and tells him to shove it; Biff makes his second report from Boston; Dave scratches his chin in a borderline-offensive manner.
A remarkably ornery Dave attempts to apologize to Regis via telephone but hangs up on him, then answers every question on CBS Mailbag with a resilient "who cares?" Also, Bob Newhart discusses the statue built in honor of him in Chicago and then does a fairly decent impression of Dr. Henry Kissinger.
Biff tries unsuccessfully to interview Michael Moore; Natalie Portman talks about sleeping with her dog Charlie; Ambulance Ltd. performs "Primative."
Anton (still filling in for Paul) plays "Will It Float?" for the first time; Rosie Perez tells a funny story about an actor who spits when he speaks; Alan Kalter asks Dave to talk about his latest love of his life, then gets beaten up by the women's brother.
The guest chairs are replaced and Dave's desk has been altered; during "Who Asked For It?" an audience member vaporizes himself; Pamela Anderson brags about having sex without dating.
Former President Clinton discusses a wide variety of topics with Dave, then signs a copy of his book for Harry. Also, Natalie Merchant performs "Sally Ann."
Michael Bearden and Anton continue to fill in for Paul, prompting Dave to ask Anton how Paul would respond to some of his comments tonight; during Mailbag, Pat Farmer determines the length of a "New York Minute" but ends up getting robbed and beaten instead; "Tom Ridge" (Gerard) discusses homeland security, then breaks into song; Tom Cruise promotes Collateral.
Dave bids farewell to longtime writer Gerard Mulligan with a sitdown interview and a clip montage heavy on NBC-era footage.
1995
Dave grills his new announcer, making him do voiceovers throughout the show (including #1 on the top ten list).
Tom Snyder wants everybody to know that he does not hold a grudge with Dave. Meanwhile, Alan Kalter continues to get used to his new surroundings.
Charlton Heston plays ""Dave's Boss"" and bullies him mercilessly. Later, Kevin Pollak promotes ""The Usual Suspects.""
Amongst the ""Items Included in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame:"" Stuff found in ZZ Top's beards, a guitar made of David Crosby's old liver, and Marv Albert's Rock & Roll Bloopers, with Hootie (as in Hootie and the Blowfish) getting hit on the head by a basketball. Meanwhile, in order to prepare for an Olympic diver that will be appearing later, Dave recruits Alan and an audience member to get in a tank.
Wesley Snipes promotes ""Money Train,"" then strips to a dress.
A day after the Emmy Awards, Dave tosses donuts into the audience with the new Donut-A-Pult. Quote Dave: ""Now it's really hard to believe we didn't win an Emmy."" Meanwhile, Biff Henderson recites a passage from the Packwood Diaries.
The Donutapult returns, while Dave brings in a cabbie to write a Top Ten list.
While promoting the movie ""Showgirls,"" star Elizabeth Berkeley gives Dave a lap dance.
Gerard, Rupert, and others discuss what they like about Autumn, while Rush Limbaugh introduces a mini-Donutapult.
During CBS Mailbag, Cyndi Lauper sings ""Lactose Intolerant."" Later, the Donutapult makes one last appearance.
Throughout the show, winners of obscure beauty pageants (including ""Miss Peanut"" and ""Miss South Carolina Tobacco"") walk across the stage and escort tonight's guests.
Dick Assman is still popular in Canada; Newt Gingrich presents the Top Ten list; Thomas Haden Church promotes ""Ned & Stacey""; Dave juggles peaches.
Rudy Guiliani give Dave a key to the city, then takes it back.
Dave gives a three pound ham to an audience member, while ""Friends"" star Courtney Cox launches the ""Donutapult 2000.""
Eddie Jamison (the guy who said ""I Love You, Man!"" in those beer commercials) interrupts the monologue; Doc Severinsen sits in with the band; Mary Tyler Moore accuses Dave of being a brown-noser.
Doc Severinsen is still sitting in; The Delaria Sisters, a group of women who hang by their hair on a pole, demonstrate their skills; Dave chats with a grade-schooler who ran off a burgler.
Dave invites his neighbor Steve over for coffee; Ellen Cleghorne promotes her new sitcom.
13 NYC cab drivers are invited to serve on a mock jury to determine the fate of OJ Simpson. Instead, they're serenaded by Mel Torme.
1995: Uma Thurman joins Geraldo Rivera as the mock jury of cab drivers continues to deliberate, led by foreman Parminder Singh. Dave notes, ""Uma, Parminder; Parminder, Uma.""
Dave introduces ""The Donutapult 2000+,"" which is so big it has to sit out on 53rd Street. Later in the show, it is converted into ""The Melonapult 2000+.""
Amongst the latest ""Back-to-School Items:"" Oreo Cookies with Clearasil Pad Filling, Larry King Ex-Wife Trading Cards, and a Kate Moss Lunchbox. Later, Andy Dick promotes ""Newsradio.""
The cast and crew explains why they're glad the O. J. Simpson trial is over; Julianne Moore promotes ""Safe.""
Pete Fatovich, ""Creepy Dave,"" and Gerard comment on the OJ verdict, while Chazz Palminteri gives an audience member his coat.
Dave's ""younger brother Carl"" sits in on violin; Dave thinks he's on a caffeine buzz.
Dave, Cybill Shepherd, and sports legend Joe Montana throw footballs into cabs on 53rd Street. After repeated attempts, all three find their target at once. Also, Dave announces that tonight's show is in ""actual size.""
Via live remote, Dave asks a customer at a nearby laundromat to take a pair of pants out of the dryer and bring them into the theater for guest Richard Simmons to wear.
Marilyn Horne of the Metropolitan Opera presents the Top Ten; the Rev. Jesse Jackson discusses current events and mentions his son's run for Congress.
During CBS Mailbag, Dave goes sailing with Paul, the models and Bob Denver. Later, William Shatner is beamed out of his seat.
Dave goes to New Jersey to find a date for mailroom employee/superstar extrordinaire Bob Borden. Meanwhile, Paul is missing, so Dave leaves the theater and finds him chatting at a party with Woody Allen.
Dave starts reading the Miranda Rights before realizing he has the wrong index card. He leaves the studio to search for the correct card and finds ""NYPD Blue"" stars Jimmy Smits and Dennis Franz reading the Top Ten List to a captured thug.
Throughout the show, The ""Jimmy Letterman Singers"" sing ""Jimmy."" Later in the show, Dave concedes: ""It sucks, it stinks, it blows; it ain't working.""
Throughout this year's World Series, kid reporter Sparky Mortimer has been making reports from the stadiums in Cleveland and Atlanta. Tonight, he lands a quick interview with Braves owner Ted Turner.
During CBS Mailbag, Paul does a Johnny Carson impression. Later, Dave and Michael Rappaport lather up in order to use the CBS spa.
Dave and Paul recruit a guy named Moe from a delicatessen, and the CBS Orchestra puts together a music video about him. Later, Sparky Mortimer runs the bases at Jacobs Field in Cleveland.
Upon returning to NYC, Dave gives Sparky a pat on the back for a job well done; Casey Kasem introduces Wayne Hazeltine and the Pants Across America Tour; Carol Burnett takes off her skirt.
A pumpkin launcher is demonstrated on 53rd Street, while The Pants Across America tour stops at St. Louis.
Casey Kasem and the Pants Across America tour reports from Mount Rushmore, while up and coming actress Claire Danes introduces one of her favorite bands, UB40.
Carol Channing harasses Dave during CBS Mailbag; the tour hits the Grand Canyon.
Tonight on the ""Pants Across America"" tour, Casey Kasem is in Las Vegas, listening to an Elvis impersonator perform ""Burning Love.""
Television City Studios, Day 2: Danny DeVito and Dave get into the stage pool and have a water fight. Meanwhile, Tony Mendez continues his cameo appearances on TV shows; tonight he's seen in clips from ""Friends"" and ""Grace Under Fire.""
From Los Angeles: Alka Seltzer® is inserted into the backdrop pool; Demi Moore presents ""The Top Ten Least Popular Stripper Names;"" Green Day performs ""86.""
Red Hot Chili Peppers – ""My Friends""
Biff interrupts Dave's opening remarks and asks for water. Out runs NYC marathon winner German Silva with his drink. Later, Bill Murray cooks toast, and Silver runs by again to pick it up.
Dave uses the speaker phone to get someone to bring him pizza. Later, thirty folks show up with boxes, and slices are handed out to the audience. Also, the United States is in the middle of a government shutdown, so Dave calls the Pentagon, misdials, finally gets an answering machine, and hangs up. A stagehand gives him an ax, cuts the phone cord, and hands the phone to an audience member.
Elton John promotes and sings two songs from his latest album, ""Made In England.""
An audience guy holds cue cards in place of Tony (he's sick), while Sean Penn promotes ""Dead Man Walking.""
The Presidents of the United States of America perform their breakthrough hit, ""Toad.""
Dave sends mailroom dude/budding diva Bob Borden to Washington as a White House correspondent.
Dave asks folks on the street (including a poorly disguised Michael J. Fox) what they think of the federal budget crisis; Bob Borden makes his first report from DC.
Amongst what's ""New for the Holidays"": Gingerbread Rats, Howard Stern's book ""Miss America"" read by James Earl Jones, and Kreskin guessing the weight of turkeys. Also, Bob Borden interrogates Larry King.
Dave gives a turkey to a lady in the audience, then takes a turkey to the balcony with the help of a ladder; throughout the night, celebrities mention what they're thankful for; trapeze artists Helen Turkett and Luke Martin perform.
""Soup Nazi"" Ali ""Al"" Yeganeh passes out turkey chili to the audience.
In a sign of future legal trouble, Microsoft owner and multibillionaire Bill Gates tries to fix the Late Show Quiz Machine after it gets stuck displaying the answer ""Windows '95"" in all three boxes. Also, Bob Borden tries with little success to deliver a turkey to President Clinton.
Dave has Paul sit down on the guest chair because it's his birthday. Soon afterwards, the outside cam reveals Dave buying Paul a birthday present from a girl on the street.
Cold Opening: Dave and Creepy Dave go mano a mano in the green room. Also, Dave demonstrates one of the ""Top Ten Changes Westinghouse is Planning for CBS Tonight"" -- he doodles the CBS logo on blank coffee mugs for tonight's guests.
Steve Martin shows up a day early, and Dave can't get him offstage.
After showing a clip from his new movie Father of the Bride, Part 2 on a 16mm film projector, Steve Martin and Dave appear in ""The Making of Steve Martin's Appearance Documentary.""
As a tribute to such beloved recurring segments such as ""The Man Under the Seats"" and ""The Fugitive Guy,"" Chris Elliott stars in a short-lived skit ""Cable Pulling Guy;"" Martin Short helps ""baking madwoman"" Bev Tanner make a cake.
After a video montage of the annual eggnog drinking from increasingly larger bowls, Dave and a model hop into a gigantic bowl of the liquid, later joined by Biff and the Goo Goo Dolls.
CBS President Les Moonves (bogus) takes a moment to comment on Clinton's State of the Union address by singing ""Holding Out for a Hero."" Also, pre-teen sports reporter Sparky Mortimer returns to the show and is given a new assignment- to cover Super Bowl XXX.
Sparky Mortimer makes another amusing -- albeit clumsy -- Super Bowl report; Dave chats with basketball star Reggie Miller.
Dave offers Liz Taylor a riding mower if she'll come on the show; clips from the HBO movie The Late Shift, which Dave calls ""satire;"" The Ramones perform ""She Talks to Rainbows.""
In mock tribute to HBO's ""The Late Shift,"" Dave throws baseballs at an archery target.
Dave mentions that in between show tapings, an audience guy named Anthony sang ""My Way"" from the balcony. During the taping of this episode, however, Dave invites him to sing it onstage. Also, Dave goes over to Black Rock Bar & Grill to swipe a beverage from Dan Rather.
Dave stoically mentions that this will be the last night for the current set, and that it will be remodeled during the NCAA Tournament coverage. To commemorate this, at the end of the show, a couple dozen audience members file by the desk to touch Dave.
As the Ed Sullivan Theater is being renovated, Dave hosts his show from the lobby with only 60 folding chairs set up for the audience. Fire Commissioner Howard Safir oversees the proceedings, while guests Barbara Walters and Halle Berry make their entrances through the theater debris. Dave tells Ray Charles, ""I don't know how to break it to you, but you're in the lobby."" Also, a man-on-the-street segment finds that most New Yorkers are apathetic towards the new set.
After a week of construction, the show's new ""Bridge"" set is unveiled. Dave quickly mentions that he ordered it from a catalog. Martha Stewart honors the occasion by hammering in the last nail. Later, she's seen sanding backstage and, still later, operating a blowtorch.
Dave has an extra joke in the monologue, so he and Tony take it over to Conan O'Brien at NBC. Meanwhile, George Foreman breaks a pinata at Hello Deli, in celebration of the unveiling of Rupert's new ""set.""
Mailbag: Dave goes over to Yankee Stadium and steals home plate. Also, Dave chats with ""Cliff Sussman"" (Jay Johnson), the president of the New Set Fan Club, and No Doubt performs ""Spiderwebs.""
Dana Carvey drops by and receives a piece of the set; The Usual Suspects star Kevin Spacey presents the Top Ten live via satellite; Alan Kalter stars in the new midseason replacement sitcom ""Weird Guy in an Elevator.""
Dave tricks young Oscar® winner Anna Paquin into getting in a magician's box, claiming he was going to show her a trick. Once he had her locked in, he took off her shoes and tickled her feet!Also, Dave challenges Millionaire Basketball Winner Tom Gates: if he makes his shot onstage, Dave will give him $10,000; if he doesn't, he has to host the show. He misses. So does a very un-athletic Mary Tyler Moore. But Paquin hits, and Dave gives her the $10,000 cash.
After Dave promises that the Quiz Machine will never be seen on the show again, he brings out the ""Flagstar 3000,"" a cheap cardboard facade.
Anna Paquin returns to the show two days after the basketball challenge and donates her cash prize to charity. Also, Dave temporarily moves his show to public access, and Laurie Diamond persuades him to return to CBS.
CBS Mailbag: the Quiz Machine is destroyed (at last!) by a cab, while Tony Randall hides under Dave's desk to protect himself from the government.
Dave shows a clip of Marshall Sylver's infomercial, and throughout the night Dave attempts to hypnotize members of the staff. After Dave accidentally puts Biff in a daze, he calls up Sylver to figure out what to do with his entranced stage manager.
After miraculously surviving its attempted demise the previous week, the Quiz Machine is finally destroyed once and for all. Also, ten ballerinas present the Top Ten.
Dave begins a new contest: The town that sends the most valuable gifts will be the new Top Ten Home Office. Two huge glass tanks are displayed onstage, each for the two towns in competition. Tonight, Wahoo, Nebraska (the challenger) sends enchiladas, while Grand Rapids (the incumbent) sends a fax from the Governor of Michigan. Not a good start for Grand Rapids. Also, the outside cam visits Sullivan's Bar & Grill next door, and their bartender comes in the theater to pose for a Polaroid picture.
The Home Office Competition continues: Added to Wahoo's tank is a pizza, a T-shirt, and a birdhouse, while Grand Rapids adds a garment bag; Dave shows another episode of Alan Kalter's mini-sitcom ""Weird Guy in an Elevator""; Luciano Pavarotti and Michael Bolton sing ""Nessun Dorma.""
Dave appears on the Times Square Jumbotron demanding presents; Dave and Fred Nigro go to Jersey to help with taxes, during which Dave recruits a citizen to stand in for him during an audit; Dave plugs his mother's recently-published cookbook.
An audience member assists in the debut of the Slatstar 2000, while Brett Butler presents the Top Ten.
Mia Farrow reveals that she's addicted to the internet. Carly Simon drops by in mid-interview, and later, both sit in with the CBS Orchestra, with Mia on tambourine and Carly on cowbell.
Dave holds an impromptu auction, while Marshall Sylver hypnotizes more Late Show staffers.
Wahoo vs. Grand Rapids, Day 9: Wahoo sends two kids, Jeff and Josh Price, to sit in their glass tank. Grand Rapids loses further ground by sending several non-living items. Also, Alan does various random things throughout the night, including reading his turkey pot pie recipe, speaking in a bad French accent, ripping his shirt open, and holding his breath through a commercial break.
In honor of the recent Sotheby's Auction that featured items once owned by John F. Kennedy, Biff comes stage on Jackie O's (alleged) riding lawnmower; in a pre-taped segment, Dave interviews CBS job applicants, during which he pressures college sophomore Todd Stevens to sing; Nathan Lane appears to show Todd how it's done; Dave leaves the show to have some coffee with a guy named Kenny.
Dorothy drops by to promote the cookbook that Dave's been plugging for the last two weeks, and she cooks him his favorite sandwich.
At the end of the monologue, a guy dressed up as an Olympic runner bolts across the stage, and later he paces around the backdrop. Also, comedian Anthony Clark promotes his new sitcom Boston Common.
Tonight's ""What's On Other Channels"" segment includes ""Condom Testing,"" ""The Mexican Navy's New Battleship,"" and ""Tommy Lee-Pamela Anderson Video.""
Pat Farmer interrupts the monologue by walking in front of the camera; Marv Albert provides color commentary on tonight's CBS Mailbag; two guys spray each other with fuel at a gas station in Queens.
The Home Office Contest is over: Wahoo is now the official home office of the Top Ten List, decimating Grand Rapids from the get-go. Also, Everclear performs ""Heartspark Dollarsign.""
The Late Show begins a week in San Francisco as Mayor Willie Brown interrupts the show throughout the hour by offering Dave the key to the city, a loaf of sourdough bread, and a stick he found in his yard. Also, Paul composes a music video for cable car operator Luis ""Guido"" Montano, with cameos by Los Lobos, Carly Simon, Hootie & the Blowfish and Celine Dion.
Frisco, Day 2: Dave gives a bouquet to a 95-year-old lady in the audience; Dave and football great Joe Montana tour the city, where they end up getting ""friendly"" in Alcatraz; Dave checks on the theater in NYC, and finds Clint Eastwood imitating Dave at his desk.
Frisco, Day 3: Sheila E. and Pete Escovido sit in; Dave shows off the 49ers shower curtain he has in the dressing room; Dave orders Rupert to harass people on the street; Dave invites a shaggy-looking guy in the audience (a professor at Stanford, no less) to take a shower during the show.
From San Francisco: Three audience members receive free hams and souvenir cue cards; Joe Satriani sits in; Dave tells the seals at Fisherman's Wharf to shut up; the San Francisco Giants present the Top Ten; basketballs and melons are rolled down Fillburn Street, the steepest in the city.
Frisco, Day 5: The Alcatraz mock-up in the backdrop is subject to a jailbreak; Dave hangs out with a local hippie, thus introducing the world (not to mention fleeting fame) to one Manny Papp; Dave loses a blue card, and then finds it inside a crab at Fisherman's Wharf; Manny meets his hero, John Popper of Blues Traveler.
Dave quizzes the audience on his week in San Francisco, during which Gene Siskel runs onstage looking for Roger Ebert. Later in the show, he gives up on his search, then relaunches his film review program as ""Siskel and DeForest."" Also, Natalie Merchant sings ""Jealousy.""
Manny the Hippie gives his first live remote from San Francisco, as Dave asks him to give periodic reviews on current movies. Tonight, he reviews Twister, which he personally didn't care for.
Junior Brown sits in, and Dave tries on his very unique hat. Also, a guy dressed up as Ronald McDonald gives Dave the Top Ten, and later he is found lying dead in the street.
During Mailbag, Tony sits in for Dave while Dave sits in for Alan saying ""letter number two,"" which leads into a question about lawn care; comedian Harry Hill tells jokes about Cher, The A-Team, and his grandmother's funeral; Spin Doctors perform ""She Used to Be Mine.""
For no apparent reason, Dave orders Tony to take a taxi; Manny the Hippie presents the Top Ten; a dentist checks out a weird whistling noise coming out of Dave's mouth when he speaks.
Two audience guys go outside to monitor the temperature, and given their meteorological expertise, are ordered to stand next to a giant thermometer.
It's time for a new game called ""May We Turn Your Pants into Shorts?"" Dave is the first to mutilate his slacks, and is followed by Paul, Biff, John Goodman, and Norm MacDonald, who was already wearing shorts.
Dave shows a clip of his favorite moment from last night's show: Biff doing a quadruple take upon seeing Dave's slacks getting cut at the knee; Dave's contact lens fall out, so he wears his glasses for half the show; Brett Butler performs a Stupid Human Trick.
Dave's jacket is stain by coffee, so he throws it into the balcony; an ""unknown guest"" crashes the show; Leslie Nielsen promotes Spy Hard.
Dave and Conan O'Brien get ""Bob Dole Is Old"" jokes from the joke storeroom in the basement of the Ed Sullivan Theater. Also, Dave invites several staffers (including then-intern Stephanie Birkett) to discuss their dreams at a local steakhouse.
Live via satellite in San Francisco, Manny the Hippie reviews the film ""Spy Hard"": ""It's schwiggity schwag!"" Also, ""She Loves Me"" week begins with Martin Short, who performs this song, hanging on to the last note while leaving the theater, grabbing a soda at the Hello Deli, getting a massage, and returning to the theater wearing a terrycloth robe.
Dave invites customers from the Roy Rogers restaurant across the street into the theater to be checked for ticks; Dr. Sam Merrick declares them tick-free. Also, Day 2 of ""She Loves Me,"" tonight performed by Nathan Lane. Like Martin Short the previous night, Nate holds the last note, goes out to Hello Deli for a soda, then to a massage, and back inside the theater with a robe.
Diana Ross performs a variation of the song ""She Loves Me"" called ""He Loves Me,"" and while holding the final note, buys a soda at Hello Deli, gets a massage at a nearby spa, and walks back inside the theater wearing a white robe.
Dave tells a mean fat joke about Roger Ebert, and shortly afterwards the film critic calls Dave a bastard; four singers present the First Annual Late Show Salute to the Word ""Ass""; on Day 4 of ""She Loves Me"" week, Matthew Broderick performs a certain 1950's pop standard, holds the last note, runs through the theater, grabs a soda at the Hello Deli, gets a handbill for a free massage, receives the massage, and returns to the theater wearing a robe, still holding the note.
The final day of celebrity ""She Loves Me"" performances takes place when Rosie O'Donnell sings, holds the last note, runs through the theater, grabs a soda at Hello Deli, gets a handbill for a free massage, receives the massage, and returns to the theater wearing a robe, still holding the same note. Dave follows this flawless presentation with a week-long retrospective.
Biff attempts to learn how to fly; actor/soccer fanatic Andrew Shue introduces footage of him, Elizabeth Shue, and John Shue playing a pick-up game of his sport of choice.
In a piece of videotape footage that ""will disturb and shock you,"" Dave introduces clips of Bill Clinton singing ""Mustang Sally"" and Boris Yeltsin dancing.
Dave fools around with a hot glue gun, while up-and-coming actress Liv Tyler (daughter of Bebe Buell and Steven Tyler) promotes Stealing Beauty.
Kenny Wayne Shepherd sits in; Dave points out that one of tonight's ""CBS Mailbag"" letter-writers is in the audience; during Mailbag, ""Ronald McDonald"" (Leonard) verbally abuses Dave.
Dave bids farewell to one of his longtime staffers; Kelsey Grammer promotes ""Down Periscope""; Manny reviews The Cable Guy: ""Dank.""
Remote: Dave works the drive-thru at a Taco Bell in Jersey. Later, he chats with Lucille Treganowan, 66-year-old grandmother/hot rod guru. (correct synopsis)
Some guy carrying the Olympic torch comes through to interrupt the monologue. Also, Dave recalls a fake Father's Day memory when his son ""Jimmy"" gave him an ashtray. Paul doubts the story, forcing Dave to recall his ""real"" video memory: ""Jimmy"" arriving with pizza. (correct synopsis)
Biff recruits an audience member to get splashed in the face by a speeding taxi going over a puddle. Also, CBS head honcho ""Les Moonves"" discusses the CBS fall lineup, then sings Harry Chapin's ""Cat in the Cradle.""
In response to a CBS Mailbag letter that noticed a likeness between Inky Mendez and Steven Speilberg, Martin Scorsese is seen impersonating Anton Fig.
Dave shows off a tick that has embedded itself into his suit, then shows more footage of him at Taco Bell. (correct synopsis)
Jerry Van Dyke rides onstage on a mule; Luke Perry gives Dave his sideburns; The Fugees perform ""Fu-Gee-La.""
Manny the Hippie reviews Striptease: ""Schwag."" Also, Creepy Dave drops by to ask Michael Keaton about human cloning.
Dave airs his first new July 3rd show since his morning show in 1980. During the ""Rejected FDA Products"" segment, Dave introduces ""Sherwin-Williams Fettucine in Paint."" Later, Jeff Goldblum promotes ""Independence Day"" as Rupert searches the sky for UFOs.
Mujibur and Sirajul stand on the roof, waiting for the fireworks in broad daylight; during Mailbag, ""Neil Diamond"" (Calvert) rouses the crowd with a smokin' rendition of ""America;"" two audience members take an American flag to the Empire State Building; The Brian Setzer Orchestra performs ""Town Without Pity.""
Dave switches places with an audience woman, and later she sits in with the band; Elaine Stritch storms onstage and chews out Dave; Randy Quaid promotes Independence Day.
Dave points out that Paul is the co-musical director for the Olympic closing ceremonies; Biff keeps interrupting Dave; Dave chats with Joanne Ussery, a woman who lives in a renovated Boeing 727.
Manny the Hippie talks about his trip to Roswell, New Mexico, while The Charlie Watts Quintet (featuring Bernard Fowler) performs ""In a Sentimental Mood.""
Dave shows a semi-embarrassing clip of Meg Ryan from her days on ""As The World Turns,"" featuring a ""young"" Paul Shaffer and Will Lee.
Dave tries to find the owner of car whose license plates read ""SO HAPPY,"" and later he shows footage of a Wheel of Fortune contestant screwing up the answer to a puzzle: ""Paul Shatner!""
Dave continues to gloat over the Late Show's (alleged) title as Official Talk Show of the Summer Olympics, with abortive sports commentary by Anton; Laurence Fishburne promotes Fled.
Country legend Marty Stuart sits in, while a disgruntled alien (Gerard) comments on inaccuracies in the movie Independence Day.
Dave discusses in length the show's embarrassment of Emmy riches this year (four nominations); the ""CBS Mailbag"" presents Dave's 10,000th ""Bob Dole is old"" joke; Dave receives another discouraging visit from Fan Club president ""Cliff Sussman"" (Jay Johnson).
Leonard ""The Ronald McDonald Guy"" Tepper joins Rupert for another one of his hidden-mike remotes with Dave. Later, Jackie Joyner-Kersee promotes her new fitness book and upcoming appearance at the Atlanta Games.
Dave welcomes the Gold Medal-winning U.S. Olympic Girl's Gymnastics Team (minus the injured Kerri Strug); during a ""New Products"" segment, Pat Farmer models a t-shirt made from venetian blinds.
Dave announces that the Late Show has its own version of ""The Real World,"" with Paul, Anton and Pat Farmer whining about their personal problems.
During ""CBS Mailbag,"" Secret Service Agents dance the Macarena; Dennis Miller promotes his new HBO talk show; Butthole Surfers perform ""Pepper.""
Dave brings up three girls from the audience, confiscates their gum, and sends them out to goof off in a nearby fountain; the Sex Pistols perform ""Pretty Vacant.""
Dave chats with Yankees pitcher Dwight ""Doc"" Gooden, who threw a no-hitter the night before.
Dave gives a ham to a man in the audience who correctly guessed his weight (158 lbs).
2008
Nicolas Cage, Anna Torv, and Terrence Howard are the scheduled guests.
Dr. Phil McGraw, Tilda Swinton, and Tricky are the scheduled guests.
Following the previous night's acceptance speech, Dave admits to underestimating Gov. Sarah Palin; Andy Kindler makes his last report from the GOP convention in Minneapolis; Robin Williams throws in his two cents on the election; Shannen Doherty plugs the new 90210 and describes surviving the Southern California mudslides; Duffy performed "Warwick Avenue."
John Malkovich, Hayden Panettiere, and Steve Earle are the scheduled guests.
Keira Knightley and Thomas L. Friedman are the scheduled guests.
Jada Pinkett-Smith, Chris Russo, and Michael Buble are the scheduled guests. Plus, the second annual NASCAR Top Twelve!
Sen. Barack Obama and LeBron James are the scheduled guests.
Jessica Simpson and Jack Hanna are the scheduled guests.
Throughout the night, Olympic high-jumpers strut their stuff out on 53rd Street; Dave reads from the "Late Show Fun Facts" book, in stores next week; in her first LSDL appearance in seven years, Meg Ryan plugs The Women and shares an anecdote about her daughter; Ricky Gervais promotes Ghost Town and describes doing press junkets for the movie.
Former President William Jefferson Clinton and Chris Rock are the scheduled guests.
Lyle the Intern fails to convince Dave to join his latest scam; Julianne Moore discusses her trip to Brazil and plugs Blindness; Tim Reid and Tom Dreesen do stand-up; Kings of Leon performed "Sex on Fire."
Keith Olbermann, Chandra Wilson, Delta Goodrem
Paris Hilton, Usain Bolt, Morningwood
Lance Armstrong, Kristen Wiig, TV on the Radio
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Cera, Pete Seeger
Anne Hathaway, Josette Sheeran, The Virgins
Dave comments on the previous night's vice-presidential debate, which is followed by a string of Unfair Edits; NBC anchorman Brian Williams also throws in his two cents; Tim Robbins talks baseball, shares a story about Paul Newman, and plugs City of Ember.
Dave presents the (fake) opening credits of the second presidential debate, which closely resemble Magnum P.I.; Debra Messing plugs "The Starter Wife" and takes a jab at Sarah Palin; Alan's tour of the Late Show control room is sabotaged; Alianca da Terra founder John Carter discusses the plight of the Amazon rainforest; Tegan and Sara performed "Call It Off."
Michael Bearden fills in for Paul; a man wanders onstage to get his copy of the Fun Facts book autographed; Bill Murray promotes City of Ember and conducts a town hall debate; Beck performed "Gamma Ray."
Tonight on "Late Show Green Tips," Chris and Gerard show off their new hybrid; Jeremy Piven discusses winning his third Emmy; Alan has a few words to say to Gov. Sarah Palin; Elizabeth Banks plugs W.; Lou Reed performed "Caroline Says, Part 2."
Bill O'Reilly and Lauren Conrad are the scheduled guests.
Regis Philbin and James Taylor are the scheduled guests.
Alec Baldwin, Paul Mooney, and Ryan Adams & The Cardinals are the scheduled guests.
"New Halloween Costumes" include Sarah Palin's passport, the Dow Jones Industrial Average, Amy Winehouse's hair, and an oversized copy of the Fun Facts book; Cole Hamels of the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies reads the Top Ten; John Legend performed "I Love, You Love."
Marcia Cross, Alan Zweibel, and George Clinton are the scheduled guests.
Paris Hilton, Elvis Costello, and Jenny Lewis are the scheduled guests. Plus, a Top Ten from Ricky Gervais!
Dave shares a few thoughts on election night; an audience member panics when he realizes he forgot to vote; Tom Brokaw promotes his best-selling book, "Boom!"; a very pregnant Vera Farmiga plugs The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.
Ben Stiller and Q-Tip the scheduled guests. Plus, the Kid Scientists of Naperville, IL!
Alec Baldwin endorses the Fun Facts book; Natalie Portman discusses campaigning for President-elect Obama; Bill Scheft begs the new president to make an ass of himself; Artie Lange plugs his new book; Brad Paisley performed a cover of The Cars' "Good Times Roll."
Ted Turner, Jamie Oliver, and Taylor Swift are the scheduled guests.
Dave shows a clip of King Tut's mummy appearing on Maury; NFL superstar Terrell Owens presents the Top Ten; the legendary Don Rickles plugs his new book and riffs on marriage and growing old; Alicia Keys performed "The Thing About Love."
Russell Brand and Charlie Haden are the scheduled guests. Plus, Stupid Human Tricks!
Bruce Willis and Sia are the scheduled guests.
A plug for Tribute Bands Week; Bill Cosby does some stand-up, promotes the "Cosby Show" complete series DVD set and comments on the election; The Answer (making their American TV debut) performed "Never Too Late."
Emma Thompson and fox attack survivor Michelle Felicetta are the scheduled guests. Plus, Day 1 of "Tribute Band Week" with Purple Reign!
With First Lady of France Carla Bruni Sarkozy on the show, Dave wonders if he'll accidentally start an international incident; Lyle the Intern and his pal "Rudy" (Joe Grossman) promote their internet show; Jack Hanna brings out a baby kangaroo, an aardvark, and a macaque; on Day 2 of Tribute Band Week, The Cold Hard Cash Show performed "Folsom Prison Blues."
Day 3 of "Tribute Band Week" with Mr. Brownstone. Plus, Katie Couric!
Stephen Colbert and Kristen Stewart are the scheduled guests.
James Franco and Bruce McCall are the scheduled guests. Plus, Day 5 of "Tribute Band Week" with The Allstarz!
Nicole Kidman, Simon Baker, and Kanye West are the scheduled guests.
Dave calls out Tony for making him read the same monologue joke twice; after President Bush pardoned 14 convicted felons that week, Dave and Alan grant clemency to an audience member; Reese Witherspoon relives her 2005 Oscar win and plugs Four Christmases; Harry Connick Jr. performs "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."
Teri Hatcher, Ludacris, and T-Pain are the scheduled guests.
Denis Leary and John Mayer are the scheduled guests. Plus, Dave's Mom and the 16th annual pie-guessing contest!
Bruce Willis promotes the Fun Facts book, declaring the tome "Yippee-ki-larious, mother****er!"; Tom Arnold laments the failure of his third marriage and plugs Gardens of the Night; Dave chats with a grouchy CBS Store employee (Johnny Dark); Faith Hill and the Morgan State University Choir performed "Little Drummer Boy."
Jennifer Connelly, Anderson Cooper, and The Duke Spirit are the scheduled guests. Plus, a special Top Ten from the Ball State University football team!
Amy Adams, Michael Sheen, and Jamey Johnson are the scheduled guests.
Keanu Reeves, Paula Abdul, and Loudon Wainwright III are the scheduled guests.
Sen. John McCain and Bon Iver are the scheduled guests.
In need of a pick-me-up, Dave repeats the sneezing monkey clip; a bronchitis-stricken Meryl Streep promotes Doubt; Dave's old buddy Jeff Altman does a few impressions.
Adam Sandler is the scheduled guest. Plus, a Holiday Toy Demo!
Tom Cruise and Fall Out Boy are the scheduled guests.
Jennifer Aniston and Broken Social Scene are the scheduled guests, and a special top ten list with Jim Carrey.
Will Smith and Of Montreal are the scheduled guests.
Jerry Seinfeld and Leona Lewis are the scheduled guests.
Dustin Hoffman and Todd Rundgren guest. PLUS: An Apology from Bernie Madoff; Coach Mike Singletary; the Bitter Cold Hits the "Today" Show; the Al Qaeda Holiday Party; and a Top Ten List.
Mickey Rourke; Jay Thomas; and Darlene Love. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a sneezing monkey; a top ten list; Holiday Quarterback Challenge; and Paul Shaffer's does Cher's "O Holy Night."
Dave shows a (phony) clip of Larry King interviewing the shoe that was thrown at President Bush; Tracy Morgan jokes about his recent legal troubles; Dave asks Paul about how he spent his Christmas; "MADtv" star Matt Braunger makes his television stand-up debut.
Kate Hudson; and Glasvegas. PLUS: CNN Clip of the Night; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Homeland Security USA; Changes in the Late Show 2009; the President defends his record; Regis in high-def; a top ten list; Dave's resolutions; and Biff still celebrating.
Dave delivers a pizza to an audience member, but she's too excited to eat it; Dave reads the "Top Ten Questions"; Kevin James plugs Paul Blart: Mall Cop and discusses his weight problem; another chat with CBS store employee "Stanley Kronkite" (Johnny Dark); "Squawk Box" host Becky Quick analyzes the Bernie Madoff controversy; Erin McCarley performed "Love, Save the Empty."
Ricky Gervais; Rose Byrne; and Okkervil River. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Ball State at the GMAC Bowl; what's popular on the Monkey Channel; the White House lunch; a top ten list; and the guy who was hanging bare-assed from a ski lift.
Kate Winslet; and Marv Albert. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Front Page of the New York Post; Regis in High-Def; and a Top Ten List.
Kiefer Sutherland; and Wendy Liebman. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a monkey sneezing; a squid sneezing; Dick Cheney Lie Count; Governor Bill Richardson; Late Show Fun Facts; Alan Kalter's Guide to the Inauguration; and a top ten list.
Billy Crystal; and Kara DioGuardi. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; an Odd Blagojevich Press Conference; 49er Coach Mike Singletary; and a Top Ten List with Owen Wilson from Maui, Hawaii.
Salma Hayek; and Jimmie Walker. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; phone call for David Letterman; little known things about the Bush Administration; Dave's Cocoa Guy; a message from Late Show writer Bill Scheft; and a special Top Ten from baseball's newest Hall of Fame inductees, Jim Rice and Rickey Henderson.
Clint Eastwood; and Randy Rogers Band. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; The 9th Anniversary of Dave's Quintuple; and Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview.
Kyra Sedgwick; and Gwen Ifill. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; George W. Bush cleaning his glasses; Inauguration Day Plans; filling in for Osama bin Laden; and Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan drop in uninvited.
Zach Braff; Arj Barker; and The Airborne Toxic Event. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; "Bride Wars"; Mystery Sound in Space; Alan Kalter's How It Works; and a Late Show Farewell to Great Moments in Presidential Speeches.
Jon Stewart is scheduled to appear. Plus, Day 4 of U2 Week!
After discussing Bruce Willis' wedding at length, Dave mentions that he married his longtime girlfriend in a private ceremony this past weekend, than explains all the obstacles he faced on the way to the courthouse; an update on George Clarke and the Late Show Weight Loss Challenge; Hugh Laurie plugs Monsters vs. Aliens; Sarah Paulson does impressions; Bloc Party performed "One Month Off."
Via videotape, Osama bin Laden congratulates Dave on his marriage to Regina; tonight on "At Home with the Madoffs," Bernie and Ruth watch TV; Mary Tyler Moore plugs her autobiography and shares an embarassing story about Ed Asner; Blake Lively talks about her maltipoo; White Lies performed "To Lose My Life."
Following the monologue, two goons walk off with Tony, claiming he's been adopted by Madonna; in lieu of Biff, Andy Kindler makes the annual trip to Yankees Spring Training; champion grocery-bagger Francisco Palacios puts Dave to shame in a face-off; Marg Helgenberger talks about her first job; Ray LaMontagne performed "You Are The Best Thing."
Dave welcomes the star of the FX network comedy, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia", Danny Devito. Topics include Danny's now infamous Youtube moment when it appeared he was drunk on the set. He claims he wasn't. Later, star of the Discovery Channel/Science Channel series, "Man vs. Wild", Bear Grylis stops by to discuss his series upcoming episode with superstar Will Farrell. Phoenix is the Musical Guest.
Jada Pinkett-Smith discusses her new role as a doctor in the TnT Tuesday night drama, "Hawthorne" and her oldest son, Jaden's new role in the Karate Kid remake, "Kung Fu Kid". Jada noting that the the family will be living in Hong Kong during the film's production. Michael Cerra discusses his role in the new film, "Year One", also starring Jack Black. Swedish Rock band, The Sounds, are the musical guests.
Quentin Tarantino, Eric Ripert, and Robert Cray are the scheduled guests.
1997
Dave shows highlights from the annual Labor Day staff cookout on 53rd Street; Terry Bradshaw and stagehand Corky Ramirez both inexplicably break into song.
Warren is caught watching tennis on TV; Dave harasses teen talk show host John Hall; Beck performs ""Devil's Haircut.""
Viewers at home receive the rare opportunity to see the new audience orientation tape (starring Leonard Tepper). Later, Fiona Apple performs ""Criminal.""
On Warren's last night filling in for Paul, he receives a ""Deputy of Comedy"" badge. Later, Sugar Ray performs ""Fly.""
Paul returns from filming ""Blues Brothers 2000"" with a shaved head. Meanwhile, Dave, Biff, Regis, Al Roker, and Bob Barker harass people in Central Park.
Dave calls the pay phone island outside so that an unsuspecting tourist could participate in a comedy skit. When nobody picks up a phone, Dave goes on the street and invites a guy from Vermont to perform a musical number with Tony Randall.
Dave is so fascinated by Paul's shaved head (introduced last night) that he has to talk about it at the beginning of the show.
Paul writes a song for a trucker who participated in ""Know Your Current Events,"" while Dave chats with WNBA MVP Cynthia Cooper.
Dave chats with CBS star ""Steve Urkel"" (Gerard), while Star Jones plugs ""The View.""
Dave listens to the philosophies of second-graders in ""Dave Talks to Kids""; George Clooney promotes ""The Peacemaker.""
Biff delivers a housewarming gift to a Hooters franchise that just opened, and they send back buffalo wings. Later, an NBC nurse tends to Nicole Kidman's cold.
Dave discusses aerosol cheese with last minute guest Chef Michael Lomonaco who says, ""It's great when you're driving, actually. You get a little squirt when you're driving.""
Richard Simmons interupts ""Know Your Current Events""; Drew Carey presents ""Top Ten Signs You Work in a Bad Office""; 7-year-old Jonathan Lipnicki promotes his new sitcom, ""Meego.""
In a return to the popular theme nights of yore, the entire LATE SHOW audience consists of freshmen from NYU. During the show, Candice Bergen presents a special college-themed Top Ten list.
Dave shows some of his favorite remotes, segments, and comedy clips from the first four years of ""The Late Show.""
Bob Borden finally gets to meet Jaleel ""Urkel"" White, while Paul composes a musical number about pastries that resemble celebrities.
Dave gives a local named Tom Worzall ten seconds of air time, then chats with Wonderbra model Sarah O'Hare.
Cameron Diaz promotes ""A Life Less Ordinary,"" while the famed contortionist Veniamin does a demonstration.
Dave comments on the Yankees playoff chances, then chats with new ""Today"" co-host Matt Lauer.
Dave shows (bogus) NASA footage of Mir; the Dutch Mariachis sing ""Happy Birthday"" to Biff.
Dave and Paul visit the ""International Hair Forum""; Dan Aykroyd promotes ""Soul Man"" and plays the harmonica.
Joe G. stars in the new crime drama ""Joey Ventura,"" and clips from the show are scattered throughout the night; Dave gives Paul crap for bumping into a cameraman; Bryant Gumbel promotes his soon-to-debut news program.
Dave watches leaves turn and nails dry, and an audience member's receives and smokes his first cigar.
Throughout the night, Leonard plugs his new show, ""Leonard Tepper's Hidden Video."" Later, Jim Belushi promotes ""Total Security.""
""Dr."" Bill DeLace comments on seasonal allergies; Mark Wahlberg promotes ""Boogie Nights.""
1997: Stagehand and accomplished thespian Kenny Sheehan is seen in clips from ""The Today Show,"" ""Guiding Light,"" ""Cosby,"" ""The People's Court,"" and ""Spin City.""
After Dave shows clips of past bunny antics, the Late Show presents ""How Many Guys in Bunny Suits Can Get in the Times Square Disney Store?"" The answer: Three. Later, Stevie Starr shows Dave the magic of forcing yourself to regurgitate.
Paul introduces this year's National League champions, the Atlanta Braves, until Dave tells him that the Florida Marlins actually won. Later, Carly Simon and Jimmy Webb perform a duet.
Dave presents ""The Story Behind the Story: The Rolling Stones,"" which looks at the dramatic and emotionally draining production of a ""Behind the Music""-type show.
WCBS-TV presents a skit about a pancake that looks like Paul. Later, Robert Pastorelli promotes his new drama ""Cracker.""
Dave shows (bogus) footage of businessmen jumping out of windows on Wall Street; we take a look at ""What Dave Did with the Extra Hour from Standard Time""; Mariah Carey sings ""Butterfly.""
Following yesterday's sell-off on Wall Street, Dave shows footage of deceased stockbrokers ascending back through windows after today's market recovery. Later, Penn and Teller perform a new trick.
Biff plays ""Let's Scare the Crap Out of Rupert Jee,"" while Dave interviews Bobby Bonilla of the World Series Champion Florida Marlins.
Lee Marek helps Dave out with a sextet of Kid Scientists.
In honor of the new movie ""Boogie Nights,"" Dave shows bogus clips of Paul and Nadine Hennelly in 70's-era porno films. Meanwhile, Tony impresses Dave with his clown costume.
Dave shows a picture of production associate Tara Callahan, who ran in the New York Marathon; John Travolta plugs Face-Off; Martin Short appears for exactly thirty seconds.
1997: We go to Joe G.'s in search of a political candidate, and we find an unsuspecting patron named Lee Holt. Later in the show, Lee becomes the subject of a hastily-produced attack ad.
Dave, Paul, Alan, Calvert, and Anton (as ""Buddy"") star in ""Late Show: The Movie."" Also, Rudy Guiliani (poorly) disguises himself as a audience member in the latest edition of ""Who Asked For It?""
Dave shows a fake ad for a PBS documentary about the band KISS. Later, a lady in the audience who Dave accidentally threw a blue card near is now wearing a cervical collar.
Casey Kasem introduces the ""Late Show Chair of Mystery."" Also, BB King and Tracy Chapman perform a soulful duet.
""Master Mentalist"" Pat Farmer does a demonstration on Kenny Sheehan; singer-restaurateur Naomi Judd cooks a family recipe for Dave.
Dave makes a bad phone call for an audience member, then comments on Marv Albert's legal troubles.
The greatest six minutes in Late Show history: When the Top Ten card is missing, Dave runs out of the theater, is hit by a cab, runs into Al Roker, and goes into Flashdancers and takes the card off one of the strippers. Shortly afterwards, Paul, missing his sheet music for the Top Ten, runs out of the theater, is hit by a tour bus, runs into Regis Philbin, and goes into the NY Stock Exchange, where he finds his sheet music on the floor. Just as Dave begins the Top Ten, Biff is missing his headset, so he runs out of the theater, is hit by a police horse, runs into Gavin MacLeod, and goes into a Burger King to grab a headset off a sales clerk. When he finally returns, there is no time left for the Top Ten.
Live from the Edwards Air Force Base, Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton race to earn the title of ""World's Fastest Movie Star."" Also, Bill Murray plugs ""The Man Who Knew Too Little.""
During Mailbag, Gerard performs a Broadway-style number about the possibility of him getting fired. Also, Heather Graham plugs ""Boogie Nights.""
Dave plugs the new CD ""Live on Letterman,"" then goes door-to-door offering to rake leaves.
It's another ""Quarterback Challenge"" as Pittsburgh Steelers field general Kordell Stewart and Dave aim footballs at a water tower across the street from the Ed Sullivan Theater.
Dave (supposedly) calls the Butterball Turkey Handling Hotline, while two mailmen (Leonard and Gerard) present a U.S. Post Office-sanctioned message about on-the-job safety.
Tony Mendez interrupts Dave, pointing out that he's missing a cue card. It turns out it was with Tony Randall all along.
Dave shows a (bogus) ad for a Clinton phone sex hotline, while Kirstie Alley plugs ""Veronica's Closet.""
Paul leaves the show to hosts his own spinoff chatfest; comedian Bill Irwin; the cast of ""Stomp"" performs.
Dave brings in cab driver Carlos Andrede, who becomes the master of ceremonies in the hastily-produced ""Carlos Andrede Thanksgiving Day Parade,"" featuring performances from Miss New York 1998 and the Rutgers University Marching Band.
A high school marching band from Memphis storms through the audience after ""Know Your Current Events.""
It's time for another call to Dave's mom to play ""Guess the Pies""; tonight, she's baked coconut butterscotch pecan pie and cherry pie as well as a sculpted head of Dave made of stuffing. Also, George Clarke starts singing to the new live CD.
During Mailbag, Dave bags groceries. Also, in spoof of those high-related FOX specials, Dave and Paul reveal one of the magician's secrets.
Grover Washington, Jr. sits in; Dave shows a Sing and Snore Ernie that he bought yesterday, and it's head tragically comes off with blood gushing out; Dave and Heisman Trophy candidate Peyton Manning go one-on-one in the latest Late Show QB Challenge.
The outside cam reveals Buddy (Bill Clinton's dog) trying to get inside Hooters. Also, Nathan Lane sings a brief song about Hanukkah.
During Mailbag, Dave and Paul give birth to septuplets. Also, child actor Alex D. Linz plugs ""Home Alone 3.""
Dave and Tony go to Giants Stadium so Tony can be a kicker, with a little help from Giants coach Jim Fassel, plus kickers Brad Daluiso and Danny Kanell; a man claiming to be the new president of Iran promotes the ""Live on Letterman"" CD; Tyra Banks shows Dave her $3 million bra.
A plastic Statue of Liberty, a giant meatball, and a pile of bagels are placed on top of the Late Show Christmas Tree. Later in the show, a preacher in the audience puts sauce on the meatball.
Dave annoys Paul with his impersonation of John Wayne speaking French: ""Bonjour, mon ami.""
Dave shows a (bogus) clip of him as a 50's-era child actor, while Biff receives Foster's Lager ® from an Australian audience member.
""James Bond"" (Tom Manino) comes up from the audience at Dave's insistance. Later in the show, Pierce Bronson and his doppleganger go one-on-one. Also, Paul wears his christmas present from Dave: a Jerry Springer-style wig.
In honor of the week's top-grossing film, Titanic, the stage floods with water. Also, Rupert introduces ""Rudolph, the Littlest Reindeer.""
It's ""Holiday Tradition Night"" on the Late Show: Another Darlene Love/Bette Sussman performance of ""Christmas (Baby Please Come Home),"" along with another Paul Shaffer impression of Cher's ""O Holy Night,"" not to mention another Late Show QB Challenge with Jay Thomas. Also, Biff goes to Queens to look for Santa.
During Mailbag, ""The Biff Henderson Celebrity Telephone Interview"" interrogates a man claiming to be Dick Clark. Later in the show, during Dave's interview with Anne Heche, Ellen Degeneres walks onstage with ""their"" baby (actually Michelle O'Callaghan's).
David Sanborn sits in; Ms. Markey's kindergarten kids in Bowie, MD each write an essay titled ""If I Could Have One Wish""; Bridget Fonda promotes ""Jackie Brown.""
Dave talks about his plans for New Year's.
Like he does every year, Dave regales us with another one of his far-fetched New Year's stories. After Leon Pendarvis brings him down to earth, Dave confesses that he and Biff celebrated by photocopying their face at Kinko's.
Leon's still here; a customer from Joe G's stars in the quickie movie ""Titanic: Death Boat ‘98""; the outside-cam reveals radioactive steam coming out of the Chrysler Building.
Recently deposed ""Weekend Update"" anchorman Norm MacDonald vents his anger to Dave; daredevil dance group Streb performs.
Marc Anthony and the Broadway cast members perform a song from Paul Simon's new musical ""The Capeman.""
CBS Mailbag: Chris Schmitt of Ottawa, Kansas asks why Biff has a scowl on his face. Biff comes onstage as a lobster is hooked on his backside. Later, Dave explains the formula for comedy success: ""Lobster + Ass = Funny!""
Mick Fleetwood sits in, and later he plays drums for tonight's musical guests, fellow Fleetwood Mac members Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham.
Mick Fleetwood sits in again, now joined by pianist Allen Toussaint. Also, tonight's ""May We See Your Photos, Please?"" is a surprising disappointment, as there was only one customer, and he was dropping off a roll of film.
""Dave Sucks"" is spray-painted onto the World Trade Center, while ""The Masked Magician"" (Pat Farmer) performs a dangerous trick on Kenny Sheehan.
Biff has hot towels for the audience, while the Spice Girls perform ""Stop.""
Mailbag: Biff stars in the Swedish sitcom knockoff ""Mjørk and Minde."" Also, famed session keyboardist Chuck Leavell sits in.
Dave finds three girls in the audience that have never slept with President Clinton; Bob Borden covers the Super Bowl, so Dave implies that Sparky Mortimer can actually get some studying done this year; for one night only, the Top Ten Office moves to Worchester, Pennsylvania; Dave chats with the Newsweek reporter that broke the Monica Lewinsky scandal.
Dave brings out his top intern Duane, who might be a Chippendale dancer on the side. Also, Dave complains about Late Show knockoffs and shows as an example ""The Simon Harvey Show"" from Australia. The host: Tony Randall.
John Popper sits in; Dave does the first of his many all-Clinton monologues.
Ruth Brown sits in, while Dave makes crepes with child cooking prodigy Justin Miller.
Paul performs a song promoting Tom Selleck's appearance next week, while Dave and Merrill Markoe pretend to flirt.
Throughout the week, guitarist Mike Campbell fills in for Felicia, who has the flu; Dave mentions that yesterday was the sixteenth anniversary of the debut of Late Night; Tom Arnold promotes his struggling, self-titled WB sitcom.
Anton introduced as Prince Randusi of Senegal; Mike Campbell is still here; ten interns present the Top Ten; John Goodman shows a clip of him jumping into a fountain pool.
Dan Aykroyd promotes Blues Brothers 2000, which, might I add, co-stars Paul Shaffer. Also, Duncan Sheik performs ""Everyone, Everywhere.""
Dave chats Pam Amba and ""Honeymoon,"" the pig that saved her life.
It's the opening of the Winter Olympics, so Dave announces miniature Ski-Jumping Dogs in the backdrop. Also, live via satellite, Dave chats with his mom in Nagano, Japan.
Throughout the night, ski-jumping dogs perform in the backdrop; Felicia returns; Dorothy Letterman makes her first report from Nagano.
Remote: Dave goes door-to-door in New Jersey again, this time to ask about the Winter Olympics. Also, to promote their new film, the reunited Blues Brothers Band (including Paul, Dan Aykroyd, John Goodman, and a twelve-year-old boy) perform ""Sweet Home Chicago.""
Jonny ""Big Air"" Moseley, Gold-medal winner for Mogul Skiing, shows off the large pieces of whitebread being served to the American Olympians.
While playing ""Know Your Current Events,"" a soon-to-be unemployed stewardess for United Airlines tells Dave, ""Passengers are our worst enemy."" Also, ten US Olympic hockey players present the Top Ten, while Dorothy interviews Kristi Yamaguchi, Jim Nantz, and K. C. Boutiette.
Live via satellite, it's Dave's mom at the Winter Olympics in Nagano, Japan, where she introduces a skiing monkey. She also presents the Top Ten.
Live via satellite in Nagano, Japan: Dorothy's feeling under the weather, Biff and his wife Carolyn chat with Winter Olympic athletes. Also, Tony shows us a cue card supposedly burned in an office fire that weekend, while Dale Earnhardt, Sr. presents the Top Ten.
Mike Myers chats with (live via satellite) his mother, while Dorothy interrogates Picabo Street.
Regis, Paul, Mujibur and Sirajul help Dave learn how to skate a la Kristi Yamiguchi, while Dave and Jerry Foley observe and interview ""Future Olympic Hopefuls.""
Almost halfway into the show, Dave suddenly leaves and gets into a cab that drives to Mexico, then San Francisco. Dave then boats across the Pacific, stops in Japan and sweeps the ice during an Olympic Curling competition in Nagano. Also in Nagano, Dorothy stumbles upon Bob Dole, while Biff searches for celebrity look-alikes.
In ""Day in New York City with Olympic Judges,"" the one female judge gives Dave's performance in bed a 2.8; during Stupid Pet Tricks, Biff demonstrates a trick he learned in Nagano; throughout the night, Jonny Moseley ski-jumps outside the theater on 53rd Street.
Paul Newman drops by to annoy Dave; outtakes from last week's ""Olympic Hopefuls"" piece are shown; Dave persuades a less-than-homesick Dorothy to go back to Indianapolis.
Dave points out that Rob Burnett made a cameo on last night's episode of Cosby; the editors of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue reveal that most of the photo shoot was done at the White House; Dave chats with Cammi Granato and Sarah Tueting of the gold medal-winning US women's hockey team.
David ""Fathead"" Newman sits in on sax; Bob Borden reports from the Grammys; Dave shows an ad for ""Saddam's Beret Bazaar.""
As usual, Dave cheats in his annual competition with the World Grocery Bagging Champion. This years' sucker: Frank Urbancic. Also, Dave shows a (bogus) clip of President Clinton skiing, then shows a preview of the upcoming CBS special ""Pat Farmer: Master Escape Artist"" (co-starring Kenny Sheehan).
In the latest ""Kid Scientists"" segment, Lee Marek and his prodigies demonstrate the concept of heat. Also, Richie Sambora performs ""All That Really Matters.""
Biff's latest celebrity interview involves a fat, bald guy claiming to be Leonardo DiCaprio.
Gerard hosts ""The Making of the Top Ten,"" a short documentary that reveals more about the writers' animosity towards Dave than the comedy bit that's being profiled. Also, Mark Chesnutt sings ""Useless.""
Mailbag: Dave and his bodyguard (Bill DeLace) have a falling out. Also, Dave chats with 12-year-old inventor/entrepreneur Richie Stachowski, creator of Water Talkies.
Dave wears glasses for the duration of the show (a sign of things to come); Sean Pelton fills in for Anton, whom Dave dubs ""Anton Zippy Stickwork;"" Wilford Brimley sits in ""Paul Shaffer's Chair of Mystery;"" Formula One racing star Alex Zanardi cooks.
It looks at first like the studio is being filled with green beer, but it turns out that one of the camera lenses have been tinted; ""Leonardo DiCaprio"" (Gerard) gloats over his newfound stardom; Dave chats with child actor Jack Johnson.
Dave shows a (bogus) ad for British Airways that is bursting with disclaimers; Laurie Diamond milks a cow backstage; another edition of ""Please Stop Calling Me Chief"" provides entertainment only to Dave; Charles Grodin acts remarkably hostile during his interview.
Biff hangs with the New York Yankees during Spring Training, while everybody in the audience gets free tickets to fly on British Airways.
Paul is introduced as ""Ramone Conde""; Dave introduces Mishi, the world record holder for smallest man alive, and later Mishi holds a kitty to demonstrate his miniscule size on camera; Helen Hunt (live via satellite) presents the Top Ten.
Paul is introduced as Al Roker; throughout the night, Pat Farmer throws basketballs from the roof and into a bathtub on 53rd Street; Dave complains that the balls are ""fruity""; Dave chats with a man who found $70,000 in a garbage can, then returned it to its rightful owner.
Biff reports on Yankees Spring Training, where he follows/stalks Paul O'Neill. Also, Steve Miller performs ""Fly Like An Eagle.""
Paul is introduced as Cubby O'Brien; Heather Graham meets The Guy on Fire; Alec Baldwin helps Heather in a weird April Fool's gag in which they sign off and wish everybody a good night a la Saturday Night Live.
Bruce Willis is live via satellite in Idaho from the set of his upcoming film ""Breakfast of Champions."" All night long he's inside a television monitor that bungee jumps off the roof, then gets dropped onto glass, a bathtub of pudding, and finally gets smashed from six stories onto the street. Also, Tom Brokaw gets annoyed by Dave and in mid-interview walks right back to 30 Rockefeller Center.
Tom Hanks interrupts the monologue because he and Dave are dressed alike; throughout the night, spelling bee champ Edmund Gillette stands next to Rob's desk and spells words; during Mailbag, Alan Kalter reacts badly to a letter asking if he's a freak by visiting the letter-writer (Jay Johnson) and punching in his face; Tom gets a new suit.
Dave appears in student films as a side income, while Bob Borden runs throughout the city searching for Leonardo DiCaprio.
Clint Black sits in; Dave comments on the hot new drug Viagra, then shows a bogus ad for The Teletubbies.
Throughout the night, Bob Borden tries to set off car alarms directly outside the theater; Dave announces that The Guy on Fire is willing to perform for $2700 a pop, though the guy will come out sans flames for only $700; Jim Belushi attempts singing a old Perry Como song.
After mentioning a minor disagreement from earlier today, Dave announces his ""blood feud"" with director Jerry Foley; Mujibur and Sirajul appear on Jerry Springer, and no one's surprise, beat the crap out of each other; Dave starts ostracizing all the people who support Jerry in the ongoing squabble; Alan Cumming and the cast of the Broadway revival of Caberet perform the opening number.
During CBS Mailbag, a viewer asks if Dave has any plans to air his show from the space shuttle. Somehow as a response, astronaut Buzz Aldrin is seen hitting golfballs on the theatre roof.
Dave announces the birth of Jerry Foley's son; after showing footage from last year of Rob Burnett unwittingly scaring his young daughter in a Easter Bunny suit, he tries on a different outfit with more or less the same results; Harmony Korine almost says something coherent while being interviewed about his new book, which he wouldn't particularly recommend, so Dave tells him to go back to his hotel and take a shower.
The Guy Not on Fire announces that he is now available for commercials and endorsements, and later in the show he is seen in an ad for Sizzler. Also, Danny DeVito comes out onstage twice to protest Dave's jokes about him being a car hood ornament.
The Guy Not on Fire appears in his first paid ad (for Elite Computers); a chat with Jason Alexander is interrupted by another inane special report by Alan Richardson; Steve Earle and the Dukes perform ""I Still Carry You Around.""
""Know Your Current Events"" is interrupted so that The Man Not on Fire can pitch the Biore® self-heating mask. Later in the show, Dave admits that he's on a guilt trip for bumping an audience member for the shameless plug.
Amongst the festivities of ""Chicago Night"": Jerry Springer's bouncers stand on opposite sides of the stage; The Man Not on Fire appears in an ad for Gold Coast Drugs; the Top Ten home office is temporarily moved to nearby Schaumberg, Illinois; local blues singer (and frequent guest) Taj Mahal presents the Top Ten; Bob Borden goes on a frantic pursuit through the Windy City attempting to get an interview with Oprah.
Dave persuades an audience member named Gary to shave off his beard; The man who was on fire, then wasn't and is now on fire again promotes Kraus Chiropractic in Iowa; Gary orders a sandwich at Hello Deli; Dave and recent NFL draft pick Ryan Leaf throw footballs at a manhole.
Willie ""Blue Moon"" Watts sits in on pedal guitar; Dave announces that there have been some technical difficulties they may prevent Johnny Depp from appearing on the 1000th show later in the week; The Man on Fire sings the praises of Feline Pine kitty litter.
The latest roll call suggests that The Guy on Fire has officially sold out when he runs across the stage (in flames, of course) holding a sign for Highland Metals, Inc.
A monkey assumes power in the control room, while the Top Ten is interrupted by Antoine's Po' Boys and Deli spokesperson The Man on Fire.
Tonight's ""Stupid Human Tricks"": Richard Anthony of Ontario reaches back over his shoulder and gives himself a wedgie; John Rites of Nebraska fits three McDonald's burgers into his mouth; and Mike Garcia and Craig Love of Milwaukee do an impression of a helicopter as one spins on the other's head; Gene Siskel makes his first public appearance since undergoing brain surgery that April; Dave announces Johnny Depp cancelled due to the technical difficulties from earlier in the week, and Paul goes on a tirade about it.
Maynard Ferguson sits in again; Paul runs the Kentucky Derby; Dave shows a microphone plaque he got from the staff.
The cast of the faux musical ""Homecoming"" performs a show-stopping number. Also, Trisha Yearwood performs ""Never Let You Go Again.""
Biff tries out tobacco juice spin art; Dave shows a clip from last night's show in which he mixed up ""Viagra"" with ""Niagara""; Biff teaches Sally Field how to spit tobacco juice.
Dave promotes his new talk show summer camp, while Green Day performs ""King for a Day.""
Biff goes to Texas to learn to be a cowboy, and to make tonight's audience (residents of Houston) feel more at home, Lyle Lovett shows up to sing an old Hank Williams song, with Biff riding his horse onstage.
Dave visits a group of sailors on the audience, and one of them does a push-up onstage; Dave shows the audience today's (bogus) edition of The Family Circus; Faith Hill performs ""This Kiss.""
Dave shows another bogus ""Family Circus"" cartoon; Paul is discovered cheering on Hanson with a small army of teenyboppers outside.
Dave notices the standby audience really has nothing to do, so makes them do a jigsaw puzzle. When they finish it at the end of the show, we see that it's an image of Al Chez.
Dave gripes about the eight-minute late start for the show tonight due to golf coverage. Rapidly becoming despondent, he picks up a bottle of tequila and tosses back a few at the desk. Also, Dave mentions that the CBS program Diagnosis Murder had the unfortunate distinction of airing a brand new episode up against the Seinfeld finale, and shows a clip that proves that they were phoning it in.
Continuing a sweeps period trend of having the audience represent a different city, Dave greets 700+ residents of New Orleans, Louisiana. Keeping up with the theme, Mayor Mark Morial presents Paul with a key to the city, Na'lens native John Goodman presents the Top Ten, and Biff visits Bourbon Street.
The outside cam peers through the window of Dave's office to show the world a very hideous billboard promoting the sitcom Friends. Matthew Perry drops by to vandalize the advertisement.
The outside cam returns to the Friends ad that Matthew Perry wrecked last night, and Dave explains why he shouldn't be sued; Rob Burnett draws another doodle of Dave's lawyers; the Top Ten list is interrupted by the office manager in Wahoo, Nebraska (voice of Charles Grodin).
Biff reports from a Bulls-Pacers playoff game; teen actress Scarlett Johansson promotes The Horse Whisperer; Rob Burnett is dressed to the nines tonight, so Dave asks him to host the last twenty minutes of the show.
A hairstylist that appeared in tonight's ""Know Your Current Events"" cuts Dave's hair for twenty bucks. He later gives her a $1000 tip.
A parody of VH-1's ""Behind the Music"" features Paul Shaffer's rise and fall and rise again, with testimonials from Kris Kristofferson, Eddie Vedder, Sting, Erik Estrada (who replaced Paul as bandleader), Lou Reed, and WCBS-TV's local news anchor Dana Tyler (see recap).
Dave updates his map of the various locales in which he has received speeding tickets; Dave mentions that the son of Dave Dorsett was selected in today's MLB draft; Biff promotes his new culinary program ""Cookin' Naked with Biff""; Art Garfunkel shoots free throws, and then goes one-on-one with a lookalike staffer named Gary.
All night long, animals lick the camera lens. Included are a pot-bellied pig, lemur, a skunk, a miniature horse, and a guy dressed as a cat (Film Coordinator Rick ""Shecky"" Scheckman). Also, Dave announces his new catchphrase: ""Holy crap!""
Sarah Jessica Parker promotes her new HBO comedy Sex and the City, while ""Paul Shaffer's Chair of Mystery"" reveals the uglier side of Julia Roberts (played by Kenny Rogers).
After being bumped the last two nights, Late Show intern Jeremy Weiner finally gets his moment in the sun in ""Dave Hangs with Interns,"" a segment that lasts around five seconds.
Live via satellite at the Beverly Hills Hotel in sunny Southern California, Walter Matthau gets a haircut. Also, Luscious Jackson, Emmylou Harris, and the Indigo Girls perfrom together to promote Lilith Fair '98.
Tonight's remote: Delivery guys deliver stuff to Dave's ""apartment"" in Flushing Meadows; items include a tree, a clown, beer, a sofa, a TV, and a singing telegram.
Dave tries to call Merv Griffin, but ends up chatting with his clueless receptionist; Dave shows a subpoena caddy he claims Martha Stewart made for President Clinton; Bill Cosby performs stand-up in a chair.
A Starbucks is opened inside the band section, while actor-comedian Dane Cook makes his television stand-up debut.
Dave obsesses over some new words in the Merriam Webster Dictionary, and then reads definitions from an advance copy to the audience.
Live from the Beverly Hills Hilton, Casey Kasem arm wrestles bellhops; Dave and Tony look for the best steak restaurant in NYC; Dave chats with a boy from Jersey who had seven prom dates.
The outside cam reveals the long line of people waiting with anticipation to see the next ""Charts and Graphs"" segment on June 30. Also, Dave is started to find that tonight's Top Ten has no title, but counts down anyway.
An audience member walks out in disgust when Dave reminds everyone that the next ""Charts & Graphs"" segment in not for another two weeks. Also, Tony forgets a cue card and Dave gives him considerable grief.
Dave promotes the overhauled Late Show site, while Tony Randall brags about having a baby (his second) at age 78 with his own Top Ten list.
Overexcited soccer commentator Andres Cantor presents the Top Ten; Sean Lennon performs ""Home.""
The Piedmont Bird Callers, once a favored act on Johnny Carson's show, make their third-ever appearance on Letterman. Also, Dave chats with Steve Yzerman, captain of the back-to-back Stanley Cup champion Detroit Red Wings.
Al Norwood stirs Dave's coffee with the boom mike; Biff attempts to play the sax; Dave shows a clip of his supposed cameo in the ""X-Files"" movie.
Tony gives Dave the finger, while up-and-coming singer/actress Jennifer Lopez promotes Out of Sight.
Inspired by watching an episode of Wall Street Week where the panelists sit at a coffee table, Dave asks Biff to ""host"" the guests in the green room.
Mailbag: Paul goes to desperate measures in order to get a raise, while Mujibur and Sirajul go on a wild goose chase for one of Dave's blue cards.
Throughout the night, Pat and Kenny throw stuff off the roof, including two 5-gallon water jugs, a pinball machine, twenty gallons of paint, and a TV/VCR set playing a Jerry Springer tape.
After several weeks of hype, hoopla, and anticipation, Dave finally does a ""Charts and Graphs"" segment; Dave claims that there's a webcam of him on the CBS site; child hollerin' champion Martha Anne Goodwin attempts to shatter Dave's eardrums.
Thinking that it's robbing him of half of his audience, Dave shows phony clips of the X-Games competition being aired on cable; The Dixie Hummingbirds (featuring Stevie Wonder and Paul Simon) perform ""Loves Me like a Rock.""
In honor of Independence Day, Biff does a report from Colonial Williamsburg; Ben Stiller promotes There's Something About Mary; The Spice Girls make their first television appearance since the departure of Geri ""Ginger"" Halliwell.
During Mailbag, various staffers show the audience their baby pictures; Dave introduces a musical comedy troupe called ""The Beltway Bunch"" (a rip-off of The Capital Steps), and Tony runs them offstage; just before introducing tonight's ""Stupid Pet Tricks,"" Dave thanks Merrill Markoe (who underwent surgery earlier in the day) for giving him the idea to do this segment.
Dave points out an audience member that resembles Rupert; Dave gives a little league baseball team a pep talk; Cherry Poppin' Daddies perform ""Here Comes the Snake.""
Soul singer Chuck Jackson sits in; Dave shows the audience what a laugh track looks like; the audience is forced to sit through another edition of ""Please Stop Calling Me Chief.""
Some guy in a kimono sits in with the band; in honor of Antonio Banderas' new movie, Rob doodles on a legal pad to show what Dave would look like if he was Zorro; Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan do a taste test.
Know Your Current Events: the husband of one of tonight's contestants volunteers to be put to sleep by hypnotist Dr. Neil Cavey. Feeling anxious due to all the attention, he never falls asleep.
The ""Top Ten Cool Ways the Government Could Spend $63 Billion"" is followed by an investigation by WCBS reporter David Diaz, who scrutinizes the lack of effort put into the long-running comedy piece. Interviews with Gerard, Biff, Richard Jewell and FBI Agent Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) leave the mystery unsolved.
Live out on the street, we see the traffic ""congestion"" created by New York hosting the Goodwill Games; Dave changes his tie midway through the show; James Caan shaves his mustache.
In the latest roll call, Dave signs ""Zorro"" (Anton), an audience member with an enormous cold sore, and ""Lynette the Late Show Opera Singer"" off the checklist.
Biff stands on the sidewalk in 95 degree heat as he tries to determine once again whether a Popsicle® or a Fudgesicle® will melt faster; around the corner from the theater, Dave hoses down passerby; The Farrelly Brothers promote the sleeper hit of 1998, There's Something About Mary, while they strut their ""knowledge"" of sumo wrestling.
Biff visits Branson, Missouri, while Marilu Henner unsuccessfully tries to persuade Dave into doing some calisthenics.
A new feature debuts, as Dave announces #3 on the Top Ten List at the start of the show; Mujibur and Sirajul lose their virginity on an internet webcam, and later they hop in bed with Pauly Shore; Natalie Imbruglia performs ""Smoke.""
Dave has a lengthy discourse on an article he read in Martha Stewart Living; ""Late Show Meteorologist"" Skip Hopson reports from 53rd Street; Tori Amos performs ""Spark.""
A softball game between Late Show staffers and the cast of Miss Saigon is rigged by Dave; Anton goes into ""Buddy Rich, Jr."" mode and performs drums solos throughout the night; The Goo Goo Dolls perform ""Iris.""
Dave shows a personal ad from the Washington Post that looks like it was written by President Clinton; Alan fantasizes about waffles; Paul serenades Yasmine Bleeth.
Dave chats with Jennifer Ringley, the Seattle-based college student best known for operating the voyeuristic website JenniCAM.
Dave points out an audience member who looks like Kenny Rogers; during ""Late Show en espanol,"" Tony walks out in a suit and bad wig and does a Letterman-type monologue; Dave chats with George Firestone, America's oldest living Boy Scout.
During a segment in which he shows real and doctored Clinton and Gore news articles, Dave announces that his pants are too tight.
Paul and Anton Fig participate in a game called ""Average Television Viewer vs. Late Show Television Viewer.""
During the annual ""New for Summer"" segment, Mujibur and Sirajul are declared ""Late Show Prom King and Queen."" Later, Penn and Teller perform their new magic act.
Dave feels highly suspect of the audience's intelligence during ""Know Your Current Events""; John Popper sits in with the band; Dave chats with Hunter Scott, a 13-year-old WW II history buff.
John Popper is still sitting in with the band, while Doris Roberts promotes ""Everybody Loves Raymond.""
Biff goes outside to annoy people with a bullhorn. Later, Dave meets David Roth, a noted coin magician.
Throughout the show, stockbrokers jump out of a fifth-story window.
""Riverdance"" performs live via telephone from Cincinnati. Later, Liz Phair promotes her new album, ""WhiteChocolateSpaceEgg.""
Paul and somebody named ""Mary Beth"" host a spoof of ""Regis & Kathie Lee"" with Inky Mendez playing Gelman. Regis suddenly pops out of the audience, heckles them, and gets thrown out of the theater.
Wesley Snipes promotes the movie ""Spawn.""
2009
Dave makes an unusual offer to Moammar Khadafi; throughout the night, Dock Diving Dogs make a splash out on 53rd Street; Howie Mandel explains the origins of his obsessive-compulsive disorder; The Dirty Projectors performed "Cannibal Resource."
A message from the Department of Labor; a staffer gives Dave a 16th anniversary t-shirt (courtesy of Dave); Jeremy Piven puts the mercury poisoning rumors to rest; Rumor Willis plugs Sorority Row; The Black Crowes performed "Good Morning, Captain."
Billy Crystal and John Fogerty are the scheduled guests.
Footage of Dick Cheney wheezing through an interview on Fox News; Dave expresses jealousy towards Neil Patrick Harris for appearing on the cover of the CBS/Viacom magazine "Watch!" and asks him about his recent trip onboard the Orient Express; Steve Mazan riffs on hotel keycards; Dave shows a doctored "Watch!" magazine with him on the cover; Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros performed "Home."
Tony Blair and Julianna Margulies are the scheduled guests.
Barack Obama becomes the first president to appear on the Late Show while in office. During his 30+ minute sit-down with Dave, President Obama discusses the economy, foreign policy, and health care reform. Quote Dave: "Your job is more difficult than my job."
Larry David, Olivia Wilde and Tom Russell are the scheduled guests.
CBS Orchestra bandleader Paul Shaffer, Eliza Dushku and KISS are the scheduled guests.
Tom Hanks and Weezer are the scheduled guests.
Al Gore and Brad Paisley are the scheduled guests. Plus, a special Top Ten from Michael Buble!
Ricky Gervais, Brian Regan, and Ralph Stanley are the scheduled guests.
Dave rambles on about an pre-show audience question that really wasn't; a Top Ten list with no theme; Kate Walsh looks back at the early days of her acting career; Andre Agassi promotes his autobiography and "retires" his mullet wig; Norah Jones performed "Chasing Pirates."
Dave briefly comments on the overusage of the word "douche"; Sharon Stone talks about her kids and defends her decision to pose topless in Paris Match; Seth Meyers shares a funny story about a goat; Wyclef Jean and Cyndi Lauper performed "Slumdog Millionaire."
Stephen Colbert, Emily Blunt, and John Mayer are the scheduled guests.
Thanksgiving episode with Dave's Mom. Natalie Portman and Adam Lambert are the scheduled guests, and Dave guesses the pie that Dave's Mom made.
Hugh Grant, Zoe Saldana, and Alicia Keys are the scheduled guests.
Maggie Gyllenhaal and John Witherspoon are the scheduled guests. Plus, a Top Ten list from Stewie Griffin!
Susan Sarandon and Colbie Caillat are the scheduled guests. Plus, "Top Ten Christmas Carols!"
Alec Baldwin gets intimidated by an acting legend. Also: Jay Thomas returns and Darlene Love sings "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).
Michael Cera, Jenna Elfman, and David Gray are the scheduled guests.
Did "Chuck" star Zachary Levy almost get a guy killed? Plus: Amy Adams and music from Vampire Weekend.
Dave & Sigourney Weaver turn "Avatar" blue. Plus: Marv Albert's wild & wacky sports bloopers and Julian Casablancas performs.
Bradley Cooper, Rachel Maddow, and Nick Jonas are the scheduled guests. Plus, the "Top Ten Things I've Learned From the Last 20 Years of Television," presented by Homer Simpson.
Teri Hatcher strips with broken ribs. Plus: comedian Jake Johannsen and the music of The Dodos.
Whoopi Goldberg, Jason Sudeikis, Findlay Brown.
Why is Kiefer Sutherland wearing a dress? Also tonight: those NBC pinheads, Keri Russell & music from The HotRats.
Was Dave fondled on the operating table? Celebrate the 10th anniversary of his heart surgery with Dr. O. Wayne Isom. Plus Denzel Washington: Bad Heart Surgeon, and music from The Low Anthem.
Tonight: an incredible week comes to an end with Glenn Close, comedian Eddie Brill and music by Matt Morris.
Tonight: Kristen Bell, Randy Jackson and The Heavy. Dave responds to NBC's Dick Ebersol, plus what will "The Tonight Show" look like in the year 2042?
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Bettina Luescher, and The Swell Season are the scheduled guests.
Harrison Ford, Lou Reed and the Blind Boys of Alabama
Actor Bruce Willis; Ne-Yo performs.
Actor John Travolta; snowboarder Shaun White; Ben Harper and Relentless7 perform.
Comic Sarah Silverman; actor Jeremy Renner; Paris Hilton presents the Top Ten list; Nneka performs.
Actor Jamie Foxx; actress Amanda Seyfried; Robin Thicke performs.
Animal handler Jack Hanna; comic Joe Wong; the Swell Season performs.
Drew Brees, Sandra Bullock, and Josh Turner are the scheduled guests. Plus, the cover of the 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is unveiled!
Jennifer Garner; the 2010 Sports Illustrated cover model; Sade; ``Survivor'' contestants.
Jessica Biel; Christoph Waltz; Josh Turner; ``Survivor'' contestants.
Regis and Joy Philbin; Elizabeth Banks; Benicio Del Toro.
Actor Jeff Bridges; comic Joe Wong; the Soft Pack performs.
Actor Tracy Morgan; the winner of the Daytona 500; Fanfarlo performs.
Stupid Pet Tricks; actor Ben Kingsley; Mary J. Blige performs.
Actor Ewan McGregor; comic Abby Elliott; Mumford & Sons perform.
Actress Scarlett Johansson; Daniel Merriweather performs.
TV personality Nicole Richie; comic Tom Papa.
Actor Bill Murray; Ludacris performs.
Author Mitt Romney; actress Mia Wasikowska; figure skater Evan Lysacek presents the Top Ten list.
Comic Jerry Seinfeld; journalist Tom Brokaw.
Actor Tom Hanks, Spoon, and a Top Ten list presented by US Winter Olympic Bobsled Gold Medalists Steve Holcomb, Justin Olsen, Steve Mesler, and Curt Tomasevicz.
Actor Matt Damon; comic Danny Bhoy; Corinne Bailey Rae performs.
TV host Kelly Ripa; Lady Antebellum performs.
Actress Julianna Margulies; grocery bagging champion Kyle Perry; Broken Bells perform.
Jessica Simpson; Mehmet Oz; Rod Blagojevich; Alkaline Trio.
Real estate mogul Donald Trump.
Actor Liev Schreiber; comic Jim Gaffigan; Drive-By Truckers perform.
Actress Jennifer Aniston; environmentalist Charles Moore.
TV host Jimmy Kimmel; actress Kirstie Alley; rapper Snoop Dogg presents the Top Ten list.
Actor Ben Stiller; chef Jamie Oliver; Justin Bieber performs.
Actress Tina Fey; actor Bryan Cranston; Joan Jett and the Blackhearts perform.
Actor Robin Williams; eliminated ``American Idol'' contestant Paige Miles; Usher performs.
Actor Luke Wilson; President of the Sandpoint Tea Party Patriots Pam Stout; Alan Jackson performs.
Actor Ricky Gervais; turkey callers; The Whigs perform.
Actor Sam Worthington; sportscasters Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic; Patty Loveless performs.
Actor Nathan Lane; She & Him perform.
Singer Courtney Love; actor Michael Caine; Hole performs.
Actor Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man 2); OK Go performs.
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow (Iron Man 2); a performance by the Broadway cast of ``American Idiot.''
Professional soccer player David Beckham; comic Mike Birbiglia; the Hold Steady performs.
Actor Mickey Rourke (Iron Man 2); actor Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory); eliminated ``American Idol'' contestant Siobhan Magnus.
Actor Russell Crowe (Robin Hood); Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings (CD, "I Learned the Hard Way") perform.
Animal handler Jack Hanna; actress Kerry Washington; Willie Nelson performs.
Journalist Brian Williams; author Beth Ostrosky Stern; Court Yard Hounds perform.
Actress Amanda Peet (Please Give); comic Nick Griffin; Wale (CD, "Attention Deficit") performs.
Actress Evangeline Lilly; actor Sam Rockwell; eliminated ``American Idol'' contestant Aaron Kelly; a performance by the Broadway cast of ``Million Dollar Quartet.''
Actress Queen Latifah; actor Will Forte; MGMT performs; Oakland Athletics pitcher Dallas Braden presents the Top Ten List.
Actor Michael Keaton; actress Jenna Fischer.
Actor Alec Baldwin; the National performs.
Actor Mike Myers; comic Tom Dreesen.
Matthew Fox; Zac Brown Band; Jason Randal; Michael Lynche.
Jonah Hill; Janelle Monáe; John Carney; Miss USA Rima Fakih presents the Top Ten list.
Russell Brand; Johnny Ace Palmer; Stone Temple Pilots; Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse.
Actress Katherine Heigl; magician Steve Cohen; Band of Horses performs.
Ashton Kutcher; Larry Miller; Brooks & Dunn; Michael Ammar; Reba McEntire.
Actress Miley Cyrus, TV personality Rick Harrison.
Actress Jada Pinkett Smith; comic Larry Miller; Fred Eaglesmith performs.
Actress Salma Hayek (Grown Ups), Chris "Mad Dog" Russo
Regis Philbin (Daytime Emmy Awards), Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue (CD, "Backatown")
Actor Adam Sandler( Grown Ups); Bettye LaVette (CD, "Interpretations: The British Rock Songbook") performs.
Actor Kevin James (Grown Ups), journalist Thomas L. Friedman (Book, "Hot, Flat, and Crowded 2.0: Why We Need a Green Revolution--and How It Can Renew America")
Jay-Z (CD, "The Blueprint 3"), Top Ten with Eminem, Jay-Z and Eminem (CD, "Recovery")
Guests include actress Kristen Stewart (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse), Gary Faulkner (Guy who tried to hunt down Osama bin Laden), with musical geust Tokyo Police Club (CD, "Champ") and a Top Ten with John Isner (Winner of the Longest Tennis Match in History)
Singer Dolly Parton (Hallmark's Dolly Celebrates 25 Years of Dollywood), Landon Donovan (USA National Soccer Team).
Actress Julianne Moore (The Kids Are All Right); astronaut Mike Massimino; The New Pornographers perform (CD, "Together").
Actor Taylor Lautner (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse); director Barry Sonnenfeld.
Actor Nicolas Cage (The Sorcerer's Apprentice); Steel Train (CD, "Steel Train") performs.
Actress Kristin Chenoweth (Broadway's "Promises, Promises"); journalist Jonathan Alter (Book, "The Promise: President Obama, Year One"); M.I.A. (CD, "Maya") performs.
Summer toy demonstration; actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Inception); Laurie Anderson (CD, "Homeland") performs.
Actress Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer); singer Bret Michaels (CD, "Custom Built"); Jimmy Cliff (CD, "Existence") performs.
Actor Sylvester Stallone; actor Rob Corddry; Robyn performs.
Actor Steve Carell; actress Selena Gomez; Sheryl Crow performs.
Actor Bill Murray; Alejandro Escovedo performs.
Comic Joan Rivers; comic Bill Burr; Steve Winwood performs.
Actor Denis Leary; MLB player Albert Pujols; Jimmy Webb performs.
Actor Luke Wilson; actress Kristen Schaal; Dierks Bentley performs.
Actor Michael Keaton; The Flaming Lips perform.
Actor Paul Rudd; comic Bill Burr; Interpol performs.
Actor Will Ferrell (The Other Guys); Nas and Damian Marley (CD , "Distant Relatives") perform.
Actor Michael Cera (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World); TV show host Rachel Maddow (The Rachel Maddow Show); Herbie Hancock (CD, "The Imagine Project") performs.
Actress Julia Roberts (Eat, Pray, Love); The Dead Weather (CD, "Sea of Cowards") performs.
Actor Mark Wahlberg (The Other Guys); Dock Diving Dogs; comedian Cory Kahaney; VV Brown (CD, "Traveling Like The Light") performs.
Actress Drew Berrymore; Katy Perry performs.
Dave welcomes actress Christina Applegate, comedian Tom Dreesen and The Pretty Reckless performs.
Dave welcomes actress Anne Heche, documentarian Ken Burns and The Specials perform.
Dave welcomes actress Jessica Alba, comic Jimmie Walker and Ryan Bingham & The Dead Horses.
1999
Dave rants about the CBS/Viacom merger; Kevin James promotes a new comedy special.
Dave tries to call Sumner Redstone's office, then persuades Ricki Lake to make a crank call to Oprah.
Craig Kilborn promotes some talk show that comes on after Dave's.
John Popper sits in with the band, while Alan punches Sumner Redstone during CBS Mailbag.
George Clarke dances in a diaper; Dave shows a ""highlight"" from last night's Emmy win: a clip of Rob Burnett kissing his wife at the ceremony (he forgot last year).
Andrea Sande and Nadine Hennelly help Joe G's with a Y2K Inspection. They pass, of course.
Throughout the night, staffer Brian Donahue falls down staircases. Later, Meatloaf promotes ""Crazy in Alabama.""
With the possibility of a rare hurricane hitting New York City, Paul checks for ""talk show closings"" and Dave comes on stage in a poncho and galoshes. Meanwhile, Jenna Elfman hijacks Anton's drumset, and Christina Aguilera performs ""What a Girl Wants.""
During CBS Mailbag, Alan threatens to beat up Secretary of the Treasury Lawrence Summers, but he goes to his anger management counselor instead.
Joe Haden fills in for Alan; Warren Zevon fills in for Paul; Rupert walks over to the CBS Store and reviews the new fall shows on CBS.
Paul and a local high schooler try their best to learn how to parallel park, while Robin Williams promotes ""Bicentennial Man.""
Alan, Regis, Bill Delace, and Mike McIntee portray members of the audience during ""Who Asked For It?""; Ashley Judd promotes ""Double Jeopardy.""
Dave announces that next year, the show will be rechristened ""Late Show 2000,"" while Roger Ebert promotes his revamped talk show.
During CBS Mailbag, Harold Larkin comments on body piercing, while Dave ""appears"" in a Gap commercial.
Biff gives a blanket to a cold audience girl; Chewy the Dog looks for truffles; Tom Waits sings with a bullhorn.
Nadine, Andrea, Sirajul (but not Mujibur) and Joe G. play ""Who Wants to Win a Giant Phony Check for $1,000,000?"" Later, Alan promotes a film he just produced called ""For the Ladies"" (which turns out to be weightlifting porn flick).
Dave tells another dentist-related horror story; in ""New for Fall,"" Mujibur and Sirajul star in the Bollywood musical ""Basanta Gan Gaibay""; Evander Holyfield presents the Top Ten, but Lennox Lewis interupts to introduce #1.
Kevin Spacey promotes ""American Beauty,"" then gives Dave a bag of Presidential M&M's. Later, Harold Larkin tells one of the ""True Stories of the Late Show Stagehands"": He walks into a mysterious closet backstage, falls into a black hole, then walks out in a nonchalant fashion.
Alan's angry because he's not allowed to punch anybody; Dave goes berzerk adjusting his tie; Alan beats up writer Joe Toplyn under Mujibur and Sirajul's supervision.
""Biff Henderson's America"" spends four days in Turkey, Texas; David Bowie performs ""Thursday's Child.""
Mujibur and Sirajul sample food at Hello Deli; an ad for ""Late Show on Tour,"" with Jackie Mason playing Dave; In honor of tonight's guest, Dave announces that he will no longer make any more jokes relating to Dan Quayle.
Tonight's edition of ""True Stories of the Late Show Stagehands"" finds Pat and Kenny in a plane crash over the Andes, where they're reduced to cannibalism.
A 100-year-old man presents the Top Ten; Biff waits on the fire escape by 53rd street and yells to President Clinton's motorcade that he has snacks.
1999: During CBS Mailbag, Pat Farmer presents ""Great Pats throughout History."" Later, Sting performs ""Brand New Day.""
Carole King sits in with Paul, then sings a duet with Bruce Willis.
Joe G. joins Mujibur and Sirajul to play ""Where Can I Get a Decent Meal in This Town?"" Later, Billy Blanks does a Tae-bo demonstration.
The outside cam presents Paul Fiore's driver's test in New Jersey, with commentary by Biff and pictures from the WCBS-TV helicopter. When he finishes the test, a babe presents him flowers and Gov. Christine Todd Whitman presents Paul's license.
Warren Zevon fills in for Paul yet again; Dave wants to say the s-word ""because they did on ‘Chicago Hope,'"" tries it, and gets beeped; Biff gives Yankees tickets to an audience member.
During CBS Mailbag, Alan Kalter promotes his Millenium Party, which looks like a disaster in the making. Later, Dave presents ""Top Ten Things That Sound Creepy When Said by John Malkovich.""
Paul and Dave talk about the band's weekend gig at the White House; for his latest World Series report, Biff interviews, amongst others, Evander Holyfield and John Rocker; the octogenarian stars of the hit documentary ""The Buena Vista Social Club"" perform.
Dave shows a clip from the recently cancelled CBS sitcom Work With Me. Later, David Diaz of WCBS-TV beats up a punk during an on-the-street report.
Martha Stewart makes Halloween treats; Jets QB Vinny Testaverde helps with the annual ""Halloween Costumes"" segment.
Security boss Bill DeLace disrupts last night's Gore-Bradley debate; your 1999 World Champion New York Yankees present the Top Ten; Denzel Washington plugs ""The Bone Collector.""
Dave shows a dumb picture of him outside, then gets marksman Armando Aiello to shoot paint balls at it; Dave disses Harmony Korine, who made some choice comments after getting bumped the other night; Mike McIntee and Bill DeLace guard the world's largest pumpkin (1131 pounds).
Dave tells a lengthy Halloween candy story, then incorporates his voice into the talking dog from those ""Taco Bell"" commercials.
Dave says hello to all the folks in King's Height Rest Home in New York; Rage Against the Machine performs ""War Within a Breath"" on the roof in pouring rain.
14-year-old music prodigy Shannon Kerman sits in; Paul's most vivid memory of this year's World Series is reinterpreted by Martin Scorsese and Ricky Martin; after Mujibur and Sirajul play ""Where Can I Get a Decent Meal in This Town?"" at the trendy Ranch 1 restuarant, Biff brings in fried chicken, an item that they claimed they didn't have.
A cannon called the Alludium 2000 Pumpkin Modulator, along with its operator Max Teasdale, wait to launch a giant pumpkin into orbit on 53rd Street. Also, Roberta Glasspari and The East Harlem Violinists (subjects of the film ""Music of the Heart"") perform with soloist Mark O'Connor.
Live via satellite, a lone microphone stands in the sun for an open mike night in the Mojave Desert. Also, Dr. Lou Arrone gives flu shots to the audience.
NYC Marathon winners Joseph Chebet (of Kenya) and Adrianna Fernandez (of Mexico) run across the stage; Dave mentions that staff members Jay Johnson, Fred Dhimizu and Patty McDonald ran in the same marathon; Kenny Sheehan performs in the Broadway revival of ""Annie.""
Dave mentions that he's #64 on Entertainment Weekly's list of 100 Greatest Entertainers (inbetween Joni Mitchell and Jim Carrey); live via satellite, it's another Open Mic Night in the Mojave Desert; Boots Randolph sits in on sax; Jane Clayson plugs ""The Early Show.""
Dave announces the premiere of ""Good Old-Fashioned Fun,"" which includes Harold Larkin making a snow angel in mayonnaise and Mujibur and Sirajul racing to the death in a soap box derby. Later, former Spice Girl Melanie C sings ""I Turn To You.""
Dave shows a tape of stunt biker/scheduled guest Travis Pastrana's mishap that afternoon, and the injured daredevil later hobbles onstage. By the end of the show, the Hi-Ho Girls are helping Travis repair his bike.
Jay Johnson gives a tour of the set of ""The Early Show with Bryant Gumbel and Jane Clayson."" Also, Dr. Lou Arrone does his seasonal audience flu shots.
Dave shows a clip that shows that even though he's only been on the network for two weeks, but there's already trouble on Bryant Gumbel's Early Show. Midway through an interview, a guy accidentally has his arm cut off. Later, Dave and Claudia Schiffer blow up chestnuts in a microwave oven.
Dave looks over the 2000 Places Rated Almanac, and then calls Donald Green, the mayor of Kankakee, Illinois, the city which rated lowest. As a condolence, Dave presents the mayor with a gazebo, courtesy of ""Gazebo Weekly.""
During a segment called ""What They're Doing to Boost Their Ratings,"" magician John Bundy makes a cue card disappear.
Ted Danson plugs ""Becker,"" while Dave demands that #5 in the Top Ten be rewritten at the last minute.
Gabriel Bryne plugs ""End of Days,"" while Dave says hi to Mark Borchardt's friend Mike.
Dave, Bill DeLace, Pat Farmer, Biff, intern Laura McCloud, Mike McIntee, Harold Larkin, Paul, Tommy Gordon, and George Clarke comment on ""What They're Thankful For.""
Tony Mendez and Bill DeLace star in the new CBS midseason replacement series ""Next Time Bring Your Sister, You Hump."" Also, Kathie Lee Gifford delivers a turkey to Dave.
""Biff Henderson's America"" visits the ranching community of Meeteetse, WY.
Live via satellite from Indianapolis, Mrs. Dorothy Letterman stands in her kitchen while Dave guesses what pies she baked for Thanksgiving. Afterwards, Dorothy shows her refrigerator is loaded with bottle after bottle of Colt 45® malt liquor.
A dog that fetches beer appears on ""Stupid Human Tricks""; Dave rants that all the other talk shows are copying the aforementioned segment; another Open Mic Night in the Mohave Desert turns up nothing; Rudy Giuliani presents the Top Ten.
During the segment ""The Best and Worst of the Millennium,"" an image of Sam Donaldson's eyebrows suddenly comes to life. Also, during tonight's Open Mic in the Mojave Desert, a technician tests the open mike and adjusts the height.
Dave announces Monica Lewinsky is dating a former LSDL writer; a customer at Joe G's becomes the subject of his own ""E! True Hollywood Story""; Jenny McCarthy plugs ""Scream 3.""
Glen Campbell sits in; Dave discusses the list of good and bad cities that he mentioned on the show last month, then checks in with Kankakee, IL mayor Donald Green, who receives another gazebo from Dave; Tim Robbins gets clobbered playing ice hockey.
For the umpteenth time this year, Dave orders Inky to spit out his gum; in honor of the Pokemon craze, Dave and the audience play ""Know Your Japanese Cartoon Crap.""
Throughout the night, various members of the Philadelphia Flyers shoot pucks at a cardboard cutout of Dave. Also, the Turkish guy has been promoted to stagehand.
Feeling a little warm, Dave takes off his coat and does most of the show in just his shirt and tie; in ""Who Asked For It?"" Patrick Stewart and the Taco Bell chihuahua star in ""A Christmas Carol;"" Biff performs a holiday-themed duet with a cardboard cutout of Celine Dion.
Dave thanks Rob Burnett for landing Hillary Clinton on the show; Art Donovan plays ping pong with the disgusting Turkish guy; Lynyrd Skynard performs ""Sweet Home Alabama.""
Regis comes out for his interview with the disgusting Turkish guy, and later Dave tells him he's scheduled for an angiogram tomorrow morning.
It's the debut of Late Show Backstage, a clip show hosted tonight by Charles Grodin while Dave recovers from his quintuple-bypass surgery three weeks before. Amongst the highlights: Charles chats with Julia Roberts, Dave's interview with J.Ro from May 17, 1999, a Top Ten list from John Malkovich (see Show #1307), and to cap the night, Charles and surprise guest Regis Philbin.
""Backstage,"" Day 2: Regis is now sitting in a whole new ""hot seat"" as the clip show's second host in as many nights. Tonight, he chats with Jerry Seinfeld, who introduces footage of Dave doing the Top Ten without pants, and Danny DeVito, who for one reason or another shows a clip from Taxi.
Backstage #3: Paul appears on the Late Show for the first time since Dave's surgery, sitting on a movie set with Bruce Willis and his old friend Martin Short. Amongst tonight's clips: Bruce doing various stunts; Casey Kasem presents the Top Ten (see Show #0005); Dave makes crank phone calls (also Show #0005); Martin Short sings a selection from the musical Little Me.
Backstage, Day 4: Regis hosts again, chatting with Bill Cosby, Sarah Jessica Parker, and ""the great"" Pat Farmer. Amongst the clips: Bill goes to the balcony via a ladder; a Top Ten featuring Barry White; Dave and Sarah mingle with Kid Scientists.
Backstage, Day 5: Paul hosts again, this time with Dave's buddies Steve Martin and Billy Crystal. Amongst the clips: Steve mans a projector to show a clip from his latest movie (see Show #0499); the Top Ten list from the fifth anniversary special, with Jerry Seinfeld escorting Dave's mom onstage; Dave hangs out with Olympic judges (see Show #0963). At the end of the show, Paul and Billy goof around behind the scenes at The Price Is Right.
Backstage, Day 6: In the cold opening, Paul tries to hit on Drew Barrymore. Amongst the clips: Drew flashing Dave on his 48th birthday; Drew and Dave getting married one month after said clip; ten beautiful women present the Top Ten (see Show #0543); Ray Romano singing ""Silent Night"" as his kids beat each other up.
Backstage, Day 7: Comedian David Brenner interrogates Kathie Lee Gifford and Alec Baldwin. Tonight's clips: Dave hijacks the Butterball turkey hotline (see Show #1345); a Top Ten remote from Bill DeLace; Alec shares child-rearing tips with Dave.
Backstage, Day 8: Former ""Tomorrow"" and ""Late Late Show"" host Tom Snyder trades a bon mot or two with Norm MacDonald and Don Rickles. Tonight's clips: Norm vents after being demoted on SNL (see Show #0936); a Top Ten from Demi Moore; Don tells Dave how he met Frank Sinatra.
Backstage, Day 9: Tom Snyder's still here, and this time he hosts Mike Myers, Roseanne Barr, and Bonnie Hunt. Tonight's clips: Dave shows film footage of Mike as a Canadian Cub Scout; Mike wishes his mom a happy birthday (see Show #0960); a Top Ten from James Earl Jones; Roseanne talks basketball.
""Backstage,"" Day 10: After chatting with Robin Williams, Tom Arnold openly comments that he's disappointed that Jack Hanna didn't bring any animals to the set. Tonight's clips: Robin storms out of the backdrop (see Show #0001); Dave meets Frisco hippie Manny Papp (see Show #0589); Dave makes baby talk with a monkey.
Dave introduces the surgeons that saved his life and welcomes (for the third time in two months) Regis.
Bill Cosby opens up a box of basketball cards with Vince Carter.
In his first post-surgery rant, Dave hollers about having to be driven to work for a while, and then really fumes about having to drink decaffeinated coffee; during a segment called ""How The Media Covered Dave's Surgery,"" Dave shows a (bogus) supermarket tabloid stating that he had actually given birth to quintuplets.
Kathie Lee Gifford becomes the latest guest host to alternate with Dave while he continues to recuperate from heart surgery. Tonight, she gets heckled by an audience member who notices that she's not wearing a bra, to which she snaps back, ""Go wear a jock strap!""
Mailbag: George Clarke addresses the comments made about his weight problem, and Dave flashes back to when he woke up from surgery resembling Don King. Also, Hank Hill (of ""King of the Hill"") wishes Dave to get well.
""Biff Henderson's America"" wrecks havoc in Badger, Minnesota, while Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull performs from his new album.
David Brenner fills in for Dave and does about ten minutes of stand-up. Later, he chats with Aida Turturro of The Sopranos.
Dave continues to rant about decaffeinated coffee; George W. Bush is interrogated live via satellite; Fiona Apple performs ""On The Bound.""
Nathan Lane is the latest fill-in host, and he introduces a short film about the many perks of taking over for Dave. Later, he sings a song from the musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown with Kristin Chenoweth.
Steely Dan promotes its first album in two decades, ""Two Against Nature.""
Paul is wearing a white tailored suit tonight, prompting Dave to point out that the bandleader is the musical director of the upcoming Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies. Also, Sandra and Nadine help Dave celebrate eighteen years in late night, even though the anniversary was over a month ago.
Janeane Garofalo becomes the latest guest host; ""slide whistle legend"" Bazeel sits in; Janeane does tonight's interviews sitting in a school desk placed in front of Dave's desk; Bob Odenkirk and David Cross make funny noises; Bazeel and the band performs ""Wipe Out.""
During ""Campaign 2000,"" Maria fills in for Rob, who's too busy working on the NBC pilot Ed; Biff presents the winning contestant of tonight's ""Beat the Clock"" with the home version of the game (a checkerboard); ""Phil Carmichael"" of CBS Promotions (Bill DeLace) does a presentation on ratings stunts.
Guest host Dana Carvey chats with former ""SNL"" cronies Jon Lovitz and Al Franken.
In a remarkably lengthy edition of ""Campaign 2000,"" Dave decides not to perform a piece comparing Bush and Gore, and then rants about his cable service. Afterwards, he admits that this is his last night in television, so he introduces his family, then claims he's moving to St. Louis to work for Ralston Purina. Also, while cooking with Martha Stewart, Dave attempts to juggle eggs.
Biff devours the first robin of spring; the disgusting Turkish guy disappears; Pat and Kenny toss Matthew Broderick's birthday cake off the roof.
Out on 53rd Street, Biff has a hand counter to help with the ongoing US Census; Dave shows a clip of Barbara Walters making a weird facial reaction during her latest Oscar special; the Gore-Bush bit from two nights ago is finally performed in its entirety; Biff counts a total of 1,482 people in the United States.
Rob Burnett returns to his desk on the corner of the stage; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Dave comments on CBS' new slogan (""The address… is CBS"") and cracks wise on Gene Keady's hair; during the Top Ten, Dave makes a rare bald joke aimed at Paul.
Cold opening: Dr. Henry Kissinger announces that he's Dave's latest guest host, only to learn rather abruptly that Dave isn't sick anymore. Also, Dave has Rupert make a Hello Deli's latest menu addition, the kosher-friendly ""Paul Shaffer Sandwich,"" and a few minutes later Rupert delivers it to its namesake.
Paul is introduced as Gaston Mazacani; Rob tells a funny story about an incident he had with a cab driver; during a segment called ""What I like about Spring,"" Alan unwittingly admits that he's on the down low.
Dave demonstrates the ""magic"" of decaffeinated coffee by mixing food coloring in water.
During Campaign 2000, nobody can muster up any interesting topics, so Dave discusses Daylight Savings Time. Later, Dave brings up the recently-announced discovery that most gay men have unusual finger length, so Dave, Paul and Biff (in a dress) check their hands.
Campaign 2000: Dave finds a tick on his suit, panics, calls Dr. Lou Aronne, then shows three ticks close-up using a special camera.
Dave announces that the show is adopting (and thus protecting) Cuban refugee Elian Gonzalez; Rupert makes a Biff Henderson sandwich for Paul, but not for Biff; Dave mentions that he received a phone call from Johnny Carson shortly after his shout-out last week.
Actor Stephen Tobolowsky sits in; during Mailbag, we learn that Tony is Fidel Castro's estranged son; Jon Stewart tries to give Dave a human heart, and after Dave declines, Jon walks offstage and puts it back in a very annoyed Tony Randall.
Dave shows a clip of the recent live television remake of Fail Safe to demonstrate how lax CBS is at preventing profanities from being heard on-air. Also, Jenna Elfman promotes Keeping the Faith.
Dave announces he's 41 today because he's not counting his 12 years at NBC; during a segment called ""Job Hunting Tips,"" a barbershop quartet sings intern Bob Dickerson's resume; Richard Simmons calls up Daddy to wish him a happy birthday, and Dave promptly hangs up on him.
Campaign 2000: Dave honors a bald audience member. Later, Biff hands out Broadway tickets to two couples in the audience.
Mick Taylor of the Rolling Stones sits in; with nothing to discuss, ""Campaign 2000"" lasts exactly six seconds; during Mailbag, Dave and Paul star in the new crime drama ""Good Cop, Good Cop.""
Paul says his 86-year-old father, Bernard Shaffer, had a quintuple bypass yesterday and later Bruce Kapler admits that his dad had a mere double bypass a year ago. Also, Dave stops the show to read the latest issue of Oprah's magazine.
After discussing Oprah's magazine on and off for the last few weeks, Dave announces that the first issue of ""D,"" the Dave magazine, has finally been rolled out. Also, Alan interrupts ""Campaign 2000"" to announce he's been reunited with his fat German son.
The INS captures and seizes Tony (twice); Purdue University basketball coach Gene Keady presents the Top Ten; The Smashing Pumpkins perform ""Blue Skies Bring Tears.""
The INS harasses Tony again; Rob Burnett appears live via satellite from LA for ""Campaign 2000""; Alan and his fat, gender-confused German son celebrate Take Your Daughters to Work Day.
During Mailbag, Alan admits to doing the deed with Janet Reno; production assistant Jeremy Weiner is subjected to Paul's favorite game, ""Staffer/Not a Staffer""; David Wells and Bernie Williams present the Top Ten.
Jimmy Webb and Glen Campbell sit in; Dave announces the blood test following last week's tick incident came out negative; in homage to a trend that sweeping various TV shows nowadays, ""Campaign 2000"" is shown in letterbox; independent film maker Mark Borchardt presents his interview with former Presidential candidate Gary Bauer.
Live via satellite, we go to Preston Luggage in Dallas for another lengthy chat with Al Cordova and his assistant Kathy. Also, during ""Campaign 2000,"" Maria Pope introduces Rob Burnett, who walks onstage to a standing ovation.
Dave honors ""Great Bald Men throughout History"" (him, Paul, and Dwight D. Eisenhower), while we watch the latest round of ""Biff Henderson's Fun with a Stopwatch.""
Julia Louis-Dreyfus sings a song from West Side Story, and Jerry Seinfeld shows up to ""sing"" with her. Also, Dave shows footage of a woman dropping a bowling ball on her husband's noggin.
Dave announces he was pulled over for speeding again, then kisses up to the New York State police; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Dave sings the praises of Tivo; ten jockeys present the Top Ten.
Apparently, Michelle O'Calaghan had another baby over the weekend; Dave says he's been called to jury duty, prompting a brief state of panic; during another ""What's New"" segment, Pat and Kenny attempt to recite Shakespeare; a morbidly obese man is introduced as the winning jockey of last weekend's Kentucky Derby.
Dave continues to comment on the jury duty situation; the outside cam heads for Joe G's to play ""Would You Like To Win a Phony Check for 350 Million Dollars?""; after three years of struggling, Rob Burnett finally shows footage of his daughters not being afraid of the Easter Bunny.
Dave shows a CNN clip and a newspaper article pertaining to the jury duty controversy; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Paul admits he had a nightmare involving Maria Pope; Caroline Rhea discusses relationships.
Kathie Lee Gifford discusses her pending departure from her talk show, then ""sings"" ""Love Never Fails.""
Rob and Dave go over the ground rules for Richard Simmons' latest visit tonight, including permission to use a fire extinguisher on Richard if needed; during Mailbag, Dave becomes pen-pals with viewer Tyler Gatlin; ten celebrity moms (including Gerard and Dorothy) present the Top Ten, though it wouldn't become a yearly tradition until 2002.
Peter Frampton fills in for Felicia Collins, who had a gig; Paul mentions that Anton is getting married over this coming weekend; Rob announces that Ed has officially been picked up for NBC's fall schedule.
Dave mangles the song ""Memory,"" while Rupert and Tony Randall are invited to ""Campaign 2000"" but have absolutely nothing worth saying.
Campaign 2000: Dave mentions the final episode of Beverly Hills, 90210, which proceeds into another one of Alan's crying jags.
A man pretending to be Les Moonves delivers a Murder, She Wrote to Dave; the retirement of longtime White House press corps member Helen Thomas is discussed, so Dave shows a gag reel showing memorable moments of her career dating back to 1492; Dave promotes tomorrow night's bowling ball stunt.
Dave announces that this is the season finale; Dave and Maria bid farewell to Rob Burnett, who will now be busy at work with Ed; Tonya Smith drops a bowling ball on the head of Ken Richmond from 12 feet above the stage; Ringo Starr and the All-Starr Band sing ""With a Little Help from My Friends.""
Dave has problems adjusting the lumbar of his chair; Maria Pope brags about sleeping 21 hours straight; Michael J. Fox discusses his health-related ""retirement"" from television.
Buzz Aldrin interviews this year's nominees for the Daytime Emmys in a spacesuit; Mujibur and Sirajul make a basketball wager with Rupert; Dave flips through a furniture catalog; Matchbox Twenty performs ""Crutch"" out on the sidewalk.
James Earl Jones reads excerpts from Richard Simmons' new autobiography; ""Biff Henderson's America"" spends a couple of days in Calhoun, Missouri; a man pretending to be Les Moonves promotes the new game show Survivor while dressed up as Moses.
""Biff's Fun with a Stopwatch"" goes to a Pacers playoff game, during which he shoplifts, then harasses a fat guy.
Dave drops his flipped pencil; during Mailbag, ""Bob Knight"" (Gerard) cannibalizes one of his players; Dave discusses his new chair.
Dave makes his first-ever comments on the CBS' latest hit Survivor, and then brings up jury duty again, exclaiming ""Some dudes will be going down!""
Dave says Campaign 2000 is ""largely void of content, (and) just a big waste of time."" During tonight's segment, however, Paul openly wishes that they would use his name as a clue on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Also, Alan gives tips for summer safety, which quickly morphs into an excuse to rip off his shirt and pour suntan lotion all over his body.
Dave introduces Paul as Wayne ""Fat Boy"" Ewing; in honor of Survivor, George Clarke locks himself in the boiler room with nothing but a video camera and some rations, and eventually ends up chewing his arm off; Biff reports from Game 1 of the NBA Finals in Los Angeles.
Paul hosts a game called ""Staffer / Not a Staffer,"" in which Dave must guess if the person onstage is one of his underlings. He correctly guesses that it is a staffer; talent researcher Nick Prueher. Also, Maria Pope discusses a recent trip to Hooters.
Dave announces that he's fulfilled his jury duty up in Connecticut (he didn't make the cut); George Clarke continues to hold on for dear life in the boiler room; Biff visits the NBA Finals in LA; Maria and Paul offer their condolences to Dave.
Pat Farmer fixes Dave's chair; during an outside cam bit involving the CBS Store and a new electronics shop next door, Tony Randall is found standing on the roof for no particular reason; the 2000 Stanley Cup Champion New Jersey Devils walk onstage for ""Campaign 2000,"" then hang out at the CBS Store.
Dave announces the birth of Kathy Mavrikakis' daughter; George Clarke is now trapped in the boiler room with two prostitutes, and then declares himself a ""Volcano God""; Isaac Hayes conducts an orchestra performing the theme from Shaft.
An old man (not Calvert) shuffles his feet onstage at the end of the monologue, then walks away; for Campaign 2000, Maria introduces Stacey Stillman, the first Survivor loser to appear on the Late Show; Dave tastes Naomi Campbell's new shower gel.
Laurie Diamond brings Dave a new cup of coffee after someone steals his mug; during Mailbag, Gerard comments on Survivor; during ""Stupid Pet Tricks,"" Dave accidentally steps on dog's tail and gets bitten on the face.
Paul Rodgers of Bad Company sits in on vocals; after Dave worries about possible civil disobedience in downtown LA after the Lakers' NBA Championship, Harold Larkin opens the door to reveal rioting outside the theater; Mark Wahlberg promotes The Perfect Storm.
Dave shows a (phony) tape of Tiger Woods disintegrating opponents' balls with his laser eyes; during Campaign 2000, ""Rita Buttgas"" (Jude Brennan) returns to celebrate the one-year anniversary of her $100 victory on ""Alan's Secret Word"" and discusses the hardships she's had since her fleeting fame fizzled; Dana Carvey and Dave share stories about their heart problems.
George continues to hold on to dear life in the boiler room; ""non-surviving Survivor"" Ramona Gray interrupts ""Campaign 2000""; PJ Olsson performs ""Visine.""
Dave demonstrates troubles with newscasters who look at the wrong camera by moving his head every five seconds; during Mailbag, Biff chats with (pre-recorded) footage of Shaquille O'Neal; Worldwide Pants production assistant Allison Abbate is the latest to be subjected to ""Staffer- Not a Staffer.""
Dave repeats the footage of the dog bite from last week, now claiming that a ""wild dingo"" gave him rabies; Dave says George W. Bush is ""(as) dumb as a box of tools""; after his interview, Tom Brokaw walks straight back to Rockefeller Center.
Dave confesses that he has a slight crush on British news anchor Daljit Dhaliwal. Later, Alan interrupts Dave to congratulate the genetics scientists for cracking the genetic code, then offers ""specimens"" for the lady researchers.
Ted Nugent sits in; Dave rants about the ""wild island sex"" on Survivor; Martha Stewart arrives onstage on a red, white and blue bike, then gives The Nuge a guitar case made entirely of pinecones.
Maria tells Dave that newscaster/hottie Daljit Dhaliwal has been booked for next week, while Dave announces that he's doing a favor for a cop who stopped him for speeding recently by having him appear on the show. Also, Dave and Survivor loser Dirk Been comment on how everybody's losing weight on the show except Richard Hatch.
Dave brags that he's going to a gin n' tonic party after the show to look for some babes; during Mailbag, Biff blows Dan Rather's head off; a social worker named Lauren is the first real decoy to appear on ""Staffer- Not a Staffer.""
Dave plays the tapes of the dog bite and the deer attack yet again; during Campaign 2000, Maria introduces Dave to a First Mate in the US Navy, and 200 sailors from the USS Nassau storm the stage right afterward; Brian Wilson and Friends perform ""Sloop John B.""
Dave introduces the ""Late Show Liberty Dancers""; live via telephone, the owner of a nearby fireworks shop shoots explosives; the finalists of this year's National Hollerin' Championship perform onstage.
The ""Liberty Dancers"" are rechristened ""The 5th of July Dancers""; an audience guy with a very distinctive goatee is the subject of a reality show-themed Top Ten; Dave bullies Tony into promoting his self-titled internet program.
Dave finally meets Daljit Dhaliwal, who seems more interested in discussing world affairs then responding to Dave's thinly-veiled flirting. Also, Shawn Wayans promotes Scary Movie.
Pat and Kenny replace Dave's chair; Dave welcomes Sgt. John Best of the Marshall (Texas) Police Department as the new co-host of the show; Jerry Foley appears on ""Staffer- Not a Staffer"" and nearly stumps Dave.
Dave asks the viewers at home to have a nice, tasty beverage while they watch the show; Survivor tenth-place finisher Gretchen Cordy drops by; Elliott Smith performs ""Somebody That I Used to Know.""
Live from the theater basement, it's ""Let's Look for Rats."" The piece gets off to a slow start, until Alan runs downstairs to scare them into appearing on camera.
Dave continues to refer to Paul as Wayne ""Fat Boy"" Ewing; Alan shows Dave photos from his recent vacation; Maria confirms that Al Gore's interested in being a guest on the show; Ben Folds Five (in their last TV appearance) performs ""Regrets.""
Continuing with a running gag that started the previous week, Dave shows a ""Anna Kournikova Play of the Day"" (footage of her drinking a water bottle), followed by similar clips from Don Zimmer and Larry King. Also, Gerard impersonates Survivor loser Greg Buis (who was sick) for a spirited chat during ""Campaign 2000.""
Dave trims off half of his tie; Alan has a crying jag over Kathie Lee Gifford's departure from her daytime talk show; Dave and Jon Stewart discuss politics.
Pat and Kenny play Frisbee on the roof; the latest roll call introduces us to such people behind-the-scenes as Tony Mendez's puppet-master, Dave's fiancé and Paul's girlfriend (the same woman), and a staffer who's still living in his Y2K bunker; Dave suggests that a proposed Bush-Gore debate on the show will utilize Jai Alai scoring.
Dave suggests that someone on the staff is messing around with his chair; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Maria Pope tells Dave that there has been no word from the Bush camp; George Plimpton reads the new Harry Potter book, but not aloud; Ween performs ""Even If You Don't.""
A new controversy brews as Dave claims he's going to dust his chair for ""ass prints""; Harold Larkin is attacked by a giant can of Off! bug spray; Kathie Lee Gifford receives a farewell present from Dave.
An audience member names all ten of her grandkids; the entire theater is filled with mosquito spray; Kathie Lee returns to present the Top Ten.
Dave hits Alan with a baseball bat; a blonde woman pretending to be Kathie Lee says goodbye forever to Dave; David Gray performs ""Babylon.""
Dave shows (bogus) footage of a guy with defibrillator paddles standing near Dick Cheney during a television interview. Later, Macy Gray sings ""I Try.""
During ""Campaign 2000,"" Tony Randall botches a comedy piece. Later, Nathan Lane talks about his dog and sings.
Alan goes berzerk and chases a man outside. Later, Dave chats with President Clinton's press secretary Joe Lockhart.
Maria introduces Dave to ""Survivor"" contestant Gervase Peterson. Later, NBC weatherman Al Roker promotes his new book.
During CBS Mailbag, Mujibur and Sirajul debate ""Do you like monkeys?"", which results in a lengthy fistfight. Later, after another one of Inky Mendez's tantrums, we see an ad for ""Dave and Tony's How to Rant In Spanish"" educational videotape.
For no apparent reason, the CEO of Qualcomm presents Dave with a check for $25,000. Later, Dave chats with Jean Jordan, the stripper-turned-writer who was eliminated from ""Big Brother 1.""
""The Late Show Iron Chef"" pits Rupert Jee against Joe G. Rupert wins decisively with his chicken rollatini.
Biff goes outside to count sweaty people; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Alan interrupts Maria with a soulful rendition of ""Send in the Clowns.""
Paul joins Dave for ""Know Your Jewish U.S. Senators."" During ""Campaign 2000,"" Maria introduces Dave to ""Survivor I"" runner-up Colleen Haskell.
Vince Vaughn promotes ""The Cell,"" while Maria expresses her optimism in a possible debate between George W. Bush and Al Gore right here on the show.
1998
During a segment comparing President Clinton's vacation to Dave's, a stockbroker comes in for a hug.
2011
Dave points out that the show has undergone budget cuts, which might explain the tiny cue cards Tony's holding. Later, Beau Bridges promotes his new series, ""Maximum Bob.""
Dave makes a lenghty rant about ""The Late Shift"" after an audience member asks him for an autograph; Martin Short sings the Top Ten List; Terry Bradshaw makes his predictions for the football season.
Alan Kalter comments on home run record that is being chased by Mark McGwire; Dave announces that CBS ""just don't care 'bout"" the new fall lineup; Ray Romano talks about his family.
During CBS Mailbag, Dave and the band play ""Let's Screw with Paul Shaffer's Mind.""
Junior Brown sits in with the band, while Biff reports from Busch Stadium in St. Louis.
Biff makes another report from Busch Stadium, while Dave flirts with Andie MacDowell.
Dave goes on a tirade about the CBS watermark on the lower right hand side of the screen. Later, Dave chats with the guy who caught Mark McGwire's 62nd Home Run ball.
Dave stuggles to grow a beard; Charles Grodin promotes his talk show; Dave chats with the former Washington Senators pitcher who gave up Babe Ruth's 59th home run in 1927 (in his MLB debut, no less).
During CBS Mailbag, Paul, Tony, Biff and Sid announce that they're going to tour the country as a CSNY-type guitar band.
Dave congratulates the staff on the big Emmy win the previous night, then grills Rob Burnett for not kissing his wife just before he accepted the award.
Dave shows a (bogus) Mastercard ad starring Ken Starr; Biff goes to Chicago for another Home Run Report; Jackie Chan does an great Elvis impression.
Biff brings in scissors for a tie trim; Calvert impersonates Hank Williams, Jr.; Bill Cosby plays sax under the alias ""Philly Billy Be Bop.""
Dave apologizes for his affair with Angela Lansbury, while Biff apologizes for his affair with Dave's wife. Shortly afterwards, Dorothy calls and insults Dave.
Dave makes another rant pertaining to the CBS Watermark; kid Geography whiz Jonathan Estrada helps out during CBS Mailbag; Brian Benben promotes his new, self-titled (and quickly cancelled) sitcom.
Dave talks about a Steak House Onion Machine, while Michael J. Fox promotes his sitcom ""Spin City.""
Dave shows a (bogus) ad for ESPN2's ""Xtreme Presidental Perjury,"" while J.Lo promotes ""Antz.""
A gag promo for the TV series ""Biffy, The Umpire Layer"" is declared the worst joke ever seen on the show; an ""Audience Vote"" determines Rip Taylor as tonight's guest instead of an absentee Cindy Crawford; Kevin James does some stand-up to promote ""The King of Queens.""
Dave makes fun of Inky's summer camp outfit. Later, Howard Stern plays with his gut and strips to his underwear in order to show off his legs.
A fawn walks onstage during CBS Mailbag; comedian Jon Stewart promotes ""The Daily Show.""
Musical guests Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach perform ""I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself."" Also, ""newly elected chancellor of Germany Gerhardt Schroeder"" sits in with the band ""all night long"" on alto sax.
Dave lets Inky go on a ""gum break;"" George Clarke is introduced as operator of the Late Show hedge fund; Biff demands more scandals involving President Clinton; Chris Tucker promotes Rush Hour.
Warren fills in for Paul (out for Yom Kippur); Kelsey Grammer brings out his dog during his interview.
Dennis, a baseball-bunting pig, waits throughout the show to shag some balls on 53rd Street. He ends up getting bumped after the ""Hedwig"" performance goes on too long.
During CBS Mailbag, Alan promotes ""Alan Kalter's Music To Make Love By,"" which includes two TV theme songs and a doorbell. Later, Steve Martin's lengthy absence from appearing on the show is explained in a little film called ""Dave and Steve's Gay Vacation.""
Dave experiments with how he can give the finger without being censored; Kelly Preston promotes ""Holy Man.""
Tony Mendez does a ""card trick""; Tito Puente contributes drumrolls to the Top Ten list; Dave shows a (bogus) new, improved $20 bill.
A new segment called ""This Day in Late Show History"" reveals that October 7 was a Saturday in 1994. Biff corrects Dave, telling him it was a Friday. Later, Jeff Goldblum promotes ""Holy Man.""
Dave takes a look at Tony's hands, which have marker ink all over them. Later, George Miller comments on the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal.
During CBS Mailbag, Tony bares his ass again, and The Foul-Mouthed Scenic Designer (Kathleen Ankers) lives up to her title.
The calvacade of mediocre crops continues as ""Joe Whitworth"" from Oregon walks onstage with a ""gigantic"" pumpkin; Biff presents a World Series Report despite a sore throat; Roberto Benigni plugs ""Life is Beautiful""; Mark McGwire does a little hitting practice on 53rd Street with Dave Dorsett's son Chris.
It's Dave's 3000th show in late night, so he celebrates by bringing Charles Grodin onstage to break the monotony of chatting with Paul. Later, Dave introduces some State Fair winners, including a 530-pound pumpkin and a middle-aged champion hog caller.
Dave and George Clarke go to Yankee Stadium, where the building engineer hits a home run.
Biff participates in more interviews in part two of his World Series report, while Danny Glover plugs ""Lethal Weapon 4.""
Tony's eye itches, and Dave gives him a hard time for potentially screwing up the cue cards; during CBS Mailbag, Dave interrogates TV star ""Calista Flockhart"" (Gerard), who magically transforms into the dancing baby from her hit show ""Ally McBeal""; Dave welcomes World Series hero David Wells.
Four shirtless guys (spelling ""YANKS"") bring out the Top Ten; Danny DeVito tries to sing.
Dave cons a Joe G's customer into appearing in a bogus campaign ad; Eddie Izzard does stand-up.
Biff shows outtakes from last week's World Series reports, while director Todd Solondz promotes ""Happiness.""
Dave makes several jokes at the expense of septuagenarian spaceman John Glenn; Holly Hunter plugs Living Out Loud.
Dave announces the names of staff members who will run in the New York City Marathon; Biff gives out candy to the audience; Dave shows a box of Snoop Doggy Dogg dog biscuits, so David Diaz does an investigation of Dave plagiarizing the daytime talk show ""Donny and Marie.""
New York Marathon winner John Kagwe runs through during the monologue, and is later followed by women's winner Franca Faicconi. Later, Dave spills coffee on his tie and suffers a nervous breakdown, which is followed by a safety message from Paul.
Dave gives bogus election results; the outside cam goes to Joe G's for another round of ""Please Stop Calling Me Debbie""; Dave chats with Ellie Lammer, a 12-year-old who examined parking meters for a school project.
Dave shows a clip of new Minnesota governor Jesse ""The Body"" Ventura in the movie ""The Running Man""; Senator Chuck Schumer presents the Top Ten; basketball star (and future alleged murderer) Jayson Williams lifts weights with one hand.
Tony gets scolded for chewing gum; shortly after appearing on ""Know Your Current Events,"" an audience member starts singing; Dave interviews a Catholic priest that won the Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes.
Dave chats with Evan Metropoulos, the 17-year-old CEO of the Bumble Bee Tuna Corp.
Dave mentions that Meryl Streep, tonight's scheduled guest and star of the movie ""One True Thing,"" had to cancel at the last minute. In place of the Oscar-winner is Retired Col. Gail Halvorsen, who dropped candy on East German children during the airlift in 1949.
Tom Wolfe promotes his first novel in 11 years, ""The Man In Full.""
Dave accuses Tony Mendez of goosing someone with a cue card; Roma Downey and Kenneth Branagh meet for the first time; Pat and Kenny sing the theme song to ""Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts.""
Jayson Williams of the New Jersey Nets operates one of the cameras; a ""Kid Scientist"" from Naperville, Illinois cracks eggs; Cameron Diaz plugs ""Very Bad Things.""
Dave once again takes away Tony's gum, while Paul tries to flirt with Monica Lewinsky and Linda Tripp.
Drew Barrymore plugs ""Home Fries,"" while Celine Dion and Bryan Adams perform a duet.
Todd Rundgren sits in, while Drew Barrymore walks onstage so that she can show what her new dog looks like.
James Cotton sits in; Dave discusses Dr. Kevorkian and the safest handling of a Thanksgiving turkey; the 5th anniversary special (which aired that night) is spoofed.
As he does almost every Thankgiving, Kreskin plays for pride in a little game called ""White Meat / Dark Meat."" Tonight, he correctly guesses that Dennis Franz (live via telephone) will have white meat for his holiday dinner.
Jayson Williams of the Nets comments on the NBA lockout, then drops phony turkeys out the 4th floor window. Later, Gwyneth Paltrow plugs ‘Shakespeare In Love.""
Dave warns pedestrians (via his PA system) that the turkey is bad; a guy in the balcony talks to Dave about turning flips onstage; Paul correctly guesses that Dorothy baked a rhubarb pie.
Dave fusses over his hair, then messes around with it. Later, Salma Hayek plugs ""Dogma.""
It's ""Stewart Night,"" as all the guests share the same last name despite not being related. French Stewart chats with Dave via telephone, Calvert does his famous Rod Stewart impression, Martha Stewart hangs out in the green room, and Patrick Stewart and Jon Stewart plug their most recent projects. Oh yeah, and Faith Hill (not a Stewart) sings.
Live from Times Square, it's ""Dick Clark's Rockin' December 9 Countdown."" At the stroke of midnight, Greg Kinnear commutes from the theater to give Dick a kiss.
Gerard plays an openly gay man in ""Who Asked For It?""; The Brooklyn Philharmonic plays the ""William Tell Overture.""
Dave compares an electrician that played ""KYCE"" to John Elway. Also, Meg Ryan plugs ""You've Got Mail.""
Tom Brokaw drops by sporting a turtleneck sweater in lieu of his usual two-piece suit, and pretty soon Biff is handing out turtlenecks to the audience. By the end of the show, even Dave is wearing one.
Dave explains the impeachment process; Robin Williams hosts the PBS special ""The Shaffer Campaign: A Look Back,"" which details Paul's futile attempt to run for congress.
In lieu of a giant meatball, a pastrami sandwich is placed on top of the Late Show Christmas Tree; Kreskin guesses if Tom Arnold (via telephone) will correctly spell ""Hanukkah.""
While Paul and the Orchestra perform ""Songs for Pedestrians,"" Dave trims his tie. Also, a ""Welcome Communists"" banner hangs onstage.
Live from sunny Los Angeles, it's ""Dick Clark's Rockin' Countdown to December 18,"" followed by ""Casey Kasem's Countdown to Dick Clark's Rockin' Countdown to December 18."" When it strikes midnight, Casey is nearly drowned in a sea of confetti.
During Mailbag, Alan gives the audience an unusual egg nog recipe, while Dave answers the question, ""Where did Hanukkah come from?"" by stating it that was named after a nice man named Steve Hanukkah.
The latest roll call mentions ""Gus, who guy who owns property onstage"" and ""Tony Randall as Ricky, the stagehand who looks like Regis Philbin.""
Dave refunds $50 to an audience lady with a Late Show sweatshirt; a Joe G's customer appears in the hastily-produced film trailer for the faux movie ""Badge of Honor III""; ten department store Santas present the Top Ten; Jessye Norman featuring Harry Huff sing ""Go Tell It To The Mountain.""
Soon-to-be-traded Yankees pitcher David Wells sits in the audience; the first of tonight's two Top Ten Lists is interrupted by a claymation segment with Dave and Santa; Cissy Houston and Roberta Flack join Darlene Love and Bette Sussman for their annual presentation of ""Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home).""
Dave talks about the recent successes of the New York Jets, so Harold Larkin goes outside to alter the ""Jets Suck"" graffiti on the wall; Biff keeps changing sweatshirts; ten beautiful women present the Top Ten.
Bisbee, North Dakota is investigated in the latest edition of ""Biff Henderson's America.""
Throughout the night, Chicago announcer ""Ray Clay"" fills in for Alan, making inane announcements and usurping the Top Ten from Dave. Also, a Late Show tradition is born when Jay Thomas shows Jets QB Vinny Testaverde how to throw a football at the top of the Christmas tree.
Kamarr the Discount Magician makes one last appearance.
Jon Voight promotes two films, ""Enemy of the State"" and ""Varsity Blues.""
Biff pretends to stand in Times Square again, this time reporting about the weather. Also, Sarah Jessica Parker promotes the second season of ""Sex & The City.""
Biff just can't get enough of the green screen in the hallway; tonight's participant in ""Please Stop Calling Me Monty"" jams with the band; Dave chats with child actor Liam Aiken.
It's time for ""How Many Guys in Mouse Suits Can Fit into a Dunkin' Donuts?"" We never find out the exact number, though they do bring back doughnuts.
Dave announces the new name of the show will be ""David Letterman's Countdown to the Millennium."" Also, the show profiles audience member ""Spencer Alderson"" (Leonard) of Sweden.
""David Letterman's Countdown to the Millennium,"" Day 2: Paul declares that he will mention a millennium-related fun fact every day for the rest of the year. Also, Jon Stewart promotes the recently overhauled talk show ""The Daily Show.""
Sitting in with the CBS Orchestra tonight: the shirtless guy who was the ""T"" in ""Jets"" at last night's game. Also, The Black Crowes performs ""By Your Side.""
During ""Small Town News,"" Dave sports a paper mustache.
Tonight's ""Paul Shaffer Millennium Prediction"": health spas will not charge deposits. Upon hearing this, Dave wishes people would stop using the phrase ""happy camper."" Also, Dave goes a somewhat lengthy discourse about the Late Night show before introducing Conan O'Brien, while the latest episode of ""Next Time Bring Your Sister, You Hump"" goes on location to The Candy Store.
William Baldwin promotes ""Virus,"" while Biff rescues Dave's coffee mug after it falls over.
Mailbag: Tony mentions he's taken up acting, then shows two remarkably similar clips from Patch Adams and Shakespeare In Love. Also, NBA head honcho David Stern presents the Top Ten.
Dave says a focus group doesn't like his ""Countdown to the Millennium"" segment, so Paul gives one last fact: ""Danny Aiello will get another series."" Rather than bow down in defeat, Dave introduces a segment called ""Shark Week,"" which actually started the previous night. The premise is that Dave and Paul try to talk about sharks, but quickly come to realize that they know almost nothing about them, and change the topic.
Dave and Paul discuss William Wood Lee Shaffer's diapers. Later, Paul interrupts the ""Shark Week"" segment with another Millennium prediction: ""The new black… will be black.""
Biff shows up with a tie for a ""Know Your Current Events"" contestant; Bill Murray promotes Rushmore and serenades Dave.
Dave announces he and Paul are trying to establish a video nexus; during Mailibag, Anton falls down an elevator shaft, while Paul and Dave shoot Regis with paintballs; ten firefighters present the Top Ten.
It's the seventeenth anniversary of Dave's debut in late night, and what is he going to do to celebrate the milestone? ""Absolutely nothing."" Also, Tony Randall reports from yesterday's Super Bowl XXXIII, while Dave offers to sing the national anthem at next year's game.
Dave mentions that through the wonders of science, Paul Shaffer had another baby over the weekend, and then introduces Bernard Shaffer in the green room; during ""Who Asked For It?"", an audience member demands to see something related to Groundhog Day, so ""a groundhog"" (Gerard) walks onstage and harasses Dave; Catherine Bell promotes J.A.G.
Dave and Paul spend ten minutes discussing the new and improved ""Late Show"" home site; Dave chats with ""John Elway"" (Gerard) after the star quarterback is last minute no-show; Creed performs a garbled rendition of their hit ""Take Me Higher.""
Dave reads about Bucknell University for a ""KYCE"" participant; Laetitia Casta is interviewed twice.
Nile Rogers fills in for both Felicia and Will Lee, who are both sick; Martha Stewart has some fun with a batch of pinecones.
""Biff Henderson's America"" makes a quick stop in Baker, Nevada. Also, Dave chats with the Reverend and Mrs. John Cobb, who tell their incredible story of how they met after a mailed marriage proposal never came through.
Dave chats with (live via satellite) Al at Prestige Luggage Company in Dallas. Dave is so fascinated by him that the segment runs for almost fifteen minutes, and later Al presents #1 on the Top Ten list.
Dave rants about the internet, while Bob Borden literally searches for a valentine.
Orlando Antigua of the Harlem Globetrotters helps out during ""Know Your Current Events,"" while Sandra Bullock promotes Forces of Nature.
Dave discusses signature sign-offs and announces his new one will be ""Keep a light coat of oil on it""; during Mailbag, Gerard discusses nudity in film and gets distracted by his speech very easily; Richard Simmons flies around a la Cupid before his interview, but storms off after Dave kisses Nadine and the Mailbag Girl.
Tonight marks the debut of ""Alan Kalter's Secret Word."" Tonight's utterance: ""gristle."" Also, racing star Jeff Gordon presents the Top Ten, while Dave gives the blue cards for the ""What They'll Be Doing Next"" segment to Corky Ramirez to send to the comedy museum.
Lou Soloff of Blood, Sweat and Tears sits in with the horn section; Alan's secret word is ""magnesium""; Dave chats with champion figure skater Tara Lipinski.
The secret word is ""mongoose""; ten West Point cadet presents the Top Ten; Julian Lennon performs The Beatles' ""Don't Let Me Down.""
The secret word is ""hydraulic""; Dave gives a photographer in the audience a Polaroid to shoot pictures during the show; Jake Gyllenhaal plugs October Sky.
The secret word is ""buttress""; during Mailbag, Dave and Linda Tripp appear on $25,000 Pyramid; ten hot dog vendors present the Top Ten.
Dave takes five minutes to comment on the sudden death of Gene Siskel, then shows a clip from his last appearance on the show; Alan interrupts to show everybody his gritty new 10-10-346 ad; Dave claims that if you want to hear #1 of the ""Top Ten Mike Tyson Complaints About TV,"" you have to go to his web site.
Alan's secret word is ""bobcat,"" and the jackpot now stands at ""seven hundred damn dollars!"" Also, Kreskin participates in a new game called ""North Dakota/South Dakota,"" where he must correctly guess which state a mystery person is calling from.
The secret word is ""barnacle;"" Dave answers a phone call from Sweden; in a segment about the hype surrounding Star Wars Episode One, George Clarke impersonates Mark Hamill.
The secret word is ""corpuscular."" Meanwhile, Dave chats with Homer Hickam, the NASA shuttle instructor whose life inspired the recent film October Sky.
The secret word is ""combustible,"" and the stakes have been raised to an even thousand; during Mailbag, Harold Larkin starts bleeding from the neck, which happens to be a common side effect of using Head & Shoulders shampoo; Will Ferrell sings about things at random.
The secret word is ""saluki""; live via satellite, the employees of the Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scottsboro, Alabama opens up suitcases; The Roots (featuring Erykah Badu) performs ""You Got Me.""
Dave rants about tonight's Barbara Walters/Monica Lewinsky interview; the secret word is ""luggage,"" with the grand prize reaching $1300; the latest roll call singles out Tom Cruise's manicurist, Tom Cruise's dressmaker, and ""Tom Cruise"" (Calvert) himself; Dave and Paul comment on the death of Dusty Springfield.
The secret word is ""viscous,"" while George Miller rants about the media.
The secret word is ""melancholia,"" while ""Oprah"" (Pat Farmer) flirts with ""John Travolta"" (Kenny Sheehan).
The secret word is ""lederhosen""; the second-ever ""Alan Kalter's Where Are They Now?"" reveals that Alan Hale, Jr. has been dead for several years now; Don King helps Norm MacDonald promote his new show.
The secret word is ""Ionosphere,"" with the prize now standing at ""$1700 damn dollars!"" Meanwhile, Gaines awkwardly interrupts Dave's interview with Elizabeth Hurley to answer a question Dave asked Rob Burnett at the start of the show.
The secret word is ""shipjack""; Dave shows a meat identification kit, complete with photographs of each form of meat; Craig Kilborn promotes his new talk show; Emmylou Harris and a rotund Linda Ronstadt perform Leonard Cohen's ""Sisters of Mercy.""
The secret word is ""bilious,"" which is coincidental because Dave feels under the weather. Also, Elton John and Leann Rimes perform ""Written in the Stars.""
Dave bids farewell to Tom Snyder (his last show aired that night), then says get well to Johnny Carson (who had major surgery). Also, the secret word is ""elliptical.""
Dave hollers about 60 Minutes, then claims that somebody won the Secret Word ""contest"" on Friday; tonight's Secret Word is ""meniscus,"" with the jackpot reduced to a hundred dollars; Blur (featuring the Boys Choir of Harlem) performs ""Coffee & TV.""
The opening sequence is altered; the secret word is ""taconite""; Dave chats with Sister Carol Anne Corley, a nun who's also a master of fly-fishing.
The secret word is ""sociopathic,"" while Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn promote the upcoming remake of The Out-of-Towners.
The secret word is ""nemonurwingy,"" but Dave accuses Alan of making it up (which he did), so he changes it to ""balloon."" Also, after The Corrs perform, Dave decides that ""Corrs"" must be Irish for ""babes.""
Charlie Daniels sits in on fiddle; the secret word is ""mahagony""; comedian/commentator Greg Fitzsimmons remarks on domestic life.
The secret word is ""flange""; Dave holds up a certificate that makes Late Show the ""Official Late Night Talk Show of the Millennium""; Biff annoys Yankees players during his 2nd annual trip to their Spring Training camp in Florida; Lyle Lovett and Willie Nelson, with a little help from Kris Kristofferson, perform a memorable duet.
The secret word is ""millipede""; right after the second-ever edition of ""Know Your Cuts of Meat,"" Dave calls one of the previous owners of his Meat Identification Kit.
Throughout the night, local teens with learner's permits parallel park on 53rd Street. At the end of the show, Dave attempts parallel parking and nearly embarrasses himself.
The secret word is ""ischemia,"" while SNL star Molly Shannon promotes Never Been Kissed.
Paul makes his second ""Countdown to the Millennium"" prediction since the designation: ""Everybody's going to take out a lot of cash. Forget about the cash."" Also, Dave calls Jay Leno ""a hump,"" then ponders what it would be like if Jesus was a guest on the show.
Paul announces celebrities will come by all evening to wish Dave a happy birthday, and for some strange reason Martha Stewart drops by three times; the secret word is ""diplopia""; to settle an argument, Dave shows the audience a map of the Panama Canal.
The secret word is ""hegemony,"" and Dave doubles the current jackpot from $1100 to $2200; Kathie Lee Gifford sings Dave a late happy birthday song, and later he shows a clip of her left buttock mysteriously sagging as she walked offstage; Kevin Spacey enters the stage on an electric scooter.
The secret word is ""quadricentennial,"" and after doubling the stakes on last night's show, Dave ""raises"" them to an even hundred million; on a variation of a recurring bit, Biff goes out in traffic, harassing people with a bullhorn; Dave increases the jackpot again to $150,000,000; Darrell Hammond does his trademark Clinton impression.
Dave mentions the sudden and untimely death of Bill Wendell; the secret word is ""Melon""; with no clip available, Biff and David Spade reenact a scene from his new movie Lost & Found; Tim Couch of the Kentucky Wildcats (and later the Cleveland Browns) and Dave throw a football into a exact same taxi window; Dave mistakenly refers to the show as ""Late Night.""
A technical difficulty turns Dave's face and tie blue during the monologue; the secret word is ""tubular""; during Mailbag, Dave shows us the video guide ""Biff Henderson's How to Become a Chick Magnet.""
Dave discusses the various bars and/or grills that have been next door to the theater, and wishes the best of luck to its current incarnation, The Manhattan Chili Company; the secret word is ""kitty""; Paul gets spun off into his own talk show, during which he has a (bogus) heart-to-heart with Monica Lewinsky; Dave has a sample of the chili.
Dave claims there was a secret word winner last night, then brings out Connecticut housewife ""Marlene DiBenedetto""; the secret word is ""hat,"" with the jackpot going back down to a hundred damn dollars; Dave makes another shout-out to the Manhattan Chili Company.
The secret word is ""boat""; Paul, Felecia, Will, and Sid perform ""Songs for Pedestrians""; Ted Danson lurks in the backdrop during Dave's chat with Mary Steenburgen.
The secret word is ""carrot,"" and Dave introduces another supposed winner (writer and Boston native Jay Johnson); to prove a point, Dave quizzes Paul on a cut of meat; during a new segment called ""Alan's Celebrity Birthday,"" a caption reading ""jackass"" with an arrow pointing at Alan appears on the screen, so Big Red storms off to the control room and punches Jerry.
In honor of tonight's audience, the backdrop is altered to show the skyline of Miami, Florida; Biff visits a retirement community in Coral Gables; ten Florida residents present the Top Ten, with Dave counting down in Spanish; Dave eats suntan lotion.
Dave claims he's filed a $100 million lawsuit against the surgeon general; Dave pays an attractive audience member $200 for saying tonight's secret word (""thimble""); Robbie Williams performs ""Millennium.""
The secret word is ""incinerate""; Paul Fiore tries to parallel-park outside; Dave chats with a twelve-year-old girl who wants to save the dying art of ice cream trucks.
The secret word is ""undershirt""; Dave shows (bogus) footage of Roberto Benigni making an ass of himself at the Country Music Awards; World Bass fishing champ Denny Brauer is bumped up after Jesse Jackson's limo arrives late.
Cold opening: Jesse Jackson makes an insincere apology to Dave for his tardiness in last night's show. Also, ""Marlene DiBenedetto"" (Jude Brennan) wins the secret word again, and the Hi-Ho girls present the $200 check.
In honor of tonight's travel-weary audience (everybody's from Nashville), Biff hangs out at the Grand Ole Opry while Nashville Predators captain Tom Fitzgerald presents the Top Ten.
The secret word is ""ball""; an audience member is stifled by a barbershop quartet in the latest edition of ""Who Asked For It?""; a dog gets injured during ""Stupid Pet Tricks,"" prompting Dave to keep on eye on him in the green room.
Thirteen-year-old blues phenomenon Ben Robinson sits in; the secret word is ""stick""; Bob Borden walks onstage to hype his new catchphrase: ""Next time bring your sister, you hump.""
Dave makes a nonsense rant about Barry Manilow; the secret word is ""winky""; during ""Dave's Record Collection,"" Tony goes berserk over a comment made by Dave, and he gets thrown out by Bill DeLace.
Dave bring out the seven supposed winners of last night's secret word contest (including Mike McIntee and the Stangel brothers); tonight's secret word is ""scooter""; an audience member from Florida plays Paul's piano is lieu of ""Know Your Current Events""; teen actress Leelee Sobieski promotes the CBS miniseries Joan of Arc.
With tonight's audience being from the City of Brotherly Love, Biff heads to Philly to get in training a la Rocky. For his efforts, he is given a medal by Philadelphia Mayor Edward Rendell and Sylvester Stallone's brother Frank.
The secret word is ""molar,"" while Dave measures Julia Roberts' waist.
Dave calls Aloha Meats in Honolulu to see if they answer the phone by saying ""aloha""; the secret word is ""polymer""; Dave and Shecky hang out with a Star Wars fan; Aretha Franklin attempts to sing ""Nessun Dorma.""
The secret word is ""turf""; various members of the staff appear in a series of film promos, including Biff in Eyes Wide Shut; a recently clean-shaven Tom Selleck is treated to a video tribute to his facial hair.
The secret word is ""Alan""; Dave shows a one dollar bill folded so it would be shaped like a ring, courtesy of a ""Know Your Current Events"" participant; Helen Hunt promotes the final episode of Mad About You.
Tonight's audience hails from Boston, Massachusetts. The backdrop, as always, is altered to resemble the Beantown skyline; Dave shows various great moments in Red Sox history, showing Carlton Fisk's 1975 World Series homer three times; Bill DeLace impersonates a hot dog vendor a remote Top Ten; Nomar Garciaparra walks across the stage to a Standing O; Natalie Portman promotes Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.
Dave goes on a fury as to what constitutes the dinners given as prizes during ""Know Your Current Events""; the secret word is ""announcer""; Dave Dorsett doodles on a camera; Tony ruins the ending of the new ""Star Wars"" prequel in Spanish.
Dave tries calling Hawaii again; the secret word is ""asparagus""; Kate Capshaw tries to call her vacationing husband (Steven Spielberg) in Hawaii but she gets a busy signal; Britney Spears performs ""…Baby One More Time.""
Anton is again introduced as Buddy Rich, Jr.; Paul pays $102,000,000 for a ticket to see the new ""Star Wars"" prequel; Dave shows Sarah Jessica Parker a recent clip of Matthew Broderick chatting on the show with his fly open.
Jay Johnson wins the secret word ""contest"" again; throughout the night, Lou Rawls sits in the green room; tonight's secret word is ""litmus""; Everlast performs ""Ends.""
The secret word is ""bituminous""; Lou Rawls continues to lounge in the green room; during Mailbag, ""Billy Blanks"" (Gerard) gives a rather half-hearted demonstration of Tae-Bo.
Tonight's secret word (""emetic"") is now sponsored by a lawn-watering device called ""Hosie Cow""; Biff stands outside holding a popsicle in one hand and a Creamsicle® in the other, determining which will melt first (the popsicle); Dave chats with Nancy Mace, the first female graduate of The Citadel.
The Hosie Cow Secret Word is ""escarpment""; Dave plays a new game at Joe G's where a contestant must start a conversation and brings up the weather within sixty seconds (he won); Snoop Dogg plugs his new album.
The Hosie Cow Secret Word is ""whippy""; last night's winner ""Barbara Sanchez"" (Jude Brennan) is presented with $400 and a fully functional Hosie Cow; Alan imagines what effect Y2K will have on the country.
After appearing in an ad for Hosie Cow, Alan announces that the secret word is ""inflammation."" Also, Tony nominee Brian Dennehy presents the Top Ten.
Edgar Winter sits in; the Hosie Cow Secret Word is ""dick""; Heather Graham promotes Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.
The Hosie Cow Secret Word is ""amputation""; the latest roll call introduces Biff's pint-size clone ""Mini-Biff"" and Calvert dressed up as a Hosie Cow; Tim Robbins promotes Arlington Road.
The Hosie Cow Secret Word is ""dick"" again, but it's eventually changed to ""bunny."" Also, Dave has another one of his long-winded chats (via satellite) with the Preston Luggage Company in Dallas, where he lets a customer set his own price (five dollars) for a snazzy carry-on bag.
The Hosie Cow Secret Word is ""pigment,"" while Dave chats (and becomes infatuated) with Brandi Chastain of the US Women's World Cup Soccer Team.
Al Gore appears on ""The Paul Shaffer Show""; The Hosie Cow Secret Word is ""tourniquet""; Mike Myers promotes Austin Powers 2.
Anton is introduced as Buddy Rich Jr., the ""bastard son"" of the legendary jazz drummer; Hosie Cow makes a cameo in the new Austin Powers movie; the Hosie Cow Secret Word is ""whipknockvonwhipknocky,"" but Dave forces Alan to change it to ""newt.""
The secret word (""rodeo"") is now sponsored by Larry King, whom according to Alan ""looks like an owl""; ""Rita Buttgas"" (Jude Brennan) is introduced as the latest winner of the faux contest; Pat Farmer comments on the NBA Finals from backstage; Andy Dick starts cutting his hair in mid-interview, and afterwards a very annoyed Kenny Sheehan breaks out the dust-buster.
The Larry King Secret Word is ""gabardine,"" and is followed by stock footage of four baby owls devouring a rat. Also, Dave shows the audience an autographed photo of the US Women's World Cup Soccer Team in Late Show, and stops the show several times to ogle the ladies.
Jimmy Vaughan sits in; the Larry King Secret Word is ""entropic""; after an unusually aimless edition of ""New for Summer,"" Dave asks Paul, ""What is happening to this show?""
The Larry King Secret Word is ""linguine."" Also, to counteract with Hillary Clinton's recent decision to run for the US Senate in New York, Mayor Giuliani announces that he's running for the same office in Arkansas.
The Larry King Secret Word is ""peptide""; Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty perform ""Smooth.""
Tonight's Secret Word (""bird"") is brought to you by David Letterman's Women's World Cup Soccer Team, in honor of his latest celebrity crush. Quote Alan: ""They're hotter than a dancing bobcat with its ass on fire!"" Also, during a slideshow bit called ""Celebrity Summer Plans,"" Vinnie Magliulo reports live via satellite from Caesar's Palace giving the odds on the audience response to the jokes.
The World Cup Soccer Team Secret Word is ""oozing""; Montana park ranger (and past winner) ""Rita Buttgas"" (Jude Brennan) is announced as the winner of the Secret Word Tournament of Champions; Dave picks a fly out of his coffee.
The Larry King/Women's Soccer Secret Word is ""peripatetic""; a bird caller from Piedmont, California does a drumroll for Dave; after a brief discussion over the difference between a mesa and a butte, Rob Burnett makes a quirky legal pad doodle that settles the issue once and for all.
The Larry King/Women's Soccer Secret Word is ""highoeyazmuhoodhee""; Calista Flockhart's chat with Dave is interrupted by visions of the dancing baby from Ally McBeal busting a move with George Clarke; Bill DeLace poses as a Little League umpire for a remote Top Ten list.
The Larry King/Women's Soccer Secret Word is ""pony""; during Mailbag, Biff, Kenny, and Dave Dorsett brag about their latest female conquests; John Leguizamo promotes Summer of Sam.
Dave shows footage of a taxi literally crashing the staff cookout out on 53rd Street; with temperatures hovering over 100 degrees, Biff dares to go outside and fry an egg on the sidewalk; Dan Quayle joins Larry King and the Women's Soccer Team as a sponsor of Alan's Secret Word (""one hot mother****er""); Tony Randall drops by to eat the egg.
An audience member attempts to button Dave's jacket; the Dan Quayle/Larry King/Women's Soccer Secret Word is ""neoprene""; throughout the night, Biff stands next to a 45-pound block of ice on the sidewalk, giving Dave updates on its melting status; Sixpence None the Richer performs ""Kiss Me.""
Dave replies to a Zagat's survey; the Women's Soccer Secret Word is ""pestilence,"" with the Dan Quayle/Larry King Secret Word Jackpot standing at ""Thirteen hundred damn dollars!""; Oliver Platt promotes Lake Placid.
The Secret Word is ""prick,"" with the stock footage of the baby owls eating the rat joining an already crowded group of sponsors; John Mayall sits in; Jason Biggs promotes American Pie.
Dave points out that Paul is dressed from head to toe in white tonight, including a snazzy top hat; during Mailbag, The Guy on Fire is profiled on ""Biff Henderson's Where Are They Now?""; Lucinda Williams performs ""Concrete on Barbed Wire.""
The Larry King/Dan Quayle Secret Word is ""sphygmomanometer""; Dave briefly comments on the passing of JFK Jr.; Dave Mirra does bicycle stunts on 53rd Street, but after he has to cut it short due to rain, he pops wheelies inside the theater.
The Dan Quayle/Larry King Secret Word is ""pie""; Dave finally meets the entire U.S. Women's World Cup champion soccer team, though Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastain do most of the talking; ""Rita Buttgas"" is introduced as the first Secret Word three-time winner; Dave asks Paul if they can trade the horn section for the soccer team.
The Hillary Clinton/Larry King Secret Word is ""mommy""; Dave asks a question to Einstein's Brain (voice of Alan Kalter); perfect game winner David Cone presents the Top Ten.
The Hillary Clinton/Larry King Secret Word is ""meehnkee""; Dave ""performs"" at Woodstock '99, then declares that Limp Bizkit kicks ass; Buzz Aldrin drops by to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the moon landing.
Paul asks what the point of the Secret Word is, and after it's revealed (""throb""), Dave replies with ""I'm tired of being held hostage by your psychotic delusions."" Also, Mujibur and Sirajul preview the new Alan Kalter dart board, and Alan punches them.
Paul complains about the heat at Woodstock '99; Dave brags about Max Pappas and Team Rahal (a sign of things to come); Ted Koppel's evil twin Kenny is caught hosting Nightline in lieu of his more well-known brother.
Buckwheat Zydeco (nee Stanley Durrell) sits in on accordion; throughout the night, Shark the border collie chases Frisbees on 53rd Street; film director Garry Marshall plugs Runaway Bride.
Biff helps out pedestrians walking on 53rd Street; Dave asks Paul about project identification; Pete Townshend and Eddie Vedder perform ""Behind Blue Eyes.""
""Paul Shaffer's Countdown to the Millennium"" makes its triumphant return to the Late Show, and is now sponsered by Hillary Clinton and Larry King. Tonight's forecast: ""In the new millennium, people will freak out.""
Dave chats with Tour de France winner and cancer survivor Lance Armstrong; Paul's latest prediction: ""No more lox and bagels""; Sheryl Crow performs ""The Difficult Kind.""
It's a very special night as Jim Jeter is about to log his one millionth mile on his 1982 Toyota Starlet. After reaching the milestone, Dave buys him a new used car.
Dave takes the outside cam to Joe G's for another round of ""Stop Calling Me Kitty.""
Dave shows the audience some stuff he bought on his recent vacation in a segment called ""Travel Souvenirs."" Later, ""Newsradio"" star Dave Foley promotes the movie ""Dick.""
Dave repeatedly shows footage of the Taco Bell chihuahua saying ""funkalicious."" Later, Dave and William H. Macy drink Tang spiked with Jack Daniels.
During CBS Mailbag, Alan punches Dave. Later, Dave's former ""Starland Vocal Band Hour"" co-star Jeff Altman looks back at his tumultous television career.
Paul refers to Regis as a bastard, only for the ""Millionaire"" host to retaliate.
Kreskin's knowledge of 70's backup singers is tested in a segment called ""Commodore or Pip?"" Later, Smash Mouth performs their smash hit ""All-Star.""
Dave announces that a crack in the building next door caused a temporary evacuation of the theater. Later, The Mavericks perform ""There Goes My Heart.""
Dave takes up an offering for a preacher who played ""Who Your Deer Repellants.""
During CBS Mailbag, Inky Mendez announces his candidacy for the US Senate, while Dave chats with ""Hillary Clinton"" (Gerard).
A shirtless Vince DeMentri interviews people on the street, asking them what they think of Hillary Clinton. Later, Katie Holmes promotes ""Dawson's Creek.""
Dave announces that tonight, ""We're going to have good old-fashioned fun"": all night, Richard Egan stands on 53rd St. guessing the weight of passersby.
Terence Blanchard sits in with the band, while Olympic diver Kathy Pesek does a demonstration for the audience (via telephone).
Dave announces that tonight is the premiere of ""Late Show Who Wants to be a Billionaire?"" Tonight's first question: ""Who took over for the 'Brady Bunch' father after the original actor was arrested and imprisoned for the grisly kidnap and murder of the show's wardrobe designer?"" The answer: Dennis Weaver.
Dave announces that after 6 years and 1,278 shows on CBS, he now wants to be called ""Daddy""; Alan beats up Regis during CBS Mailbag; Albert Brooks makes a phone call to his pet parrot.
Tom Brokaw, a Top Ten List presented by 10 "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit models, Theophilus London
Dave welcomes actress Betty White, reality-TV star Rick Harrison and Morning Teleportation performs.
Jodie Foster, Tom Dreesen, Neon Trees
Bill Murray, "The Human Fuse" Brian Miser, Brother
Dave welcomes comedian Joan Rivers, comic Nick Griffin and Okkervil River performs.
Dave welcomes actress Julianna Margulies from CBS's "The Good Wife," talk show host Andy Cohen, a Top Ten List presented by singer Christina Aguilera and White Lies perform.
Dave welcomes actor Martin Short, actress Melissa McCarthy from CBS's "Mike & Molly" and Tinie Tempah performs.
Dave welcomes TV host Keith Olbermann, actress Julie Bowen and Ben Harper performs.
Dave welcomes Kelly Ripa, X-Men's Jennifer Lawrence and the cast of the Broadway's "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying." Plus: What Would Chris Rock Do?
Dave welcomes actor Tracy Morgan, comic Jake Johannsen and The Airborne Toxic Event performs.
Dave welcomes musician Lady Gaga, actor Eric Stonestreet and the Vaccines perform.
Dave welcomes actor Ewan McGregor, CBS Evening News anchor Scott Pelley and Brad Paisley performs.
Dave welcomes actor Kevin Bacon, Piedmont Bird Callers perform, a top ten list presented by U S Armed Forces personnel and Augustana performs.
Dave welcomes Actor Ray Romano, comedian Reese Waters and Arctic Monkeys perform.
Dave welcomes actor Jon Cryer from CBS' "Two and a Half Men," journalist Rachel Maddow and drummer Roy Haynes performs.
Dave welcomes actor Neil Patrick Harris of CBS' "How I Met Your Mother," comic Mike Birbiglia and drummer Neil Peart performs.
Dave welcomes Admiral Mike Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, A top-ten List presented by Betty White and Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears perform.
Dave welcomes actor Ryan Reynolds, chef Eric Ripert and a performance from the cast of the Broadway musical "Anything Goes."
Dave welcomes actor Jim Carrey, actress Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and a Top Ten list presented by the 2011 NBA Champions, The Dallas Mavericks.
Dave welcomes actor Samuel L. Jackson, Texas Rangers star Josh Hamilton and Jennifer Hudson performs.
Dave welcomes actor Jason Bateman, actress Amy Sedaris, musical guests Drive-By Truckers and a "Top Ten" List presented by Keith Olbermann.
Dave welcomes actor Kevin James, pet fashion designer Ada Nieves, musical guests Beady Eye and a "Top Ten" list presented by musician Justin Bieber.
Dave welcomes actor Jason Segel from the CBS comedy series "How I Met Your Mother," horse whisperer Buck Brannaman and musical guests Noah and the Whale.
Dave welcomes actor Shia LaBeouf, comedian/reality series star Bert Kreischer and musical guest Dawes. TV legend Henry Winkler joins Dave and Paul as celebrity judge for "Is This Anything?"
Dave welcomes actor Tom Hanks and musical guest Sleepy Man Banjo Boys.
Dave welcomes actor Patrick Dempsey, CBS News' "The Early Show" Anchor Erica Hill and musical guest Marty Stuart.
Dave welcomes actress Julia Roberts and musical guest Cake. Top Ten Reasons I, Dave Letterman, Am Proud To Be An American. How well does Julia Roberts know her "Larry Crowne" co-star Tom Hanks?
Dave welcomes actress Emma Watson, comedian/talk show host George Lopez and musical guest Incubus.
Dave welcomes comedian Roseanne Barr, actor Tom Felton and musical guest Blake Shelton.
Dave participates in a Summer Toy Demo and welcomes actor Ryan Gosling and musical guest Gomez.
Dave welcomes actress Kyra Sedgwick, a Top Ten List presented by "Captain America" star Chris Evans, comedian Tim Harmston and musical guest Nikki Jean.
Dave welcomes actor Steve Carell, U.S. women's soccer stars Hope Solo and Abby Wambach and musical guests The Del McCoury Band and the Preservation Hall Band.
Dave welcomes actor Jeremy Piven, author Captain Luis Montalvan and musical guest Cee Lo Green.
Dave welcomes actor Harrison Ford and musical guests Porcelain Black.
Dave welcomes news anchor Brian Williams and musical guest Tim Robbins & The Rogue Gallery Band.
Dave welcomes actress Julianne Moore, actor Johnny Galecki from the CBS comedy series "The Big Bang Theory," musical guest Eels and an X Games stunt on 53rd Street with Tanner Foust.
Dave welcomes Craig Ferguson, host of CBS's "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," actress Connie Britton and musical guest Anna Calvi.
Dave welcomes actress Kirstie Alley, comedian Louis CK and musical guests Fountains of Wayne.
How cool are the special effects in the new Planet of the Apes movie? Check it out. The Glee star has broken her nose not once, but twice. Find out how she did it. Christina Perri performing "Arms" from her new CD release, "Lovestrong."
Dave welcomes actor Ricky Gervais, television host Cat Deeley, musical guest Explosions in the Sky and a Top Ten List presented by Julie Chen, host of CBS's "Big Brother" and "The Talk".
Dave welcomes actress Emma Stone, Ford Motor Company CEO Alan Mulally and musical guest Sallie Ford.
Dave welcomes actor Colin Farrell, NASA astronaut Christopher Ferguson and musical guest Typhoon.
Dave welcomes actor Dennis Leary, radio show host and singer Elizabeth Cook, and drum solo by Tony Royster Jr.
Dave welcomes talk show host Rachel Maddow and actress Rose Byrne also a drum solo by Gavin Harrison.
Dave welcomes actor Ashton Kutcher, star of the CBS comedy series "Two and a Half Men" and tennis star Rafael Nadal also a drum solo by Stewart Copeland.
Dave welcomes actor Paul Rudd and comedian Bill Burr also a drum solo by Dennis Chambers.
From Saturday Night Live, Jason Sudeikis promotes his movie "A Good Old Fashioned Orgy" Bettina Luescher, World Food Programme Chief Spokesperson for North America St. Vincent - Lead Singer Annie Clark and St. Vincent performs ‘Cruel’, a new track from their upcoming album Strange Mercy.
Dave welcomes actor Alec Baldwin, New York Jets legend, Joe Namath and musical guest Lenny Kravitz.
Dave welcomes David Arquette, who can currently be seen on 'Dancing with the Stars', Aubrey Plaza, who plays April Ludgate in the TV's 'Parks and Recreation', and Thurston Moore, lead singer of the iconic Sonic Youth for over 30 years, plays a track from his new album "Demolished Thoughts", produced by Beck.
Kids say the darnedest things: find out what happened when Julianna Margulies' 3 year-old son saw her getting dressed. Joe Wong performs stand-up on the "Late Show" on September 1, 2011.
Dave welcomes reality television stars Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian, actor Michael Emerson from the new CBS drama series "Person Of Interest" and musical guest The Jim Jones Revue.
Dave welcomes actor Michael J. Fox, a Top Ten List presented by Ashton Kutcher, Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones from the CBS comedy series "Two and a Half Men", comedian Jim McDonald and musical guest John Doe.
Dave welcomes Second Lady of the United States Dr. Jill Biden and actor Ted Danson from the CBS drama series "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation".
Dave welcomes actor Jonah Hill, reality show judge Paula Abdul and musical guest Coldplay.
Dave welcomes actor Taylor Lautner, actress Minka Kelly and musical guest Wilco.
Dave welcomes Medal of Honor recipient Sergeant Dakota Meyer, actress Sofia Vergara and musical guest Chris Cornell.
Dave welcomes actor Nathan Fillion, comedian Larry Miller and musical guest Jayhawks.
Dave welcomes actor Seth Rogen, Poppy Montgomery from the new CBS drama series "Unforgettable" and musical guest Fleet Foxes.
Dave welcomes "Jungle" Jack Hanna and "What's Your Number?" star Anna Faris.
Dave welcomes talk show host Anderson Cooper, actor Nick Offerman and musical guest The Knux.
Dave welcomes actress Kaley Cuoco from the CBS comedy series "The Big Bang Theory", "Hillbilly Handfishin's" Skipper Bivins and Trent Jackson and musical guest Death Cab for Cutie.
Dave welcomes actor Samuel L. Jackson, comedian Karen Rontowski and musical guest Anne-Sophie Mutter.
Dave welcomes news anchor Brian Williams and musical Sting.
Dave welcomes actor Hugh Jackman, actress Sean Young and musical guest Feist.
Dave welcomes actor George Clooney and musical guest Mastodon.
Dave welcomes author Caroline Kennedy, diving dogs and musical guest The Joy Formidable.
Dave welcomes actor Bryan Cranston, comedian Jeff Altman and musical guest Garland Jeffreys.
Dave welcomes actor Tracy Morgan, sportscasters Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic and musical guest Mates of State.
Dave welcomes actor Matthew Broderick, horse wrangler Erin Bolster and her horse Tonk, who saved a young boy's life, and musical guest Hunter Hayes.
Dave welcomes former President Bill Clinton and musical guest Deer Tick.
Dave welcomes talk show host/author Bill O'Reilly and musical guest Martina McBride.
Dave welcomes comedian/radio host Artie Lange and comedian Eddie Brill and musical guest Beirut.
Dave welcomes actress Selma Hayek, talk show host Keith Olbermann and musical guest Jane's Addiction.
Dave welcomes actor Eddie Murphy, actress Jane Levy and musical guest Mayer Hawthorne.
Dave welcomes actor Justin Timberlake, actress Jennifer Esposito and musical guest The Civil Wars.
Dave welcomes actor Johnny Depp and musical guest Foster The People.
Dave welcomes news anchor Tom Brokaw, comedian Myq Kaplan, and musical guest The Head & The Heart.
"Beavis & Butt-Head" creator Mike Judge entertains with a dialogue and voices from a recent episode.
Dave welcomes comedian Bill Cosby and musical guest Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit.
Dave welcomes actress Melissa McCarthy from the CBS comedy series "Mike & Molly," chef Anthony Bourdain, and musical guests Joan Baez and Kris Kristofferson.
Dave welcomes actor Robert Pattinson, photographer Annie Leibovitz, and musical guests David Crosby and Graham Nash.
Dave welcomes actor Adam Sandler and musical guest Peter Gabriel.
Dave welcomes actress Katie Holmes, musical guest Noel Ghallager's High Flying Birds, and a Top Ten List presented by Texas Governor Rick Perry. Also, Stupid Humans Tricks.
Dave welcomes actor Steve Martin and actress Felicity Jones.
Dave welcomes actor Jason Segal from the CBS comedy series "How I Met Your Mother," chef Jamie Oliver, and musical guest The Kooks.
Dave welcomes comedian/talk show host Bill Maher, actress Nikki Reed, and musical guests Foo Fighters featuring Joan Jet.
Dave welcomes comedian Jerry Seinfeld and musical guest Lykke Li.
Dave welcomes talk show host Regis Philbin and musical guest John Fogerty. See what happens when Regis Philbin takes a ride on his retirement gift from Dave, a new Vespa.
Dave welcomes republican presidential candidate Herman Cain, and musical guest Grouplove.
Dave welcomes actor Ty Burrell, CBS News' Gayle King, and musical guest Needtobreath. Andy hangs out with the guys from American Pickers. Top Ten Other Articles In The Al Qaeda Magazine. What does the "Modern Family" star's family think about him being named one of People's Sexiest Men? The star of CBS' new morning show talks about her new co-star and her old friend Oprah.
Dave welcomes actress Amy Sedaris, radio host Christopher "Mad Dog" Russo, and musical guest Sondre Lerche.
Dave welcomes musician Justin Bieber, comedian Brian Regan, and musical guest Freesol. Top Ten Signs You Ate Too Much At Thanksgiving Dinner. The pop star talks about the paternity case and his DNA test.
Dave welcomes actor Jonah Hill, actress Kristen Johnston, and musical guest Ryan Adams. Do all celebrities know each other? Jonah's mom thinks so. Kristen tells Dave about her drug problem.
Dave welcomes actor Matt Damon and musical guest Shelby Lynne. Rupert Jee selects a fan to pose with Dave for their 2011 holiday card. Top Ten Ways the Super Earth Is Different From Earth. Matt Damon tells of someone who didn't want their photo with him. Plus: Matt and Dave pose for their holiday card. The Grammy-winning singer-songwriter performs "Revelation Road."
Dave welcomes actress Jessica Biel, comedian Tom Dreesen, and musical guest The Black Keys. Top Ten Messages Left On Rod Blagojevich's Answering Machine. There are a ton of big stars in "New Year's Eve," but did Jessica actually meet any of them? The Black Keys play their hit song 'Gold On The Ceiling' off their new album El Camino.
Dave welcomes actress Charlize Theron, comedian Kevin Nealon, and musical guest Blitzen Trapper. Top Ten Signs Your Local News Team Is Drunk. Down and dirty trains that go backwards for seven hours? "Young Adult" star Charlize Theron tells Dave about her recent trip through Spain. Former "SNL" cast member Kevin Nealon recalls meeting Arnold Schwarzenegger for a "Hans and Franz" skit. Blitzen Trapper performing "Might Find It Cheap" from their album, "American Goldwing."
Dave welcomes comic Hugh Fink and musical guest Young Jeezy. Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Mall. He went to meditate, but all David got was a big pile of horsesh**. Hugh performs stand-up.
Dave welcomes actress Scarlett Johansson, Julie Chen, host of the CBS daytime talk show "The Talk", and a Top Ten List presented by Heisman Trophy winner Robert Griffin III. Top Ten Thoughts That Went Through Robert Griffin III's Mind When He Won The Heisman Trophy. Scarlett and Dave talk about the naked photos that were hacked from her phone. Now that she's moved to LA, Julie finds New York City much more charming than before.
Dave welcomes journalist/talk show host Barbara Walters, actor/comedian Bill Hader, and musical guest Wild Flag. Top Ten Signs the Candidates Have Debate Fatigue. Dave knows the identity of Barbara Walters' most fascinating person of the year, but will he keep it a mystery? Bill Hader recounts a family ski trip where Dad took the wrong trail. Wild Flag makes their network television debut with the song "Romance" from their self-titled CD.
Dave welcomes actor Robert Downey Jr. and actress Rooney Mara. Top Ten Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Demands For Returning Our Drone. From alpacas to kitties, Robert runs down the list of animals on his family farm. Rooney talks about how hard it was to shake her "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" character. The "Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" star gets wasted to get the role.
Dave welcomes actor Tom Hanks and musical guest My Morning Jacket. He's brought his own mistletoe! Tom Hanks shares an intimate Christmas greeting with Dave's viewers. Don't miss the excitement as Tom Hanks unveils the trailer for his new Pop Tart HBO mini-series. My Morning Jacket performs "Outta My System" from their new release, "Circuital".
Dave welcomes actor Jude Law, comedian Bob Sarlatte and musical guest Gary Clark Jr. Jude Law recalls the last night of a stage production when fake booze was replaced with the real deal. The multi-talented singer-songwriter from Texas performs "Bright Lights" from his debut EP.
Dave welcomes actor Tom Cruise and musical guest Anthony Hamilton. Featuring a Top Ten List presented by former Governor Mitt Romney.
Dave welcomes journalist/talk show host Anderson Cooper, Olympic skiing champion Lindsey Vonn, and musical guest Childish Gambino.
Dave welcomes actor Jay Thomas, David Hyde Pierce and musical guest Darlene Love.
2005
Jon Stewart and singer David Gray are tonight's guests.
The Rock and 13-year-old piano prodigy Kit Armstrong appear on tonights show.
Houston Astros pitcher (and 2006 NLCS MVP) Roy Oswalt presents the Top Ten; with a little help from Dave, Madonna rides a horse for the first time since a much-publicized incident two months earlier; Melissa Etheridge performs "I Run For Life."
Gavin MacLeod (in full Captain Steubing regalia) makes a few football prognostications; Al Franken promotes his new book; Al Green performs "Everything's Okay."
Uma Thurman and Rachel Ray appear on tonights show.
During "Audience Show & Tell," Dave meets a couple of film extras; Michael Sessions (the 18-year-old mayor of Hillside, Michigan) presents the Top Ten; Steve Martin sings with a choir and rides a motorcycle built by the Teutel boys.
Over at Hello Deli, a lady from Des Moines, Iowa correctly guesses that Rupert is singing a Toby Keith song; Joaquin Phoenix promotes Walk The Line; Trisha Yearwood performed "Trying to Love You."
Dave shocks the audience with the news that Oprah Winfrey will be a guest on the show a week from Thursday; Biff undergoes Lasek eye surgery; George Clooney promotes "Syriana."
President Bush drops by the theater but somehow gets himself locked out; in honor of Oprah's appearance next week, Dave gives everyone in the audience free vodka and Lipitor; throughout the night, Professor Robert Mundell tells Rodney Dangerfield jokes; Alan abruptly starts singing The Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps."
Johnny Dark tries to sell Dave a 18-pound lobster; John Malkovich shares an amusing anecdote about his mother; race-car driver Tony Stewart plays "Joe Gibbs or Monkey?"
Dave orders some decaf coffee from Starbucks; Dave reveals the giant Oprah photo in the backdrop again, then puts a much smaller photo of Regis right next to it; Amanda Peet promotes Syriana; The Darkness perform "Is It Just Me?"
Dave participates in a Holiday toy demonstration; Biff tells "It's so cold..." jokes; Aqualung performs "Brighter Than Sunshine."
Tonights guests include Bonnie Hunt and Stephen A. Smith.
Dave explains how he ordered Sue Hum to make a cupcake costume just for heck of it; Biff reads a movie review from the newspaper; Heather Graham promotes her new sitcom; Fall Out Boy performs "Dance, Dance."
Tonights guests include Bill O'Reilly and Eric Bana.
Johnny Dark "celebrates" 39 years as a CBS page; Alan makes predictions for 2006; The Temptations perform "My Girl."
The apparent theme of the night is "Love Train"; Albert Brooks sings "Thanks to the Memories" believing that Dave is retiring; "Laguna Beach" star Kristen Cavallari promotes her new reality show.
Dave demands that the O'Jays perform "Love Train" on the show; Alan criticizes "Dancing with the Stars," then starts prancing around in a gold shirt; Scarlett Johansson (in her first appearance on the show in eight years) promotes Match Point.
Dave laments the Colts' playoff loss and teases with retirement again; Alan's alter ego "Fat Momma Kalter" storms out of the theater; Matisyahu performs "King Without a Crown."
Dave wears the skin of a roasted chicken on his head; Rupert and the models are subject to a pizza taste test; "Is This Anything?" is revived to Dave's delight; "Leyan Lo" (the new world record-holder for solving a Rubik's Cube) fails to beat his personal best and melts down onstage.
Tonights guests include Kate Beckinsale and Bob Saget.
A cop from New Jersey pleads the fifth on "Know Your Current Events"; Johnny Dark comments on Dave's heart; Charles Grodin defends his performance in the 1976 remake of King Kong.
Dave celebrates 2,500 shows at CBS with "Staffer Memories"; a recent graduate from Penn State is invited to ride a taxi pantsless; Dave and Emma Thompson instigate a pie fight.
Esteban sits in with the band; Jeff Altman shares an amusing story about Johnny Carson; Wicked Wisdom (a band with Jada Pinkett-Smith on lead vocals) performs "Something Inside of Me."
Paul does his "Carnac" homage again during "Stump The Band"; Olympic snowboarder Seth Wescott presents the Top Ten; Pat Farmer drops stale chips and dip onto 53rd Street; Train performed "Cab."
Comedian Andy Kindler reports from Super Bowl XL; Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger gets his beard shaved off by Dave and an audience member; Harrison Ford announces that he's in "a bubble of giddiness."
Biff pretends to report from the Grammys; "Stupid Human Tricks" includes a woman who whistles the theme from The Andy Griffith Show with her toes; The Beastie Boys perform "So What'cha Want" with several audience members holding handheld camcorders.
Tonights guests include Senator John McCain and Heidi Klum.
Amanda Peet and Jack Hanna are featured guests plus Peter Griffin of Family Guy presents the Top Ten!
Tonights guests include Hugh Laurie and Ne-Yo.
Tonights guests include Bruce Willis and The Strokes.
Declaring that there are "more monkeys than ever," Dave meets the 2006 monkey-calling champions; Chef Giada De Laurentiis makes veal scallops for Dave and Sarah Jessica Parker (but not Paul).
Johnny Dark gives a tour of the theater; "Will It Float?" travels to Trump Tower; Ricky Gervais promotes his new children's book; The Subways perform "Rock and Roll Queen."
Dave promises a box of Explod-O-Pop popcorn to every member of the audience; Liza Minnelli performs "I'm Glad I'm Not Young Anymore" to celebrate her 60th birthday; Al Lubel riffs on voting and anti-depressents.
Dave sits down with fellow talk-show host Craig Furguson. He also talks with Gilmore Girls star Alexis Bledel, and Tom Russell.
Tonights guests include Keri Russell, Brian and Tina Miser and Jerry Lee Lewis.
Dave orders a reluctant Rupert to eat at Ranch 1; "True Tales of the Late Show Interns" expose the dark underbelly of the show's goings-on backstage; Debra Messing discusses childrearing.
Dave previews some of the new TV shows premiring in the fall; Bruce Willis tries to hold his breath underwater for nine minutes; Goldfrapp performed "Lost Cause."
Tonights guests include Rebecca Romijn from "X-Men 3: The Last Stand" and The Eagles of Death Metal.
Tonight's guests include Jennifer Garner from "Alias" and Mary Cheney (author of "Now It's My Turn").
Several staffers give advice to college graduates; Martha Stewart finally opens up to Dave about prison life, Criss Angel falls into a woodchipper and survives; the Dixie Chicks performed "Not Ready To Make Nice."
Dave sends Rupert into the nearby Jamba Juice; Martin Short sings the virtues of the NSA; Biff comments on the Barry Bonds controversy; James Blunt performed "High."
Dave reveals the hot new toys for Christmas (seven months early); Jennifer Aniston dodges questions about her relationship with Vince Vaughn; Rob Zombie performs "America Witch."
Several naval officers participate in "Stump the Band"; tonight's "Immigrant Success Stories" segment fails to give a through profile to Dr. Henry Kissinger; Dave and Jesse James discuss welding.
Iraqi terrorist Abu Hamza Al-Muhajir is spotted in the audience; Robert Duvall discusses some of the movies he has appeared in and his wife�s family in Argentina; Sonic Youth performed "Incinerate."
For the first time in several years, Dave asks Steph/Monty to imitate her ex-boyfriend's dancing abilities; Al Gore discusses global warming and the current state of American politics; Rock Kills Kid performed "Paralyzed."
Sue Hum walks towards a camera onstage for the sole purpose of applying lipstick; Kevin Spacey shares an amusing anecdote about Courtney Love and Peter O'Toole; The Streets perform "When You Wasn't Famous."
The Family Feud board is resurrected; Dave observes film footage of a monkey undergoing a root canal; Fred Willard tells a dirty joke; Martha Wainwright performed Leonard Cohen's "Tower of Song."
Dave shows a photo of The Doors in response to a pre-show audience question; Tom Brokaw plugs his new book; Paul Simon performs "Outrageous."
Tonight's guests include Kate Hudson and Patrice O'Neal.
A man on the street showers himself under the Late Show Shower-Cam; in honor of her 85th birthday, Dorothy presents the Top Ten; Bryce Dallas Howard promotes "Lady in the Water."
Tonights guests include Uma Thurman and Morgan Spurlock.
Tonight's guests include Martin Short and Pink.
Sue Hum asks Dave if he could make change for a twenty; the show is interrupted by a phony CBS Special Report; Donald Trump is escorted onstage by four Miss Universe contestants; the Sam Roberts Band performed "Bridge to Nowhere."
Dave and Gerard discuss Christie Brinkley's divorce before the show; 2006 Tour de France winner "Floyd Landis" takes a victory lap around the theater; Shannon Eis and Dave goof around during a "New Summer Toys" segment; India.Arie performs "There's Hope."
A short comedy bit involving Dave, Sue Hum, and a bowl of gazpacho is botched; Dave examines Scarlett Johansson's teeth; the Teutel Boys from "American Chopper" show off their newest souped-up cycle, the OCC Splitback.
During "Stump the Band," an audience member completely forgets the title of his disputed tune; controversial cyclist "Floyd Landis" is beaten up by the NYPD; The Spinners perform "I'll Be Around" and "Mighty Love."
Dave reads out loud the lost letters of Albert Einstein; "Biff Henderson's 'Where Are They Now?'" looks at the late Buddy Ebsen; Tom Dreesen promotes his new one-man show and takes a few lighthearted jabs at his first wife.
Tonights guests include Jessica Biel and Christina Aguilera.
Throughout the night, a guy named Bob Zick stands over by the staircase and laughs at everything Dave says; Samuel L. Jackson stars in the much-hyped sequel "Snakes in a Deli"; elderly sock puppet expert Jack Fisette has a demonstration with Dave; Fatboy Slim performed "That Old Pail of Jeans."
Dave and Steph/Monty play stickball out on 53rd Street; Julianna Margulies discusses overcoming her fear of snakes during a filming of a certain Samuel L. Jackson movie; stand-up comedian "Andy Sansone" bombs in his alleged network television debut; OutKast performed "Morris Brown."
"Raul Castro" fields questions for the audience; Chris Elliott auditions for the CBS soap "Guiding Light," Razorlight performed "America."
An audience member compares Dave to Alfred E. Neuman; Dave and Paul play "Let's Scare the Hell Out of Rupert"; Busta Rhymes performs "Touch It, I Love My B----, New York S---."
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Tina Fey Vandalizes Dave's Car. Jeremy Irvine tells Dave about his quick rise to stardom in "War Horse."
Dave welcomes actress Kristen Bell and musical guest Blind Pilot.
Dave welcomes actor Mark Wahlberg, actress Heather Morris, and musical guest Snow Patrol. "Top Ten Ways Kim Jong Un Celebrated His Birthday". The Glee star turns filmmaker with a special video for Dave.
Dave welcomes Kate Beckinsale, Bloopers with Marv Albert, and music from The Little Willies.
Dave welcomes musician Dolly Parton and writer Alan Zweibel. Top Ten Things Kim Jong-Un Wants To Accomplish As Supreme Commander of North Korea. What's proper bus etiquette? Dolly airs out all the details. A charity lunch date turns into a nightmare for Alan.
Dave welcomes Senator John McCain and musical guest Johnny Winter.
Dave welcomes actor Ricky Gervais, actress Jessica Chastain, and musical guest Kathleen Edwards.
Dave welcomes actress Marg Helgenberger from the CBS drama series "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," actor Michael Fassbender, and musical guest Ellie Goulding.
Dave welcomes comedian Kathy Griffin, actor Simon Helberg from the CBS comedy series "The Big Bang Theory," and musical guest Joseph Aurthur.
Dave welcomes comedian Dana Carvey, Jon Fisch and musical guest Los Campesinos! performs.
Dave welcomes actress Jennifer Lopez, actor Rob Schneider form the CBS comedy series "Rob!", and musical guest James McCartney.
Dave welcomes actor Bill Murray and musical guest Girls' Generation.
Dave welcomes radio host Howard Stern and musical guest The Airborne Toxic Event.
Dave welcomes actress Michelle Williams, comic Jake Johannsen and musical guest Ziggy Marley. Top Ten Super Bowl Fun Facts. Why wasn't Michelle paying attention to her Academy Awards nominations announcement?
Highlights from Biff's big day at the Super Bowl in Indianapolis. Dave's "favorite" Manning talks about his brother Peyton's football future. Sarah embarrasses herself in front of a group of punk kids. The South African rap-rave group performs "I Fink U Freeky."
Dave welcomes actor Denzel Washington and musical guest The Fray.
Dave welcomes actor Ryan Reynolds, actress Ellie Kemper, and musical guest Dierks Bentley. Before "The Office," there was "The Man Under The Stairs."
Dave welcomes actor Nicolas Cage, actress Michelle Dockery, A Top Ten List presented by Foo Fighters, and musical guest The Kills. Top Ten Interesting Facts About The GrammyAwards. Nicolas Cage tells how he and Charlie Sheen were nearly arrested for making trouble on a plane. Is Nicolas Cage a vampire? The "Ghost Rider" star addresses the rumors sweeping the Internet. Dave welcomes Michelle Dockery, star of the hit PBS series, "Downton Abbey."
Dave welcomes actor David Spade from the CBS comedy series "Rules Of Engagement" and musical guest Betty Wright.
Dave welcomes actress Reese Witherspoon, a Top Ten List with 10 of the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models and the reveal of the 2012 cover model, actor Michael Weatherly from the CBS drama series "NCIS", and musical guests Kasabian. Top Ten Reasons This Year's 'Sports Illustrated' Swimsuit Issue Is The Best One Ever.
Dave welcomes actress Viola Davis, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover Model Kate Upton, and musical guests Mark Ronson and Erykah Badu.
Dave welcomes TV show host Jon Stewart, American Bagging Champion Stephanie Teteak, and musical guests Yelawolf and Kid Rock.
Dave welcomes comedian Joan Rivers, actor Andrew Lincoln, and musical guest Jason Mraz.
The Academy Award nominee Kristen Wiig takes a tumble in front of pretty boy Brad Pitt.
Dave welcomes animal expert "Jungle" Jack Hanna and actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
Dave welcomes actor Alec Baldwin and musical guest Eric Hutchinson. Alec Baldwin talks about losing weight by going sugar free while Dave extols the virtues of Mexican Coke.
What happened to Kristin Chenoweth's formerly perky eyes? Why is Kristin Chenoweth wearing sunglasses? Find out when she tells Dave about the problem with her eyelash extensions.
Dave welcomes actor Matthew Broderick, comedian Nick Griffin, and musical guests We Are Augustines.
Dave welcomes actor Ed Helms, sportscaster Dan Patrick, and musical guest Lyle Lovett.
Dave welcomes actor Nathan Lane, actress Pauley Perrette from the CBS drama series "NCIS" and musical guest Estelle.
Dave and Neil Patrick Harris have an awkward green room encounter. The Late Show cue card takes you into the weird world of candle-making. Top Ten Frequently Asked Questions About Leap Year. After years of speculation, Neil reveals the big "How I Met Your Mother" secret. The "John Carter" star runs into some trouble on his way to work in the Philippines. The Robert Glasper Experiment featuring Lupe Fiasco and Bilal perform "Always Shine" from the CD, "Black Radio."
Dave welcomes actor Will Ferrell and actor Jon Bernthal.
Dave welcomes actress Amanda Peet and actor Nick Offerman. Musical guests The Chieftains with Low Anthem and a Top Ten List presented by musician Cee Lo Green.
Dave welcomes actor Martin Short and musical guests The Ting Tings. Martin upsets a famous female broadcaster and her husband (but it's not Connie Chung and Maury Povich).
Dave welcomes First Lady Michelle Obama and musical guest Esperanza Spalding.
Dave welcomes actress Jennifer Lawrence, journalist/author Gail Collins and musical guests The Shins. "Hunger Games" star Jennifer Lawrence tells Dave how she hates watching herself on the big screen.
Dave welcomes actress Debra Messing, actor Josh Hutcherson, and musical guests Oberhofer. The "Smash" star discovers a lot of fake Debra Messings on Twitter.
Dave welcomes journalist Rachel Maddow, actor Timothy Olyphant, and musical guests Train.
Dave welcomes actor Jason Sudeikis, musician Lionel Richie, and musical guests Lionel Richie with Jason Aldean. A lesson in bad parenting: Jason Sudeikis recalls how his Dad once took his ticket to a Final Four game and invited a friend instead. Jason Sudeikis shows Dave a special bat he received from Kansas City Royal and Hall of Famer George Brett.
Dave welcomes actor/comedian Chris Elliott, former President of the Maldives/climate change activist Mohamed Nasheed, and musical guest Justin Townes Earle.
Dave welcomes actor/comedian Tracy Morgan, sportscaster Jim Rome, and a performance from the Broadway musical “Once.”
Dave welcomes actress Megan Mullally, comedian Joe Wong, and musical guest Band of Skulls.
Dave welcomes talk show host Keith Olbermann, actress/singer Allison Williams, and musical guests Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real. Top Ten Questions Received by the Marshmallow Peeps Hotline. Keith Olbermann addresses allegations surrounding his departure from Current TV. Allison Williams, star of Girls, talks about having news anchor Brian Williams as her dad.
Dave welcomes actor Kiefer Sutherland, actor Eugene Levy, and musical guests The Punch Brothers. Top Ten Sneezes. Kiefer tries to keep up with his energetic grandkids. Eugene, Paul Shaffer and Martin Short form a Rat Pack of old Jewish guys.
Biff Henderson hangs with Jeter, Reggie and more at NY Yankees Spring Training. Ricky Gervais brings Dave an age-appropriate gift for his upcoming birthday. Cobie Smulders worked in Europe as a model when she was 17, but didn't party. True or false?
Dave welcomes Masters Champ Bubba Watson, actor Sean Hayes and musical guest Shooter Jennings. Bubba Watson dons the coveted green jacket and talks "Bubba Golf" with Dave. Dave's ready for Sean Hayes' interview, but is Sean Hayes ready for Dave?
Dave welcomes Basketball legends Magic Johnson and Larry Bird, comedian Jim Gaffigan, and musical guests Kaiser Chiefs. They were competitors on the court, but how did Magic Johnson and Larry Bird get along off the court?
Dave welcomes actor Billy Crystal and musical guests Alabama Shakes. In celebration of Dave's 65th birthday, Billy Crystal shares a special video he created for the occasion. Billy Crystal shares his great old showbiz story about comedian Red Foxx.
Dave welcomes actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus, comedian Keith Alberstadt, and musical guest Bonnie Raitt. She couldn't actually get close to First Lady Michelle Obama, but Julia still got a picture with her.
Dave welcomes Actor Jason Segel from the CBS comedy series 'How I Met Your Mother,' author Zach Wahls, musical guests Fun, and a Top Ten List presented by Chicago White Sox perfect game pitcher Philip Humber.
Dave welcomes actress Amy Poehler, talk show host/actress Wendy Williams, and musical guests Trampled by Turtles. "Parks and Recreation" star Amy Poehler talks about her two kids. Is her oldest son watching her every move?
Dave welcomes actor Rob Lowe, Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer, and musical guests The War on Drugs. Rob reveals the source of his tweet about Peyton Manning.
Dave welcomes actor Robin Williams and prospective NFL #1 draft pick Andrew Luck. Robin Williams: Secret Service Scandal.
Dave welcomes actor Chris Hemsworth, comedian Darrell Hammond and musical guest Miike Snow. How well does Chris know the other Avengers? Dave puts him to the test. Sue Hum Tells Don Rickles Jokes.
Dave welcomes Comedian Don Rickles and musical guest Carrie Underwood. Regis crashes the party to tell a story about Don Rickles and Frank Sinatra.
Dave welcomes Comedian Seth Meyers, actress Krysten Ritter, and musical guest Father John Misty. Seth Meyers recalls his faux pas when meeting President Obama at last year's White House Correspondents Dinner.
An all-new group of animals joins Dave for Stupid Pet Tricks. Johnny Galecki's Anatomy Lesson. Johnny Galecki learns about female anatomy from a 6-year old kid.
Dave welcomes talk show host Stephen Colbert, actress Chloe Grace Moretz, and a performance from the Broadway musical Nice Work If You Can Get It. Stephen Colbert's Super PAC. Chloe Grace Moretz describes her first awkward encounter with "Dark Shadows" co-star Johnny Depp.
Dave welcomes journalist Anderson Cooper, aviation enthusiast/ inventor Yves "Jetman" Rossy and musical guest Electric Guess. Anderson Cooper and Dave compare notes on comedian Kathy Griffin.
Dave welcomes talk show host Dr. Phil McGraw, actress Beth Behrs from the CBS comedy series “2 Broke Girls”, and musical guests Spiritualized. What's Dave's problem? Dr. Phil tries to help.
Jimmy Carter in a Speedo? "Morning Joe" co-host Mika Brzezinski shares colorful stories from her past.
Dave welcomes Actress Eva Longoria, comedian Tom Dreesen, musical guests Florence and the Machine, and musician Booker T. Jones sits in with Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra.
Dave welcomes Kid Scientists, actress Elizabeth Banks, and musical guests Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros. Kid Scientist Cairo Lawrence demonstrates her "Newtonian Headgear". Kid Scientist Jack Brandt demonstrates the "Can Crush". Elizabeth Banks recalls a family road trip where her sister got left behind at a McDonald's.
Dave welcomes actor Jon Cryer from the CBS comedy series "Two and a Half Men", comedian Tommy Johnagin and musical guest M.Ward. Jon's German fans get a surprise when they visit his star on the Walk of Fame.
Dave welcomes talk show host Kelly Ripa, actor Adam Scott, and musical guests Tenacious D.
Dave welcomes news anchor Brian Williams and musical guests El-P. See what Brian Williams is up to when Dave turns on the camera in the "Late Show" Green Room.
Dave welcomes actress Betty White, former U.S. Marine Corporal Moses Maddox, and musical guests Best Coast. Betty White Gets Hot With Regis. He played a gay hairdresser on Betty's show, but apparently Regis is quite the ladies' man.
Dave welcomes late night talk show host Conan O'Brien, musical guest Regina Spektor, and musician John Mayer sits in with Paul Shaffer & the CBS Orchestra. Conan O'Brien tells Dave about the differences between himself and Jay Leno. Conan O'Brien tells what happened when his son had a hunger fit before meeting President Obama.
Dave welcomes actor Sacha Baron Cohen, Julie Chen, co-host of the CBS daytime talk show "The Talk" and musical guests Beach House. Find out why Sacha Baron Cohen is better off staying at home than attending star-studded Hollywood parties. "The Talk" host Julie Chen tells tales of Martha Stewart and Howard Stern.
Dave welcomes actress Lea Michele and director Barry Sonnenfeld. The Glee star explains her family's unusual tradition of getting inked. The Men in Black director explains how he deals with big-time actors like Will Smith and Josh Brolin. The "award-winning" martial artists from Ringling Brothers takes on the 48 Blades of Doom.
Will Smith made an appearance on the "Late Show with David Letterman" and discussed his slapping of a reporter who kissed him on the "Men in Black 3" Moscow red carpet.
Dave welcomes The Piedmont Bird Callers, talk show host Bill O'Reilly, and musical guest Pitbull. They may not agree on politics, but will Dave and Bill come together for a friendly fist bump?
Dave welcomes Comedian Joan Rivers, Indianapolis 500 winner Dario Franchitti, and musical guests Silversun Pickups. Joan Rivers Licks The Queen. Joan talks about her "close friends" in England's Royal Family. Dave and Dario discuss the exciting final lap of this year's Indianapolis 500.
First Lady Michelle Obama presents the "Top Ten Fun Facts About Gardening." Tony Awards host Neil Patrick Harris tells what it's like to be interviewed by Oprah in your own home. Alan Jackson performing "So You Don't Have To Love Me Anymore" from his CD, "Thirty Miles West."
Dave welcomes actress Jane Fonda, Mayor of London Boris Johnson, and musical guest Jimmy Cliff. Dave discovers something disturbing when he takes a look back at Jane's workout videos. The mayor talks about London, Michael Bloomberg and his hair.
Dave welcomes actor Bill Murray and musical guests The Temper Trap. Top Ten Other Superhero Revelations. Will there be a "Ghostbusters 3"? Bill Murray tells Dave what it will take to make that happen. How tough is the crowd at the Cannes Film Festival? Bill Murray explains. Bill Murray tells of his "Hollywood fight" with Chevy Chase. Plus: how things have changed at SNL. Following the likes of Tupac, Marilyn Monroe, Sinatra and Elvis, Bill Murray introduces his very own hologram.
Dave welcomes actor Mark Wahlberg, Formula One driver Sebastian Vettel, and musical guests Black Box Revelation. Mark talks about being the "dumbest f**ker ever" during his time in prison. The Formula One champion talks about what it takes to drive in New Jersey. Black Box Revelation performing "High on a Wire" from their CD release, "My Perception."
Dave welcomes animal expert Jack Hanna, musical guest Patti Smith, and musician Bootsy Collins sits in with Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra. Top Ten Other White House Leaks. Can a camel have a drinking problem? Dave think so in the latest visit from "Jungle" Jack Hanna and his animals. Patti Smith performs the title track from her album, "Banga."
Adam remembers the first time he heard his father curse. Adam gives his 3-year old daughter an adult chore. Adam admits that he and the other SNL guys used to follow Dave around at NBC.
Dave welcomes talk show host Regis Philbin, comedian Lenny Marcus, and musical guest Elizabeth Cook. Regis Philbin recounts how he took a spill on the Vespa that Dave gifted him. Regis guest-stars on Betty White's show, but were the co-stars ever a couple?
Dave welcomes actor Denis Leary, actress Olivia Wilde, and musical guests The Pierces. The San Francisco Giants perfect game pitcher presents the "Top Ten Things I Want To Achieve Now That I've Thrown A Perfect Game". Denis has come up with the next killer app idea. Olivia and boyfriend Jason Sudeikis went to Jamaica, but it turned into a bad Japanese game show. The duo from Alabama performs "You'll Be Mine" from their album, "You & I."
Dave welcomes actor Jeff Daniels, actor Benjamin Walker, and musical guest Walk the Moon. Top Ten Things an Out-Of-Touch Person Would Say. Actor and certified RV driver Jeff Daniels tells of becoming a connoisseur of truck stops. Jeff Daniels shares stories about driving his RV around the country. "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" star Benjamin Walker shares a story about performing on Broadway.
Dave welcomes actor Alec Baldwin and musical guest Michael Kiwanuka. To mark the beginning of summer, Dave and Alec go pantsless. Alec sets the record straight about what he was saying to the Daily News photographer. Alec shares some behind the scenes info about Dave's appearance on his podcast. Alec talks about how he had to get loud with the legendary film director.
Dave welcomes musician Justin Bieber and actor/comedian Michael Ian Black. Top Ten Summer Blockbuster Films About Presidents. Can the Biebs sing opera? Dave and Paul do their best to make Justin Bieber an opera star. Now that he's graduated from high school, will Justin Bieber be heading off to college? Justin Bieber shows Dave the new tattoo he got in honor of his new CD, "Believe." Justin Bieber talks about celebrating his 18th birthday. Plus: does this mean he'll get out and vote?
Dave welcomes actress Emma Stone, comedian Jimmie Walker, and musical guests Diamond Rugs. Top Ten Things You May Not Know About The United States Supreme Court. Alan Kalter tests Bill's knowledge of the 70's Oakland Athletics. After traveling the globe, Emma discovers the one thing that everybody in the world can agree on.
Dave welcomes Miami Heat star and NBA Finals MVP LeBron James, actor Andrew Garfield and musical guest Maroon 5. From the world champion Miami Heat, Dave welcomes NBA Finals MVP LeBron James. "The Amazing Spider-Man" star Andrew Garfield gets some amazing wisdom about life from Dave.
Dave welcomes actor Channing Tatum, Scott Pelley, anchor and managing editor of the CBS Evening News, and musical guests The Gaslight Anthem. Top Ten Words That Could Be Mistaken For 'Boo'. Channing Tatum offers to help Dave learn the art of male stripping. Can Channing Tatum outdo Matt Damon with his Matthew McConaughey impression? Channing Tatum tells Dave about his "Survivor"-like experience in the jungles of South America. Dave gives the CBS Evening News anchor a helpful tip on how to have a long career in broadcasting.
Dave welcomes actress Blake Lively and New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees. Top Ten Least Popular Picnic Offerings. "Savages" star Blake Lively tells Dave about her last-minute trip to the Super Bowl. New Orleans Saints Quarterback Drew Brees talks about his efforts to reduce the risk of concussions with Dick's Sporting Goods' PACE Program. Quarterback Drew Brees discusses the investigation into a pay-to-injure scheme within the New Orleans Saints.
Dave welcomes actor Ray Romano and musical guest Tom Waits. And the Top Ten list presented by 10 American League All-Stars. Derek Jeter, Josh Hamilton and the American League stars present the "Top Ten Fun Facts About The All-Star Game." Ray shows off one of his son's odd eBay purchases. Ray explains why he and his wife have two more years left together. Tom performs "Chicago" from his album, "Bad As Me". The music legend shows off his better mousetrap.
Actress/singer Queen Latifah, actor Fred Armisen, musical guests Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons, musician Buddy Guy sits in with Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra. Kayaker/Shark Top Ten. "Ice Age: Continental Drift" star Queen Latifah gets carried away by the music of blues legend Buddy Guy. "SNL" star Fred Armisen talks about the making of his TV series, "Portlandia."
Dave welcomes actor Bryan Cranston, New York Mets All-Star pitcher R.A. Dickey and musical guests Zac Brown Band. Top Ten Superhero Pet Peeves. Steve Martin moves in on Dave's turf with his own New York City celebrity park. "Breaking Bad" star Bryan Cranston gets an odd autograph request. NY Mets All-Star R.A. Dickey demonstrates his crazy knuckleball pitch for Dave.
Dave welcomes actress Anne Hathaway, comedian Moody McCarthy, and musical guest Loudon Wainwright III. Top Ten Other Popular Erotic Novels. Anne Hathaway talks about performing her own stunts in "The Dark Knight Rises" and the forthcoming "Les Miserables".
Dave welcomes comedian Roseanne Barr, actress Aubrey Plaza, and musical guest Jeff the Brotherhood. Top Ten Ways To Describe the Current Weather. Don't mess with her medical marijuana! Roseanne Barr has a stern warning for President Obama. She once suffered a stroke, so does actress Aubrey Plaza qualify for medical marijuana?
Dave welcomes actress Kyra Sedgwick, sportscasters Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg, and musical guest Red Wanting Blue. Top Ten Questions On The Application To Become Mitt Romney's Running Mate. Kyra remembers the sights, sounds and smells of New York City in the summer. Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg talk about the New York Knicks losing Jeremy Lin.
Dave welcomes actor Woody Harrelson, comedian Todd Barry, and musical guest Grafitti6. Top Ten North Korean Hit Songs. Woody Harrelson tells how he embarrassed himself racing his bike through NYC.
Dave welcomes actor Will Ferrell and musical guest Rufus Wainwright. Top Ten Television Shows Not Nominated For An Emmy. Which big Hollywood star has a little penis? Ask Will Ferrell's son.
Dave welcomes actor Zach Galifianakis, former U.S. Army Sgt. Valerie Brown, and musical guest Allen Stone. Dave has some fun with the "Late Show" Hose Cam at the expense movie superstar Zach Galifianakis ("The Campaign"). Awkward! See what happens when "The Campaign" star Zach Galifianakis shows up wearing the same suit as TV's Paul Shaffer. Zach Galifianakis tells how he got co-star Will Ferrell to moon a group of fans. Dave welcomes former Army Sgt. Valerie Brown to discuss her military service and ongoing job search.
Dave welcomes actor Jonah Hill, cardiothoracic surgery professor Dr. Leonard Girardi, and musical guest Milo Greene. Top Ten Excuses Of The Burger King Employee Who Stood In The Lettuce. Jonah Hill's grandma isn't happy with Martin Scorsese. Find out why. Dave discusses his heart bypass and more with Dr. Leonard Girardi from NY Med.
Dave welcomes actor Joel McHale, comedian Andrew Norelli, and musical guest Will.I.Am. Top Ten Nations Competing in the Olympics or Bones in the Human Body. Biff Henderson hangs out with some of the United States' top athletes. Are Joel McHale and Chevy Chase fighting behind the scenes at "Community"?
Dave welcomes Andy Samberg, gold medal-winning U.S. Olympic decathlete Ashton Eaton and Glen Hansard performs. Top Ten Little-Known Facts About Paul Ryan. Bill Scheft tries to recall numbers of some of the great U.S. track and field Olympic stars. Andy awkwardly tries to describe the Olympics opening ceremony in one word. He won the gold medal at the Olympics, but can Ashton Eaton do comedy? The U.S. decathlete breaks down his gold medal-winning performance at the 2012 Olympics.
Dave welcomes the gold medal-winning U.S. Women's Olympic Gymnastics team, actress Jennifer Garner, and musical guest Rodriguez. Top Ten Other Promotional Corporate Vehicles. Jennifer Garner loves being 40, but how does hubby Ben Affleck feel about reaching the 4-0? McKayla Maroney and her US Olympic Gymnastics teammates recreate her infamous "not impressed" face. What sports would they compete in if they weren't gymnasts? Find out when Dave welcomes the gold medal-winning US Women's Olympic Gymnastics team, Kyla, Jordan, McKayla, Aly and Gabby.
Dave welcomes News anchor Tom Brokaw, U.S. Women's Olympic swimming gold medalist Dana Vollmer, musical guest Beth Orton, and Top Ten List is presented by musician Lionel Richie. Top Ten Rejected Lionel Richie Song Lyrics. Rattlesnakes, shock collars and more when Dave and Tom discuss the wild west. The Olympic swimmer talks about overcoming her medical issues to win gold in London.
Dave welcomes actor Tracy Morgan, U.S. Men's Olympic High Jump silver medalist Erik Kynard, and musical guest Ben Howard. Top Ten Things We've Learned About Mars. Tracy Morgan tells Dave about his new "Jaws"-themed shark tank. Did Tracy Morgan go to high school with Mitt Romney? The "30 Rock" star tells all. Olympic silver medal champion Erik Kynard, Jr. tells Dave how he got involved in the high jump.
An announcement from Augusta National; Obama beer; how Osama bin Laden really died; Dave makes fireworks better; the Mars Curiosity. Top Ten Congressman Kevin Yoder Excuses. Kelsey recalls getting choked by a famous actress during an audition. Olivia went to Sweden and all she saw was some mist on a lake.
Dave welcomes actor/comedian Bill Hader, actress Mary Louise Parker, and musical guest The Walkmen. How bin Laden Really Died; Misbehaving Politicians; a Skateboarding Goat; a Top Ten list Presented by Members of the United States Air Force; and That Ain't Apple Juice.
Hurricane at the RNC?; "Nobody Cares"; An Apology Template; and the Dave/Trump Thing. TOP TEN: SIGNS YOUR CONGRESSMAN IS AN IDIOT Should Rep. Todd Akin quit the Senate race? MSNBC's Rachel Maddow weighs in.
How bin Laden really died; RNC advice for fellow Republicans; a Chris Christie non-fat joke; Dave on Trump; a Top Ten List; the Weekend Late Show; and Alan Kalter Takes You Inside. TOP TEN: QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE BUYING $300 SNEAKERS
Happenings at the Republican National Convention; Lance Armstrong; Roger Clemens; Ann and Mitt Romney Lies; a carrot incident, a Top Ten list; and Andy Kindler at the Republican National Convention. TOP TEN: FRESCO RESTORER EXCUSES
al-Qaeda Want Ad; a New Romney Campaign Commercial; Paul Ryan and Samuel Skinner at the Convention; Chris Christie's Keynote Address; a Top Ten List; Dave Promotes the U.S. Open for CBS, and Andy Kindler with a Report from the Republican National Convention. TOP TEN: SIGNS YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THE SMARTEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD
Dr. Phil's car; get to know Reince; the national debt clock; the Chris Christie Cholesterol Clock; a new Republican commercial; security is tight at the Late Show; and a Top Ten list. TOP TEN HIGHLIGHTS OF PAST CONVENTIONS The First Lady says kids are eating healthier, but do they still play Pong?
Dave welcomes actor Bruce Willis, comedian Brian Regan, and musical guests The Heavy. The Late Show's 19th Anniversary; A Greet from a CBS Exec; a Few Looks In on the Republican National Convention; Weekend Late Show; a Top Ten List; and Andy Kindler at the Republican National Convention. TOP TEN: THINGS WE AT THE LATE SHOW HOPED TO ACCOMPLISH BY OUR 19TH ANNIVERSARY
Paul Ryan Not Lying; the New Co-Host at LIVE!; Is the Pressure Getting to Barack?; a Top Ten List; a Barack Obama Unfulfilled Campaign Promise; and Biff Henderson at the Democratic National Convention. Biff gets touchy-feely with Geraldo Rivera at the DNC. TOP TEN: QUESTIONABLE CLAIMS BY PAUL RYAN. The pregnant Claire Danes. Claire has been coming to the show since she was 16 years old, half a lifetime ago. DWYANE WADE He's a two-time and reigning NBA champion with the Miami Heat. From his new CD "Silver Age" in stores today, the founding member of Hüsker Dü performed "The Descent".
Political Twins in History; what's happening at the Convention; the new Obama campaign commercial; our team of political analysts standing by; Biff Henderson at the Democratic National Convention, and a Top Ten list presented by First Lady Michelle Obama. TOP TEN: REASONS TO WATCH THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION - and to present tonight's Top Ten list, plausibly live, First Lady Michelle Obama. You know her from the Harry Potter films. She now stars in a new film, "The Perks of Being A Wallflower." Emma spent the summer in Iceland working on another film. She's the host of the CBS daytime talk show, "The Talk". Julie is pleased that Dave is so familiar with "The Talk". Dave's political analysts: insight or incoherent?
Dave welcomes Howard Stern and musical guest Jason Aldean. A Mistake at the Convention; a Surprise at the Convention; Biff at the Convention; Weekend Late Show; and a Top Ten List. Biff gives Senator Patty Murray a shout-out at the DNC. TOP TEN: SIGNS IT'S TIME FOR A FLIGHT ATTENDANT TO RETIRE Howard is the day to two girls and Dave asks for some advice. Wait! What? Parenting advice from Howard?
Mike Francesca; the Late Show nurse; Who Cares?; a Barack Obama campaign commercial; a new baby; the Late Show softball team; a Top Ten list; Coach's Corner with Mike Singletary; and Dave to receive a Kennedy Center Honor. Dave makes the worst mistake of his life in front of the CBS nurse. TOP TEN: CHARACTERISTICS OF THE NEWLY DISCOVERED MONKEY JGL says he will reveal part of the Batman movie, adding "so if you haven't seen the movie yet, turn off your TV now". Dave jumps in, "Oh, they've done that a long time ago, long before you came out here". You know her from "The Office," and now Mindy has got herself in deep as the creator, writer, and star of the new FOX comedy series, "The Mindy Project".
President Barack Obama discusses the comments made by Mitt Romney in a recently released video. Dave wants to keep the vacant chair vacant . . . . just in case the President wants to speak to it. Dave and the President talked about the Conventions, the deficit, jobs, the divisiveness in politics, beer in the White House, the Romney tape, and the troubles in Libya, Egypt, and the Middle East.
An upset audience guy; an upset Mitt Romney; an upset Alan Kalter; and a Top Ten list. Alan Kalter's beautiful mind tries to figure out how Dave became a Kennedy Center Honoree. TOP TEN: MITT ROMNEY PET PEEVES ABOUT AMERICANS He's the new co-host of "Live! With Kelly and Michael" beating out the 53% Romney likes. "We Made This Movie" is Arthur's first film and he is terribly excited, as are his parents in Chicago. Their excitement makes Arthur even more excited . . . but not so excited that he would fly them in for the premiere.
Great Moments on the Campaign Trail; Obama in the House; an Invitation to Mitt; a Top Ten List; Weekend Late Show; and Jesus is On The Line! TOP TEN: SUGGESTIVE BASEBALL PHRASES Nathan is a New Yorker and says he is lucky to be alive. He made the mistake of carpooling with Lindsay Lohan. He's the 2012 IndyCar Series Champion. Ryan drove for Dave for a year-and-a-half in 2007-2008. Dave shows off the Astor Cup with IndyCar champ Ryan Hunter-Reay.
Dave welcomes actor Steve Martin and musical guest Gotye. Pat Farmer with a question; Slow News Day; What did Dave do during the Emmys; New Books, a Top Ten list; and the recipient of the Steve Martin Prize for Excellence in Banjo and bluegrass, Mark Johnson. TOP TEN: LEAST POPULAR SNACKS Steve is here to perform with year's winner of the annual Steve Martin Prize For Excellence in Banjo and Bluegrass. Dave welcomes the world's richest man, Mexican business magnate with a net worth of 69 billion dollars, Carlos Slim. GOTYE: from his album, "Making Mirrors," the singer from Australia performed "Eyes Wide Open".
Something For the Swedes; Alan is Late for the Show; the Obamas on "The View"; Mitt Trying Out Material; Ahmadinejad Drops By; a Top Ten List; and a Phone Call from the Commissioner of the NFL. Alan Kalter arrives late after a bad night refereeing the Packers/Seahawks game. TOP TEN: SIGNS YOU'RE A BAD REFEREE Kaley was impressed with the balloon through the nose Stupid Human Trick.
The U.N. In Memoriam; something for our Dutch friends; more tax returns from Mitt; and a Top Ten list. TOP TEN: WORDS THAT ALMOST RHYME WITH 'MAHMOUD Dave and the Prime Minister talk about the Arab Spring, the Euro, the financial state of the U.K., running for the office of Prime Minister, and the successful Summer Olympics and Para Olympics. And Larry the Kitty. Jonny's in the new CBS drama "Elementary." Jonny is Sherlock Holmes! Playing the role of Dr. Watson is Lucy Liu.
Ahmadinejad at the U.N.; a New Mitt Release; Mitt on the Campaign; the Zogby Poll; and a CBS Promo. Jimmy Fallon - star and host of "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon." And he's the executive producer of the new NBC show, "Guys with Kids," Wednesdays at 8:30. Neil's "music player" is called the Pono. It promises to be better than anything you've experienced before. He shows off the prototype at the desk.
Ahmadinejad in New York, the ancient papyrus; a Top Ten list; and Dave makes a plea to Mitt. TOP TEN REASONS MITT ROMNEY SHOULD APPEAR ON THE SHOW Our favorite uncle!! Dave is happy to see his old friend. What has Regis been up to? What did he do last night? Tom is in Clint Eastwood's new film, "Trouble With The Curve." We take a look at Tom's entire performance in the film.
Fox News highlight; Mitt zingers; Memorable Debate Comebacks; Dave's Voter Guide; and a Top Ten list. TOP TEN: WORST POLITICIAN EXCUSES The very funny Mr. Colbert hosts the very successful "The Colbert Report" on the Comedy Central. Colbert was a recent guest on the new Oprah show, "Oprah's Next Chapter". Theresa is able to make a connection. She admits to feeling someone in the green room. She's the Long Island Medium. She talks to dead people, or as she calls it, people who have crossed-over.
Genius Grants; the U.S. Postal Service; a Top Ten List; and a Mitt Romney on the Late Show Simulation. TOP TEN: THINGS OVERHEARD WHEN JUSTIN BIEBER URPED To allay any concerns the Romney campaign may have, we decided to offer this simulation of how his appearance would go. Mr. Short is full of compliments for Dave, impressed with Dave's youthful hair and skin . . . the skin not firm, but very youthful. Kat, short for Katherine, is from the hit CBS comedy series, "2 Broke Girls."
The new NFL uniforms; American Airlines explains; a debate promo from Telemundo; and a Top Ten list. TOP TEN: SIGNS YOU HAVE A BAD DEBATE MODERATOR TINA FEY - it's the 7th and final season of "30 Rock". The divisiveness in Washington is not reflected in the people across America -C-SPAN has created a stage for the Congress to perform. This has a lot to do with why nothing gets done. From her CD, "Into The Wild", LP performed "Into The Wild".
A Debate Highlight; Body Language; Depression Medication; Jim Lehrer: Tough Gig; What's New with Mitt; a Top Ten List; Funding Cut at PBS; a Simulation of Mitt Romney in the Guest Chair. TOP TEN PRESIDENT OBAMA EXCUSES - why such a poor performance Wednesday night? Craig has moved his "Late Late Show" into a new studio. The old one was small . . . small for a studio, but big for a closet. Anna is now starring in the new film, "Pitch Perfect" about competitive free-style acapella.
Early Voting; Is a Time Machine Possible?; Results in the Latest Zogby Poll; a Top Ten List; and Weekend Late Show with Bruce and Linda. TOP TEN: THINGS YOU DON'T EXPECT TO HEAR FROM A PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL PLAYER - NFL players are complaining that the new form-fitting uniforms make them look fat. Billy is in town to celebrate the 25th Anniversary of "The Princess Bride" at nearby Lincoln Center. From the forthcoming album, "Glad All Over," The Wallflowers performed "Reboot The Mission".
Animal expert Jack Hanna; from "New Girl," actor Max Greenfield.
From "Here Comes the Boom," actress Salma Hayek Pinault; from "Parks and Recreation," actor Nick Offerman; musical guest KISS.
From "Elementary," actress Lucy Liu; actor Rob Corddry; musical guests Daughter.
From "Trouble with the Curve," actor John Goodman; comic Jeff Altman; musical guests Jamey Johnson with Alison Krauss
From "Cloud Atlas", actor Tom Hanks; musical guest Tony Bennett.
Musical guest Taylor Swift; political journalist Rachel Maddow.
Journalist Bill O'Reilly; reality television star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi; musical guests The Lumineers.
Real estate mogul Donald Trump; from "The Voice," musician Adam Levine; musical guest Carly Rae Jepsen
From "Vegas," actor Dennis Quaid; from "Don't Trust the B---- in Apt. 23," actress Krysten Ritter; musical guests Diamond Rings.
From "Flight," actor Denzel Washington; musical guest Paul Banks
Meteorologist Jim Cantore; documentary filmmaker Ken Burns; musical guests St. Vincent and David Byrne (Kate Hudson, from "Glee" Scheduled, cancelled to due to Hurricane Sandy)
Talk show host and ABC Special Correspondent Katie Couric; New Halloween Costumes; Musical guest by Rita Ora
Musicians Steven Tyler and Joe Perry; actress Judy Greer; musical guests Aerosmith; a Top Ten List presented by Vice President Joe Biden
From "Saturday Night Live," actor Jason Sudeikis; comic Michael Che; musical guests Ultraĩsta
From "The Big Bang Theory," actor Simon Helberg; actor/comic Ricky Gervais; musical guest Ty Segall.
News anchor Brian Williams; musical guest Ne-Yo
Actor Robin Williams; a Top Ten List presented by Homer Simpson from "The Simpsons"; musical guest Lianne La Havas
Journalist and talk show host Anderson Cooper; Comic Myq Kaplan; musical guests Alberta Cross
From "Silver Linings Playbook," actor Bradley Cooper; comic Robert Klein; musical guests Soundgarden
rom "The Good Wife," actress Julianna Margulies; Stupid Pet Tricks; musical guests Mumford & Sons
From "30 Rock," actor Alec Baldwin; musical guests Dirty Projectors
From "New Girl," actress Zooey Deschanel; comic Lisa Lampanelli; musical guest Donald Fagen
Talk show host Dr. Phil McGraw; comic Carmen Lynch; musical guest Divine Fits
From "Playing for Keeps," actress Jessica Biel; musician Pete Townshend; musical guest Philip Phillips; Top Ten by Pail Rudd
From "Parks and Recreation," actress Amy Poehler; from "Red Dawn," actor Josh Hutcherson; musical guests Tegan and Sara; Special Top Ten list presented by NASCAR Champion Brad Keselowski
From "Hitchcock," actress Scarlett Johansson; musician Willie Nelson; musical guest Gary Clark Jr.
Robert Plant, Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones from Led Zeppelin, honorees at "The 35th Annual Kennedy Center Honors"; from "The Office," actor John Krasinski; musical guest Paloma Faith
From "Promised Land," actor Matt Damon; from "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey," actor Martin Freeman; musical guest J.D. McPherson
From "This is 40," actor Albert Brooks; musical guests Diana Krall
From "Hyde Park on Hudson," actor Bill Murray; musical guests Vintage Trouble
Actor Dustin Hoffman, an honoree at "The 35th Annual Kennedy Center Honors"; musical guests One Direction
From "Les Miserables," actress Anne Hathaway; from "New Girl," actor Jake Johnson; a Top Ten List presented by the 2012 Heisman Trophy winner; musical guests "The President's Own" United States Marine Band
From "Les Miserables," actress Amanda Seyfried; ballerina Natalia Makarova, honoree at "35th Annual Kennedy Center Honors"; musical guests Awolnation; a Top Ten List presented by rock icon Mick Jagger
From "Parental Guidance," actor Billy Crystal; photographer James Balog; musical guests Grizzly Bear
From "Django Unchained," actor Jamie Foxx; from "The Talk," co-host Julie Chen; musical guests DIIV
From "Django Unchained," actor Samuel L. Jackson; from "Portlandia," actors Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen; Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit perform
From "Jack Reacher," actor Tom Cruise; musical guests MNDR
From "This Is 40," actor Paul Rudd; musical guest Alicia Keys
From "The Guilt Trip," actor Seth Rogen; Christmas Toys; comic John Witherspoon
Actress Katie Holmes; musical guest Jon Bon Jovi
From "The Impossible," actress Naomi Watts; actor Jay Thomas; musical guest Darlene Love
2014
TV host Chelsea Handler; comics Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele; Angaleena Presley performs.
Actress Kristin Chenoweth; Chris Young performs.
The final Christmas episode. Jay Thomas drops by to once again tell "The best talk show story, ever", then he and David try to knock the meatball off the Christmas tree in the Late Show Quarterback Challenge. An interview with Josh Brolin. The show wraps up with Darlene Love's last Late Show performance of Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).
6,028th broadcast
The final episode includes surprises, memorable highlights and the last Top Ten List.
2013
Comic Kathy Griffin; from "Zero Dark Thirty", actor Chris Pratt; Big Boi performs.
TV personality Regis Philbin; musical guest Zedd.
From "30 Rock", actor Tracy Morgan; sportscaster Marv Albert; musical guests Everest.
Talk show host Michael Strahan; from "Zero Dark Thirty", actress Jessica Chastain; musical guest Conor Maynard.
News anchor Brian Williams; musical guest Morrissey.
From "Gangster Squad", actor Josh Brolin; from "Zero Dark Thirty", director Kathryn Bigelow; musical guest Ray Wylie Hubbard.
Actor Michael J. Fox; from "Girls", actress Lena Dunham.
From "Broken City", actress Catherine Zeta-Jones; from "Girls", actress Allison Williams; musical guests Jon Spencer Blues Explosion.
From "Anger Management", actor Charlie Sheen; CBS Sports commentator and former NFL quarterback Phil Simms; musical guest José James.
Actress Jennifer Lawrence; author Alan Zweibel; musical guest A$AP Rocky.
Reality TV personalities Kim & Kourtney Kardashian; musical guest Buddy Guy.
From "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters", actor Jeremy Renner; animal expert Jack Hanna.
From "The Following", actor Kevin Bacon; comic Brian Kiley; musical guests The Amazing.
From "Mike & Molly", actress Melissa McCarthy; from "The Walking Dead", actor David Morrissey; musical guests David Byrne & St. Vincent.
From "Bullet to the Head", actor Sylvester Stallone; former U.S. Vice President Al Gore.
From "Identity Thief", actor Jason Bateman; from "Community", actress Alison Brie; musical guests Shovels & Rope.
Fom "Stand Up Guys", actor Al Pacino; musical guests Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.
From "House of Cards", actor Kevin Spacey; comic Nick Griffin; musical guest Emeli Sandé.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie; Super Bowl MVP Joe Flacco; a performance by Elvis tribute artist Cody Ray Slaughter.
From "Modern Family", actor Eric Stonestreet; Trick: Norman will ride a scooter; from Sirius XM Radio, Chris "Mad Dog" Russo; a performance by Elvis tribute artist Brandon Bennett.
From "Community", actor and TV host Joel McHale; actress and comedienne Amy Sedaris; a performance by Elvis tribute artist Justin Shandor.
Actress Sally Field; Baltimore Ravens' John Harbaugh; a performance by Elvis tribute artist Shawn Klush.
From "NCIS", actress Pauley Perrette; comedian Jake Johannsen; a performance by Elvis tribute artist Ben Portsmouth.
Talk show host Bill O'Reilly; a Top Ten List presented by ten 2013 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models and the 2013 S.I. Swimsuit cover model reveal; musical guests The Avett Brothers.
From "A Good Day to Die Hard", actor Bruce Willis; 2013 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover model Kate Upton; musical guests Little Big Town.
Medal of Honor recipient Staff Sgt. Clinton Romesha; from "The Carrie Diaries", actress AnnaSophia Robb; musical guest Robert DeLong. Quvenzhané Wallis preempted.
Comic Jerry Seinfeld; musician Dave Grohl; musical guests Dave Grohl & the Sound City Players with Stevie Nicks.
From "Decoding Annie Parker", actress Helen Hunt; comic Jeff Caldwell; musical guests The Maccabees.
From "Rules of Engagement", actor and comedian David Spade; dog trainer/reality TV personality Kenny Licklider; musical guest Aaron Neville.
From "Oz the Great and Powerful", actress Michelle Williams; from "NCIS: Los Angeles", actor Chris O'Donnell; musical guests von Grey.
Actor Hugh Jackman; from "Girls", actress Zosia Mamet; musical guests The Americans.
Stupid Human Tricks; actor Johnny Depp; musical performance by Bill Carter and The Blame.
Actor Luke Wilson; comic Dan Mintz; musical performance by Imagine Dragons.
From "AmeriQua", actor Alec Baldwin; musical guests Emmylou Harris with Rodney Crowell.
Comic Joan Rivers; Daytona 500 winner Jimmie Johnson; musical guest Kendrick Lamar.
Actress and writer Tina Fey; from "Modern Family", actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson; musical guest Solange.
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg; musical guests Depeche Mode.
From "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone", actor Steve Carell; from "Game of Thrones", actress Emilia Clarke; musical guest Josh Ritter.
From "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone", actor & comedian Jim Carrey; musical guest Richard Thompson.
From "Olympus Has Fallen", actor Gerard Butler; musical guest Elizabeth Cook
From "Saturday Night Live", comedian & writer Seth Meyers; comic Demetri Martin; musical guests Dropkick Murphys.
Actress Selena Gomez; comic Bob Sarlatte; musical guest Killer Mike.
Comic Bill Cosby; U.S. skier Mikaela Shiffrin; musical guests Garbage.
Actress Eva Mendes; a Top Ten List presented by IndyCar driver Graham Rahal; comic Andy Hendrickson; musical guests The Airborne Toxic Event.
From "Oz the Great and Powerful" and "Spring Breakers", actor James Franco; national grocery bagging champion Andrew Borracchini; music by Ed Sheeran.
News anchor Brian Williams; musical guests Pegi Young & The Survivors.
Comic Gary Gulman; musical guests Wavves.
From "The Company You Keep", actor Shia LaBeouf; comic Jeff Altman; musical guests The Band Perry.
Talk show legend Regis Philbin; a performance from the Broadway musical "Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella".
Comic Louis C.K.; talk show host Rachel Maddow; musical guests The Flaming Lips.
Actor/comedian Martin Short; musical guest Tyler, the Creator; a top ten list with Kevin Ware.
From "Chelsea Lately", talk show host Chelsea Handler; comic Ross Bennett; musical guests Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
From "Scary Movie 5", actress Lindsay Lohan; comic Pete Lee; musical guest Gary Clark Jr.
From "42", actor Harrison Ford; actress Rita Wilson; musical guest Jake Bugg.
From "Mud", actor Matthew McConaughey; Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte; musical guests Steve Earle & The Dukes (& Duchess).
Actor Steve Martin; musician Edie Brickell; from "The Office", actress Jenna Fischer; musical guests Steve Martin & Edie Brickell.
From "The Reluctant Fundamentalist", actress Kate Hudson; former KFYR-TV anchor A.J. Clemente; musical guest Selena Gomez.
From "The Big Bang Theory", actor Jim Parsons; musical guest Snoop Lion; a Top Ten List presented by Barry Sanders, the cover athlete of the Madden 25 video game.
From "Mad Men", actor Jon Hamm; from "Deceptive Practice: The Mysteries and Mentors of Ricky Jay", magician Ricky Jay; musical guests The So So Glos.
From "The Mindy Project", actress Mindy Kaling; from documentary "Manhunt", former CIA analyst & targeting officer Nada Bakos; musical guest Ben Harper with Charlie Musselwhite.
Talk show host Dr. Phil McGraw; from "Family Tree", actor Chris O'Dowd; musical guests Phoenix.
From "The Great Gatsby", actor Tobey Maguire; Stupid Pet Tricks; musical guest Tom Odell.
From "Bling Ring", Paris Hilton; Miriam Tucker (swallowed and recovered a $5,000 diamond); musical guests Atlas Genius.
From "The English Teacher" and Broadway's "The Nance", actor Nathan Lane; comic Joe Matarese; musical guest Kacey Musgraves.
From "The Office", actor John Krasinski; from "Scandal", actress Kerry Washington; musical guest James Blake.
From "New Girl", actress Zooey Deschanel; comic Jim Gaffigan; musical guests Pistol Annies; sitting in musician Todd Rundgren.
From "Live! With Kelly and Michael", host Michael Strahan; from "How I Met Your Mother", actress Alyson Hannigan; musical guest Natalie Maines.
Animal expert Jack Hanna; from "Star Trek: Into Darkness", actor Benedict Cumberbatch.
From "Star Trek: Into Darkness", actor Chris Pine; comic Tom Dreesen; musical guests She & Him.
From "NCIS", actor Mark Harmon; from "Inside Amy Schumer", comedienne Amy Schumer; musical guest Luke Bryan.
From the Broadway play "Lucky Guy", actor Tom Hanks; a performance by the cast of Broadway musical "Pippin".
From "The Hangover Part III", actor Ed Helms; talk show host Hoda Kotb; musical guest Brad Paisley.
Journalist Barbara Walters; from "Now You See Me", actor Jesse Eisenberg; musical guests MS MR.
From "Arrested Development" and the new CBS series "The Millers", actor Will Arnett; comic Trevor Noah; musical guest Kurt Vile.
From "After Earth", actor Will Smith; musical guests The National.
From "Arrested Development", actor Jason Bateman; Piedmont bird callers; musical guest John Fogerty; surprise guest Tom Hanks plugs his Broadway play during the monologue and top ten list.
From "Now You See Me", actor Woody Harrelson; comic Tommy Johnagin; musical guests John Fogerty with Dawes.
Host of the 67th Annual Tony Awards, Neil Patrick Harris; 2013 Indianapolis 500 winner Tony Kanaan; musical guest Frank Turner.
From "Castle", actor Nathan Fillion; from "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart", comic John Oliver; a Top Ten List presented by Joan Rivers; musical guests Local Natives.
From "The Big Bang Theory", actor Johnny Galecki; from the play "Ghost Brothers of Darkland County", musician John Mellencamp and author Stephen King; musical guests Queens of the Stone Age.
From "The Internship", actor Vince Vaughn; comic Andy Kindler; musical guests Queens of the Stone Age.
From "Despicable Me 2", actor & comic Russell Brand; from "Man of Steel", actor Michael Shannon; musical guests Haim.
Actor & comic Dana Carvey; from "The Kings of Summer" and "Melissa & Joey", actor Nick Robinson; a performance by the cast of Broadway musical "Matilda".
News anchor Tom Brokaw; interview with and musical performance by Darlene Love.
Interview with and musical performance by Harry Connick, Jr.; a Top Ten List presented by members of the U.S. Army; comic Dylan Moran.
Journalist Bill O'Reilly; from "Frances Ha", actress Greta Gerwig; musical guests Quadron.
Comic Don Rickles; from "America's Got Talent", host Nick Cannon; musical guest Tom Keifer.
From "The Newsroom", actor Jeff Daniels; from "Despicable Me 2", actor Ken Jeong; musical guest Jim James.
From "Killing Season", actor John Travolta; comic Chris DiStefano; musical guests Japandroids.
From "The Heat", actress Melissa McCarthy; from "Pacific Rim", actor Idris Elba; musical guests Dale Watson and His Lone Stars.
From "White House Down", actor Channing Tatum; activist Tim DeChristopher; musical guests Fitz and The Tantrums.
From "White House Down", actor Jamie Foxx; Stanley Cup MVP Patrick Kane; a Top Ten List presented by Backstreet Boys; musical guest Wale.
From "The Lone Ranger", actor Johnny Depp; from "Maron", comedian Marc Maron; musical guests Dawes.
From "Crystal Fairy", actor Michael Cera; "Living the Good Life" author Martha Stewart; musical guests Ra Ra Riot .
From "Grown Ups 2", actor/comedian Adam Sandler; musical guest Joseph Arthur.
From "Grown Ups 2", actress Salma Hayek Pinault; from "Veep" and "Arrested Development", actor Tony Hale; musical guests Houndmouth.
From "Grown Ups 2", actor Kevin James; snowboarder Shaun White; musical guest Darius Rucker.
From "Red 2", star Bruce Willis; MLB commissioner Bud Selig; musical guest Valerie Simpson.
From "Real Time with Bill Maher", host Bill Maher; from "Unforgettable", actress Poppy Montgomery; musical guest Pokey LaFarge.
From "Nightly News with Brian Williams", anchor Brian Williams; musical guests Court Yard Hounds.
From "Ray Donovan", actor Liev Schreiber; comedian Adam Newman; musical guests Cold War Kids.
From "Blue Jasmine", actress Cate Blanchett; from "The Talk", co-host Aisha Tyler; musical guests Franz Ferdinand.
From "The Wolverine", actor Hugh Jackman; from "Web Therapy", actress Lisa Kudrow; musician Jason Isbell performs.
From "We're the Millers", actor Jason Sudeikis; musical guests Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros.
TV personality Regis Philbin; ventriloquist Terry Fator.
From "2 Guns", actor Denzel Washington; musical guest James McCartney.
From "Breaking Bad", actor Bryan Cranston; from "Lovelace", Amanda Seyfried; musicial guests Michael Franti & Spearhead.
From "Elysium", actor Matt Damon; musical guest Hanni El Khatib.
TV icon and actress Oprah Winfrey discusses "The Butler"; from "Anchorman: The Legend Continues", actor Paul Rudd.
From "Drinking Buddies", actress Olivia Wilde; from "Under the Dome", actor Dean Norris; musical guest John Mayer.
Comedian and star of "Louie", Louis C.K.; from The Global Citizen Festival, humanitarian Hugh Evans; musical guest John Legend.
Actress and comedian Tina Fey; musical guest Valerie June.
Tennis champion Serena Williams; comedian Sean Donnelly; musical guests MGMT.
From "Ushi Must Marry", actor Patrick Dempsey; actress and writer Amy Sedaris; musical guest Laura Marling.
Journalist Anderson Cooper; from "The Newsroom", actress Olivia Munn; musical guests Robert Randolph & The Family Band.
Medal of Honor recipient Staff Sgt. Ty Carter; from "Nashville", actress Hayden Panettiere; musical guests In the Valley Below.
Dave celebrates the Late Show and its 20 years and 3,897 episodes with a look back at the past with actor Bill Murray; musical guests Lenny Kravitz & Gladys Knight.
Actor Jake Gyllenhaal; host of "Big Brother" and co-host of "The Talk", producer Julie Chen; musical guests The Dodos.
From "Thanks for Sharing", actor Tim Robbins; football commentator Herm Edwards; musical guests Passion Pit.
From "Teach", host and actress Queen Latifah; from "New Girl", actor Jake Johnson; musical guests TV on the Radio.
From "The Arsenio Hall Show", host and actor/comedian Arsenio Hall; stand-up from Dan Naturman; musical guest Laura Mvula.
From "Derek", creator and actor Ricky Gervais; Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel; musical guest Janelle Monae.
From "Monsters University", actor Billy Crystal; musical guest Sheryl Crow.
From "Don Jon", director and actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt; talk show host Keith Olbermann; musical guest Keith Urban.
Actor Alec Baldwin; from "Hostages", actress Toni Collette.
From "Dr. Phil", self-help guru Dr. Phil McGraw; comic Tom Dreesen.
Former President of the United States, Bill Clinton; musical guests Tired Pony.
Interview with and musical performance by Cher. Lizzy Caplan preempted.
From "The Crazy Ones", actor Robin Williams; from "Masters of Sex", actress Lizzy Caplan; an opera Top Ten List presented by soprano Renée Fleming; musical guests Icona Pop.
Musician and humanitarian Bono; from "CBGB" and "The Big Bang Theory", actor Johnny Galecki; musical guests Kings of Leon.
Legendary comedic actor and musician Steve Martin; stand-up comedy by Kathleen Madigan; musican guests The Kruger Brothers with Steve Martin.
From "Sean Saves the World", actor Sean Hayes; musical guest Sting.
From "The Crazy Ones", actress Sarah Michelle Gellar; from "Parks and Recreation", actor Nick Offerman; musical guests First Aid Kit.
From "Scandal", actress Kerry Washington; from "Flying Wild Alaska", TV personality Ariel Tweto; musical guests Yoko One & The Flaming Lips (as Yoko Ono Plastic Ono Band).
Stupid Human Tricks; TV anchor Brian Williams; a performance from the film "Muscle Shoals".
From "Blue Bloods", actor Tom Selleck; stand-up comedy by Michael Somerville; musical guest Albert Hammond Jr.
From "Captain Phillips", actor Tom Hanks; Siri Top Ten; musical guests Two Door Cinema Club.
From "The Awesomes" and "Saturday Night Live", comedic actor Seth Meyers; from "The Counselor", actor Michael Fassbender; musical guest Amos Lee.
From "Elementary", actress Lucy Liu; civil engineering professor Mark Jacobson; musical guest The Weeknd.
Animal expert Jack Hanna; from "The Big Bang Theory", actor Kunal Nayyar.
Talk show host and Football commentator Michael Strahan; stand-up comedy by Simon Amstell; musical guests Cage the Elephant.
From "Parenthood", actor and comedian Ray Romano; from "As I Lay Dying", actor James Franco; Top Ten list presented by Madison Square Garden legends.
From "The Expendables 3", director and actor Sylvester Stallone; from "Mom", actress Anna Faris; musical guests Deltron 3030.
TV host Bill O'Reilly; musical guests The Head and the Heart.
Real estate mogul Donald Trump; musical guest Selena Gomez.
From "The View", co-host Barbara Walters; author Steve Young; musical guests White Denim.
Basketball legend and commentator Charles Barkley; skiing champion Lindsey Vonn; musical guest King Krule.
From "Parks and Recreation", actor Rob Lowe; the 2013 Indy Car Champion, Scott Dixon; musical guest Alan Jackson.
From "The Millers", actor Will Arnett; author of "The Soundtrack of My Life", Clive Davis; musical guests The Avett Brothers.
The Late Show's annual Halloween costume show; from "Ender's Game", actor Harrison Ford; musical guests Holy Ghost! perform.
From "Last Vegas", actor Morgan Freeman; stand-up comedy by Brian Regan; musical guests Frightened Rabbit.
From "Out of the Furnace", actor Woody Harrelson; from World Series champion Boston Red Sox, MVP David Ortiz; musical guests The Wanted.
Actress and comedienne Kathy Griffin; author Bruce McCall; musical guest J. Cole; and a Top Ten List presented by Rep. Nancy Pelosi.
From "Thor: The Dark World", actress Natalie Portman; from "Eagleheart", actor and comedian Chris Elliott; musical guest James Blunt.
From "Live! With Kelly and Michael", talk show host Kelly Ripa; from "How I Met Your Mother", actress Cobie Smulders; musicial guest Gary Clark Jr.
News anchor Tom Brokaw; stand-up comedy by Rhys Darby; musical guest Black Joe Lewis.
From "The Good Wife", actress Julianna Margulies; Army Chief of Staff General Ray Odierno; musical guests Moon Taxi.
From "The Michael J. Fox Show", actor Michael J. Fox; musical guest Lorde.
From "Oldboy", actor Samuel L. Jackson; journalist Chris Matthews.
From "Homeland", actress Claire Danes; from "Nebraska", actor Will Forte; musical guests Metric.
From "Nashville", actress Connie Britton; Stupid Pet Tricks; musical guests Lady Antebellum.
From "Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues", actor Vince Vaughn; 2013 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Champion, Jimmie Johnson; musical guests Luscious Jackson.
Author and jounalist Anderson Cooper; from "Modern Family", actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson; musical guests The Neighbourhood.
From "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire", actress Jennifer Lawrence; from "Person of Interest", actress Taraji P. Henson.
From "The Wolf of Wall Street", actor Jonah Hill; from "12 Years a Slave", actor Chiwetel Ejiofor; musical guests J. Roddy Walston and The Business.
Radio talk show host Howard Stern; stand-up comedy by Adrienne Iapalucci.
From "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire", actor Josh Hutcherson; sportscaster Chris “Mad Dog” Russo; musical guest Sky Ferreira.
TV personality and style expert Martha Stewart; musical guest Pitbull.
From "Inside Llewyn Davis" and "Alpha House", actor John Goodman; stand-up comedy by Kevin McCaffrey; musical guests Iggy Azalea with T.I.
From "The Colbert Report", host Stephen Colbert; from "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug", actor Sir Ian McKellen; musical guests Chvrches.
Actor and comedian Billy Crystal; from "The Talk", co-host Julie Chen; musical guest ZZ Ward.
From "Saving Mr. Banks", actress Emma Thompson; singer Josh Groban presents the Top Ten List; comedian Andy Cohen; musical guest Nick Lowe.
From "August: Osage County", actress Julia Roberts; musical guest Glen Hansard.
Talk show host Regis Philbin; stand-up comedy by John Witherspoon; musical guest Seasick Steve.
From "Anchorman: The Legend Continues", actor Will Ferrell; a Top Ten List presented by the 2013 Heisman Trophy winner, Jameis Winston; musical guests Chris Cornell feat. Joy Williams.
From "Anchorman: The Legend Continues", actor Paul Rudd; journalist Barbara Walters presents the Top Ten List; from "The Wolf of Wall Street", actress Cristin Milioti; musical guests Alt-J.
From "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty", actor and director Ben Stiller; holiday toy demo with Shannon Eis; musical guest Brett Dennen.
From "Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues", actor Steve Carell; musical guests The Saint Johns.
From "Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues", actress Kristen Wiig; musical guest Darlene Love.
