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Talis, who aspires to become a knight at the Arthurian Round Table, has to fulfil the thousand tasks set for him by Merlin. But… he is unwittingly catapulted through the warps of time from the Dark Ages to the 21st century.
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Keith Wickham
Talis
2002
Johnny Yin Yang needs a costume in order to celebrate the year of the Dragon at his Chinese restaurant, so Mordy decides to help him find one. He steals an alligator from the zoo and dresses it up! Unfortunately the animal gets away from him and spreads panic throughout the town... Who better to slay the dragon than Talis, an aspirant knight from the Middle Ages?
At the races, able squire Talis persuades Pat to put her money on a horse called Percival. The horse wins, but Talis inadvertently knocks out both Percival and his jockey! To uphold the honour of Lady Pat, Talis, astride Gumbo, takes the place of the indisposed horse and rider. But he soon finds out that a modern day race meeting is quite different from a medieval tournament!
To the children's great displeasure, their favourite play space is about to be turned into an office block. They desperately start a petition, hoping to alert the public to this injustice. Talis, however, sees things very differently. For him it's a question of driving the invaders out of the children's kingdom!
The Fields have to visit their cantankerous Aunt Agatha. Only Gwinny manages to get out of it by pretending to be sick. Talis stays at home to keep an eye on her. Unfortunately, while the family is on the train, Aunt Agatha arrives at the Field's house. Talis, whose task is to protect Gwinny, takes Aunt Agatha for a brigand and refuses to let her in! A confrontation is inevitable...
Pat, accompanied by Talis, auditions for a TV game show. But it's Talis who gets chosen! A medieval knight in a television studio, it promises to be quite a show!
Pat Field organises a party in Purlieu Park to celebrate the birthday of her daughter Gwinny. Seeing the stock of provisions, Talis thinks the Fields are preparing for a famine - he's seen enough back in his own time – and naturally enough goes hunting in Purlieu park. Officer Bean has a hard time making him understand that these days, you can't just hunt wherever you like!
Baron Field finally decides to trade in his old banger for a swanky new model. In the excitement the Fields leave their cat, Fish, in their old car which, given its dilapidated state, the salesman has decided to send to the breaker's yard! Talis sets off in pursuit, convinced that the Baron's magnificent carriage is being stolen!
It's charity day in Purlieu. Baron Field buys a ticket for the lottery arranged for the event. To his great joy, his is the winning ticket. But it's no longer in the pot in which he left it! And for a good reason: Pat has given the pot away to be sold at the mayor's charity bazaar. Baron is devastated. Talis sets off on a quest for the holy pot! And he's ready to do anything to get it back!
Miss Drabble, Pat Field's neighbour, asks her to mend the fence separating their two gardens. She doesn't want Pee Wee, her frog, to get away. Which unfortunately is exactly what happens! Talis, a witness to the argument, hears Pat call Miss Drabble a witch. When he sees a frog in the kitchen wearing Pat's bracelet, he can think of only one explanation: Miss Drabble has cast a spell on Pat and turned her into a frog! What magic can Talis work to change Lady Pat back into her normal self?
Miss Drabble meets Gwinny Field in the park and asks her to look after her newborn nephew. But while Gwinny talks to Mordy, the pram rolls away. Talis recovers it some way off and, assuming responsibility for the orphan, brings it back to the Field's house. Talis takes great pains to look after the infant, but finds that attitudes to childcare have changed somewhat since the Middle Ages!
Pat is all set to attend a voluntary firefighter's course. Gwinny is supposed to go with her, but gets out of it, saying she has schoolwork to do. Talis is proud to replace her. But will our medieval squire make the perfect Knight of Fire?
The Purlieu basketball team is doing very badly, so badly that Jack Jackson has threatened to withdraw his sponsorship if they don't win the next match! If that isn't enough, their next opponents are the Sharks - an invincible team... Talis, a real military strategist, is admirably equipped to harangue his troops into winning the tournament or at least, the match!
Gwinny takes advantage of her parents' absence for an evening to secretly organise her first party. A first ball is a major event for Talis; he'll help Gwinny in any way he can. Everything is going fine until Pat and Baron discover they've got the day wrong and come home earlier than planned. Talis, Gwinny's gallant servant, does everything he can to stop the Fields returning home, even when it means putting them behind bars!
Finding an old parachute, Baron boasts to his admiring family about his past exploits as a parachutist. Thinking to please him, Pat gives Baron a voucher for a parachute jump at the forthcoming air show. It's an opportunity he can't refuse, but Baron's tales of the past have little foundation in reality. He tries to put off the moment of truth, but Talis makes sure that he finally takes the plunge!
Famous pop star, Cliff Minstrel, is giving a special concert in Purlieu!! Gwinny, working at the Red Dragon, is forced to ask Talis to do her shift in order to get to the show. Once at the theatre she does everything she can to get a ticket. In the meantime, Talis takes his role as innkeeper to heart. But his mediaeval style of service surprises several of the guests, including one Cliff Minstrel...
The schoolchildren are disappointed: their annual outing has been cancelled. There's no one to drive the bus and Professor Carp refuses to take the wheel: he is dogged by continual bad luck and doesn't want to put the children at risk. Talis manages to convince him that bad luck can always be overcome, but the teacher's is in a league of its own! All aboard for a very eventful trip...
The Fields inherit the manor of their late Uncle Ernest, to the great chagrin of Aunt Agatha who is convinced she's been robbed of her rightful legacy. As the Field's settle in to their dusty and disturbing new home, strange things start happening. There's no denying it, the manor is haunted! Talis alone is valiant enough to confront the strange ghost prowling the halls but there's a surprise in store for him!
Professor Carp asks his students to write a report on whoever they feel to be the most important person in the town. To her great displeasure, Gwinny is made to team up with...Talis! She chooses Broke Willow as her subject, the star of the moment. They start to follow him. Talis stops at nothing to get pictures of the star with his magic box! But more than that, he teaches Gwinny that popularity is no gauge of worth.
Pat organises an al fresco amateur painting exhibition. Bob Brush's weather forecast predicts sunshine. Talis doesn't agree: all the signs point to bad weather! But no one will listen to him. In order to save the exhibition, Talis sets out to prove to Bob that his predictions are wrong, and that his are more than right! Especially as the sky is beginning to look very threatening indeed...
Troy Chunk, a renowned tough guy, arrives at school. Everyone is frightened of him... Poor Dick makes a serious of blunders, which serve to make Troy look ridiculous. Matters come to a head and Tim and Dick agree to fight a duel at dawn. Talis, defender of the weak, tries to give Dick some fencing lessons, but Dick is anything but combative and his chances of survival start looking very slim...
Baron is fired from his job, but can't bring himself to tell his family. Talis finds out what's going on and determines to help him find more work. Unfortunately, his enthusiasm only leads to Baron getting fired again and again! Will Baron manage to find work before his family finds out the truth?
The unscrupulous Bob Brush files a report gratuitously destroying the reputation of the Red Dragon. According to him, people have no hearts, an allegation he intends to prove in a new report! He disguises himself as a beggar, with a hidden camera... He's well on his way to getting his story until he bumps into Talis, a leading exponent of generosity and charity!
Mordy and his father, Maurice, team up for a bowling competition. But Maurice's desire to win is so great that he changes partner and chooses Talis. Talis has a hard job making Maurice think again!
Gwinny and Liz have an argument. Talis tries to help them make up... but only manages to make things worse...
Talis inadvertently breaks an old record belonging to Pat. Unfortunately, it's her favourite singer, and the record's no longer available in the shops. The only solution: Talis sets off in search of the troubadour.
Dick decides he wants to become a magician. His father is against the idea. He wants his son to be a pharmacist like himself! Dick sees his dreams go up in smoke. But Talis is convinced that Dick is a real enchanter! He vows to help Dick achieve his dream. An opportunity arises when the great magician Zectra comes to perform at the Silver Palace.
Baron is unjustly blamed for the disappearance of Miss Drabble's frog and thrown in prison! The Field family hope he will be released after the trial. But for Talis, the innocent must be freed immediately by force if needs be!
The Field family set off on a caravan holiday. Talis is convinced that the Fields have been banished by Arthur King, the mayor of Purlieu. A bitter injustice! Unbeknownst to the Field's our aspirant knight swears to bring the exiles home, at any price! And he lacks neither courage nor cunning...
Model pupil Liz is chosen to participate in a competition to find the region's best student. But she suddenly loses confidence in herself. On two occasions, Dick has shown himself to be cleverer than she is. Talis takes on the difficult task of rebuilding Liz's confidence!
An estate agent has convinced the Fields to buy a magnificent house at an exceptional price. It's a once in a lifetime chance, not to be missed! Only Talis' good mediaeval sense can save the Fields from being swindled.
Miss Drabble finds herself locked up in a very special boarding house in place of her cousin, whom she resembles exactly. Talis rushes to her aid. But a mediaeval knight in a psychiatric hospital has more chance of being taken for a patient than a visitor!
Pat has started making home-made yoghurt. Thanks to Talis, who has a knack for getting himself noticed, it becomes an amazing commercial success! But to the great displeasure of the rest of the family, Pat turns the house into a factory!
Baron feels like a loser. His life is incredibly boring. To improve his standing in Pat's eyes, Talis vows to turn him into a hero!
Baron is fed up: Pat never lets him express himself. And when he buys a nuclear fallout shelter from a travelling salesman, Pat is quick to voice her disapproval! She challenges her husband to stay in the shelter for 24 hours. He accepts. Talis, convinced that war is about to break out between the couple, turns to diplomacy. He vows to use any means necessary to make Baron leave the shelter - even if he ends up flying off the handle!
Talis inadvertently gives the best coin in Baron's collection to a delivery man as a tip! He sets off on a frantic search throughout the town. But coins are one thing there's no shortage of in a modern day town.
The wealthy Mr Richville takes his disturbed son, Julian, to the best toyshop in Purlieu. Meeting Talis, Julian demands him as a toy! Talis has a hard job convincing him that people can't be bought and sold.
Gwinny falls under the spell of Alphonse, her gym teacher. She spends all her time at his club, trying to please him by wearing herself out on the exercise machines. When she gets home she's in agony! Talis wonders what can be causing her such pain. The next day he finds out the truth: a despicable villain is tormenting Gwinny with terrible instruments of torture! Brandishing his sword, Talis swears to put this odious individual out of harm's way!
Gwinny is in a great state of excitement: her idol, Broke Willow, is making a medieval movie in the park. She decides to audition. Talis causes one disaster after another until he finally messes up Gwinny's audition. Gwinny sees her dream of kissing her idol going up in smoke. For Talis it's now a question of honour; he must fly to the aid of the maiden and help to make her dream come true!
Officer Bean is devastated: Lancelot's sword has been stolen from the museum! Talis decides to solve the mystery. But not only is his way of investigating anachronistic, Bean suspects him of being the thief!
Dick promises to buy his friends a float for the carnival if he wins the prize in a radio quiz game: and win he does! Unfortunately, he then does everything in his power to avoid handing over the money. Talis, who believes promises should be kept, makes it his duty to set him on the straight and narrow.
To her family's great distress, Gwinny decides to move into a flat of her own. Only Talis thinks it's a good idea. In his land, Fair Gwinny would be considered quite grown up! Through his desire to give her freedom, he teaches her that there is a time at which it's right to leave the nest.
It's Halloween. Talis is convinced that demons are going to take over the town! Sword in hand, he infiltrates the Vampires' Ball!
Liz is suddenly seized by a terrible doubt. Is she really her parents' daughter? They are dunces while she's extraordinarily bright. She doesn't even look the slightest bit like them! Talis' task is to convince Liz otherwise. But it's not so easy for the Fields to satisfy their daughter through their exploits!
A 'psychic' arrives in Purlieu. He sees an easy target in Pat: particularly since he has stolen her purse, which is a mine of information. Talis, who has known real seers in his own time, soon realises the man is a charlatan. But one by one the Fields let themselves be fooled, until they're ready to hand over their house! Talis has a hard job bringing them back to their senses.
Jack Jackson taunts Baron after beating him at a game of Monopoly. It's only normal that someone of noble birth should win! Talis, convinced that Baron also comes from noble stock, is determined not to let this affront go unpunished! In accordance with medieval customs, Talis challenges Jack Jackson to a duel, in Baron's name. Jack Jackson chooses the weapons: golf clubs at dawn!
Running after Fish one day, Gumbo suddenly becomes disobedient and causes an enormous amount of damage. Officer Bean declares Gumbo a "dangerous animal" and orders him out of town. Talis is determined not to be separated from his faithful steed! But first he'll have to find out why Gumbo has suddenly become so naughty!
To get out of a ridiculous parade, all the students pretend to be sick. Talis sees this as an epidemic. And to a mediaeval knight, epidemics mean quarantine!
The children are rehearsing "Romeo and Juliet" at the Silver Palace theatre. Unfortunately, a film version of the play is due to be broadcast on television the night of their show! This time, it really will be a tragedy! The theatre will be empty! But for Talis, no battle is ever lost until it's over. His tactic: to destroy the station's broadcasting satellite with his catapult!
Professor Carp takes the children skiing. Everyone is happy - except Talis. In his land, snow is a very perilous substance! His intuition is good: the mountains harbour a great many dangers!
Mordy is always telling lies to get himself out of the messes he creates. But enough is enough!! Mordy's father gives him an ultimatum: if he lies again, he'll be sent away to boarding school! Talis decides to teach Mordy the value of honesty. But Mordy has more than one lie up his sleeve, and his first victim is Talis!
Professor Carp falls head over heels in love with a beautiful stranger, but doesn't know how to get in touch with her again. He falls into a state of total apathy. Talis shows him that love can give you wings! But organising a reunion between two people dogged by bad luck turns out to be a tricky business!
Talis saves a little boy from under the wheels of a truck. This act of bravery is normal for any knight worthy of the name. But for the people of 21st century Purlieu, it's a real feat! Talis becomes a living legend. But he doesn't think he deserves this glory. How will he avoid his new found fame?
